Chapter 46
46
HOPE
My pussy stings as he slides out of me, leaving wetness between my thighs. Every muscle in my body tenses when I realize what we’ve done, and I feel Ben tense in response. I specifically bought condoms just in case and then completely forgot to use them. To be fair, Wyatt and I hadn’t used condoms since we were teenagers, and it’s been a long dry spell for me. His arms tighten around me when I try to put some space between us so I can break the news that I’m not on birth control. There was no need.
Dark, concerned eyes greet me when I look up. “What’s wrong?”
I lick my dry lips as panic works its way through my body. Is he going to be mad?
“Uhm, I’m … uh. I’m not on birth control, and we forgot to use condoms.”
The tension he was holding in his body releases, and he slides his fingers through my hair, tucking it over my shoulder. His eyes are all soft, and a devastating smile stretches his kiss-swollen lips.
“I’m pretty sure we’ll be okay, because I’m due to get my period in a few days.”
He kisses my shoulder and shrugs. “That was completely my fault, and I take full responsibility.” He slides his fingers down the side of my cheek, tucking them beneath my chin and tilting my face up to his. He places a tender kiss on my nose. “But, Hope, I’m not opposed to the idea of having a baby with you.”
My breath stutters, and I’m certain my eyeballs are about to pop out of my head right now. I shake my head awkwardly.
“It takes two. I was equally irresponsible. I can’t believe you’re being so cool about it.” I slide my eyes over his handsome face. “I was so caught up in the moment. I … I just didn’t think.”
Ben chuckles. “That’s the point. You should be so caught up that you can’t think straight or I’m not doing my job properly.” He kisses me lightly. “We’ll use condoms from now on, if it’ll make you more comfortable.” He drops his gaze from mine, and I watch his Adam’s apple bob. The mood in the room has shifted as he nudges my nose with his. “Does it make me a terrible person to want to have something between us that ties us together forever?” he murmurs against my cheek.
“Oh, believe me. You did your job very thoroughly.” I wink playfully, trying to ignore the heaviness of his confession, then run my hand over his shoulder to tease the cropped hair at his nape with my fingers, sending a wave of goosebumps fanning across his skin.
He kisses me again, sliding his tongue between my lips, and nudges his pelvis into mine. I can’t miss the fact that he’s growing hard again, but I gently push him away.
“Uh, there’s no way I can go again this soon.” I wave my hand around my hip area. “Need I remind you, it’s been a long time. This girl needs a little recovery time.”
He chuckles and rolls out of bed, pulling me up with him. “Let’s get cleaned up so I can feed you.” Picking me up, he carries me bridal style into his bathroom, turns on the faucets until steam bellows out of the glass cubicle, then he attempts to carry me inside.
“Uh, I need to pee.” It’s been a long time for me, but I do remember post-sex protocol. “I don’t want to end up with a UTI.”
He nods and places me on my feet. “Sure,” he says. “I’ll give you a minute.”
Once I’m done, I call him back into the bathroom and he drags me into the hot shower. I go willingly, and sigh loudly when the hot water flows over my well-used muscles, eliciting a chuckle from the Adonis next to me.
With no chance to tie up my hair, the steam wreaks havoc on my curls, so I dip them beneath the spray. Ben’s about to get a lesson in the life of a girl with curly hair.
He grabs the soap and a sponge and works a lather over every inch of my skin, which is rapidly turning pink from the hot water. I hum dreamily at the attention he’s giving me, soaking up his tender touch.
It’s been such a long time since I’ve had a man’s hands on me. Emotion builds in my throat, and I swallow quickly to stem it before it overflows and ruins our moment. He lovingly kisses each area once it’s rinsed clean of soap and pays special attention to the area between my legs, my boobs, and my ass.
When he turns me around to face him, his beautiful smile falls when his eyes land on mine. He cups the back of my head with one hand and wraps his other arm around me, holding me close against his hard body.
“Cookie,” he murmurs against my hair as he rocks me from side to side.
His compassion unleashes the emotion I was trying so hard to keep inside. I didn’t want to do this. We’ve shared such a beautiful experience, and I don’t want to drag us down. I don’t want to taint this moment. It’s not that I’m upset about what we did; it’s more about how long I’ve lived without the affection of a man.
The warm water cascades over us, and Ben continues to hold me in this space, giving me the time I need to collect myself. His patience astounds me and makes me feel safe enough to sit with my feelings for a short while.
I pull my face away from his chest and look up at him. “Thank you.”
“Talk to me,” he coaxes.
I suck in a deep breath. “As you were washing me and kissing me, it just really hit home how long it’s been since I’ve been intimate with a man—had a man’s hands and mouth on my body. You know?” I shake my head and shrug. “It caught me a little off guard. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin our afternoon.”
He’s shaking his head before I can finish. “You haven’t ruined anything. You’re allowed to feel how you feel and express it however you wish. I’m here for all of it.”
I push up onto my toes and kiss his jaw, covered in bristles. “You’re a good man, Ben Taylor.”
“I wouldn’t say that. I should feed you, not feel you up in the shower.”
I giggle as he turns off the water, then leads me out of the cubicle to dry me off with an enormous gray, fluffy towel. Once he dries me, he taps my butt.
“Go get dressed and meet me downstairs.”
“So bossy,” I chuckle as I step past him.
He wraps his hand around my throat, freezing me in place. “You ain’t seen nothing yet, Hope,” he tells me, then kisses me roughly and urges me out of his bathroom.
Giddiness is my companion as I dress in one of Ben’s T-shirts and sort out my hair the best I can so it doesn’t turn into a bird’s nest. When I’m satisfied, I follow the delicious smell of dinner downstairs to find Ben crouched next to Rex, giving him plenty of love.
“I know, buddy. I’ve fallen hard, but I promise I won’t forget about you.” My heart swoons while he places a bowl of food on the floor. “Here. Your favorite—steak and vegetables.” He rubs Rex’s scruff, then stands, and that’s when he notices me leaning in the doorway. A pink hue paints his cheeks, and he rubs the back of his neck as he walks over to me.
His eyes dance to my hair, and his cheeks rise as his fingers tease the curls. “I love these curls of yours.”
I chuckle. “They’re freaking hard work.”
“I think they’re beautiful and definitely worth the time and effort you devote to them.” He leans forward and lightly kisses me. “Come. Let me feed you.”
“You’re completely spoiling me. I might get used to this, and then you’ll be stuck having to look after me.” I slam my mouth shut. Shit. We had sex once, and I’m acting like a stage-five clinger. Completely his fault. He’s been so terrific to me and Evan. And he even hinted that he’d like to have a baby with me. A baby!
He tugs me into his hard body and presses his forehead to mine with our eyes locked—my aquamarine to his gray. “I’ll happily spoil you until we’re wrinkly and gray.”
I wrap my arms around his neck, and my heart swells for what feels like the first time in forever. I press up on my toes and kiss him. I kiss him with everything I am and a heart full of hope . Hope for a future that is free from the deep sadness I’ve been drowning in.
He returns it tenfold, picking me up and carrying me to the granite counter in the middle of his kitchen. Our kiss escalates quickly, and dry humping ensues. We tear at each other’s clothes with desperate fingers like we didn’t have sex less than an hour ago, and when he finally pushes inside me, I know I’ll struggle with soreness, but I really don’t care.
I just want this connection with him as often as possible. I want this feeling he gives me so freely. The feeling I thought I’d lost forever.