35. Brooks
35
brOOKS
“He’s out of surgery, and he’s stable. He’s resting now, and we can let his wife in to see him once he’s out of recovery, but everyone else will have to come back tomorrow during normal visiting hours,” the nurse said.
Brooks stood at the fringe of the group waiting in the hospital—Maddie’s parents and all her siblings had come.
Kayla had already left with Audrey with an armed security guard.
And even though she’d said it wasn’t his fault . . . she’s wrong.
Everything was his fault, from start to finish.
He should have been there, not off in the woods getting a blow job.
He shouldn’t have left Audrey for that.
Kayla would kill him if she knew that part of it.
The guilt ate through his soul, searing his gut with acid. He’d failed to protect Maddie, Audrey, and Peter.
Peter had a massive heart attack and needed to be rushed in for emergency bypass surgery.
Maddie had a concussion.
Audrey had been terrified and sobbed when her mother showed up.
All my fault.
Not to mention that the stalker had been there because of him. His stalker. Who had gotten away.
The police had taken a report at the hospital, and he’d barely been able to contribute. He hadn’t been there.
Later, Dan Klein showed up at the hospital and reiterated that he really needed to get a bodyguard out here.
Done already.
But not in time to save Maddie and her family and his niece from this.
Because of me.
“I can’t see him?” Maddie said to the nurse, her face pale. “Please let me see him. I was there when it all happened. I have to see him.”
The nurse gave Maddie a sympathetic look and shook her head.
Susan Yardley sank onto the bench beside her daughter and pulled her into her arms. “It’s fine, sweetie. It’s okay. You’re not to blame for this. We all have known for a long time that Pops was having heart trouble.”
“He won’t listen to me,” Bunny said somberly, her tired face filled with sadness. “I keep telling him to stop eating those damn potato chips.”
“But it is my fault.” Maddie laid her cheek against her mother’s chest. “Because he was protecting me. He shouldn’t have exerted himself that way.”
Her words made Brooks’s heart hurt in a way he couldn’t describe.
Thank God for Peter.
But it should have been me there.
“Dad would take a bullet for all of us,” Maddie’s father said. “That’s who he is, Maddie.”
Naomi came up beside Brooks. “You should probably take her home,” she whispered. “I’ll get everyone else to leave so she doesn’t fight it. But she needs to rest.”
Brooks nodded, peeling himself away from the wall where he’d been leaning. “Thank you.”
I’m sorry, he almost added. I’m sorry for hurting your sister. For exposing her to this.
He pressed his lips together. Naomi might not forgive him anyway, and surely, she already knew. The rest of the family might have been welcoming, but Naomi had seen right through him.
He didn’t deserve Madison Yardley.
True to her word, Naomi got the other siblings going, which left Bunny with Maddie’s parents. Brooks squatted down in front of Maddie. “Let’s get you home.”
She closed her eyes as though she couldn’t look at him.
She’d been avoiding looking at him.
“You need to get some sleep, sweetie,” Susan said, gently pulling away from her. “You’re all banged up.”
“I’m fine,” Maddie said and sat up straighter. She looked around for her purse, which the police had fetched from the pontoon and brought to her.
“I’ll bring you back first thing tomorrow morning.” Brooks slipped his hand into hers.
After a moment, she sighed, then stood. “Fine. But first thing.”
The car ride back was just as quiet and painful. A bodyguard waiting in the corridor escorted them to an SUV with fully tinted windows, where more armed security waited. They’d be parked behind the Depot the rest of the night. One bodyguard would remain outside the apartment door.
Once inside her apartment, Maddie went to shower, and Brooks did his best not to pace. The black nail polish Audrey had used on him was still on the floor and he picked it up, then scraped some paint off the floorboards.
A stab of pain went through him.
This day had started so normally. Or what he’d fooled himself into believing could be normal. Playing with his niece. A boat ride with his girlfriend.
But this was no longer the quiet lake house he’d sought when he’d come here with Cormac. Paparazzi were following his daily movements.
Then the stalker.
He’d stayed in Brandywood too long.
He needed to go.
Three weeks of being here was long enough to prove that this fantasy he’d let himself indulge in wasn’t sustainable. This was becoming dangerous for him and for Maddie.
Maddie found him packing when she got out of the shower.
“What are you doing?” She wore a towel around her, water droplets still glistening on her skin.
“I should go?—”
“You’re fucking leaving?” She wasn’t hurt, like he’d expected she might be.
She was angry.
“It’s for the best. Things are getting out of control.”
She marched up to his bag and grabbed a fistful of his clothes, then brandished it at him. “So this is your answer? Pick up and leave? What the fuck, Brooks?”
His brow furrowed. “You weren’t even able to look at me all day today, Maddie. You think I don’t get it? I’m supposed to protect you. I failed you—and Audrey— and your grandfather. I wasn’t even there! And the only reason that bitch attacked you was because of me.”
Astonishment crossed her features, and she crossed her arms, keeping her towel from slipping down, his clothes still gripped in her hand. “That’s not why I couldn’t look at you. Don’t you have any idea how guilty I feel? I dragged you into the woods and gave you a blow job. I distracted both of us and was reckless, even after you warned me.”
How can she even remotely blame herself?
His shoulders drooped. “This isn’t your fault. Not in the slightest. It doesn’t change the fact that I have to leave, but you need to know that. I’m gonna go shower, and then I’ll get going. I’ll leave a bodyguard with you here tonight and then make arrangements for you until the noise here dies down.”
He started toward the door.
A shirt hit his back. He turned and looked at her with surprise.
“Asshole! How fucking dare you walk out on me tonight?” Tears shone in her eyes. “Don’t you think I went through enough today? Don’t you know how terrified I was?”
His mouth went dry. “I’m sorry about your grandfather, Maddie, I really am, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m putting?—”
“I’m not talking about me. Or Pops. I’m talking about you! I’m terrified for you, Brooks. I can’t believe you live like this.” She swiped her tears away with the back of her hand. “Just think about what could have happened to you if that woman had found you instead of me. You were distracted and vulnerable. This is your life?”
She was worried about him? He couldn’t be mad at that.
And I can’t help think about how differently Darren and Ava would react here either.
They’d see it as an opportunity for more free advertising.
He nodded slowly. “It is.”
“But you drive yourself places. You hate people driving you.”
“As much as I can, yes. But it’s not always possible. I do loathe being driven, but sometimes I’m forced to let my bodyguards take over, especially when there’s been an incident. Or when I have to use a chauffeur in another country. That woman got away today, and I’m not taking any chances.”
She shuddered. “How often are there incidents? Tell me the truth.”
“Enough.” He didn’t want to scare her. “Most are online threats that I don’t know about. People trying to hack me. But as soon as I leave my house, any freedom I have goes away. The global scale of harassment is . . . intense, at times.”
That’s putting it lightly.
He picked up the shirt she’d thrown. “My house was broken into a few times before I moved to a gated community. My guards have dragged me away from meet-and-greets or in the middle of concerts. I did a talk show once where a fan charged the stage. It happens, Maddie. It’s a reality of my life. The sunglasses and baseball cap seem ridiculous, I know, but you have no idea how much that helps give me a smidge of privacy back.”
She looked away. “That doesn’t sound like living to me. It sounds like prison. Like the world has become your prison.”
Exactly.
“I couldn’t have put it better myself. Which is why I have to go. I’m not about to drag you into that prison with me. You deserve the sun on your face, to live your life with complete, uninhibited joy, free of scrutiny. I refuse to take that from you. We said one day at a time and time’s up. Today proved that.”
She didn’t respond and he took that as his cue to leave.
He showered quickly, trying not to think about what it was doing to his heart to leave her tonight. It has to be done.
Better now, before I’m in any deeper.
But when he arrived back in the bedroom, he found her curled up in bed, wearing his shirt. His bag was unpacked, his clothes folded neatly in the top drawer of the dresser she’d cleared out for him.
He sat on the edge of the bed. “Maddie . . .”
“Just get in bed, Brooks. I can’t deal with this tonight. It’s been a long day and I don’t want to fight with you. I don’t deserve to be alone right now.” She reached up to her nightstand and flipped off her lamp, plunging them into darkness.
His shoulders sank and he crawled into bed beside her but didn’t get under the sheets. Setting a hand on her waist, he said, “We don’t have to fight, but I don’t want you to get your hopes up.”
“Are you my boyfriend or not?”
“What?”
She turned toward him and even though he couldn’t see her face, he knew she was looking at him. “If I’m your girlfriend, and not just some woman you spent the last two weeks fucking, then you don’t get to leave without us talking things through. I mean, I guess you could, but that would just make you a complete and spineless asshole. I don’t know what your plan was here, Brooks, but the moment you started a relationship with me—even if it was a one day at a time cop-out—you should have thought about what happens next.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, you can’t meet my family, and spend time with me, and call me yours and then treat me like I’m just someone to be discarded the second something goes wrong. You’re going back to LA? Fine. But what does that mean for us? We break up? Never see each other again? Or does that mean we’re dating long distance now? Or do you want an open relationship? Because it sure seems like you’re thinking option A, and that pisses me off. Plus, the fact that I was attacked today, and you’re even considering leaving. Now lay the fuck down and go to bed. I’m not doing this tonight.”
Us.
There is an us here now, you jackass.
He dropped his hand from her side. Unbuttoning his jeans, he took them off, then pulled his shirt off and got under the sheets. Anger and tension radiated from her side of the bed and he lay on his back, staring at the ceiling.
He’d spent so long alone.
Not just single, but alone.
Every decision he made was about him, for him.
No us.
But she’d come into his life like an unexpected storm, breathing life into the darkness, a beat into his heart. Yes, maybe he’d let the initial raw and sexual attraction control the start of their relationship.
Two weeks in, though, and they were at a crossroads.
Was she just someone he was fucking?
The thought turned his stomach.
Not a chance.
But if he got any more involved with her, tearing himself away would be impossible. Just a little farther down the tracks and this train would pick up unstoppable speed. Did it make him a coward if he pulled on the brakes now? Wasn’t that the wiser choice to avoid more situations like today to occur in Maddie’s life? He’d never forgive himself if Maddie got seriously hurt.
Never.
He could walk away now.
He should walk away.
It would be better for them both if he left.
. . . wouldn’t it?
Maddie was a dream. A dream he hadn’t let himself think about for a very long time. Someone to love and be loved by.
A dream that would never be realized if he let her go even though he was already half in love with her.
Her smile did painful things to his emotions. Her intelligence and wit challenged him. Her ferocity... her loyalty.
She wasn’t afraid to look him in the eye and tell him the truth—but she knew when to be gentle, too.
A sniffle intruded into his thoughts and he was a goner.
Turning toward her, he found her still facing him. He slid his arm under her, then curled her into his chest. Her tears wet his skin.
He palmed her shoulder, stroking her hair with the other hand. “It’s all right. I’m not leaving, Maddie.”
“I just . . .” Her words dissolved into tears, her shoulders shaking with sobs. “I can’t get her voice out of my head.”
Shit.
He hadn’t paid enough attention to her, either.
You complete and total prick, Brooks.
She needed him. He’d failed to protect her earlier and now he’d failed to offer her safety, too. He kept messing up and she still wanted him, despite that.
“We’re safe here, Maddie. I’m here. Both of us are safe.”
Her hand slid up to his neck and she clung to him, her tears growing stronger.
He knew what she needed to hear. And it terrified him.
“I’m not leaving,” he whispered at last. “I won’t leave you. I promise.”
If only I can work out how to keep that promise, when it doesn’t feel at all achievable.
Fuck.