Chapter 47
47
BEN
“So, how are things going with you and Hope?” Sebastian asks as he jams a fry in his mouth.
My body heats at the mention of the woman who’s always at the forefront of my mind. “Pretty great.” Images of her curled up on my chest the morning after we finally crossed the line and all the times we’ve stolen moments to be together as a couple—and as a family —over the last week run across my mind like a movie reel.
I’ve never felt so content.
So at peace.
Like I’ve finally found the place I belong.
And I get the impression Hope feels the same. I hope she feels the same. It’s natural between the three of us, even though we haven’t had a sleepover with Evan in the house yet.
Seb points at my face. “If that look is anything to go by, I’d have to agree things must be pretty great between you.” He lifts his beer to his lips. “I’m happy for you, man. If anyone deserves to find happiness, it’s you.” He punctuates his sentence by gulping the rest of his drink.
Warmth unfurls in my chest with his words. “You deserve it, too.”
He responds with a shrug. “One day.” He brushes off any talk about a relationship for himself, but I know he aches to have someone to call his own. “So tell me, what changed?”
I blow out a long breath. “Everything.” I can’t stop the grin from overtaking my face, then I sober. “I know the road ahead won’t always be smooth. I know she’ll always mourn everything her and Evan have lost, but hopefully being with me will make it hurt a little less. I’ve watched her laugh and smile more than she ever did when I first met her. Even her family have noticed the change in her and Evan. She has a sparkle to her eyes and a lightness that was missing. I’m trying to show both of them life is worth living. The way Tahlia taught us.”
“That’s great. I’m glad things are working out.” He pauses for a moment, a thoughtful expression pinching his features. “How does she feel about you being a cop?”
I tip my head to the side, unsure what he means, and he reads my unspoken question.
“Being a cop is dangerous, especially in the city. She could lose you, too.” He raises his brows like I’m an idiot for not thinking about it myself.
Maybe I am an idiot.
I shift uncomfortably in my seat and glance at the people around us while I gather my thoughts. “She hasn’t said anything, and I never gave it any consideration. She knew I was a cop from the start. That’s how we met. Do you think it could be an issue?”
He nods solemnly. “For someone like Hope. Yeah, I do. She already lost the love of her life. Her son lost his father because of his job, and while you’re not likely to get blown up by an IED, your job has inherent risks. As you spend more time together, she’s bound to start thinking about all the things that could go wrong.”
I let his words settle for a moment, teasing them apart. “Do you think that’s why Nix offered me a job with him? He said it was because he needs to step away and spend more time with his family, but maybe it was his way of watching over Hope?”
Sebastian licks his lips. “Yeah, maybe.” He grins and points his empty bottle at me. “That’s some dedication to his promise to watch over his friend’s family.”
“Nix doesn’t strike me as a man who half-asses shit.”
“Nope, he doesn’t.” My long-time friend studies me. “Do you think you’d give up your dream for her? For them?”
My stomach sinks at the thought. “You know how much I wanted this job, and it’s not so easy to walk away with Rex as my partner. He represents a significant investment, so I’d have to work to transition him to a new handler. I’d have to give him up.” My stomach plummets at the thought. Rex and I have a tight working relationship, but above that, we have a close personal bond.
“I do. I know exactly how hard you worked to get here and how important Rex is to you.” He shifts, throwing his arm around the back of his chair, giving me the space I need to consider the possibility.
I drop my eyes to the tabletop, tracing the patterns in the wood grain. It takes me less than a minute to make a decision, and I straighten up to deliver it to my friend, who knows me better than anyone. “If Hope needs me to walk away for her peace of mind, I’ll do it in a heartbeat.” His eyebrows shoot up. “Her and Evan are more important to me than any job. I’d miss Rex more than the job, to be honest.” My stomach clenches, and my ribs feel like they’re strangling my lungs. Giving up Rex would be the worst. He’s my loyal friend and the best partner a cop could ever have. I know I’ve been fortunate to have him in my life.
A smile stretches his cheeks. “I knew you’d say something like that. That’s pretty serious, man. I know how much Rex means to you.” He playfully shakes his head. “I guess I’ve lost my wingman.”
I chuckle, but it’s hollow. “A married man makes a perfect wingman.”
His eyebrows shoot high above his wide eyes. “Married?”
“Yeah. I’m all in, in case you haven’t noticed. But I need to wait until she’s ready. I don’t want to spook her. I need to go slow.” I take a drink and smirk at my best friend. “If I’m off the market, I’m no competition.” Not that we were ever competitive when it comes to women. Our tastes are distinctly different. He likes easy. I like connection.
He slaps the table. “Perfect! Why didn’t I think of that?”
Bundled in warm coats, Hope and I follow Evan and Rex along the sidewalk to my house. Rex stops again to sniff around a streetlight, something he’s done several times since we left home for our walk.
Evan tugs on his lead. “C’mon, boy. You don’t need to sniff every post.”
I chuckle. “You’re fighting a losing battle, Ev. He can’t help himself.”
He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, well, it’s kinda gross.”
Hope chuckles at her son, and I glance up my street. A familiar metallic-gray BMW SUV is parked in my driveway, and dread coils like a snake in the pit of my stomach.
I wish they’d have the courtesy to call before they turn up unannounced, but that would be too much to ask. It would mean they’d have to show consideration for someone else. They’ve always been too self-centered to think of others.
I’m not ready for them to burst my perfect bubble with Hope and Evan. I don’t want my mother’s fake pleasantries and private snide comments tainting what I’m building here, nor my father’s tendency to ignore anyone he deems beneath him.
“Looks like you have visitors,” Hope mentions when she spots the car in my driveway.
I slow down, blow out a breath, and try to release the tension that has drawn every muscle in my body tight at the sight of their car. “Yeah. My parents.”
Hope grins and my stomach sinks. Excitement lights her eyes. She would never consider parents could be less than anything but loving and supportive—look at the examples she has in her life. Unfortunately, mine are the polar opposite to what she’s used to.
“Really? I can’t wait to meet the people who raised such a wonderful man.”
I grab her hand and pull her to a stop. “Wonderful, huh?” I say playfully, trying to take my mind off the imminent disaster.
She glances to see Evan and Rex stopped behind my parents’ car. “Definitely wonderful. They must be pretty incredible to raise you.” Her eyes sparkle with excitement.
I wouldn’t say that. Pretty sure I turned out the way I did despite their parental influence. I want to warn her, even suggest she escape while she can, but I’ve always believed people should make their own judgment about others. As much as it pains me to expose two of the most important people in my world to my parents, I should let them draw their own conclusions without input from me.
Maybe my parents have changed in the six months since I saw them last. It’s something I’ve hoped for since I was old enough to realize I’m the son of narcissists.
As I watch my parents climb from their vehicle and Hope’s smile light up her face, I vow to run interference wherever I can.
Mom’s eyes dart between me, Evan, and Hope. Then she forces her lips to tip up, like she’s happy to see everyone. Stepping forward, she holds out her arms like a loving mother. “Benjamin.”
She and Dad are the only people who call me by my full name, and it makes me cringe.
I lean in for a hug, like the dutiful son I am so as not to shame Mom. As Dad makes his way around their SUV, Mom air kisses both of my cheeks, then pulls away to straighten her sweater, dusting imaginary dirt from the fabric as if touching me has soiled her somehow.
Out of my periphery, I notice Hope watching us with interest. She told me that, because she works with people all the time, she can read them pretty well.
Dad thrusts his hand out at me. “Benjamin.” I slide mine into his, and he gives my arm a quick jerk before letting go. Then, he glances at his hand and wipes it down the length of his trousers. His eyes skate over Hope and Evan, and I see the moment he decides they aren’t worth his attention and dismisses them.
He draws his mouth into a tight grimace when he looks down at Rex, sitting beside me. “I see you still have the dog .” He says the dog as though he’s tasted something foul. It doesn’t matter that Rex is a decorated officer of the law. In his eyes, Rex isn’t worth his time.
I don’t bother responding. “I didn’t know you were back from your vacation, or that you’d be stopping by.” I wonder how long they would have waited in my driveway for me to come home instead of calling ahead, like normal people do.
Mom’s eyes float over to Hope and Evan, and a plastic smile pushes up her cheeks. “We got back last week and have been recovering from the arduous journey at The Four Seasons . We popped in as soon as we could. We haven’t seen you for months, and we missed our only son,” she says to me, her voice dripping like syrup. She directs her attention to Hope. “And who do we have here?”
They’ve been here a week and couldn’t pick up the phone. I would say I’m disappointed and hurt, but I’m not. Everything is always about them. Every single time . I turn my head to Hope, trying to make my apology clear. “This is Hope and her son, Evan. This is Elaine and Robert. They’ve recently returned from six months in Europe.”
It’s not like I can introduce her as my girlfriend when Evan is standing right there. He doesn’t know we’re dating yet. Now I wish we’d already spoken to him about it, but I’m nothing if not determined to take things at Hope’s pace.
Hope’s attention snaps toward my mother. “Oh, my. What a wonderful experience! Gosh, it must have been incredible.” Her eyes literally sparkle with delight on their behalf.
Mom shrugs as if she isn’t fortunate to indulge in such experiences. “It was okay, I guess. Sometimes it was a struggle to find someone who spoke English. You’d think they’d learn the language rather than be so ignorant.” Dad grunts his agreement, and Mom leans in like she’s about to share some big secret. She screws up her nose. “And some places were downright filthy.” She pinches her nose and shudders. “Very third-world,” she says as she rolls her eyes. “Not at all what we expected.”
Europe … third world ? Unbelievable.
I can never understand why they travel so much. They’ve never returned from a vacation and been one hundred percent happy with the experience. They always find something to complain about. Whether it be the food, the water, climate, or the language and culture.
Hope’s eyebrows rise slightly, and I watch her swallow. It’s obvious she didn’t expect Mom’s response and is at a loss for how to carry on the conversation, which has already taken a negative turn—as I expected it would. That’s gotta be some kind of record, even for Mom.
“Are you in the city for much longer before you head home?” I ask, trying to provide somewhat of a buffer.
Evan tosses the ball to Rex and he leaps across the yard.
“We’re driving home in the morning. We thought we should share a nice meal with our only son on our last night in town, but I see you’re busy.” She raises her eyebrows at me as if to chastise me for having plans and a life of my own. I wonder if Hope noticed Mom say they should share a meal with me. Because that’s what normal, loving parents who hadn’t seen their only son for six months would do.
Hope places her hand on my forearm, and Mom zones in on the action like a heat-seeking missile. “That’s okay. Evan and I were just leaving.” They weren’t . She looks at me. “You should enjoy dinner with your family. It’s been such a long time since you’ve seen them.”
I know she thinks she’s helping, but I’d rather have a tooth extraction than spend the evening with my parents. I tug her away so we can have a conversation without three pairs of ears listening. “ We had plans. Plans that are important to me. And I was kinda hoping Evan would fall asleep, so we could … catch up and you’d have an excuse to stay over.” I wiggle my eyebrows up and down.
She chuckles and glances over at my parents and Evan, who they’ve completely ignored. Luckily, he’s too focused on playing ball with Rex to notice their lack of interest. Her fingers squeeze mine and empathy overtakes her features. “We can catch up tomorrow. You haven’t seen them for months, and they want to have dinner with you before they go home.”
Obviously, she didn’t pick up on the wording Mom used, and it’s not my place to point it out. If she hasn’t picked up any clues as to the type of people they are, then I won’t bring it to her attention. I’d rather she not know than feel sorry for me.
I know I’m clutching at straws, but I don’t want to miss out on spending this evening with her and Evan. Our time together already feels too limited. “How about you guys come too?”
Her eyes widen, and a hint of worry slides over her face. She shakes her head adamantly. “Oh, no. No way.” She leans in close and drops her voice low. “I got the distinct impression that your dad doesn’t like us, and, well … I don’t think we’re the kind of people your mom would want to share dinner with. It sounds like they want to go somewhere fancy.” Her nose crinkles a little as she speaks. So she did pick up on the unwelcoming vibes.
I reach out and take her hand, squeezing it. “Please come.” I’ll beg if I have to. “I’d really like to have you guys there with me.” She shifts on her feet and chews on the corner of her plump bottom lip. “For support.” I bend my knees to get down to her level and give her my best puppy dog eyes, hoping she can’t resist.
She glances around and blows out a long breath. “Okay.”
I could kiss her right now, but I won’t. I need to honor our plan to keep things platonic in front of Evan. Until we’re sure. Though, I don’t know what we’re waiting for, because I’m already certain I want them both … forever.
I squeeze Hope’s hand. “Thank you. I’ll make it up to you later,” I say, then turn back toward my parents. “Hope and Evan are coming to dinner, too.”
Mom smiles like she just stepped in Rex’s shit and glances between the three of us. “We’re dining at The Four Seasons tonight.” She eyeballs Hope and Evan up and down, then glances at Dad. “I’m not sure we can change the reservation from three to five with such little notice.”
“Oh, that’s o—” Hope starts, but I squeeze her hand to stop her from bailing on me.
“No problem. You’ve probably eaten there every night this week. We can order takeout and eat here.”
Mom scrunches up her nose, much like Hope did, but it was so much more adorable on Hope. “I don’t think so. If you can’t give up one evening to have dinner with your parents, then I don’t even know why we bothered stopping by.” She pouts as she eyes Hope and Evan like they’ve personally affronted her. “I wouldn’t have thought it would be asking too much to spend one evening with our only son. It’s not like we can see each other often with you choosing to live in the city.” She points her nose to the darkening sky. “I see I was mistaken, and we’re not important enough for you.”
I’m reasonably certain she took lessons in how to guilt trip her only son. She often made me feel like I was in the way or that I took up too much of her valuable time. There was a time when I would play into her guilt. I would change my plans without question. But I’m older and wiser now, and there’s no way I’m prepared to adjust tonight’s plans to fit in with them. They could have phoned ahead to make arrangements with me like normal people do, but they chose not to. I’m tired of them assuming I’ll drop everything for them.
Not anymore.
I’m no longer that kid who devotes everything I am and pushes aside my wants and needs to make his parents happy when they never returned the sentiment.
I shrug carelessly. “Then I guess we’ll have to catch up the next time you and Dad are in town.”
Hope’s eyes have been following our conversation, progressively growing more concerned. Squeezing my hand, she pulls me back slightly. “I don’t understand what’s happening here, but I think you should have dinner with your parents. Your mom seems upset. Why are you being so stubborn about this?” she whispers, concern tightening her features. “They’re your parents.”
Mom folds her arms across her chest and narrows her eyes with a noisy exhale. “I suppose we could stay for a short while.”
I smile at Hope and raise my eyebrows. “Sounds good.” I hold my arm out toward my front door. “Come on in.”