Chapter 17
17
HOPE
I moan at the swipe of Wyatt’s tongue through my throbbing pussy. With my thighs resting over his strong shoulders, I push my hips up to press harder against his mouth, seeking the friction I know he can give to me. The unexpected rasp of his short beard creates more sensation than I’m used to and I frown at the foreign feeling.
Perspiration coats my skin and my hair sticks to the side of my face as my temperature builds to the level of an inferno. My heart races and my muscles tighten as I grow closer to my release. He’s so good at this. His fingers pump in and out of me, feathering against the spot he knows so well. Another soft moan escapes and my eyes roll back in my head as sparks fly through my blood and I explode in a supernova of white light.
When I slide my fingers back into Wyatt’s short hair, something feels off. The texture’s wrong. It’s too soft, slightly too thick. The shoulders beneath my thighs are somehow broader, opening me wider and stretching my hips. I narrow my eyes in concentration as awareness slides over me that the fingers inside my body feel thicker than what I’m used to. I drop my eyes down my body to work out what’s going on when instead of warm brown eyes, I’m greeted with playful gray ones.
My eyes snap open, and I jolt. Fast, uneven breaths escape as my already fragile heart pounds loudly in my ears, and I furiously kick away the tangled sheets wrapped around my sweaty body. My pussy throbs while tears of despair flood my eyes.
The deep ache in my chest cleaves open with each gut-wrenching sob that leaves my body, and I don’t know whether to hold my chest to keep it intact or cover my face to hide my shame.
I turn my head and drop my eyes to the empty side of the bed. Wyatt’s side. I still don’t sleep there. I don’t know why. It’s not like he’s ever coming back.
Guilt wraps around me like a python, crushing me from the inside out, and I drop back to the bed, fold over, and make myself as small as I can. The muscles in my back and across my stomach tense with each sob that shudders through me, and I wrap my arms around my knees, pressing them tighter to my chest. Like I can hide from what just happened.
I’m a dirty cheater .
A fresh flood of tears track down my cheeks at the revelation.
Devastation at losing him all over again builds from my core, spiraling outward until I feel it in every cell of my body.
How could I dream of another man?
How could I break my promise?
Overloaded with too many destructive thoughts, my mind shuts down as I stare into the blackness of my bedroom, curled into a ball with salty tears painting my cheeks. The darkness hiding my shame from the light, but not from me.
“Why did you have to leave us?” I whisper into his pillow.
Desolation fills my heart, spilling across my bed, and oozing across my bedroom.
I open the door to Mom, just like I do every other weekday morning, except today I can’t look her in the eye for fear she’ll see my shame.
“Morning, sweetheart,” she sings, then kisses my cheek as she passes.
“Morning, Mom.” I push the door closed behind her, then pull it back open when I spot Dad climbing the porch steps. “Morning, Dad.”
He wraps his arms around me, tugging me in tight to his body, and I wonder if he can tell that I cheated on my husband. “Morning, sweetie.”
“What are you doing here?”
He tilts his head to the side as he slips off his boots. “Can’t a guy stop by to say hello to his daughter and grandson once in a while?”
“Well, yeah, but it’s odd to see you when you’re normally at work.”
He shrugs as he steps past me. “Felt like saying hello. Felt like a day off.”
I smile. “Well … hello.”
He chuckles as we head toward the kitchen where Mom’s chatting with Evan. Her wide eyes lift to me, and a devious grin stretches across her face. “Really? He stayed and watched Guardians of the Galaxy with you guys on Saturday night?”
“Yeah, and Rex fell asleep with his head on my feet. It was so cool.”
Mom giggles and plucks at the longer strands on top of his head. “I love this new style.”
Oh, god.
“Yeah, it’s exactly the same as Ben’s,” he says excitedly, not realizing the fuel he’s adding to Mom’s imagination. Her eyes snap up to me, sparkling with delight, and her mouth forms a small O . “You should have seen Rex and Ben chase down a thief at the beach after we had lunch at the Blue Goose .”
Geez, Ev. Shut up already. He never talks this much when it’s just the two of us. Now he’s decided to share every moment of his Saturday with Mom and Dad. Seriously?
“Ev, have you packed your backpack for school?” I widen my eyes, waiting for his response.
His eyebrows scrunch together, and he looks at me like I’ve lost my ever-loving mind. “Well, no. I just woke up.”
“Well, get ready for school. I’ve gotta go.” Before Mom starts her inquisition . I can’t deal with it this morning. I had to put on extra concealer this morning to hide the dark circles beneath my eyes.
I grab my coffee and kiss Ev on top of his head. “Be good for Nanna and Grandad, and have an awesome day at school.” I widen my eyes. “Behave.”
He rolls his eyes. “I’ve been good, Mom. Promise.”
“Keep it up! I’ll see you at our usual pick up spot after school. And don’t be late; you have soccer practice this afternoon.” I lean into Mom. “Thanks, Mom. Have a great day.”
“Oh, I will.” She grins, and I can tell by the excitement in her eyes—and the tone of her voice—that she’s made assumptions she has no business making.
Dad wraps his arm around my shoulder and whispers in my ear. “Your mother is going to be unbearable today. I can tell.” He kisses my temple. “Have a good day, sweetie.”
I smile at him. “Thanks, Dad. You too.” I step away and grab my purse. “Don’t work too hard on your day off.” I’m sure Mom has a list of things to do waiting for him at home.
He jabs his thumb to his chest and widens his eyes. “Me? Never!”
I make my escape out the front door and exhale a long breath. My hand curls around the door handle of my car, and the tightness across my shoulders releases.
“Sweetheart?”
My muscles lock tight again as I open my door. Mom steps up close and leans her arm on top of my door, ensuring I can’t close her out. “It sounds as though Evan really enjoys Ben’s company.”
I nod. “Yeah, he does. They’ve become fast friends.” I toss my purse across to the passenger seat and drop into the driver’s seat, situating my coffee in the cup holder.
“That’s nice.” She pauses and I slide my key into the ignition and start the engine. “And … uh … have you made a new friend, too?”
I shrug. I don’t know what Ben and I are building, but I’m uncomfortable with the way he infiltrated my dream. We connected in a way I haven’t connected with anyone before. Our common experience with devastating loss and grief created a bond I wasn’t expecting. My already mangled heart broke for him and the loss he experienced at a young age. “I’ve gotta go, Mom. I’m gonna be late.”
She draws her mouth into a tight line. “Okay, sweetheart. Have a great day. See you tomorrow.”
“Thanks. You too.” I reverse out of my driveway and pull onto the street, keeping my face averted. She knows me too well, and I’m sure my face reveals the guilt I feel over last night’s dream.
Rationally, I know that after six years, nobody would think badly of me if I moved on with my life, but my heart won’t let go. I promised my heart, body, and soul to Wyatt to keep forever. It was a promise I took seriously, and until recently, thought I’d have no problem keeping. However, a certain gray-eyed man with a kind heart has caught my attention—and he’s starting to get under my skin.
I have no problem with him spending time with Ev, but I clearly need to put some boundaries in place.