Chapter 19
19
BEN
I trace the condensation on the outside of my almost empty glass and watch the way the droplets change shape. Hope always looks beautiful, but she looked stunning with the afternoon sun highlighting the natural golden hues in her hair. Her lashes looked dark and thick, and when she looked down, they fanned across the apples of her cheeks. I don’t think she has any idea how breathtakingly beautiful she is.
A full glass of beer slides across the table in front of me, and I glance up at Sebastian. “Thanks.”
He tips his head and drops into the seat opposite me. “You okay? You seem distracted.”
His concern is apparent, and I realize I’ve been flaky tonight. I’ve only been half-listening and not fully participating in the conversation. My mind is so full of Hope and Evan that I’ve had a hard time concentrating on anything else. The only time I’ve been completely switched on is when I’m working, and even that’s been a struggle. The rest of the time, I move through my day on autopilot, my mind a million miles away. “Sorry.”
Creases appear between his eyebrows. “Why are you sorry?”
I shrug. “I’ve been shitty company tonight, and it’s not like we get to spend a ton of time together with our rosters.” I straighten in my seat, vowing to push Hope and Evan from my thoughts so I can give Seb the attention he deserves. “How’s work been?”
“Had to use the jaws of life to cut a young guy out of his wreck last weekend. He was a mess. I’m not sure if he survived. His vehicle certainly didn’t.” He takes a long drink of his ice-cold beer. “I wish these young guys would take speed limits more seriously.” Placing his glass back on the table between us, he adds, “I’m pretty sure I heard the paramedics talking about a blood alcohol level of 0.15.”
I’d like to say I’m surprised, but I’m not. I shake my head with disappointment. “Alcohol and speed are a tragedy waiting to happen.”
“Yep. They think they’re fucking indestructible.” We’re both quiet for a few moments. We’ve seen too many serious accidents resulting in permanent injury or death because of stupid, risky behavior. Stuff that could have been avoided if the kids had taken a moment to consider their actions and possible consequences. Seb takes another drink, never taking his eyes from me. “So, what’s up?”
I take a moment to gather my thoughts, but it’s like wrangling a litter of rambunctious puppies. I take another drink and swallow it down. I open my mouth, but nothing comes out, so I try again. “A few weeks ago, I picked up a kid after being called out to a gas station. There was a group of kids shoplifting. By the time I arrived at the scene, there was only one kid, so I took him home.” Seb nods to let me know he’s listening. “We spoke a little in the car, and I discovered his dad was killed while serving in Syria.”
“Ah, man. That’s gotta be tough to lose your dad like that.” Seb leans forward and places his elbows on the table, bringing him closer to me. If anyone knows what it’s like to lose a parent on the job, he does.
I nod. “Yeah.” I sigh, remembering the pain in his voice when he told me. “I really felt for the boy. When I took him home, I met his mom.” Just thinking about Hope makes my blood heat. “She was clearly upset when she saw me on her doorstep with her son.” I flick my eyes up to my best friend’s face. “She was so fucking beautiful; she stole my breath.”
A slow smile tips up his lips. “Like, how beautiful on a scale of one to ten?”
“She’s not even on the scale, man.” I inhale a deep breath as his eyebrows rise halfway up his forehead. I never talk about women like this. I’ve never been so affected before.
“Tell me you asked her out.”
I shake my head. “She invited me inside so I could tell her what happened, and I literally watched her heart break. It’s obvious she’s still grieving the loss of her husband and hasn’t moved on at all. She’s so emotionally devastated, but she’s still doing her best to raise her son. Her strength makes her even more attractive to me, but I can’t do a thing about it.”
He narrows his eyes and tilts his head to the side a little. “Why not?”
“I invited Evan to join my program at the shelter, so we’ve spent a little time together. She’s a great mom, a strong woman, and sexy in all the ways that turn me on, but she’s still completely in love with her late husband.” I look out into the crowd.
“Damn. That’s tough. You can’t compete with a ghost.”
“I know and I don’t wanna compete with a ghost. To me, there’s no competition. If I were ever lucky enough to gain her attention, I wouldn’t ever expect her to stop loving him,” I tell him, my voice gruff as I struggle with my emotions.
Seb’s eyes widen, and he reclines against the seat. “You’re a better man than me. I wouldn’t want her thinking of anyone else but me.”
I shrug and lean forward. “That’s the thing. Normally, I’d feel the same way, but I’d be satisfied with even a fraction of her affection.” I smile a little when I remember how she was checking me out at the soccer field. “I think she’s attracted to me. I’ve caught her checking me out, but I don’t think she’ll ever act on it. She still wears her wedding rings after six years and is fully committed to the promises she made her late husband.”
Seb leans forward, engrossed in my situation. “What are you gonna do?”
“I’m not proud to say I’ve been creating situations with Evan so I can spend time with her.” I drop my eyes to the table, ashamed that I’ve stooped so low, but desperate times call for desperate measures. “Don’t get me wrong. I love hanging out with Evan. He’s an amazing kid, smart, and easy to be around.”
Laughter erupts from Seb, and he takes a good minute to get himself under control. “I’ve heard everything now.” He slaps his palm against the table. “Just ask her out, man.”
“Did you not hear me? She’s still in love with her husband.”
“I heard you, but I also heard you when you said you caught her checking you out.” He takes a drink of his beer and swallows. “Ask her out. She may surprise you and say yes.”
I shake my head. “I doubt it. I just need to keep spending time with them. Hopefully, if I give her enough time, when she’s ready to move on, I’ll be right in front of her.”
“Yeah, but by then, you’ll probably be in the friend zone, and she’ll be asking you to babysit her kid so she can go out with some other dude.”
My pulse pounds in my ears and my hand forms a fist at the idea of her going on a date with someone else. “Fuck that.”
His eyebrows shoot up, and he gives me that look that says, you know I’m right . “Unless you want to let her slip through your fingers, you need to step up your game.” I nod thoughtfully, trying to formulate a plan for when I see her tomorrow. If I see her tomorrow. “So, what are you gonna do?”
“I’m spending the morning at the shelter and had planned to ask Hope and Evan out for lunch afterward. Other than that, I have no idea.”
“I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”
I hope so. I don’t like the idea of being in the friend zone.