Chapter 17 Holding Back #2
He opened his mouth to tell her “fine” or something that was a throw away, but his throat grew tight and he found himself unable to say anything at all for a time. Seeyr did not make small talk. She didn’t ask a question that she didn’t really want the answer to.
“Ryder is free of the guilt that plagued him,” Grayson finally said, which didn’t answer how he was doing.
“Yes, it was a fitting–and, dare I say it, almost beautiful end–to that part of his life and Legion’s,” Seeyr said.
“Caemorn said that Legion’s soul immediately left though it is unclear if they went to be reincarnated or… went on,” Grayson said. “He is looking into it.”
“He will ensure that history does not repeat itself or that Roan does not play any role in diverting them from their right destiny,” she said.
Grayson wondered if Caemorn hadn’t already ensured something about that. He wouldn’t have put it past the Kaly Vampire to have captured and imprisoned the soul forever. But it would be better if Legion were simply gone. Ryder, either way, was free of his guilt about them.
“And you, how are you?” she repeated.
He let out a breath. “I… don’t know.”
“Now that is unusual for you. I’m sure that’s unnerving,” she said noncommittally.
“You know I hate it,” Grayson sighed again.
“Yes, of course, you do. But that only means you don’t know your direction yet. But you will,” she said simply.
Grayson felt the distinct need for a drink. “I know what my heart wants.”
“Ryder.” She nodded.
“But… What about my duty? The Weryn Bloodline is powerful and useful. But will I allow myself to… to become too distracted?” Grayson asked.
“You mean will you indulge in being a Childe? Will you let yourself go and be in love?” Seeyr asked.
“You make it sound foolish not to just do that,” Grayson said.
“Ask yourself this question, Grayson, will you love Ryder any less or want to be with him any less if you choose another to turn you? Or will your time be just that more divided as you wish to be with Ryder, but also wish to honor your Master?” she pointed out.
Grayson let out a breath. “When you ask it that way it's so clear. I would be more divided if I didn’t follow my heart and choose Ryder. If he’ll have me.”
“Oh, that is not a question!” She playfully pushed him.
“I am lucky he would do this as I would not truly be a Childe to him,” Grayson admitted.
“But you’re still anxious, aren’t you? You’re still not settled,” Seeyr intuited.
She was right. Now that she had pointed out to him that if he chose someone other than Ryder–the only one he truly was willing to lose his own power to–why was he still unwilling to take the next step. It wasn’t just the decision about who, it was the decision to turn.
“I’m ready to get rid of this weakness,” he said, holding his arms out in front of him. “The Ever Dark is calling to me. I can’t… keep on like this.”
She covered one of his hands with hers. “And yet here you are. Making excuses for not being turned.”
“I’m not making excuses. The Sect is still out there. The structures… I have to keep us safe.”
She squeezed his hand. “You will.”
But she is intimating that there is something I’m not seeing or letting myself see. But what?
He knew better than to ask her outright. She had already been far more open with her than usual.
“Did you come to tell me that or will you stay awhile?” he asked.
“I will most definitely stay awhile if you get us some of that nice wine you like so much,” she said. He rose up to get them some. She grasped his arm. “There was one more thing.”
He lifted an eyebrow. “Anything.”
“You know not what you are saying!” She laughed. “I’ve come to ask that you hold off on having someone court Mairead from Ashyr.”
“Oh?” He lifted the other eyebrow. “Is another Bloodline interested?”
“Yes, I am interested,” she said with a sweet smile. “I wouldn’t come on anyone else’s errand like this.”
“Mairead as a Seeyr?” He was surprised at first, but then it made some sense. She wanted to know things. He had thought Eyros, but Seeyr would truly fit her actually better. “I can see it. Are you thinking of turning her?”
“Sophia,” Seeyr answered.
“Sophia? She hasn’t had a Childe in–”
“A very long time,” Seeyr whispered. “Since she lost Maya in the War. So… I am pleased that she is interested.”
“I see.”
“There’s nothing definite yet. She must succeed in some tests. As you know, being a Seeyr can be a burden as much as a blessing,” she said.
He thought of how many Seeyr did not survive the ages.
He’d always wondered why these people were turned if the Seeyr knew they wouldn’t make it.
But he supposed there might be a blind spot there or–and this was horrible to the mind of an immortal being–it was always known that these people would not make it, but they were necessary to have something else occur.
“You have such a hard gift, Seeyr,” he said.
“Hard, but necessary,” she said.
“I won’t make any moves towards Mairead unless you say otherwise,” he said.
“If she does join my Bloodline, she could be in Eiji’s House,” Seeyr explained.
“So Seeyrs will be set in other Bloodline’s Houses? It’s not just Sophia in House Ravenscroft?” he asked.
She nodded. “Once she’s old enough, of course. If all falls into place. But I wouldn’t keep her and Eiji apart regardless.”
He’d nodded and gone off to get their wine. Now, looking at Mairead outside of Eiji’s door, he wondered if she was thinking about Seeyr and the burden of that gift.
“Is there something in particular you wanted to talk to him about?” Grayson asked, feeling badly that he had, in a way, taken Eiji from her before either of them were ready fully. “Is there anything I can do?”
She studied his face for long moments, but then shook her head and smiled. “No, no, I’m fine! I’m just feeling lonely is all.”
Grayson took her nearest hand and squeezed it. “Me, too. How about we be partners tonight for the Kaly party?”
“Oh, I’d love that, Grayson, but I promised I would stay by Amara’s side,” she said quickly.
“Oh, can it be a threesome or foursome if Hue joins us?” he asked.
“Won’t you be with Ryder tonight?” she asked, her eyes flickering uncomfortably.
Why doesn’t she want me to be with her and Amara? Is this part of her test for Seeyr?
“Ah, no, he’s planning the big Weryn outing for us,” Grayson said, his heart aching. He couldn’t stay over at the palace any longer as his own palace was reaching for him more and more. It was making his weakness accelerate. So he had to stay away.
“All these nights with the other Bloodlines must be boring for you since you already know you’re going Weryn,” she said.
Grayson swallowed the sudden lump in his throat.
His conversation with Seeyr had clarified some things for him.
He wanted to be with Ryder. But there were risks, he reminded himself.
If he chose any other Bloodline than Ashyr to turn him, he could lose his Bloodline’s own powers.
That would be a complete mess. Ashyr without telekinesis?
It would feel the same as cutting off his limbs to lose that power.
But he couldn’t be a Childe of one of his Children.
And yet is that or finding structures what’s holding me back?
“Earth to Grayson?” Mairead waved a hand in front of his face.
“Sorry. I’m still a little fogged from my nap,” he said.
She looked at him critically and put the back of one hand against his forehead. “You don’t feel hot, but you look a bit peaky. You haven’t been letting Ryder feed too much from you, have you? If you’d gone to any of the classes you’d know the risks!”
Grayson laughed and took her hand away. “Yeah, yeah, I know. That’s not it. I’ve just been…”
“Chased by monsters? In the thick of things?” She lifted an eyebrow this time.
He let out a self-conscious laugh and scrubbed the back of his neck. “Ah, yeah, you got me.”
“I suppose you’d have to be pretty special to be an Immortal’s Childe,” she said.
“I don’t know about that, but I’ve had to learn quickly, that’s for sure,” he lied.
She looped his arm through his and started leading him to the common area. “What animal do you think you’ll shift into first? I imagine since you’re Weryn’s fledgling that you might get more than one.”
“Oh, that’s a good question. But I don’t want to say one over another because I don’t want whatever animal I do get–or animals–to be hurt,” he told her.
“Do the animals have personalities? Are they separate from you?” she asked.
“Ryder said that he has sort of like a council of animals inside of him or something. I’m not sure what a normal Weryn has,” he admitted. “I have to ask!”
“How could you not have asked these things already? I would have interrogated him long before now,” Mairead laughed.
Grayson felt a lightness in his chest for a moment.
He really didn’t know much about Ryder’s gift and he should ask.
He hadn’t in the past because he’d never thought to have the ability to shift like a Weryn Vampire.
But now… now he could. When they entered the common area, Amara, Hue and a pale-haired girl in a black dress were waiting for them.
“Ah, now we have everyone,” the pale-haired girl said. “My name is Lisette and I am your guide this evening.”
“Where will we be going?” Hue asked, eyes bright with curiosity.
Lisette gave a small smile. “A graveyard, of course.”