Chapter 13
I stilled at the sound of my bedroom door opening late that night and contemplated pretending to be asleep for the span of a breath before a petite body crashed into mine in a move I was sure wrestlers would be proud of.
“Wren.” Her name punched from my lungs on a wheeze as her wild laugh filled the otherwise silent and still room. “You’re gonna break a rib one day,” I chastised as I pushed her away, desperately trying to breathe through the pain so I wouldn’t let on that I was already spectacularly bruised on that side.
My little sister snorted as she crossed her legs beneath her, all that excited mischief lighting her expression in the dark. “So, tonight was intense...”
That was putting it mildly.
“Is that what you call the intervention I came home to?” I mumbled scornfully as I sat up against the headboard. “They’re still acting like I’m committing some horrendous crime.”
“I mean . . .”
“Shut up,” I breathed, kicking at her hip and earning a soft laugh from her. “And you ditched me right in the middle of it.”
“I wasn’t the one they were yelling at,” she defended before dramatically flipping her naturally straight hair. “Besides, I had somewhere to be.”
I lifted a brow in question, but she just tilted her head, letting me know she wasn’t going to share where she’d been.
“Wren, tell me you’re being careful.”
“Always,” she vowed, even though careful had never been in her vocabulary. Before I could comment on that, she hurriedly asked, “So, what all happened after I snuck out?”
A stuttered breath left me when the question brought back flashes of the night with painful, startling force.
I’d been prepared for another argument with Jackson after how we’d left things this morning. I hadn’t expected him to be waiting for me when I’d gotten home...with both his parents and mine.
“Where have you been?” my mom had demanded as soon as I’d set foot inside, stilling me with the front door still in my grasp as I’d stared at the five of them sitting in the living room.
“Work,” I’d said a little uncertainly, even though I was sure of that. I just hadn’t been able to figure out if I’d forgotten plans with the McCoys.
“It’s well after eight,” she’d said as if I hadn’t known that. “You should’ve been back hours ago.”
“My hours aren’t ? —”
“We’ve already talked with my aunt,” my dad had said over me, pointing for me to sit in the only empty chair as he did. “We’ve made it abundantly clear that she can’t interfere in our company or our children’s lives anymore.”
My stomach had dropped at the realization of what he was saying. “Wait, what?”
“You have responsibilities,” he’d gone on just as I’d caught sight of my sister standing in the corner, trying to relieve the slowly-building tension in the room with her eyerolls and mocking expressions. “You’re the future of this company, Lainey. You and Jackson are the future of our combined companies. What you’re doing—turning your back on this business even for a day—is selfish.”
My head had snapped in Jackson’s direction at that—at the words that had so closely echoed his from that morning.
“And what about your wedding?” my mom had chimed in. “Where did the plans for that go?”
“What plans?” I’d asked on a stunned laugh. “There’s never been an actual wedding, just the idea of it. Jackson’s never even asked me to marry him.”
“And you know why,” Jackson had shot back. “I would’ve asked years ago, we would already be married, if you weren’t so focused on living a life without me in it.”
“If you weren’t so determined to snub your duties to your family and ours,” his mom had added, all while his dad murmured agreements.
My chest had caved from the force of my next exhale. I’d looked at Wren just as she’d mouthed Yikes before turning on Jackson’s parents again. “You make it sound like I’m a piece of property or one of your animals to be used as y’all deem fit. I am a person, and I absolutely deserve to live my life how I want to.”
“There are businesses and people counting on you, Lainey,” my dad had seethed. “Much more than are in this room, and more than you realize.”
“I know,” I’d cried. “I just left the people who are counting on me.”
“That isn’t who I meant,” he’d snapped, “and you won’t be going back to that ridiculous excuse of a job. We’ve already told Aunt Ada today was your last day.”
I’d reared back at the sure way he’d said the words as if my parents and Jackson’s had every intention of seeing to that.
But after a slow glance at the determined glares pointed at me, I’d whispered, “I’m not quitting my job.”
All at once, everyone had erupted.
My parents had yelled at me, telling me I didn’t have a choice while reminding me again about my responsibilities. Jackson had angrily gestured to me, as if to say see , while telling my parents I wasn’t thinking clearly anymore. His parents had alternated between snapping at me for my carelessness and shouting at my parents to get me under control.
It’d continued like that for another couple hours before the McCoys had left. Jackson had tried to kiss me, as if I’d wanted him anywhere near me after that disaster. It’d been awkward and uncomfortable and had led to another lecture from my parents about how I was sabotaging my life and future.
I’d been in my room since, wide awake, even though I should’ve passed out from exhaustion long ago.
“It was more of the same,” I told Wren. “They just went around and around. Reminded me of all the plans they’d been making for the companies since Jackson and I were little kids. How I was ruining that by trying to walk away and how they weren’t gonna let me.”
“Headlines have changed,” Wren whispered wryly, “ Irresponsible Lainey Pearson Single-Handedly Destroys Family Farm and McCoy Ranch .”
“You’re awful,” I murmured half-heartedly, even as a ghost of a smile tugged at my mouth before heavily falling into a frown when I asked, “Did Dad really tell Aunt Ada that today was my last day?”
She hummed in response. “They had her over for dinner, planning to tell you both. When you didn’t show, Dad ripped into Aunt Ada.”
Surprise and sorrow swept through me as I studied my sister’s expression that showed just how shocking it’d been.
“Yeah,” she mumbled her agreement. “But Aunt Ada just sat there, listening. After a while, she asked Dad if he was done, then got up and left. So, I dunno what that means for you or your ridiculous excuse of a job .”
A scoff bled from my lips.
When I didn’t add anything, Wren scooted closer to me and lowered her voice even more. “Does this job really mean that much to you?”
“I love it,” I said without hesitation and knew my answer would’ve been the same even if Asher Briggs hadn’t been in the picture. “But even if I didn’t, I wouldn’t wanna go back into the fields or the office. I’ve never wanted to be there, Wren.”
“I know.” When my eyes darted to hers, she slanted her head. “I’ve always known. I mean, I didn’t know what you were doing at college, but you’re my big sister. I know you. If anyone had ever really paid attention to you, they would’ve seen the way you had to fake your smiles every time Mom and Dad talked about the fields or the way you always looked exhausted before we ever got out into them.”
Tears stung the backs of my eyes at her words. Words that showed I hadn’t been able to fool everyone. Words that negated Jackson’s.
“I know you. You’re country down to your soul, and that includes farming and ranching.”
“Really?” I asked, the word low and thick as it scraped past the knot in my throat.
She shrugged. “So, what are you gonna do?”
“Keep working, like I told them I was going to. But the rest—Mom and Dad...Jackson—that’s what I can’t figure out.”
Wren was silent for a long while before she hesitantly said, “I’ve never seen Jackson like that.”
“I haven’t either.” I cleared my throat and amended, “Except this morning.” When Wren gave me a questioning look, I just shook my head before continuing. “He was always frustrated with me once I left for school, sure, but not like this. I’m just worried I created this version of him.”
Wren’s lips parted and shut so many times as if she was trying to talk herself out of saying something.
“What is it?” I finally asked.
“Do you still love him?”
“Of course I do,” I said automatically.
Wren’s eyebrows drew close as she leaned toward me. “Do you, Lainey? Because you used to spend every free moment with Jackson. And you came straight home without even knowing he was here. You hardly spend any time with him anymore.”
I studied her as I thought of how to explain the wrenching in my chest every time I thought of Jackson and finally said, “Things are just different. They’ve been strained ever since I got home. Understandably, considering what I did.”
“Or maybe you just don’t love him anymore,” she whispered. “Maybe you’re afraid to admit that, along with finding your passion, you grew apart from him. And maybe he grew apart from you too.”
Suspicion rose up inside me at the way she carefully worded the last sentence, as if she knew Jackson had grown apart from me. But something stopped me from asking her to elaborate. Maybe it was because she was right.
Or maybe it was my own guilt over my unexpected feelings for Asher Briggs. Over knowing my thoughts had strayed to him far too often the past year, and even more this past week, when they shouldn’t drift to him at all.
And to my horror, I found my head shakily dipping in a nod.
When my sister mirrored the movement, I bent closer and lowered my voice. “You’ve had...”—I tried to think before giving up with a light laugh—“so many boyfriends. Have you ever loved any of them?”
“All of them,” she said without hesitation.
Adoration warmed my chest at the easy confidence in her response. Even though I doubted she’d ever had anything like I’d had with Jackson, I had no doubt she believed the words she’d just said.
My sister loved hard and loved freely—something I’d always admired about her.
“Has your heart ever switched up on you when you were with one of them?” I finally asked and held my breath as I waited for her response—waited for her to realize what I was really saying and to call me out on it.
Because I was sure that’s what happened to me.
The moment when Asher Briggs pressed his lips to mine, my heart had switched up on me.
I’d told myself hundreds of times that I’d romanticized or imagined the entire thing, but I’d known it was real when I’d turned around this week to find him staring at me with all that brooding intensity, inciting the same reaction from months before.
Like my entire body was coming alive in the most exhilarating way. Like I could finally breathe. Like I’d been found .
But for so many reasons, I knew I needed to ignore the reckless way my heart beat at just the thought of him.
“Oh, all the time,” Wren answered offhandedly.
“And what’d you do?” I nearly begged, hoping she would tell me something that would help me ignore this craving for a man I couldn’t have.
“Listened to my heart...obviously.” She lifted a shoulder as if I should’ve already known her answer. Knowing Wren, I should’ve. “But the whole heart-switch-up analogy is so not applicable when talking about a longtime boyfriend and a job .”
My lips parted to correct her, but I just forced out a strangled, “Right...”
“If this is how boring life gets when you’re with someone forever, then I don’t want it.” She made a teasing face before sliding off my bed with an overly dramatic groan. “It’s late, Lainey. Let a girl get her beauty rest, will you?”
A weak laugh built in my chest, but I didn’t say anything else as I watched her leave.
Just as I started getting comfortable again, my phone chimed a couple times from where it rested on my nightstand.
My eyes rolled and, for a second, I almost let the messages go because I was sure it was Wren, wanting to bother me one last time with something to make me laugh. But with a sigh, I reached over and lifted the phone to glance at the screen. My breath caught and I scrambled to sitting again when I realized the messages weren’t from my sister at all.
Hurrying to unlock the screen, I tapped into the messages to see a picture of Kaia on her changing table, giving the cheesiest smile.
The Jerk
What is this?
Looks like a very happy, very awake baby.
Was it ridiculous that my heart was racing as I watched those three little dots bounce while he typed? That I was struggling to breathe evenly as I waited for what was sure to be an irritable comeback when he’d played his own part in my emotionally exhausting day?
Not that I’d been surprised.
If anything, I’d been more upset with myself for expecting his coldness and cruel way of speaking to end just because I couldn’t seem to stop thinking about him. But then he had surprised me...
His vulnerability tonight had floored me, and I had no doubt he’d given me those pieces of himself as a way of apologizing—of letting me in so I’d understand why he did and said things that unintentionally hurt me.
And it’d taken everything to keep my dangerous thoughts locked tight and to remind myself of all the reasons why I’d needed to get out of that apartment when all I’d wanted was to fall into him and those dark, guarded eyes.
A stunned laugh rolled up my throat when his next couple of messages came through, and I hurried to respond.
The Jerk
What is she wearing Lainey? Her hands and feet are missing.
She didn’t have this the other day.
Who knew you were so dramatic, Mr. Briggs?
Also, isn’t it adorable? She looks like a starfish! I found it at a boutique last night and bought a few for her. They’re supposed to help babies sleep.
But I guess it didn’t work.. .
My heart faltered before taking off at an unforgiving pace when my phone began ringing with a call from none other than The Jerk .
Drawing in a steeling breath, I tapped to answer before bringing the phone to my ear, “Mr. Briggs.”
“It’s almost three. Why are you awake?”
I started to reply with because you’re messaging me but swallowed the words before they could fall because I knew Asher would keep at it until I gave him the truth. “Have a lot on my mind. How’s Kaia?”
“Different.” Before I could ask what he meant, he exhaled quickly and said, “Compared to when she was first brought here, she’s calmer. Happier. That isn’t because of me.”
My eyebrows rose and a smile slowly stole across my face.
Is Asher Briggs complimenting me?
“But stop buying things for her.”
My eyes rolled.
And there he is.
“I thought those would help her sleep,” I said on a sigh.
“That isn’t what I meant. It’s that you’ve bought all this stuff for her and my apartment, and that isn’t your job.”
“She’s my job,” I argued.
“Wasting your money isn’t.”
“It isn’t?—”
“Receipts, Lainey,” he said over me, his tone holding no room for argument. “I want them. And if there’s something else you think she needs, tell me. I’ll get it. Or I’ll just leave you one of my cards.”
“You would trust me with your money?” I asked, voice low and teasing.
Silence settled between us before he mumbled, “Tell me, and I’ll get it.”
A soft laugh left me, leaving me feeling lighter than I had in hours. “I’m sorry she woke up.”
“She’s already asleep,” he said, brushing off my apology.
“Yeah?”
An unexpectedly attractive grunt sounded. “I was sure she was up for the morning. But after I changed her diaper and put her back in that stupid pufferfish?—”
A fuller laugh left me, and I hurried to cover my mouth. “Starfish...she looks like a starfish .”
“Starfish,” he amended, and if I didn’t know any better, I’d swear Asher Briggs was smiling. “Once she was back in that, I picked her up, and she snuggled up against me and crashed.”
I would’ve given anything to witness that moment. And I knew in the way my heart tripped up and threatened to escape the confines of my chest that I wouldn’t survive this job or this man.
I swallowed past my suddenly dry throat and whispered, “I’m glad. Then I guess you should get back to sleep.”
Another one of those infuriating grunts left him. “Have you slept at all?”
“I’ll get there,” I said on an exhale before hurrying to add, “I would’ve missed this conversation if I had.”
Asher was silent for so long, but the hesitation creeping through the phone let me know he was still there, still awake. I almost started telling him to forget what I’d said when he uttered, “Ada called me about fifteen minutes after you left.”
My eyelids fluttered shut and I let my head fall back against the headboard. “Right,” I whispered, shocked and a little disappointed that she’d listened to my parents. “Whatever she told you, that isn’t?—”
“Lainey, if working for me is causing this much of a problem for you, I’ll support your decision to stop.”
My eyelids popped back open when Asher’s voice had surprise weaving through the storm of emotions I’d been trapped in all night. His tone held the same gruffness I was slowly becoming accustomed to, but there was also a reluctance I never would’ve expected.
As if he didn’t want me to quit.
I tried telling my traitorous heart it was only because he was struggling so much with Kaia and clearly needed help with her. That his reluctance had nothing to do with me .
But no matter how many times I chanted he hadn’t meant anything by it, my heart screamed louder and louder until my logical side was drowned out and a small smile was creeping across my face.
Clearing my throat, I asked, “I heard what my aunt Ada was supposed to tell you...what did she end up saying?”
“Even though she knew it wasn’t what you wanted, a lot of people you respect were trying to force you back to something they thought was best for you. And she wasn’t sure you were going to be able to fight them much longer.”
A defeated breath tumbled from me. “Got it.”
“And now you aren’t sleeping,” he added pointedly.
I didn’t bother telling him that wasn’t why I couldn’t sleep—he clearly already knew. And I could already see him readying to come back with Honesty, Miss Pearson if I tried.
“What was she supposed to tell me?” At the questioning hum that left me, Asher clarified, “You said you knew what Ada was supposed to tell me.”
“That yesterday was my last day,” I confessed after wavering for a moment. “But until you fire me, I’ll be there. Things will...” I exhaled slowly as bits and pieces of multiple arguments assaulted me. “Things will eventually calm down.”
A few seconds passed before he said, “I don’t want you trapped in this battle because you feel obligated to be here.”
“Is that you trying to fire me again?” I asked, the words leaving me on a gentle tease in response to the deceptive whisper of relief in his voice.
The hushed, gravelly sound of his laugh filled the phone and had my smile widening.
“Kaia isn’t an obligation,” I went on. “Those expectations I told you about—the role I can’t make myself step into— those are obligations.”
“Still...tell me if it gets to be too much,” he said with a compassion I wouldn’t have expected from him.
I wanted to assure him it wouldn’t. That, even after only three days with her, I knew I’d always show up for Kaia, no matter the day or time. But I was worried the sincerity in my voice would come across too strong because it wasn’t just Kaia I wanted to be there for, so I simply said, “I should let you get back to bed.”
A grunt sounded before he reminded me, “I called you, Miss Pearson.”
“That you did,” I murmured as another smile stole across my face.
In the middle of the night, just to talk—not for an emergency. And it had that traitorous pounding of my heart beating so loud, I wondered if he could hear it through the phone.
“Try to get some sleep,” he gently commanded.
I wasn’t sure there was any hope for sleeping after this. Not with how light I felt. Not with all the wings taking flight in my stomach. Not with how I was already overthinking things I knew I shouldn’t be thinking about or entertaining at all.
So, I just said, “Good night, Mr. Briggs.”
“Miss Pearson,” he said in parting before ending the call.
I clutched my phone to my chest for long moments after, as if I was a young teenager and not almost twenty-five years old. But within seconds, the crushing weight of guilt followed.
Because I hadn’t been so swept up in a call since all those late-night chats with Jackson when we were in high school—when he was the epitome of swoon-worthy in the way he acted and the things he said.
But even in all those moments where I’d been swept off my feet by Jackson McCoy, I’d never quite felt like this.
And I felt like an idiot for feeling that way because nearly the entire conversation with Asher had been professional, only some of it toeing the line into what might be considered friend-territory.
But he’d laughed that soft, raspy sound, and I knew a man like Asher Briggs didn’t laugh often. I’d heard the smile in his voice when that man was perpetually angry. And it’d made me want to be the reason he smiled. It’d made me want to earn more of his laughs.
And all of it terrified and thrilled me. It made me want to explore this new possibility while also wanting to run far from it as guilt threatened to drown me.
As I tossed my phone on the nightstand, I wondered if I would be entertaining thoughts of Asher at all if things had never gotten strained between Jackson and me—if the man who’d been in my parents’ living room earlier had been the same boy who’d repeatedly stolen my heart.
It made me sad to realize it didn’t matter because Wren had been right: Jackson wasn’t that same boy and probably never would be again, just as I wasn’t the same girl he’d fallen in love with. And Asher...Asher wasn’t a possibility and never would be.
Because he was just my boss, and I was just his employee.