Chapter 45
45
HOPE
Oh, my god. I swear I’m seeing stars as my body trembles. “So good.” I should be embarrassed by my brazenness, but Ben’s made me feel safe enough to ask for what I want, and I want him.
I want him inside me.
I want him all around me.
On top of me.
Touching me.
Kissing me.
Filling me up.
I need him.
Desperately.
It’s ironic I’ve gone so long without feeling desire, but Ben’s brought it blazing to life, and I don’t want to extinguish it. I want to fan the flames, catch fire, and burn hot.
With him .
Only with him.
While sitting in the tub Ben prepared for me—surrounded by candles—I allowed my mind to wander over recent discussions with my friends and family. I considered what everyone’s been saying and their words finally sank in. After years of holding onto Wyatt and the promises I made to him, my heart loosened its grip. It wasn’t as painful as I expected it to be and I feel a little lost without the anchor holding me down, but it’s time to let him go and move forward. Pushing past my misconceptions and putting aside old promises isn’t easy, but everyone’s right. Wyatt wouldn’t want me to stay alone forever—so I decided to see how far I could tempt Ben.
I’m so glad I did.
I’m going to enjoy this experience without feeling guilt or shame. I’m not cheating. I’m a single woman in her prime, and I’ve denied myself for too long. I’m going to live in and enjoy the moment.
I hope .
With everything I am, I hope I don’t ruin this moment with tears.
His fingers fill me, stretch me, push me closer to the edge, and drag me out of my head. It’s delicious and decadent. It reminds me of my dream, but I want more.
I push up a little and tug his sweats and boxer briefs away from his firm stomach, then dip my hand inside to grip his steely dick.
Oh, my . He’s so thick … and hot. His skin is so smooth and tight.
I swipe my thumb across the crown to collect his essence, and his dick jumps beneath my touch.
“Hope?” he groans as he pushes himself further into my palm.
I watch him fuck my hand while his fingers fuck me. He buries his face in my neck, sucking and biting my pulse point, and I don’t think I’ll last too much longer.
“Fuck, you feel incredible. Your pussy’s sucking my fingers in so deep, like you never want me to leave.” He pushes in deep and hard. My walls tighten further, and a whimper escapes my lips.
“I don’t,” I pant as I trip ever closer to the edge.
“I’ll stay here all day,” he rumbles.
My muscles spasm and contract around his fingers, and when I rub his dick against my clit, I fall into oblivion. Free falling into space where everything feels fantastic and nothing can hurt me. I drop my head back as I cry out through my release. Warmth cascades over my hand, the sticky substance sliding through my fingers, and I grin with satisfaction as my body shudders.
“Jesus, fuck!” he groans. “That was embarrassingly fast.” He slows his fingers until my aftershocks disappear, then slides them out of me.
I drag my head forward and lock my gaze with his while he brings his fingers to his mouth and pushes them in deep, closing his eyes as if he’s savoring the most decadent chocolate cake of all time.
So hot!
When he opens his eyes, I decide to return the favor, bringing my sticky hand to my mouth so I can lick his salty essence. His eyes darken as he watches me lick my fingers clean. The muscle at his jaw tenses, and before I can move, he growls and dips forward, replacing my fingers with his tongue.
“You act innocent, but really, you hide a dirty girl beneath your sweetness,” he mumbles before sealing my mouth with his again.
His kisses are drugging. Addictive.
His tongue twists around mine, and our combined tastes linger. It’s dirty and oh, so sexy. His hand slides up my body, tweaking my nipples and then continuing until he has it wrapped around my throat. His thumb rests on my chin as he tilts my head to his liking, and he devours me.
Everything around us falls away as I’m consumed by his mouth on mine. This man knows how to kiss. Not that I’m an expert. I’ve only kissed two men now, but his kiss transcends this world and takes me to places I’ve never experienced.
All thought processes cease.
My only need … desire … is to be kissed by Ben.
The feel of his soft, but firm lips and the rasp of his beard are so completely masculine, calling to my femininity and my arousal skyrockets.
With one hand beneath my ass and the other still holding me by my throat, he stands easily, carrying my slight weight. I’m a little shy about him seeing my body so thin. I’ve always been slim because of dancing, but since losing Wyatt, I’ve lost weight, which never returned. I don’t really have womanly curves, but judging by the heat in Ben’s eyes when he saw me naked, he liked what he saw, and it seems like I turn him on.
“I need to taste you properly,” he says, his voice gravelly with need.
Climbing onto his enormous bed, he maneuvers so his head is on the pillow, and I’m balancing on my knees above him. He grips my hips and pulls me down to his mouth, and I almost topple over with surprise. My heart pounds with excitement at what I know is about to happen. Never in my wildest dreams, when I first met this man, did I think we’d be in this position.
Without ceremony, he swipes his tongue aggressively through my swollen lips, and I’m instantly ready to chase another orgasm. He feasts on me, holding me tight to his mouth, not giving me any chance to escape. Not that I’d want to. His fingers dig into my hips, and I know I’ll be wearing bruises there for the next week. I smile to myself as I grip the headboard and move my hips in time with his ministrations, my heart pounding like a drum line, and mind focused solely on chasing my pleasure.
“Oh, god. I’m gonna come again.” A whimper stumbles past my lips as he pulses his tongue in and out of my opening, his nose rubbing my clit, and his short beard scraping against my lips and thighs, making the muscles in my body tighten.
His hungry groans vibrate against my sensitive lips, adding to the sensations and ensuring I’m pushed to the point of no return. I throw my head back on a long guttural moan as my stomach tightens and white light steals my vision. Every muscle in my body locks tight, and for a moment, I can’t breathe. If it weren’t for Ben holding me, I’d collapse on his face and suffocate the poor guy as I fall apart for the second time this afternoon.
I sigh as my muscles relax again, leaving me as limp as a noodle. I could curl up into a ball and go to sleep right now and not wake until tomorrow. Satisfaction weaves through every cell of my body and when I lazily open my eyes and look down at Ben, his darkened gaze is locked on me. My arousal coats his mouth and cheeks, and it’s possibly the hottest thing I’ve seen.
“You’re so sexy when you fall apart. It’s my new favorite thing to watch.”
I should feel embarrassed, but I don’t.
He releases my hips and guides me down, so I’m lying on top of him like he’s my personal mattress. His hard body stretches out beneath me, his warm embrace surrounds me, and his legs cradle mine. I’m wrapped in him, and it feels better than anything has in a long time.
I hum with contentment against his chest, feeling his strong heartbeat against my cheek. I close my eyes for a moment, absorbing his warmth as his fingers lazily glide up and down the middle of my spine and his hardness presses against my thigh. Feeling him hot and hard makes me greedy. I want him inside me. It’s as if I haven’t just had two incredible orgasms already.
I shift so I’m straddling his hips and push up with my hands on his chest. His eyes widen as his nipples pebble. I lean down and kiss each one, licking around them and nipping them with my teeth. Then I move down his torso, licking and kissing the smooth expanse of tanned skin, tracing the valleys of his abs with my tongue.
He has a gorgeous trail of dark hair leading down from his navel and disappearing beneath his sweatpants. Hooking my fingers under the elastic waistband, I tug his sweatpants along with his boxers. Ben’s gaze is wary, but he raises his ass so I can pull them down and remove them, leaving him equally as naked as I am.
“Hope?”
I ignore his question as I trail my eyes up his muscular legs dusted in dark hair and admire their obvious strength. When my eyes land on his dick—long and thick—proudly reaching up his stomach, I suck in a sharp breath. Oh, my gosh. Could he be any more perfect? He’s so defined. So strong.
So here.
Ben sits up, reaching for me, but I shake my head and gently push him so he lies back. “I want to taste you. I want to make you feel good.”
He chuckles darkly. “You’ve already made me feel fucking fantastic, Cookie. You don’t need to do anything else.”
I grin seductively. “Imagine how fantastic you’ll feel with my mouth on you.” I wink, then wrap my hand around his length and dip to lick the precum from his darkened head.
He grunts as his hips bounce up. “Fuck.” His fingers slip through my hair, and he tugs until the twist comes loose. “Today was supposed to be all for you.”
I pull my mouth away from him. “Who says this isn’t for me?”
He groans and dramatically drops his head back on the pillow. “By all means, go ahead then.” I chuckle as I take the head of his beautiful penis into my mouth. “Ah, fuck. You’re so damn perfect.” He cups the side of my face. “Your mouth feels so damn good.”
I’m so out of practice as I lick and stroke the length of Ben’s dick, but anyone would think I’m a pro from the way his hips shift and writhe. Guttural groans rumble from his throat. The man is sex personified when he’s aroused; the way his body tenses and flexes beneath my touch is such a turn on. His muscles ripple beneath his tanned, taut skin like he’s holding himself back.
His physical response to me and my touch makes me feel incredibly sexy and spurs me on to give him the best blow job. I double down my efforts, cupping his heavy balls and tightening my grip on his thick length. The corners of my mouth feel like they’re going to split apart, but I take him as deep as I can. My gag reflex is pretty much non-existent, always has been, so I take him all the way to the back of my throat and swallow around his thick length.
My eyes water as his fingers tighten their grip on my hair.
His hips thrust up.
I swallow.
He groans.
I squeeze my thighs together to stem the ache growing there.
He grips my arms, drags me off his dick, and flips me to my back, eliciting a surprised squeal.
I’m almost folded in half, with my ankles hooked over his shoulders and his cock pressed to my opening, before I know what’s happening. One hand wraps around the front of my throat, securing me to the bed, like his powerful body pinning me like a pretzel isn’t enough.
“Tell me I can fuck you,” he grumbles like he’s pissed off at the world.
This is a side of Ben I haven’t seen before. It’s a little intimidating and a lot hot. He’s always so easygoing and gentlemanly.
He’s anything but right now.
There’s a demand buried in his request, but I feel completely safe with him, knowing if I were to say no, he’d honor my denial. Not that I’m going to say no. He has my blood pumping and my body running so hot I may combust.
Drowning in lust, I nod and raise my hips in invitation. “Please.”
His eyes grow darker, more intense, and the veins decorating his neck bulge with power. His hold on my throat tightens a little as he bites his bottom lip as though he’s barely holding onto his control.
He notches the tip of his dick against me and pushes slightly.
My mouth drops open at the stretch, and he nudges forward a little more. A string of obscenities burst forth on a panted breath.
He stops moving, the muscles in his back straining beneath my fingers. “You okay?” he murmurs against my lips.
I nod, then lift my head to press my lips to his. He gives me exactly what I want, delving his tongue into my mouth and kissing me deeply. So deeply that I forget to breathe. His taste, mixed with my orgasm heightens my desire. His thumb strokes my throat as he pushes in a little deeper, and I adjust my position so I can open my thighs wider to accommodate him. “God, you feel so big like this.”
Male pride overtakes his features, and he smirks down at me. “Keep saying stuff like that to stroke my ego, and I won’t be able to go slow like you need.”
A chuckle bursts out of me, and I push my hips into him, taking him in a little further. He drops his head and licks my lips in a slow, seductive dance that has me desperate for more. I dig my fingernails into his shoulders for purchase, and I wouldn’t be surprised if I leave scratch marks all over him. I should be concerned I’m hurting him, but the hiss that passes from his mouth to mine suggests he likes it.
Finally, his pelvis meets mine, and I breathe through the stretch and burn of having him deep inside me. It’s been so long . He moves back a little and slides his concerned gaze over every inch of my face.
“How are you doing?”
“It’s a little uncomfortable because it’s been a while,” I pant.
His eyes soften, and he leans down, kissing me gently. “Take a breath and relax. We have time.” I nod and suck in a breath, then blow it out slowly, feeling each muscle relax. “I’ll happily stay like this all afternoon and night, buried in your hot, tight pussy. I don’t even need to move. This is already perfect.”
As his gaze drops to where we’re joined, I repeat the process again and he slides in a little more, which I didn’t think was possible.
I wiggle my hips. “Please move.”
Without taking his eyes from mine, he slips out a little, dragging along every sensitive spot inside me, then pushes back in. His eyes roll to the back of his head, and pure satisfaction makes me smile.
“Jesus. I don’t think I’ll last long, even though I just came in your hand less than thirty minutes ago,” he grunts as he buries himself to the hilt. “Your pussy’s like a silky fist, sucking me in so fucking deep.”
Leaning down, he kisses me again and begins leisurely thrusting his hips, stretching me open and lighting up every single nerve ending I’d forgotten I had. My muscles tremble under his onslaught, and it’s a struggle to keep my eyes open and on him. But watching him move, tilting his head at such an angle that makes the muscles in his neck and shoulders stand out in bold relief, is adding to the heat he’s building so effortlessly in my body. The connection between us is powerful and heartbreakingly beautiful.
Once my body becomes used to his sexy intrusion, I meet his hips thrust for thrust, push for push. He pushes back onto his heels, dragging my body onto his thighs, and holds my legs wide open with a firm grip around each of my upper thighs.
The way he pulls me around and positions me where he wants, like I’m as light as a feather, ratchets up my desire and makes me feel so damn sexy. He’s not treating me like breakable glass. He’s treating me like a woman he wants to fuck and it’s so damn hot.
My blood fizzes, racing through my body like lava, and my muscles tighten as all my focus narrows to one singular point. Ben’s heated gaze drops to where we’re joined, and his thumb presses against my clit.
A sheen of sweat coats his golden torso as his muscles ripple in time with his movements. God, he’s so handsome. So masculine. All man.
“Fuck, your pussy’s squeezing my cock like a fist. I need you to get there, Hope,” he grunts, panting heavily. “You’re so damn perfect, I don’t know how much longer I can hold on.”
I pant as sparks race through my blood, tightening my muscles to the point of no return. “I’m so close.”
He moves his hips faster. Deeper. Changing the angle so he hits a different trigger point inside. White light streaks across my vision as my body quakes and shatters into a million beautiful pieces.
“Fuck. I wish you could see how beautiful you look right now. All flushed pink, skin shimmering, tits shaking.” He drops forward, his hands landing on either side of my head, causing the pillow to sink. His mouth meets mine in a hungry kiss as he pistons in and out of me almost viciously, sending me skyward on the back of an orgasm that hasn’t quite finished. “That’s it, Hope. Strangle my cock.”
He pushes back up and grips my hips, his fingers digging into my ass as he increases his speed. I can’t believe he’s still going strong. He tilts his head to the side, watching me beneath hooded eyes, his teeth digging into his bottom lip, his muscles flexing, and the veins up the sides of his neck protruding with his effort.
His mouth falls open, and he drops his head back as a deep rumble fills the bedroom. I watch him fall apart in awe as his cock grows impossibly larger, and I feel the telltale throb of his orgasm. His fingers dig into my ass, and I look forward to checking it out in the mirror to see if he’s left bruises.
I hope he has.
Our eyes lock and hold, and one side of his mouth tips up in satisfaction. “Ruined.”
He drags me up so my legs wrap around his hips and my ass rests on his thighs. Then, he takes my mouth in a scorching kiss that steals my breath and thoughts. As he softens inside of me, I’m utterly consumed by him and what he just did to my body and my heart. He cradles me in his arms—chest to chest, heart to heart—like I’m the most precious gift he’s ever been given.
But let’s be honest, he’s the true gift here. I pepper light kisses along his jaw and neck. “That.” Kiss. “Was.” Kiss. “Incredible.”
His body vibrates against me when he chuckles. “You’ve completely ruined me. There’ll never be anyone else but you.”
I hope that’s true .
He kisses me thoroughly as my heart soars with his admission. I’m not sure if it’s all the feel-good hormones racing through my body, but I feel exactly the same.
He pulls back slightly, a serious expression causing tension across his eyes and around his jaw. “I didn’t hurt you, did I? I got a little carried away.”
I shake my head. “I’m definitely tender, but only in a good way.”
His shoulders relax, as does his jaw, as he smiles with pride. He kisses the tip of my nose, then scoops one leg up and falls to his side, arranging us so I’m cradled against him. He wraps his muscular arms around me, and I snuggle down until my face nestles against his chest. His heart beats a heavy staccato against my cheek, and I grin.
I swipe my cheeks, relieved and happy to find them dry. This was a huge step for us—one I’m thrilled to have finally taken with the man beneath me. I couldn’t have asked for a better person. He’s been so patient and understanding.