Chapter 17 Holding Back
HOLDING BACK
Grayson stared at himself in the mirror of his bathroom.
He looked pale. There were faint dark circles under his eyes.
There was a hollowness to his cheeks that hadn’t been there before.
His jeans hung a little looser on him too.
He untucked the black button-down shirt and adjusted his belt one notch tighter.
Maybe no one would notice. Maybe if he just ate a little more he’d regain the mass that he’d lost. But the thought of food had no allure for him.
When he closed his eyes and thought of eating he saw blood. Oceans of it.
I need to be turned.
The moment he thought this was the moment he turned away from his own reflection. His stomach started fluttering and his palms grew sweaty. His breathing even sped up a bit and his heart thumped heavily in his chest as if trying to escape his body. It was as if he were having a panic attack.
Which was ridiculous!
The Immortal Ashyr did not have panic attacks. Certainly not about something as natural and normal as being turned. Or that would have been the case if he could just make a decision as to what Bloodline and what Master he would take.
But he didn't have to make a decision.
Yet.
Not yet.
But soon.
The Sect of Dawn had not yet been destroyed.
They’d been shattered quite a bit with the loss of Legion and Shaela along with one of the Roans, but there were plenty of Roans out there and his ability to find the structures was crucial.
He’d located half a dozen more. Not in the students, but in Acolytes that had been brought into Nightvallen just that afternoon.
Balthazar had almost used his ability upon them to scan their minds, but Grayson had stepped in at the last moment. He’d thrown out an arm.
“No! Don’t!” Grayson growled.
There were an even number of men and women before him. All of them had turned at the high-pitched alarm in his voice. He wasn’t surprised at the ones whose heartbeats had tripled in rhythm. For they were the traitors.
“Those six. Him, her, them, her, him, him, them,” Grayson pointed out. “They are Sect.”
Sana and other Wyvern immediately appeared beside those who were identified and they were whisked away to the Kaly Palace.
The other Acolytes were shaken. They were looking around at one another with wide eyes and parted lips.
But then Balthazar had sent a wave of calm among them, plucking out that most recent memory.
There were all smiles again. They had just arrived. No one had been whisked away.
“Welcome to the Ever Dark. Welcome to the Vampire King’s city of Nightvallen,” Balthazar intoned.
The group–now a dozen down–were eager to follow the Vampires that guided them from the south gate to the various Bloodlines who needed extra Acolytes to feed their growing presences. Weryn really needed more and even his small Ashyr Bloodline needed a few.
“How many more are there?” Balthazar muttered.
“They know your taste in Acolytes, Balthazar,” Dani said.
“Oh, no, dear Dani, I didn’t choose these. There is now an application process and a list. Another goddamned list. That’s where I got them,” Balthazar said. “I have no time to go out trolling for Acolytes these days.”
“Maybe you should make the time,” Grayson said.
Balthazar lifted an eyebrow. “You think we’re that compromised?”
“Dani might have been wrong about you choosing those Acolytes, but someone clearly knows our processes and has infiltrated them,” Grayson pointed out. “We should break the cycles that they are expecting.”
“Yes, but the Blood Pact says we need to keep to the lists,” Balthazar said and muttered “goddamned lists” again.
“Could the Sect be working with humanity?” Dani asked. “I mean those in the human world who feel we are a threat?”
“There’s no one–not even those on our side–who don’t think we’re a threat, Dani,” Balthazar said. “It’s all smiles, but they know we are walking on a knife's edge. Stray an inch out of line and they’ll take it as an excuse to crack down on us more.”
“Well, I can keep checking for structures,” Grayson said, trying to hide the welling of exhaustion that thought added to his already growing desire to sleep.
“Perhaps if you let me check for structures one time,” Dani suggested almost meekly, which meant she knew he wouldn’t like it, “we could determine if a Vampire’s power would really set them off–”
“No!” he practically shouted, which had only increased hers and everyone’s alarm at the fraying of his temper. He softened his tone. “I won’t risk you–or anyone–when we’re so close to being done with these people. I won’t allow them to take anything more from us when we have them on the ropes.”
But her and Balthazar’s quick looks at one another before meeting his gaze told him that they already thought the Sect of Dawn was taking something from him.
“Will you scan the whole world for structures, Grayson, before you allow yourself to be turned?” Balthazar asked lightly.
“If I must, yes.” He felt despair but relief too well up in him at the thought that he couldn’t be turned yet.
Not yet. “Once we find the Roan responsible for creating these structures and you or Caemorn rip out of their mind how they are created and how they can be defused then I’ll relax. But not before then.”
There was another quick look between Dani and Balthazar. They were communicating telepathically about him. He stood up straighter, trying to not let any weakness show.
“It will be fine. I can handle this,” he said and then stalked away.
But he’d practically collapsed on a bench a block away.
Kaito had jumped down from a rooftop–he’d been following Grayson–and without a word, swept him up in his arms. He’d taken Grayson back to the dorms to rest. He’d slept since then.
And now he felt… okay. Mostly restored. He had enough energy to go to the Kaly party tonight.
Well, it wasn’t exactly a party, but it wasn’t a test either.
His understanding was that the Kaly were going to allow the students to talk to someone who had died.
A family member. A friend. Maybe even someone famous.
It would depend on the person and if their souls were
He grabbed his favorite leather jacket and stepped into the hallway. He nearly bumped into Mairead, who was standing outside of Eiji’s old room. She had one hand on the threshold and a guilty expression on her face.
“Hey, Grayson! I was just… ah…”
“Missing Eiji?” Grayson filled in gently, guessing that Mairead was thinking of the older Japanese man. “I spoke to Nero the other day. Eiji is doing great after being turned. He’s more than hitting all his milestones. And, more importantly, he misses you, too.”
Her eyes widened and her expression brightened. “He is? I mean, I’m not surprised! And he mentioned me? That’s so awesome. I… I really wish I could talk to him.” She gazed longingly into his empty room. “I could really use his advice right about now.”
“He wishes he could speak to you, too. But it won’t be safe until you’re turned,” Grayson reminded her.
“Too bad cell phones don’t work here! We could Facetime or Zoom or whatever.” Her hand tightened on the doorframe until her knuckles went white. “But even that might be problematic, right? He could seduce me to come to him so he could feed.”
“It really depends on the person,” Grayson said.
He knew he was walking another knife’s edge as he spoke to her about this.
Hopefully, she would think his extra knowledge came from being so close to Ryder.
“Christian and Julian were completely in control when they were turned. Nero isn’t an Immortal–and clearly isn’t Daemon–but he is a very old Vampire.
Some of his strength will support Eiji.”
“And Eiji is used to controlling himself,” she pointed out.
Grayson nodded. “He is. But he cares about you too much to chance it.”
“I heard that some Masters are really possessive too and don’t want their fledglings around others for a while,” Mairead said uneasily.
She probably worried that even when she was turned that Nero wouldn’t let her and Eiji be together.
But there was no chance of that. It simply wasn’t Nero’s way.
He already wanted to throw some really big parties to celebrate Eiji’s turning.
He desired to celebrate his newest Childe, not hide him away.
“I wouldn’t worry about that,” Grayson said. “Nero… doesn’t strike me as that sort of person.”
“Me either.” Mairead flashed him a brief smile. “We were like three peas in a pod, you know?”
“I do.” Grayson nodded.
Nero had told him he liked Mairead very much and was considering asking one of the other Ashyr to turn her.
He felt that she and Eiji had a very close connection and it would be hard on both of them to be apart.
Grayson had no problem with this. Mairead was an acquired taste, but he admired her loyalty, quick mind and actually found her quite endearing.
He’d been about to give his approval when Seeyr herself had approached him and Nero.
“Seeyr! What a pleasure!” Grayson had said.
“I hope you don’t mind me stopping by your very sweet rooms.” She’d gazed around his bedroom at the dorms as if she could actually see the place physically, but the wrap of silk still covered the holes where her eyes had been.
“Nero, let’s speak a bit later,” Grayson said. Nero nodded and bowed to Seeyr before heading out, leaving them alone. Moving over to the sitting area before the fireplace, Grayson sat down. “Please come in. Sit down.”
The fire was lit and its warmth reflected against Grayson’s calves. Seeyr sat down easily beside him. They both gazed at the fire quietly for some time.
“How are you doing, Grayson?” she asked.