Chapter 12
“ C omplicated how?”
She seemed to weigh her words before saying, “Because I was crying over what happened this morning. But what happened this morning was the result of the past six years.”
I picked up one of the slices of pizza but didn’t look away from her as I waited.
“You really wanna know?” she asked as she picked at the edge of her own slice.
“I’m sitting here.”
Those chaotic eyes searched mine before falling to her plate again. “This morning, my boyfriend essentially told me I would quit this job if I cared about our relationship.”
At the word boyfriend falling so casually from her lips, the bite I’d just taken turned to ash. I struggled to chew what was in my mouth and forced it down probably sooner than I should’ve as she continued.
“Not that I’m going to quit, and not that I don’t care about our relationship...he just wants me to do something else.”
“Like what?” I managed to ask when I was trying to stop hearing her say boyfriend on repeat. “Am I not paying you enough?”
“No, that isn’t it at all,” Lainey hurried to assure me before drawing in a shaky breath. Sitting back in her seat, she twisted to better face me and explained, “My parents own a farm, and I’m supposed to be managing it. I’m supposed to own it one day.”
I studied the dejection now filling her eyes and echoed, “Supposed to.”
“Yeah.” The word punched from her on a breath, and when she continued, her voice was soft and shamed. “I’ve grown up in those fields, and for as long as I can remember, my parents have told me what they expected of me with the business. Plans were always made around me— for me—and I had to follow through.”
“But you hated it.”
“I hated it,” she agreed as if confessing to a sin before hurrying to backtrack. “I love the farm because it’s part of my family, but I’ve always felt like I was being crushed under it and their expectations, and I never saw a way out until I went to college.”
She lifted a hand, indicating my apartment. “I wasn’t supposed to go at all—no one wanted me to. But it was my way of getting away, at least for a little while, and I was supposed to double-major in marketing and agricultural and resource economics. But then I accidentally went into the wrong lecture hall one day and stumbled upon early childhood education and fell in love with it. Next thing I knew, I was dropping marketing to a minor and adding on an entirely new major that in no way supported my parents’ plans for me.”
I sat back, waiting for her to continue because that clearly wasn’t the end. Not with the way she let the last words drift off. Not with the way her eyebrows had drawn close as if she was worried about my reaction to what she would say next.
“For the first time in so long, I was genuinely excited about each day and the future,” she began softly. “But I didn’t tell anyone, including my boyfriend. I let them all continue thinking I was going to school with the purpose of one day taking over the family business.”
“For how long?”
“All the way through getting my master’s in early childhood education.” Worry filled her eyes as she waited for my reaction, but I just watched her, wondering how this girl could’ve gotten through however many years without anyone knowing what she was really doing.
“Told you I value honesty above everything else,” I finally said and watched as she deflated as if she’d been expecting something like this. “If I’m giving you access to my apartment and my life, if I’m trusting you with my niece, I need to know I can trust you.”
“You can,” she said firmly. “I would never—” She paused, seeming to fumble for words that would appease me. After a while, she shrugged and offered me a helpless smile. “Mr. Briggs, my family has always had unreasonably high expectations of me. Expectations I’ve never been able to fill and have never wanted to, even though I’ve tried for so long. Adding that major was the first time I’ve ever done something for myself, and even though I knew they’d find out eventually, I was terrified they’d try taking it away from me.”
She placed a hand on her chest as a defeated breath fled from her. “I know what I did, and I’m paying for it—trust me. But please don’t hold wanting to live my life against me. I already have enough people doing that.”
My head dipped as I absorbed all the pain and fear pouring from her, and assumed, “Including your boyfriend?”
“He’s on my parents’ side,” she admitted reluctantly. “Always has been. He—” She swallowed thickly and suddenly seemed to find the lines in the wooden table fascinating. When she continued, hesitation curled around her carefully thought-out words. “He has plans for us that align with my parents’ plans for me, and he isn’t thrilled that I want something different.”
A grunt that was more out of irritation for his existence than understanding for her situation rolled up my throat, but if Lainey noticed, she didn’t show it. “How long have you been together?”
“Our entire lives,” she answered numbly.
I let the words hang between us; let them replay in my mind and forced myself to grasp their meaning. I told myself it was good that Lainey was in a serious, committed relationship because, apparently, employee wasn’t a concrete enough reason to stop me from wanting her.
Lifting the forgotten slice, I asked, “How do you think he’ll react when you tell him you didn’t quit?” before taking another bite.
“I think he already knew I wouldn’t,” she whispered before offering me a weak smile. “But we’ll figure it out.”
“Will you?” The question was out before I could begin to filter myself and surprised Lainey...for a second.
“I don’t know anymore,” she confessed. “I keep telling myself things are only strained between us because I didn’t tell him what I was really doing with school, but it’s been...my bad call,” she said suddenly—meaningfully.
Except I had no idea what she was talking about.
“Last year—which we aren’t talking about, I know—” she explained with a wave of her hand, “you asked if I’d had a bad call. I’d been talking to him.” One of her shoulders lifted. “And that was truly one of the better calls we’d had because I’d just left to go back to school. Every year, they got increasingly worse the longer I was gone.”
I stared at her for so long, desperately trying to swallow the words gathered on my tongue before they poured free. “Why are you with him?”
A sharp, saddened laugh left her. But instead of answering, she just studied the table as minutes passed.
“Because he was everything to me for so long,” she finally whispered. “And when he no longer was, I felt like it was my fault because I was hiding something.” Those stormy eyes shifted to me. “Sometimes I still do, but sometimes I think I’m only with him because I’ve listened to everyone plan my future with him my entire life.”
Was it twisted that hope was pounding through my veins?
I hardly knew her. She needed to be nothing more than my employee. And yet, anticipation became a living thing inside me as I selfishly hoped for the end of someone else’s relationship .
Just as guilt started unfurling in my chest, ice pushed through my veins when the elevator chimed, alerting me someone had arrived when no one should be coming.
In less than a second, awareness spread over my skin as I thought of the potential causalities currently in my apartment and how much time we had. In the next, I was pushing Lainey’s chair back with my foot as I reached under the table for the handgun I had strapped there.
“Get behind the island,” I hissed.
Her eyes widened. “What?”
“ Go ,” I bit out as I freed the gun and twisted out of my seat, already reaching to turn off the kitchen lights as I went.
But no sooner had I started slipping up beside the edge of the breakfast bar than I heard my sister asking, “What is all this?”
I stalked toward the front of the apartment, my voice gruff and demanding when I snapped, “What are you doing here?”
She unsteadily rounded the corner of the foyer and glared up at me. “Hello to you too.”
“I thought you left.”
She gestured around us. “And now I’m back.”
I ground my jaw and forced myself to take a deep breath before clarifying, “For New York. You disappeared after the funeral and weren’t here when I got back. And how did you get up here?”
Before she could respond, I stormed back to the kitchen. Flipping on the light once I was there, I found Lainey standing on the far side of the island, looking so confused.
“I’m sorry,” I said softly, gesturing from my chest to the front of the apartment. “Unless I tell the managers someone’s coming, I’m supposed to be notified before they let anyone up. I wasn’t expecting anyone.”
“So, your first reaction is to grab a gun and go after whoever it might be?”
My eyebrows rose at the stunned question. “Do you have any idea what I do?”
“No,” she said on a breathless laugh as if I hadn’t saved her life less than a year ago.
I nodded slowly, mentally noting I needed to have another talk with Lainey about protecting herself, only to shake my head and pin my sister with a suspicious glare. “How did you get up here?”
Her inebriated gaze shifted between Lainey and me a few times before she held up a keycard. “Some guy handed me this when I told him what floor I was staying on.”
I bit back a sigh and erased the distance between us to snatch the keycard from between her fingers. “He must’ve thought you were Lainey.”
“Who?” she said with a snort.
“Lainey,” I repeated irritably, gesturing to the girl who was all wide eyes and confused expressions as she awkwardly lifted a hand and said, “Me.”
Every part of me locked up when my gaze automatically skated over her and caught on the way the bottom of her shirt had ridden up at some point, showing a small strip of her lean stomach and revealing a bruise blooming on her hip.
It could’ve been from anything; I knew that. But I was struggling to unclench my jaw and make myself believe that, when Lainey had just told me about her unstable relationship with her angry boyfriend—when she’d been crying this morning because of him.
“Right...the nanny ,” Peyton said, forcing my attention away from Lainey to see the dry look my sister was giving me. A long, intoxicated laugh bubbled from her. “Do you always have cozy dinners with your nannies?”
“I should go,” Lainey whispered.
“No,” I said to her, nearly begged, before focusing on my sister again. “Eat something, then take a shower and go to sleep. You smell like a bar.”
“Aww.” She placed a hand on her chest as if treasuring a compliment before leaning forward to roughly pat my cheek. “Look at us; it’s just like old times. And would you look at that? I still hate when you tell me what to do.”
I moved before she could smack me again, then watched as she stumbled toward the table. Grabbing my untouched piece of pizza, she held it up victoriously as she swayed out of the kitchen and toward the hall.
“I really should go,” Lainey repeated, this time closer than before, and I twisted to find her just a few feet away. “Kaia’s asleep, and you don’t need me for anything.” Before I could tell her she was wrong or think of a reason for her to stay, she took another step closer and lifted her chin. “But first, explain the keycard and why you always shift into Jack Ryan mode in the most dramatic ways.”
A sharp, stunned laugh punched from my lungs. “Jack Ryan?”
A humming sound left her, but instead of responding, she asked, “Was that another laugh?”
“You compared me to Jack Ryan—a dramatic Jack Ryan. That’s comical and slightly insulting.”
“Is that so?” she asked with a lift of an eyebrow, mischief glittering in those captivating eyes.
Clearing my throat, I forced my stare away long enough to clear my head too, then handed her the keycard. “This will get you in and out of the parking garage much easier. It’ll also get you up here and into any of the amenity centers.”
“Just make sure to let you know I’m coming,” she mused, the words bordering on a tease.
“I know when to expect you,” I told her.
When I risked a glance at her, heat had crept into her cheeks. “Right,” she said after long seconds had passed in our strained silence. “Well, I guess I’ll see you...”
“Monday,” I told her when she looked to me for guidance.
“Monday.”
“You really won’t eat?” I asked, throwing out one last attempt to get her to stay. From the way she swayed back from the step she’d just taken, I knew she was considering it. From the way her stare slowly lifted to mine again, I had a feeling it wasn’t because of the food.
“I appreciate it, but unless you need me, I should get home.”
I nodded as I reluctantly led her through the apartment and into the foyer, my chest wrenching all over again when I saw the things piled there.
“Leave it,” I pled when she started reaching for the décor.
“No, you were right,” she said even as I tried blocking her. “I never should’ve done it in the first place.”
“Maybe not, but maybe you were right.” I gently grabbed her arm and took the plant she’d managed to grab, setting it back on the floor. “I—” I blew out a harsh breath at just the thought of adding anything to my apartment that wasn’t strictly necessary. “I know how I come across to everyone else, but what was it you said about my apartment?”
Her eyes widened with a comical sort of dread. “I thought we already covered that I don’t wanna repeat it.”
A huff left me. “Cold and unlived in, is that right? Like no one can touch anything?” Her lips parted, an apology clearly on the tip of her tongue, so I hurried over her. “As much as I wanna avoid her, I need to start thinking about Kaia. The social worker will drop in at random...she’s already had plenty to say about me and my apartment, and she’s betting on me to fail this. If she comes back here and thinks I’m not trying for her?” My head moved in tight, harsh shakes. “Lainey, I can’t lose Kaia too.”
Sorrow and sympathy bled from her as she reached for me before quickly dropping her hand to her side. “You won’t lose Kaia just because you don’t like decorating.”
“I need to look like I’m trying,” I said before quickly amending, “I need to try.”
Lainey’s head bobbed slowly, then more resolutely. “Do you want me to put everything back for you?”
No.
The word was so immediate and loud, I had to grit my teeth so it wouldn’t slip free. I wanted nothing more than to burn the stuff at our feet. But I knew for Kaia, I had to at least try to get over my past.
With a stiff nod, I started grabbing everything and helped Lainey carry it back into the living room. And as she hurried around, placing things everywhere, I felt my breathing turn shallow. Felt icy fingers trail up my spine and grip at my neck.
“If I—” I struggled to swallow the shameful words can’t do this and just stared at my living room once she finished and had joined me at my side again.
As if sensing I wasn’t going to continue, Lainey placed a hand on my forearm and said, “Just give it the weekend. If it’s too much, it’ll disappear on Monday.”
I gave her a grateful look before leading her back to the foyer. “Don’t, uh...Ada doesn’t know. No one other than Rush does.”
If she was surprised by that, she didn’t show it. Just looked at me with a well of understanding. “I’m good at keeping secrets.”
“I’m aware.”
Only a whisper of that earlier humiliation rose to the surface as she pushed the button for the elevator and murmured, “So, you are going to hold that against me.”
“No.” At her surprised reaction, I relented, “I’ll just keep in mind that you might not always be telling me everything.”
“And you’ll be divulging your every thought and secret to me?” she gently challenged. When I slanted my head in defeat, she stepped closer as an excited gasp left her, one of those blinding smiles lighting up her face that was sure to be my ruin. “Hey! You never told me about the Jack Ryan thing.”
Another hushed laugh crept from me, and I nodded toward the elevator at its arrival. “That’s a conversation for another night.”
“If you think I won’t hold you to that...”
“Oh, I’m positive you will, Miss Pearson.”
She hummed in amusement and stepped onto the elevator. “Honestly, Mr. Briggs?” she began before twisting to face me. “I think you should laugh more.”
Her head bowed in a vain attempt to hide the blush rushing to her cheeks, and my heart hammered in my chest as I watched her. Unable to say a word as every part of me demanded I storm onto the elevator, pull her into my arms, and kiss her.
But I just stood there. Watching as the doors closed, as if that could sever the current buzzing over my skin and tying me to that woman in a way I’d never known.
“What do you want, Peyton?” I asked before I ever turned away from the metal doors, having heard her slightly unsteady steps try to sneak up on us a few seconds before Lainey left.
When I found her, she was in the same clothes as before, new slice of pizza in hand, leaning against the wall separating the foyer from the rest of the apartment. With a tick of a brow, she asked, “ Just a nanny, huh?”
I blew out a harsh breath as I continued past her.
“Hiring a young, gorgeous nanny has to be the dumbest thing anyone could ever do,” she went on as she followed me. “Then again, it’s you, and I’m pretty sure you’re immune. Except I just saw you with her. I heard the way you were talking to each other.”
“She’s in a relationship.”
“And?”
I turned on her, my brows drawn low over my eyes. “And that means something.”
“But her working for you doesn’t?”
A muscle in my jaw ticked because it needed to...it just didn’t. Not with Lainey. But I’d spent so long focused on my careers, I didn’t know how to handle having my focus pulled to anything else—especially this.
“She needs to only be Kaia’s nanny,” I finally said, revealing everything I was feeling for the girl who’d just left. “I’ll use whatever I can to keep that professional boundary.”