Chapter 15
Reid
Usually, I didn’t have an issue keeping up with several different threads at once. You could say it was my not-so-secret special skill. I was good at adapting with a split second’s notice.
But the past ten minutes had seen my emotions go up and down more times than a rollercoaster. I was pissed off that Evan had shown up. Turned on by how his gaze seemed to devour me. Irritated that that was the effect his perusal had.
Then there was the hurt at how he’d rejected me, which was stupid, honestly. I had a million reasons why I shouldn’t want Evan either. I’d demonstrated as much by not letting him kiss me at the club.
But that hadn’t stopped his words cutting deep. And I hated that. I hated that I’d let a shifter make me feel less than.
That right there was why I wanted to keep my distance from the lot of them. Being around shifters never led to anything good. Not for me, anyway.
But all of that’d paled in comparison to why Evan was there.
I’d been horrified to discover Clyde had finally made his move. Terrified that Chester had been hurt. Relieved to hear he was safe.
The complete shock at learning Clyde was…that he was…
“Aye, Reid,” Evan said softly, his eyes shining. “It was a combined effort, but I was the one who delivered the killing blow.”
I was in freefall.
Clyde was dead.
He was gone.
Evan had killed him.
Evan had killed Clyde.
I’d wished for this once upon a time, right?
Ten-year-old me would’ve been thrilled to know this had happened.
I’d lost count of how many times I’d imagined Evan taking Clyde’s immortality before spiriting me away to live with the fabled McCarthy wolf shifters.
To a place where I could finally be free.
So why, now that it had happened, could I not breathe?
I rubbed at my chest as my lips started to tingle.
What the fuck was happening?
I got to my feet, shaking my hands out as I tried desperately to grasp onto something. Anything. “This is a good thing, right? It’s supposed to be.”
Evan’s eyes tracked my path around the room. “Logically, yes. Clyde was evil. His presence only brought negativity to your life.”
Tears were burning the backs of my eyes as a weight settled on my chest.
“Then why do I feel like this?” I asked, whirling to face Evan and spreading my arms wide. “I hate him. Why the fuck am I crying, Ev?”
“Because brains aren’t logical.” I didn’t see him get to his feet, but suddenly he stood in front of me, his big hands cupping my face. “Shock isn’t logical. Grief isn’t logical, sweetheart. You need to react however your body is telling you to react.”
“I don’t want to grieve.” My voice cracked on a sob. “He doesn’t deserve it.”
“He doesn’t, sweetheart,” Evan said, his thumbs stroking away my tears. “But this is what your body and brain need right now, and that’s okay. However you feel, whatever you need, it’s okay.”
Despite knowing all the reasons why I shouldn’t, I leaned into Evan’s touch. The freefall sensation ebbed away, his hands catching me before I could hit the bottom.
“I hate him. I’m glad he’s dead…but, fuck, Ev. Why’d you do it?”
Evan’s fingers flexed against me, but he didn’t pull away. “I could say it was because he threatened Chester. Because he scared him. It wouldn’t be a complete lie.”
“But?”
“But it wouldn’t be the whole truth either,” Evan whispered, his blue eyes searching mine.
“Given the opportunity, I would’ve killed him just because I owed it to him.
Because I didn’t all those years ago. Fuck, Reid, I would’ve killed him just for threatening you now.
For making you live having to check over your shoulder every thirty seconds. ”
“I’m not worth it, Evan. The Clarksons are going to declare war on the McCarthys in retaliation. You have to know that.”
“I do. We all did, but it didn’t stop us. Nothing could have.”
My breathing was shallow. “Because Chester was threatened.”
“Because of you and Chester,” Evan said firmly. “Yer just as important to me, Reid. More so, if I’m being honest.”
I swallowed around the lump in my throat. “You shouldn’t say such things, Ev.”
“Why not?”
“Because they make me want to do stupid things,” I confessed.
Evan had told me to do what I needed to cope.
Suddenly, I knew exactly what I needed. I knew what would distract me enough to stop this spiral.
It wasn’t logical or rational, but as Evan kept pointing out, nothing about this situation was. “Things I really shouldn’t do.”
“Like what?”
“Like this.”
I pushed up on my toes, pulling his head closer.
And I kissed him.
It lasted barely a second. Just long enough to shake me to my core. For the heat of his lips to cause a burn I wasn’t sure would ever heal.
Then Evan was pulling away. “Reid? What are you doing?”
“Don’t say no,” I begged, tugging on the back of his neck.
I didn’t know why I needed this, only that I did.
I needed him to help me forget. To give my brain peace, even for just a few minutes.
“I know this is a bad idea. I know all the reasons why we’ll both regret this.
But please, just give me this. Just give me tonight. ”
Evan’s teeth sank into his bottom lip. “Are you sure?”
“Please, Ev,” I whispered. “Please help me forget.”
His lips crashed against mine. The searing heat returned as he branded my very soul with his kiss. There was no hesitance. No uncertainty. Just a crushing need.
A need that might very well break me.
After a few seconds, the back of my neck began to protest the stretch. I whimpered in frustration at our height difference. He wasn’t close enough. I wanted him to consume me.
I needed it.
Evan’s chest vibrated with a growl, then his hands were moving to the backs of my thighs. He lifted me with ease, finally bringing our faces level.
My legs wrapped around his waist as my lips parted for him.
In the back of my mind, I registered that Evan’s hands were on my skin.
His palms warmed my hamstrings, while his fingers gently explored the curve at the bottom of my arse.
God, I was just in a towel. Or at least, I had been.
It must’ve fallen off when he lifted me.
Well, that was one less barrier in our way. I reached down between us to rearrange my aching cock. Feeling it against his abs, Evan pulled me closer with a grunt. His hand fit against the small of my back like it had been designed to.
With his encouragement, I ground against him, pleasure and need sparking with every movement. One of my hands was in his hair now, tugging as I tried to climb him. To get even closer.
Everything else was fading away. All the chaos. The turbulent storm of emotions. The confusion. Evan was erasing it all. For the first time ever, my brain was quiet.
I couldn’t get enough of it.
“Need more,” I panted, breaking away. “Want to feel you, Evan.”
His tongue flicked over his lips, red and swollen from our kisses. Fuck, how I wanted to feel them on other parts of my body. “Bedroom?”
The protective cage around my heart pulled tighter at the thought of Evan in my bed. That felt too close. Too intimate.
What the fuck was I doing?
“Sofa,” I rasped, not making eye contact. “It’s closer.”
If Evan noticed me drawing in on myself, he didn’t comment. Instead, he suffocated my doubt with kisses. Extinguished the flames of fear with his touch. Erased concerns about the future by lowering me to the sofa. Stripped off his shirt and jeans and covering my body with his.
“No underwear?” I quipped as he settled between my thighs.
He shrugged. “Less clothes to ruin if I need to shift in a hurry.”
The silky-smooth skin of his cock caressed my own, drawing a shiver from me. “Won’t hear me complaining.”
As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I wished I could call them back. What was I talking about? Whether Evan covered his junk or not wasn’t something I’d be thinking about in the future. This was a one-time thing. An escape. A distraction.
I wouldn’t be going back for seconds, thirds, or anything else.
Fortunately, Evan didn’t comment on it. He was busy kissing his way along my jaw, drawing embarrassing whimpers from me as he did so. “What do you want, Reid?”
The question started my brain spinning again. Fuck. I didn’t want to think, let alone make a decision. Normally I liked to be in control…but not right now. “Anything. Just distract me, please.”
Evan froze for a second, his lips pressed to my pulse point. Before I could panic, he chuckled. “I can do that, sweetheart.”
His large hand wrapped around both our cocks, pressing them together. My toes curled at the first stroke. He was being gentle because of the friction, but even that touch was enough to have me trembling.
He lifted his head. “Do you have any lube?”
“No, fuck.” I slapped a hand over my eyes. “I ran out last night.”
“Looks like we’re improvising, then.” He released us, spitting into his hand before returning to his work. “How’s that?”
My head hit the arm of the sofa. “Good. Oh, it’s fucking good.”
That was the understatement of the year. There were few better feelings that having another cock pressed against your own as you got off. Having one as spectacular as Evan’s? In a hand as talented as his?
It was perfection.
He grinned, gripping us more firmly as he stroked. “So…did you use the lube doing anything fun?”
I swear, I only answered because of what Evan’s touch was doing. It was removing the filter on the part my brain that thought things through before saying them. To be fair, that filter had always been a bit dodgy. “I have this dildo….”
Evan’s pupils dilated, erasing the blue of his eyes. “Tell me more.”
“It’s thick,” I panted, my hips chasing his hand. “Stretches me so good.”
“Yeah?” His voice was hoarse as his hips moved faster. “You like that, do you? Being stretched?”
“Fuck yes,” I rasped. “I wanna be filled up. To feel the burn.”