5. 5
Annabelle
Then
A fter the killer hangover that wrecked me today, I skipped the wine and grabbed a La Croix once the girls were in bed. Not long after, I hear a soft knock on my front door. I invited Laura over to catch up, since we missed each other this morning.
Lord knows I have a lot to tell her.
“Hey, Anna!” Laura wraps me up in a hug, and I lean into it, grateful for her affection.
“Hey, yourself. Want some wine?”
“Is the Pope Catholic?”
Walking into the kitchen, I ignore the pile of dirty dishes in the sink and reach for a wine glass. “Take your pick,” I say, gesturing to the wine rack. “Only the finest selections from the cheap and cheaper sections of the grocery store.”
A smile plays on her lips as she grabs a bottle of red without hesitation. After I open it and pour her a glass, we head into the living room. I clear the clutter off the couch, and we settle in side by side.
“So,” she prods, “tell me about last night. Did you love staying at The Hermitage Hotel? Isn’t it swanky!”
Wincing, I shoot her a look of apology. I feel guilty for wasting her travel points on a hotel room that went unused, so I explain how my car troubles led me to Tank’s.
Laura’s eyebrows shoot up at my admission as a look of horror washes over her. “Tank’s Motel and Tavern?” With her upper-crust upbringing, I’m confident Laura has never set her Louboutin-clad feet into Tank’s.
“It wouldn’t have been my first choice, but last night, I just needed a break, and I wasn’t picky,” I rationalize. “But I’m sorry I wasted your travel points.”
With an easy-going wave of her hand, Laura replies, “Don’t worry about that at all. I have a ton of points saved up.” Her eyes roll over me, taking in my appearance. “You look more well-rested than you have recently, so maybe it all worked out as it should.” Laura smiles at me.
“I didn’t get a ton of sleep last night, but when I finally fell asleep, I slept like a rock. I haven’t slept that well since… well, you know.”
Since Kyle.
But I don’t want to discuss Kyle tonight.
I feel like all I’ve done for the last few months is talk about Kyle. Think about Kyle. Dissect my marriage to Kyle.
With Hayes fresh on my mind, I’d rather focus on him, and one surefire way to redirect Laura’s attention away from Kyle is to tell her about Hayes .
So, I blurt out, “I had a one-night stand last night!” I cover my face with my hands, not wanting to see any judgment on my best friend’s face.
“Oh my God, Anna! Tell me more!” Her excited tone catches me off guard.
I peel my hands from my eyes to get a better read on her.
For a split second, Laura looks downright giddy.
But that is quickly replaced with incredulity.
“Wait! Was it someone you met at Tank’s Tavern? You practiced safe sex, right?”
“Yes, of course we did. And it… he… it wasn’t like that,” I stammer.
“It wasn’t someone from Tank’s?”
“No, it was, but…” Attempting to string together words to capture Hayes’ essence and my incredible attraction to him doesn’t seem possible, but I try my best to describe how the night unfolded.
As the story spills from my mouth, Laura’s salacious smile grows. “I’m proud of you, Anna. You got back in the saddle! Was it good? Are you going to see him again? What does he do for a living? Why was he at Tank’s?”
Holding up my hand to stop her deluge of questions, I say, “Whoa, slow down! No plans for any future dates. We agreed ahead of time that it was one night of sex, and then we were going our separate ways. No complications, no future.”
“What? Why would you do that? You sound like you had a good time with him.” Her disappointment mirrors my own.
“I did, but I have so much baggage that I could open a luggage store, Laura. My marriage imploded. My life’s a mess,” I start, my eyes darting around the room.
I meant mess figuratively, but I see that it’s also a literal problem.
I’ve been juggling so many responsibilities and emotions that I’ve dropped the ball on tasks like cleaning .
“While I was married, I was a stay-at-home mom, but now… now, I’m just an unemployed, single woman with two kids. I’m not exactly a prize catch.”
“Do not do that to yourself, Anna Morris!” Laura snaps. “You have so much to offer the right man. Yes, the timing may not be perfect, but I don’t think you need to see forever with the guy to go on a second date with him.”
“No use crying over spilled milk.” Exhaling a heavy sigh, I wave my hand through the air. “It’s already done. We left without exchanging contact info.”
Laura is uncharacteristically quiet for a moment.
“That’s okay. You put yourself out there for the first time since Kyle, and you had a good time.
That’s what matters. The right person will come along when it’s meant to be.
And the right guy… he’ll be worth the wait, Anna.
” She pats my knee, flashing a sweet smile that transforms into a wicked grin a beat later.
“Now tell me all the juicy details. Was he good in bed?”
My cheeks heat as I blush. During my marriage to Kyle, I never spoke about our sex life to Laura. I told myself it was out of respect for Kyle, but truthfully, I avoided the topic because I knew there was something wrong. What young, happily married couple only has sex once, maybe twice, a year?
A young, unhappily married couple—that’s who.
If I had voiced those concerns aloud, Laura would have validated my fears, and I wasn’t ready to face the reality of my floundering marriage.
But now, after a one-night stand with a stranger, I cannot wait to divulge every single sleazy detail.
“First off, he was hot. His name is Hayes.”
“Gah, that’s even a sexy name!”
“I know, right?” I smile, wiggling my eyebrows.
“Tall, muscular build. He had brown hair. Not too short, not too long. Just long enough that it curled a bit at the ends.” I pause, appreciating the vivid details of Hayes’ physical appearance that have taken root in my brain.
“It’s going to sound hokey, but his eyes were mesmerizing.
Dark blue, almost gray, with long lashes. ”
With impatience, Laura winds her hand in a circle. “Get to the good stuff, Anna! Did he make you come?” Laura places her wineglass on the side table and shifts her body toward mine. Pulling her legs onto the couch, she claps in anticipation of hearing the nitty-gritty details.
“No beating around the bush from you!”
“The real question is… did he beat around your bush?”
A laugh bursts out of me as I cover my mouth with my hand to muffle the raucous noise, because I don’t want to wake my daughters.
“But to answer your first question, yes, I came several times. Last night… the impossible happened. I had no idea that sex could be that good, Laura, and each time just got better and better.”
“Girl! Maybe I need to hang out at Tank’s, too. Each time? Y’all had more than one round of hot and dirty sex?”
I twist my head to one side. “Uh, yeah. We had sex three times, and I came four times… might’ve been five times.” I’d forgotten about the time against the window. At that point in the night, my memory is a little foggy.
“You had sex three times last night?” She leans forward, with a look of pleased disbelief on her face.
“Well, do you count oral sex as separate from sex?” I ask, unsure of how sexual experiences are tabulated during a random hookup. “Because if so, the count is higher.”
Laura’s eyes pop open, and her smile elongates. “Damn, Anna!”
“What? Is that not normal for a one-night stand?” I ask, my voice rising in pitch. “I’ve never had one before! I don’t know what’s normal or not! ”
Still grinning, Laura motions for me to calm down. “I mean, it’s not the norm, but there’s nothing wrong with it. Quite the opposite. It’s amazing that your first experience post-Kyle went so well. I’m shocked but thrilled for you. And a little jealous!”
I pause, admitting, “I was impressed with his refractory period.”
Laura chuckles. “You would be, my little nerd.” But then her smile slips.
I swirl my finger around her face. She’s wearing a pained expression. “Why you look like that now?”
“After hearing how good it was for you, I wish you’d gotten his number so you could do it again.”
Maybe in another lifetime, or if we’d met a decade earlier or a decade later, Hayes and I could have had a second or third date between us.
“I’m spread too thin to have any time or energy to devote to dating now.”
“Anna—”
I cut her off. “No, it’s too late, Laura. I have so much work I need to do to rebuild my life before I should start dating.”
The abrupt end of my marriage to Kyle upended my whole life, leaving me with a daunting list of things to accomplish—acclimate to being a single parent, find a job, sell the house, move into a smaller place, and figure out how to do life without a husband.
And that list doesn’t include the emotional, intangible tasks I need to work on, like grieving the loss of the life I thought I'd lead and learning how to trust again.
Uncovering all the secrets Kyle had been keeping shattered me.
It forced me to reevaluate our entire marriage, and it seriously screwed with my head.
“Have you given any more thought to therapy? After everything… ”
“Yeah, I called and made an appointment today. I can’t deal with the mess Kyle left in his wake all on my own. I need to heal so I can move forward.”
Laura grabs my hand, squeezing it tightly. “I’m proud of you.”
Later, as I’m slipping into my bed that evening, I glance over at what used to be Kyle’s side of the bed.
We were so young when we married—he was 22 and I was only 20—and I became pregnant within months of our marriage. Grace was a colicky baby, my husband was rarely home, and our families were on opposite ends of the country. It was a stressful and isolating period.
Meanwhile, Kyle threw himself into his career.
He worked for a record label, excelling in his role as a talent scout.
He had an instinct for spotting new talent, and with his growing track record of successes, he quickly rose through the ranks.
But as he strove to get ahead in his career, it felt like he left us, his family, behind.
With his hectic schedule, Kyle and I became like ships passing in the night.
We shared a roof, but it felt like we lived parallel lives.
Somewhere along the way, we simply lost sight of each other.
We became complacent and stopped prioritizing our relationship.
Growing up in a religious home, I took it for granted that marriage was forever, so I focused on motherhood, putting little work into my marriage.
I thought we were fine. I thought we were happy. Happy enough, anyway.
But we weren’t. Obviously, since Kyle had an affair. By now, the fact that my husband cheated on me shouldn’t still hurt so much, but it does. The one person who vowed to love me and forsake all others… didn’t.
His sins wounded me deeply, but I still miss him, which feels pretty pathetic .
I pick up his pillow and press it into my face, inhaling.
It’s been three months since he left me and abandoned our family, and I still can’t bring myself to wash his pillowcase.
Over time, his scent has slowly faded, but tonight is the first time I can’t detect even the faintest trace.
It’s as if the last thread tethering us together has finally snapped.
My marriage is over.
Hell, the marriage I thought we had never even existed. It was all built upon a tangled web of lies and deceit.
My eyes burn with tears, and my body feels heavy, but not only with sadness. It’s more complicated than that. It takes me a while to decipher my feelings before I settle on a surprising one.
Longing.
Longing for someone I can depend on, someone who can be strong for me when I feel weak.
Longing for the companionship of a steady romantic partner.
For someone to kiss goodbye in the morning and hug hello at the end of a hard day.
To share all the pieces of my life, from the mundane to the extraordinary.
To love someone and have them love me in return.
I’ve pushed those feelings down over the last few months, forced to prioritize everything else. Sadness, shock, betrayal, anger, regret. Those feelings took center stage, leaving no room for anything else.
But after one night with Hayes, those buried longings bubble back to the surface, uninvited yet undeniable.
In the future, I hope that I’ll have room for a romantic partner, but now isn’t the time.
Later, I tell myself, later .