Chapter 23
Reid
I’d exchanged blow jobs with more men than I cared to admit. When you weren’t comfortable doing anal with one-night stands, they became your go-to for quick hookups.
So explain to me why what had just transpired with Evan felt so different? Tell me why, after I swallowed everything he gave me, we stayed on the floor for god knows how long? Why we didn’t speak? Why we stared at each other like we were both trying to figure out what the fuck had just happened?
I had no answers. None. From his silence, I suspected Evan didn’t either.
This hadn’t happened the last time, so what was different now?
“We’re in different places, and that’s okay.”
Was it though? Evan might not have spelled it out, but the truth was out there. He’d been watching me for months. Learning about me.
Falling for me.
I should’ve been putting boundaries in place. Setting expectations. Letting him down gently.
Instead, I’d let him suck my cock before returning the favour.
Enthusiastically.
Well fucking done, Reid. Stupendous decision-making.
I’d always been impulsive. It was part and parcel of having ADHD. Somehow though, I didn’t think I could blame this on it.
Evan finally broke the silence. “Feeling less stressed?”
I pasted a smile on my lips. It felt as fake as the one Evan was sporting. “Given I currently resemble overcooked spaghetti, I’d say so.”
God, how I hated lying. But what else was I meant to say? Actually, I’m terrified that I’ve fucked everything up. That you’re going to push me for more than I’m ready for now because we’ve had sex. Or, you’re not going to, but that doing this has hurt you.
“Good,” he said weakly, sitting up. “Any regrets?”
I wasn’t the most observant person, but even I could see how tense Evan’s shoulders suddenly were. “I make it a point to never regret orgasms.”
That wasn’t a lie, right? The orgasm had been great. It was the rest of it that was causing me to spiral. “You?”
“Nope.” He got to his feet, pulling up his trousers and sending a tight smile my way. “No regrets.”
Guess I wasn’t the only one lying.
I used the bathroom to clean up first before swapping with Evan. With a few seconds to myself, I drifted over to the window. My gaze sought out the spot where Evan had found me the night before. Where I’d cowered against my car, wishing for anyone to save me.
Not anyone. Someone.
My attention turned to the woods where Evan had appeared. He’d known I was in danger and he’d come running. Ready to fight.
To save me.
Just as he was promising to do in the future.
I squeezed my eyes shut as heat burned behind them. Evan wanted me to get to know him, but I didn’t know how much that mattered. Not now. I couldn’t even explain it.
I knew I was falling. I shouldn’t have been. It didn’t make sense, but there was no denying that the little I knew about Evan told me that he was everything I’d been searching for. The prince to my hapless Cinderella.
Except the fact that he was a shifter. How I wished he weren’t. Everything would be different then.
But he was, so it wasn’t.
I felt rather than heard Evan appear behind me. For such a big bloke, he was light on his feet. Went with the territory, I supposed. “Do ye need any help packing?”
“No.” I traced a shape on the glass. An upside to having shitty windows that always got condensation was that you could tell when the temperature outside was dropping. Snow was definitely on the way. “It’s easier if I do it myself, but thank ye.”
“Well, that’s good. I mean, the bathroom was safe, but who knows what’s lurking inside your bedroom.”
I turned to face him. The knot of unease unravelled at the easy grin on Evan’s face. Maybe we hadn’t completely fucked things up. “Um, why would my bathroom be unsafe? Were ye worried in case you stumbled across a dildo?”
Evan barked a laugh. “Nah. I’d love the chance to check out my competition. I’m talking about the terrifying wee beasties you allow to share your home.”
“You mean the wee beasties that you could crush with your pinky finger?”
Mischief sparkled in his eyes. “Aye, but not the one from that night. He was a feisty fucker. Would’ve taken me down with him, I just know it.”
Whatever weirdness Evan had been feeling, he must’ve left it in the bathroom. As much as I appreciated his attempt to lighten the tension, it wasn’t as easy for me.
If it had just been my heart on the line, I probably wouldn’t have given a fuck.
But I wasn’t going to be so cavalier with Evan’s.
I patted his arm. “Don’t worry, Ev, I’ll keep you safe.”
He stiffened and I winced, realising what I’d said. Before I could backtrack or make a joke, Evan smiled. “Oh, I know. I’ve got my very own arachnid antihero where you’re concerned.”
“Antihero?”
“Well, you don’t kill them, so you can’t be the hero,” he explained. “But you rehome them, which gets them away from me…so I think that works.”
“I think not needlessly murdering them does make me the hero, but okay. Wait, what does antihero even mean?” I started to reach for my phone before stopping myself with a sigh. “No. It has to go on the list.”
Stepping away, I traced the familiar path to the fridge where my pad and pen awaited. My tongue stuck out as I added the question to the scrawl already there.
“Hang on.” Evan’s voice was filled with delight as he spoke from behind me. “You have a literal list?”
“Of course.” I capped the pen and returned it to the fridge. I never let myself walk off with it. God knew where it’d end up then. “What did you think I meant?”
“I dunno.” He rested his chin on my head as he tried to get a closer look. “Like a metaphorical one…or maybe something on your phone. This is so cool.”
I wrung my hands, suddenly self-conscious. “I just write them here to stop myself googling. Then, if I’m still curious about it a week later, I let myself look it up.”
I fell silent as I reread the list. I’d only started this one a few days ago, but I’d almost filled the page already.
What’s the difference between lager and beer?
How old is the oldest living tree on Earth?
Can chickens swim?
Which ear did Van Gogh cut off?
Do fish ever get thirsty?
Where does the word ‘pornography’ originate from?
Can cows from different countries understand each other?
Who came up with the alphabet?
When did humans start wearing shoes?
What’s the definition of an antihero?
“What a great idea,” Evan said. “God, I love how your brain works. This is fucking awesome.”
My hands stopped moving. “It is?”
“Course it is.” He reached out to skim his fingers along the list. “It’s like a window into your mind. I love it.”
“You’re just saying that.”
“I’m not.” His hand dropped, finding its way to my hip. I knew I should push him off, but I didn’t. “Your mind fascinates me, Reid. I don’t understand it, but I want to.”
“Good luck with that,” I said sourly. “I’ve had twenty-three years to practise, and I don’t understand it.”
“I have a lot longer than that ahead of me,” he said distractedly as he continued reading my random musings. “I’ve got time.”
He did, because he was a shifter. He was immortal.
I, a human, was not.
The reminder was enough to have me stepping out of his hold and ducking around him. “I’ll start packing.”
There was a beat before Evan spoke. Was he trying to figure out what had made me suddenly move? “Are ye sure you don’t want help?”
“Nope.” I injected false cheer into my voice. “I’ll be quicker on my own. I know where everything is and what I need.”
Well, that was slightly optimistic, but it wasn’t like Evan lived far.
It also wasn’t like he was keeping me there against my will. I could return whenever I liked.
That made it easier to drag out my case from under my bed. I had to whack it a few times to shift the thick layer of dust. It hadn’t been touched since the day I’d shoved it under there.
A couple of days after I’d fled the Clarksons.
The irony that this was the first time I’d used it since didn’t escape me.
This time will be different. You won’t be trapped there.
Right?
I shook myself off as I began to haul clothes out of the various piles around my room. Of course it was different. Evan had said so himself. Besides, Chester wouldn’t stand for them keeping me there.
Why would they even want to?
That was the question that settled me the most. I wasn’t slave labour for the McCarthys. They didn’t have a vested interest in holding me hostage. If anything, they were putting themselves in harm’s way by doing so.
My hands froze in mid-air, a pair of boxers hanging from them. Should I really be going with them? What if the Clarksons invaded? What if Evan got hurt? Or Logan or Calan? How could I look Chester in the eye if Finn was killed?
“Everything okay?”
I spun to see Evan leaning against my doorframe. His impressive arms were folded over his chest, making his biceps bulge. The sight should’ve reassured me, but it didn’t. “Are ye sure about this? What if the Clarksons attack because I’m inside the clan boundaries?”
He shrugged. “Then we’ll execute them. Simple.”
I wavered.
Shoving off the frame with a sigh, Evan stalked closer and caught my chin between his fingers.
“We’re more than capable of looking after ourselves, sweetheart.
Especially on our own lands. They might not be the smartest clan, but I doubt even they are stupid enough to launch an attack when we have the home ground advantage. ”
“That’s true,” I muttered. “I just don’t like the idea of anyone being hurt because of me.”
“And I can’t stand the idea of you being hurt, regardless,” he said quietly. “I’ve promised to keep ye safe, Reid, so get packing and let me do it.”
I swallowed, having a realisation that was about thirteen years too late. “It wasn’t fair of me to ask that of you.”
“I think you should’ve asked it, and a lot more.” Evan let go of my chin, stepping back with a crooked grin. “Now, I’ll stop distracting ye so we can get going before the snow comes.”
When I turned back to my case, it was with a smile on my face.