Chapter 55
55
BEN
Steam fills the bathroom shortly after Hope turns on the hot water. She turns to me, like the angel she is, and methodically removes every last stitch of cotton from my body—and hers—then tenderly leads me into the shower. The hot water scalds my tired muscles, easing the tension and loosening the knots a little. The wound on my neck stings when the water hits it, and I wince at the burn of pain.
The clear water turns light pink as the blood on my skin washes down my body in rivulets. With a weird fixation, I watch it disappearing down the drain and out of sight, taking my premature grief with it.
Soapy hands slide over my back and across my shoulders, rubbing soothing circles on my skin and easing my aches. Pressing my hands against the tile and dropping my head between my shoulders, I relish in having Hope’s soft hands on me, massaging my flesh, soothing me, caressing me. And even though there’s nothing sexual about her actions, my cock doesn’t know the difference and grows hard, just as it always does whenever I’m with her.
She makes her way around to the front of my body, her gaze full of concern. The moment her gaze lands on my neck, her eyes widen and her mouth drops open. Her body trembles as she presses up on her toes to look more closely, gently stroking her fingers alongside the graze.
“What’s this?” she murmurs.
I shrug carelessly. “Just a graze.” Using my fingers to tip her chin up so I can drown in her gorgeous eyes, I add, “It’s nothing.”
Her sculpted eyebrows dip low. “What’s it from?” she asks as her worried eyes flick between mine.
Should I be honest or gloss over the fact a bullet almost pierced my jugular?
Should I protect her or deliver news that could mean she walks away from me forever to protect her and her son?
Long moments pass, steam builds in the bathroom, and my mind slips back to the moment when everything changed for me. In a split second, things I considered important no longer were. My job, the one I worked so hard for, no longer held the appeal it once did. All because of Hope and Evan. Because I value keeping their hearts safe and sharing a long life with them more than I value following my dream.
I cup Hope’s face in my hands and prepare to deliver the devastation I know my words will cause the woman I love. I swallow past the anxiety that I may lose her for good. “A bullet grazed me,” I whisper, the four words laced with guilt. Guilt that I’ve put her through something she should never have to experience.
Tears spring forth instantly, and she drops her forehead to my chest with a shuddery breath. Her legs collapse beneath her and I capture her before she falls. I can do nothing but stand with her wrapped in my arms, holding her as she falls apart. Her soft body presses harder against mine, not a breath of space between us, and I cradle the back of her head, pressing kisses to the top of it.
She mumbles something against my chest, but I can’t understand a single word. Dread and exhaustion has me almost deciding to ignore it, but my rational side knows we need to deal with what happened today.
I guide her head back a little so I can look at her face and hear what she has to say. Red, swollen eyes are my punishment for putting her through hell today. I cradle her tear-stained cheeks reverently. “What did you say, Cookie?” I murmur.
Her eyes lock with mine, and my heart shreds to pieces at the pain I see haunting the aqua pools. “I thought I’d lost you. It was the worst pain thinking I’d never see you again. And then to see how close I really came to losing you …” She sucks in a shuddering breath, her lips trembling. “I-I can’t go through that again, Ben. I-I know I have no right to feel that way. I’ve always known?—”
I stoop and bring her trembling lips to mine, stroking my thumbs along her delicate cheekbones. She returns my kiss with desperation, and the heat between us flames into an inferno. She climbs my body, wraps her arms around my neck and her toned legs around my hips, lining our bodies up and sinking down on my cock, which never got the memo that now isn’t the time. We both groan into each other’s mouths as her hot, tight heat wraps around me and steals all thoughts about our discussion.
But this is important.
I need to tell her she won’t have to worry. Not ever.
I tear my mouth from hers, panting. “I’ll never leave you, Hope. I promise.”
She shakes her head, sending damp curls swaying. Her eyes look so damn sad. “You can’t promise me that. Not with the important work you do. You don’t know what each day will bring.”
“I can.” I study her eyes carefully. “I decided to resign from the police force today. I’m handing in my notice in the morning.” Her hot breath fans across my lips, and she sags in my arms. “As I carried Rex’s unconscious body, I realized it could have easily been me.” I kiss the tip of her nose. “I don’t want to hurt you like that. I love you and Evan so much …” I glance away, then back to the woman who made me realize exactly what’s important. “My job used to be my world. It used to be the most important part of my life … but it’s not anymore. You and Evan—you’re my world. Our family is all that matters.”
She crushes her mouth to mine and kisses me fiercely. “I’d never ask you to give it up for us.”
“You didn’t ask. I talked to Seb about it weeks ago and said I’d give it away for you. The thought of leaving you and Evan behind turns my bones to ash and my heart to a useless organ taking up space in my chest. I can’t do it.” I shake my head. “Not anymore.”
Her eyes go all soft and dreamy as she melts into my embrace, my cock still nestled in her tight heat. “It wouldn’t just be Evan and me you left behind.”
I nod once. “I know. Seb would feel lost, and I guess, on some level, my parents would miss me too.”
She shakes her head as her mouth slowly morphs into a smile, sending her freckled cheeks up higher. “Of course they’d miss you, but there’s someone else, too.” Her eyes sparkle beneath the bathroom light, and I’m so damn relieved to see the sorrow and pain that was haunting her gone. I narrow my eyes, trying to think about who I’ve missed. She bites her bottom lip and tightens her hold around my neck, then nudges my nose with hers. “We’re having a baby,” she murmurs.
It takes me longer than it should for her words to sink in. I look at her for confirmation that I heard her correctly. My mouth won’t form the questions rushing through my head. How? When? We haven’t been all that careful, but can it happen that quickly? Is she sure?
“I guess it was meant to be …” Her words trail off as she shrugs her slender shoulder.
I crush her mouth with mine, tightening my grip on her as the warm water from the shower rains down on us. She squeals against my lips, but it doesn’t take long for her to catch up and return my kiss with heat of her own.
My heart thunders against my ribs, trying to crack through them to physically join with Hope’s as we kiss like we need this to breathe. Joy replaces the ache in every muscle, and happiness lights up every part of my body.
Cupping the back of her head, I pull away enough to speak. “You’ve turned one of the shittiest days into one of the happiest.” I squeeze her tighter, probably crushing her ribs, and kiss her. “I can’t tell you how happy I am.” I press my lips to hers again, kissing her in a way I hope shows how much I love her and how ecstatic I am to become a dad.
And then it hits me.
The pain and terror she would have experienced today when she thought she’d lost me.
The wave of memories that would have washed over her.
The heartbreak of losing Wyatt and having to raise Evan alone.
For a moment in time, she would have thought history was repeating itself.
Guilt ties itself around me like a noose for the grief she experienced today because of me .
Never again .
Never again will she experience that soul-shattering devastating pain.
“I love you. I’m so sorry I put you through what I did today. I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you and Evan. And I’ll be the best dad and husband I can be.” Her eyes widen. “That’s not a proposal. I’ll do a proper one. One you deserve.”
She uses her thighs to push up and then slides back down my cock. “That was perfect. I don’t need a fancy proposal. I just need you.”
The connection forged between us is stronger than anything I’ve felt before, and I can’t believe I’m the lucky son of a bitch who gets to call this woman mine. I grip her perfect ass and spread my feet, then pump my hips, sliding in deep with the help of gravity. Soft grunts and whimpers bounce off the tiles each time I bottom out in heaven, and I drown in the desire I see in Hope’s heavy-lidded gaze.
Sliding my hand up her smooth back, I guide her mouth to mine. I tease her with small bites and licks as my labored breaths puff across her lips. My heart hammers with love, and my skin flames with lust as we climb closer to our release. I have no idea how I was lucky enough to capture this woman’s heart, but there’s no way I’ll ever do anything to break it and I’m never letting her go.
Hope’s peaked nipples slide against my pecs, and I angle our bodies so her clit rubs against my pelvis. Her hot, velvet sheath grips my cock. “So good. You fist me so good,” I mumble against her lips, panting. “I love you so much,” I grunt.
“I love you, too,” she sighs into my mouth.
I take a step forward, pressing her back against the tile, and she gasps. I take advantage, darting my tongue inside to dance with hers, mimicking the action of my hips, driving us both closer to the edge.
Fire shoots down my spine, sending flames licking over every part of my body as I work to hold back my release. I increase my pace, pumping harder as I pull Hope onto my dick over and over again. “Come on, Hope. Come for me,” I grunt.
She moans against my mouth and grinds her hips. Her panting breaths paint my cheek as I kiss my way to her ear and the spot just behind it. Swiping my tongue along the sensitive zone, I count in my head to hold off my orgasm.
Gripping her butt cheek hard, I slip my thumb to her puckered hole and breach the tight ring of muscle. Hope’s legs tighten around my hips as she uses me for leverage, and her pussy strangles my cock with rhythmic squeezes.
“Oh, god. Ben!” she moans, seeking my mouth and kissing me violently as she falls apart in my arms.
Her orgasm releases mine from its imprisonment, and my cum splashes inside her, filling her up. Satisfaction slices through my body; I’ll be the last man to ever see her like this.
Feel her like this.
Be with her like this.
I return her kiss with vigor, pouring every ounce of love and gratitude into it.
When we finish in the shower and dry off, Hope grabs my first aid kit and applies antiseptic ointment along my graze, then covers it with a dressing. I feel like she’s fussing too much, but when I look at the pain still shadowing her eyes, I keep my mouth shut. She needs to do this for herself as much as she’s taking care of me.
I rub my hands up the back of her thighs while she works, offering her a semblance of comfort. I can’t take away her pain—her fears—but I can do my best to limit them.
I’m still floating on a cloud. Hope is pregnant . I’m going to be a dad. The news is so unexpected, but so welcome. I capture her hand in mine to press a kiss to her palm when I notice something missing. I glance up at her to find her watching me.
“Are you sure? You don’t have to take them off for me.” I don’t ever want her to feel she has to give him up. He was everything to her.
She tilts her head to the side. “It was time. I never thought I’d take them off, but it felt like the time was right. I’m ready to put the past behind me and concentrate on our future. Wyatt would understand.”
I kiss her bare finger, knowing it won’t be bare for long. Emotion wells in my throat, and pride for her strength overwhelms me. “I love you. I hope you know how much.”
She smiles down at me. “I know and I love you, too,” she tells me as she slides her fingers lovingly through my damp hair.
“I can’t believe I’m gonna be a dad,” I whisper, leaning forward to kiss her still-flat stomach.
She smiles down at me, and some of the pain recedes from her gaze as it fills with warmth and tenderness. She slides her fingers through the longer lengths of my hair. “You’re gonna be a great dad.”
I hope so .
I didn’t have a great role model, but I’ll do my best to be the father Evan and this baby deserves. Leaning down, she presses a kiss to my lips, and I quickly bury my fingers in her hair to hold her to me.
“Thank you,” I murmur against her lips, which spread in a gentle smile. “This is the greatest gift.”
She pulls back a little, her eyes skipping between mine. “Do you mind if we tell Evan when we all get up?”
“Of course not. You didn’t tell him already?”
She shakes her head. “Nope. I thought you should be the first to know.” She glances away, then back to me, and if I’m not mistaken, her eyes carry a little guilt, and her shoulders are more tense than they were a moment ago. “Well … not technically first. Savannah figured out that my symptoms pointed to a possible pregnancy, and Sophie bought the test. They were both with me when I found out. Sorry.” The words rush out of her, and her shoulders sag when she finally takes a breath.
Shaking my head, I chuckle. “That’s okay.” I tap her ass lightly. “Let’s get some sleep, and we’ll tell Evan in the morning.”