Chapter 51
51
BEN
The sound of Hope’s car pulling into my driveway rips my focus away from attaching the string lights to the gutters. I’ve never bothered with any of this stuff. There was never a point in doing it when I live alone and work the Christmas holiday, but now I have Hope and Evan, and I want to make the holiday special. She peers up and grins at me through the windshield while Evan climbs out from the back.
Rex leaps from the porch to welcome his buddy home, and Evan gives him plenty of attention, making his entire rump shake from side to side. Evan chuckles. “Yeah, I missed you too, boy.”
When I look back at Hope, her genuine smile is breathtaking. Her entire demeanor has changed in the last few weeks, and I’d like to think I’m at least part of the reason for that—I don’t think I can take all the credit. She made the powerful decision to live her life … to let go of the pain and the grief. And she looks so much lighter … freer … happier. It’s been a privilege to witness her wade into the light after drowning in the darkness for so long.
I know she’ll still have her moments, but I couldn’t feel more proud of her.
I climb down the ladder and meet Evan—who’s wearing a cheeky grin—at the bottom. He holds out his fist for a complicated fist-bump-handshake type thing he insists us using, making me chuckle.
When he has my hand in his, he tugs me down so his mouth is at my ear. “So Mom tells me you guys are a thing now.” He pulls back and winks at me. “If you hurt her, you have me to deal with. And I don’t care if you’re a cop, I’ll kick your ass.” He pats me on the shoulder with a grin and raised eyebrows. “Okay?”
To say I’m surprised she spoke with him so soon would be a gross understatement. I don’t want to hide my affection, and I told her as much before she left to collect him from his overnight stay. She was concerned it would be too much too soon, but I explained my discussion with Evan at the bake sale. Surprisingly, she already knew about it, but I still didn’t expect her to share the development of our relationship so soon. It’s a relief because it means she’s not having second thoughts.
She’s all in.
Like me.
She’s ready to move forward.
And in this moment, I realize the amount of tension I’ve been holding in my body—worried she’d change her mind and I’d lose them both.
I nod at Evan. “You and your mom are my priority now. If I hurt her or you, I’ll kick my own ass.” I widen my eyes at him. “But don’t let your mom hear you saying that you’ll kick my ass. I’m pretty sure she’d be mortified.”
He chuckles with a shrug. “Yeah, probably. But I will kick your ass.”
Hope strolls toward us, looking a little unsure, obviously giving us time to talk, but when she sees both of us smiling, her shoulders drop and her face relaxes. Once she’s within reach, I wrap my arm around her waist and kiss her temple. “Hey.”
“Hey,” she murmurs as she leans into me, resting her hand on my stomach and melting into me.
Evan rolls his eyes. “Does this mean I’ll have to see you guys kissing and hugging all the time now?” The playful tone of his voice and the tipping up of his lips suggest he won’t be bothered at all.
“Maybe,” I say.
“Ugh.” He rolls his eyes, and Hope chuckles.
“Only because I love your mom.” Hope grins up at me, her blue-green eyes glittering beneath the sunlight, and I can’t resist kissing the tip of her nose. “I was hoping you guys could help me decorate this afternoon. What do you think?” I want to make our first Christmas together special and start some family traditions.
Hope and Evan snap their heads toward each other with excitement. “Heck yeah!”
“Great. I’ll be about another hour with these lights, then we can start inside.”
“I think this calls for cookies. I’ll check if you have the ingredients, and if not, I’ll go to the store.”
My stomach rumbles at the thought of Hope’s fresh-baked treats. “I won’t say no to your cookies.” I lean down and kiss her … why shouldn’t I?
“Can I help Ben, Mom?”
“Of course.”
Evan spins on his heel to head inside, but not before I see his grin. He pats the side of his thigh. “C’mon, Rex. I’m just gonna get a drink first. I’m thirsty.”
The screen door slams behind boy and dog, and Hope wraps both arms around me, tilting her head back. “Can I get a proper kiss now?”
I dip my head closer to hers. “Absolutely. I was trying to be respectful in front of Evan.” I lower my mouth to hers and kiss her the way she deserves to be kissed.
Every. Single. Time.
She’s only been gone a few hours, but I missed her. The house suddenly felt too empty. Too quiet. And I understood Hope’s need to always have the television on in the background. It’s the reason I went out and purchased more than what I need for Christmas decorating this afternoon. The screen door bangs again, and I know we have a witness, so I slow our kiss with small pecks to her lips, finishing with a satisfied grin.
“Ahhh, here we go! It’s started already,” Evan sighs as he walks toward us, and I can almost hear his eyes rolling in his voice.
“Sorry. Not sorry.” I smile against Hope’s lips, and we both chuckle.
Hope heads inside to check the pantry, and Evan and I get to work finishing the lights. An hour later, we stand on the grass to study the lights with a critical eye.
“I don’t think we can really get the full effect until it’s dark, but they all look evenly spaced to me,” Evan says.
I stand with my hands resting on my hips. “I agree.” The scent of freshly baked cookies drifts out of the house, and a grin creeps across my lips. “Smells like the cookies are ready. Let’s put this stuff away.”
We spend the afternoon assembling the Christmas tree, adding the lights after much debate about whether they go on the tree first or last—first, obviously—and eating Hope’s delicious ginger shortbread cookies.
Christmas music—including Mariah fucking Carey—fills the room as we hang decoration after decoration on the ten-foot pine tree, complete with fake snow flocked onto the ends of the almost natural-looking pine needles.
Hope stands back as Evan climbs the ladder to place the star at the top of the tree. He plonks it on top and takes one step down. “Ev, you need to tilt it a little to the left. It’s wonky.” He climbs back up and twists it to the left. “That’s too far now.”
He looks down at me and rolls his eyes with a grin, but repositions the star, looking over his shoulder for approval from his mom. “How’s that, Mom?”
Her smile lights up the room. “Perfect.” I watch as she scans the tree with a critical eye. As Evan climbs down the ladder, she steps to the tree and repositions a few decorations. Tilting her head this way and that to ensure everything is precisely where she wants it. This is exactly what I want every Christmas to be like from here on out.
I plug in the lights and move the ladder out of the way to give a clear view of the Christmas tree. We all step back to admire our handiwork, and I press the heel of my hand against my sternum, rubbing it. It actually feels a little like Christmas, something I haven’t experienced since moving to the city.
Hope stands next to me and hooks her arm through mine, resting her head against my bicep. I tug my arm out and pull her in front of me, wrapping my arms around her, resting my hands on her flat stomach. She sighs and melts into me. “It’s so beautiful.”
I nod and kiss the top of her head, drawing her vanilla shampoo deep into my lungs. “I don’t usually bother with a tree.”
Her body stiffens, and she turns within my embrace. Adorable creases decorate her forehead as she looks up at me. “Why not?”
I shrug like it’s unimportant, but I’ve realized this afternoon that I’ve missed this, so it kinda is a big deal. “It’s just me, and I usually work over the holiday.”
Her body sags, and her eyes drop to my chest. “I’ve never really thought about the work-life balance of a police officer.”
Pushing a lock of curly hair behind her ear with my fingers, I chuckle darkly. “Not many people do. It’s the worst time of the year for domestic violence and criminal activity. Drunk drivers and intoxicated patrons cause all sorts of problems over the holiday.” The mood in the room has darkened considerably, and I don’t want Hope dwelling on anything negative—especially regarding my job. I kiss the tip of her nose and grin. “C’mon, let’s go outside and see how the tree looks through the window. Evan, can you turn on the Christmas lights across the front of the house, please?”
“Sure.” He puts on his coat and pushes out of the front door with Rex close behind, and I drop my hand to grip Hope’s so I can tug her outside.
“C’mon.”
She chuckles at my enthusiasm as I pull her behind me, grabbing our coats on the way out the door. It’s not quite dark, but it’s dark enough to get the idea.
Hope pushes her arms through the sleeves of her coat and gasps when she sees all the lights. “It looks gorgeous,” she whispers as she soaks everything in. Her eyes scan across the front of the house, pausing on the living room window and the tree inside.
“We did a pretty good job,” Evan states, his shoulders pushed back and chest puffed out.
Hope turns toward him and drags him in for a group hug. “You guys did a fantastic job.”
Evan shows Hope how we can choose different settings for the lights, and we settle on one that blinks slowly across the string. The cool evening air turns our breath to mist, and I rub Hope’s arms when she shivers. “Come on. Let’s get you back inside before you freeze.”
After dinner, we finish adding the decorations to other areas of the house and watch The Polar Express with Hope snuggled into my side.
The house looks and feels festive, and a deep level of peace settles over me. It’s ironic how I was happily single until Hope and Evan came into my life. It wasn’t until then I realized how lonely and empty my life truly was. I watch them enjoying the movie and count my blessings they’re here with me.