Chapter 9
Eli
I hesitated for a second before I knocked. I'd been to Rowan's flat a hundred times before. But tonight, as I stood at his door, I couldn't shake the weird feeling that I was butting in where I shouldn't be.
I didn't hear any movement from inside, so I knocked again.
More silence. Maybe Rowan wasn't home.
I almost knocked a third time, just to make sure he wasn't around, when I finally heard soft footsteps approaching. The door opened, and Rowan stood there looking ... fine.
Not great. Not terrible. Just fine.
Something flickered across his face for a split second before he smoothed his expression out. It went too fast for me to be able to guess what it might've been. "What are you doing here? I thought you'd be back in London by now."
He sounded surprised but not exactly unhappy to see me. Still, I sensed a beat of hesitation and a tiny change in his posture. One I probably wouldn't have picked up on if I didn't know him so damn well.
I forced a grin and tried to keep my tone light. "Yeah, but I've barely seen you since I got here."
He huffed out something that sounded like it was supposed to be a laugh, but it didn't quite land right. "Sorry. Been busy."
There it was. The excuse.
I nodded and stuffed my hands into my pockets. "I kinda got that from all your one-word texts."
Another pause. His eyes flicked away briefly before he moved back to open the door a little wider. "You want to come in?"
"Wouldn't have come by if I didn't."
He didn't respond, just stepped aside to let me in. I walked into the familiar space, giving the room a quick scan even though I knew nothing had changed. The same bookshelf in the corner, the same too-comfortable sofa. But the atmosphere felt different.
Rowan closed the door and rubbed the back of his neck. He didn't seem to know how to react to me being here. That wasn't like him. "You want anything to drink?"
His tone was too casual. He was trying too hard to sound normal.
I leaned against the arm of the sofa instead of sitting down. "I'm good. You've been kind of MIA, though. Just wanted to check in."
He shrugged and headed for the kitchen, anyway. "School stuff. The year starts soon. Lots to do."
"Uh-huh." I watched him as he turned his back to me to open a cabinet. "That's it?"
He went quiet for a second too long before answering. Then he became a little too focused on filling a glass with water. "Yeah. What else would it be?"
I debated whether or not to push. He wasn't exactly dodging the question, but there was a stiffness in his tone. Like he was trying to stop me from catching on to something. Finally, I just said, "You tell me, Ro."
"We're fine." The response was automatic. Too quick.
I raised an eyebrow. "Yeah? 'Cause last time we talked in person, I brought something up, and you've basically ghosted me since then."
He exhaled through his nose and finally took a sip of the water. "You didn't do anything, Eli. I just ... needed a minute."
I watched him closely, trying to get a read on what he was actually saying.
His posture was too careful, and he seemed hyper-aware of himself in a way that he usually wasn't when it was just him and me.
His fingers rapped against the side of the glass a few times before they came to a sudden stop. He'd caught himself mid-fidget.
"You sure everything's alright?" I asked, quieter now. The teasing edge in my voice had faded.
His eyes flicked up to meet mine, and just for a second, I saw a crack in the mask. A hint of hesitation. He did want to tell me something.
But just as suddenly, that look disappeared. "I'm fine, Eli."
There was that damn word again. Fine. The way he said it made me uneasy. He believed it. Or maybe he needed me to believe it.
I sighed. "Listen, I didn't mean to make things weird about Marcus."
His grip tightened around the glass before it loosened again. "You didn't."
"Doesn't feel that way."
He offered one of those easy smiles of his, the kind designed to smooth things over. "Eli, seriously. It's alright. You were just looking out for me."
That should've been good enough for me to leave it alone. I should've laughed it off and let him change the subject like he clearly wanted to do.
But something still nagged at me. It wasn't just his words. It was how he said them. I could almost argue he'd practised this in his head before I even showed up.
I studied him to look for any sign that I was overthinking this. But Rowan just held my gaze in a way that felt out of character for him.
I dragged a hand through my hair, forcing my tone to stay light. "I don't want to sound like I'm questioning your choices or anything."
His grin faded a bit. "I know. There's nothing to question."
There it was again. A flicker of something too quick and too careful. Most people wouldn't notice. But I knew Rowan.
He wasn't one to lie outright, but I'd seen him bury things before. He'd offer just enough truth for others to let it go, and then he'd push it down until it couldn't be ignored any longer. And I had a bad feeling he was doing that now.
I should've said something about it. But instead, I just nodded. "Alright. As long as we're good."
"We are." After a pause, he casually glanced at his laptop on the table. "I should get back to work. Lesson planning and all that."
I didn't move at first. Because I could tell what this was – a dismissal. Not harsh enough for me to call him out on it. But he somehow managed to wrap things up without making it obvious that's what he was doing.
Against my better judgment, I let it happen.
Finally, I pushed away from the sofa arm. "Yeah, of course. Don't let me keep you." I headed for the door, but before I stepped out into the hallway, I turned back to say, "Just don't disappear on me, yeah?"
Rowan chuckled. This time his smile carried its usual familiar warmth. For just a second, things almost felt normal again. "I won't."
As I pulled the door closed behind me, though, that gnawing feeling wouldn't go away. The same one I'd had at that dinner that refused to let go. Something wasn't right. And I was starting to think Rowan knew it, too.
When I made my way outside, the evening air felt crisp compared to the warmth of Rowan's flat.
I pulled my hoodie tighter around me and stuffed my hands in my pockets, my steps falling into a steady pace as I started off down the street.
My thoughts were still a tangled mess as my mind replayed that conversation.
I'd come over here hoping to get a read on what was really going on with Rowan. But now I was even more confused. Nothing made sense, and I hadn't gotten a single clear answer. Just vague reassurances and that too-easy grin.
I sighed and tried to shove those thoughts aside for now. I didn't know what to do with any of it, anyway. If I pushed too much, he'd just pull away further. But if I let this go, would I be ignoring something I shouldn't be?
I rounded the corner and almost collided with someone. I flinched and took a quick step back, about to apologise – until I saw who it was.
Marcus.
Of fucking course.
That trademark smile slid into place so smoothly that it grated on my nerves. "Elias. Fancy running into you here." His voice was just as even, like we were old friends who just happened to cross paths. Instead of two people who barely knew each other. It set my teeth on edge.
I forced a polite nod. "Yeah. Just catching up with Rowan."
That smile didn't falter, but I noticed something in his expression. It was fast, there and gone again in a flash. But I caught it.
He glanced toward the direction I'd come from, as if he expected to find Rowan behind me. "That's nice. It's been a busy few weeks for him."
I did my best to keep my tone neutral as I watched him. "I noticed. Haven't seen much of him lately."
"He's got a lot on his plate. Sometimes you have to remind him to focus on what's important."
My stomach lurched. I hated that tone. The way he made it sound reasonable and that he was looking out for Rowan. But I heard a different implication underneath it.
I decide what's important. I decide where his time goes.
I forced my expression to stay unchanged. I refused to give him the reaction he was looking for. His gaze stayed on me, calculating, waiting to see if I'd take the bait.
I just nodded and gave a slight smile. "He does tend to get caught up in things."
Marcus chuckled, and he sounded a little too satisfied with himself. "Exactly. He needs someone to keep him on track."
On track.
I clenched my jaw but didn't react outwardly. Pushing back wouldn't get me anywhere with him. Not until I had something concrete to go on. What was I supposed to say? I have a bad feeling about you? That wouldn't help Rowan.
So I kept my stance loose. "Right. Well, I should get going."
He hummed in acknowledgement, but as I stepped past him, he added casually, "I'm sure Rowan will catch up with you when he has the time."
I froze.
It was a simple phrase. Harmless on the surface. But I picked up a pointed, deliberate reminder that Rowan's time wasn't his own anymore. That Marcus decided when and how he was allowed to see me, and I had no say in it at all.
I turned back to meet Marcus's gaze, and for a moment, we just stared at each other.
I'd never wanted to punch someone so badly in my life. My fingers twitched in my pockets, itching to knock that smug grin off his face and break that easy confidence.
But I didn't. Somehow, I kept my hands to myself and my voice steady. "Yeah. I'm sure he will."
That fucking smile lingered as I turned away again. I could feel his gaze on my back as I started walking again, and I was pretty sure he was waiting to see if I'd say anything else. I didn't.
Only when I was well out of eyeshot did I finally release a slow breath. My fists had clenched so tight in my pockets that my knuckles ached. I hadn't even noticed it until that point.
Marcus was manipulating Rowan. I didn't know how deep it ran, but it was there. If Rowan saw it, he didn't know what to do about it.
And he didn't feel safe enough to talk to me.