Chapter 23 #2
It took longer to finish than I expected. I’d dithered over how much to bring. Evan hadn’t put a time limit on my stay, but what would his parents think if I rocked up with half a tonne of stuff? Talk about making a bad impression.
It wasn’t like I could pack light though. Maybe if I lived in southern England and it was summertime. Winter in the Scottish Highlands was a different beast, one you had to be prepared for.
The case was so full by the time I was done that I had to sit on it to get the zip closed. A pang hit me as I hauled it off my bed. When I’d fled the Clarksons, I’d had room in here to spare.
My life was fuller now. Or, it had been, until my family had shown their faces again.
Would I ever get it back? Or should I resign myself to what I could fit in this case and be satisfied?
Stop thinking in metaphors, I scolded myself, dragging the case into the lounge. It’s not going to get you anywhere.
Evan spun, tutting as he spotted the case. “I would’ve brought that out for you.”
“It’s done now,” I said, ignoring how my arms were protesting. Not my biceps—I didn’t have those. Not the kind that were any use in this situation, anyway. “This is it.”
Evan frowned. “What do you mean?”
I ran a hand over my hair sheepishly. “Shit, did I pack too much? I thought I might’ve. I can take some stuff out and—”
“Reid,” he said. I blinked and Evan was in front of me, cupping my face. My traitorous knees went weak. They loved this far too much. “I meant what about the rest of your stuff?”
“What stuff?”
He tutted again, letting his hands drop as he turned. “Like your Switch. Your laptop. A few puzzles. We should bring your stabbing hook thing too, just in case you want to pick that up again.”
I gaped as I watched Evan buzz around my living room, piling objects high in his arms.
When he was done, he stopped in front of me and grinned. “Anything else?”
I snatched the pen and paper from the top. That’s right, he’d even grabbed my list from the fridge. “Evan, are you crazy? I can’t take all of this!”
He cocked his head, brows drawing together. “Why not?”
“Whatever will your parents think? It looks like I’m moving in.”
His lips twitched. “If you were moving in, you’d have a lot more stuff, Reid.”
My chest ached again as I thought about the suitcase that had once held all my worldly possessions. “Not necessarily.”
“You need to be comfortable, Reid, and these are the things that’ll make that happen. If anything, Ma and Pa will probably ask why you haven’t brought more.”
I shifted on my feet. “I doubt it.”
“You’ll see,” he said breezily, strolling for the door. “Bring that list, Reid, and anything else you might want. I can bring you back, of course, but we may as well load the car up.”
When we were done, I stood looking around the space I’d made my own. The sanctuary I’d created.
I fucking hated that my family had ruined it. Everything it had once represented—safety, security, happiness—all of that had been snatched away. Even if they did leave me alone for the rest of my life, I’d never get that back.
It represented something else now. A place I’d been afraid to leave. Where I’d hidden from my friends. Where I’d isolated myself. Where I’d let the darkness creep in.
Maybe going with Evan was a positive step. Because staying here wasn’t.
Hands touched my hips lightly. “Everything okay?”
I leaned into him before I could stop myself. What was I doing? What happened to drawing boundaries and not fucking with Evan’s head?
“Reid.” He came around my front to face me, not letting go. “Let me rephrase that. Are we okay?”
I tried not to meet his eyes. They were too warm. Too understanding. “What do ye mean?”
I swear, I told my feet to step back. To move out of his hold and put some goddamned space between us.
And I did take a step.
Towards him.
As for how my hands found their way to his shoulders? Who the fuck knew. Certainly not me. But they were there now and everything in me felt…calmer. Given how rarely that happened, I wasn’t about to question it.
“After what happened when we arrived, things felt a little…”
“Weird?” I finished with a sigh. “Yeah. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. Think this is coming from both of us,” he murmured. “But instead of letting it fester, why don’t we talk about it?”
My nose wrinkled. “You mean, communicate like adults?”
“Revolutionary, I know. But you don’t grow up with parents like mine without picking up a tip or two on how to make a relationship work.”
“That’s just it though.” I sighed. “This isn’t meant to be a relationship, Ev, remember? I don’t want to be tied into clan life.”
Evan wasn’t perturbed. “Firstly, you don’t want to be tied into the clan life you’ve experienced. The McCarthys are completely different, and your experience will be too.”
“You seem very confident about being able to win me over.”
“Well, I have Logan on my side.” His smirk deepened. “And my, what did you call it? ‘Resplendent weapon’?”
I snorted, burying my burning face in his wide chest. “You’re never going to forget that, are you?”
“Definitely not.” His lips dusted over my temple and I shivered. “And I’m not above playing dirty when it comes to winning you over.”
I lifted my head. “Why are you so sure you want me?”
He chucked my chin lightly. “Like I said, I’ve had weeks to come to this decision. Months, really.”
“You’ve been wanting me from afar. It’s not the same.”
“Then let me want you up close,” he rasped. “Give me a chance, Reid. That’s all I’m asking.”
God, how I wanted to jump in with both feet. It was what I normally did. But what he was asking wasn’t just about a relationship or getting to know him. It was about confronting my deepest fears. Deciding if my trauma was going to dictate my future happiness, or if I could confront it and move on.
On paper, Evan was perfect. I didn’t need to know his favourite colour or if he wore socks in bed to know that was the case.
But in real life, he was also a shifter. A member of a clan. Of an inner circle.
That wasn’t something I could ignore.
Ev picked up on my hesitation, his thumbs sneaking under my shirt to rub soothing circles on my lower back. “A chance, Reid. That’s it. Let me show you that our clan life isn’t what you believe it is. If you don’t like it, I’ll bring you back here and never mention it again.”
“Promise?”
“Of course, sweetheart,” he murmured. “I’ll even tell Logan if ye like. He’ll bring you home if you don’t trust me to keep my word.”
“I do,” I said quickly. The words came easily, taking with them a weight I’d been carrying for far too long. I did trust Evan.
When had that happened?
“I don’t need you to involve Logan or anyone else,” I added. “I trust you, Ev.”
Silver lined his eyes as his throat bobbed. “Thank ye, Reid. You’ve no idea what that means to me.”
Emotion bubbled up in me, too thick to articulate. Instead, I instinctively buried my face in his neck.
He stroked my back for a minute before his hands froze. “Hey, you were right! It’s snowing.”
Evan spun me around and I smiled at the white fluffy flakes drifting to the ground. “I love snow. It makes everything look fresh and new.”
He pressed his lips just below my ear. “Feels like a good omen, wouldn’t you say?”
I leaned back against him, letting go of the fear. Some clung on, refusing to depart just yet, but enough lifted for me to be able to respond. “Yeah. It does.”