Levi #3
“Then what did you notice?” I asked, knowing I was probably about to call his bluff. “Because you don’t seem too keen on telling me.”
“Alright, I’ll tell you, as soon as you tell me something.”
“I’m not sure that’s how answering questions is supposed to work.”
“It can, if I want it to,” he said with a grin. “Now, my question is, during this whole time...how many times have you pictured me naked?”
I sighed. “Really? The first time you have a real conversation with me, and you go with sex?”
“Oh, I’m sorry, did you become prudish and shy?” he asked, raising a brow.
“No, but apparently you got a lot more comfortable making dirty, gay jokes.”
He shrugged. “I’m thirty-three, not seventeen, and wondering if it’s okay for me to like dick.”
“I will remind you that you were the one who said you haven’t been with many men since we last saw one another,” I said, taking the opportunity to slip by him, grabbing my shirt, and heading for the living room, where there was more space.
“So clearly you aren’t that much of a fan.
..and since when was it dick? I recall you were pretty much okay with everything, but as awkward as a whore in a nunnery when it involved you messing with a dick that wasn’t yours. ”
“Well, I can’t say I’m...ready to write books about how much I love dicks in my mouth,” he said, following me.
I didn’t need to look to know he was even more smug than before.
“But I’m not a weirded-out teenager anymore either.
And just because I haven’t slept with a bunch of guys doesn’t mean I suddenly stopped being interested in some guys. ”
“I suppose a small number of guys does count as being interested in some guys,” I admitted.
I wasn’t sure why I was so...reluctant to admit I was interested in what he was saying.
It was amusing to picture what my sixteen-year-old self would say if he could see me now, resisting the idea that I wanted Dom.
Well, he probably would have pulled me aside and demanded to know what the hell was wrong with me when it was Dom who seemed to be hitting on me.
Well, it seemed like hitting on me anyway.
Dom was also the sort who liked to get a reaction out of others, if he could poke and prod them.
Not as much as his older brother, of course, who I remembered clearly could be one of the most frustrating living things on the planet, but Dom could certainly be irritating in his own right.
“Why are we even having this conversation?” I asked wearily, not bothering to deal with the whole back-and-forth we were doing.
“Maybe I was having a few...thoughts. You’ll have to forgive me; it’s been a while since I was close to someone like that.
And if you must know, I tend to be horny when I’m stressed.
And in case you haven’t been paying attention, I’ve been under a great deal of stress lately. ”
“Uh-huh,” he said, and I wondered what the hell was wrong with him that he was suddenly acting as though he were comfortable and laidback. “And just...what does that have to do with you getting turned on because I was touching you?”
“You’re a man, a good-looking man, who’s grown more attractive with age,” I said with a frown. “Look, would you stop playing with me already? I’m wound up enough as it is; I don’t need you trying to get a rise out of me.”
“You know, I didn’t check, but I feel like I already ‘got a rise’ out of you,” he said with a cock of his brow.
“Alright,” I said, turning away. “You’ve had your laugh, can we move on to another subject, please?”
“Levi.”
“I mean it.”
“Levi.”
“What?” I grunted in annoyance as I felt him coming closer.
“You are one of the smartest people I’ve ever known, and right now, I think the only person that could give you a run for your money would be my nephew, but that’s going to take a few more years before he bumps you out of the top spot. I’ve always thought you were smart.”
“Your point?”
“That, for all those smarts, you can be one of the densest, most ridiculous people I have ever met. Why the hell do you think I’ve been having this conversation with you?”
I turned to frown at him. “I know what I thought was happening, does that count?”
“Is that you wondering if I was messing with you, or being serious?”
Okay, he still knew me better than he gave himself credit for. However, I was more accurate in seeing his ability to assess me. Because right now I was wondering if he was...”Were you serious?”
“I wasn’t kidding when I said I haven’t been with many guys since you,” he said with a half smile.
I rolled my eyes. “Really? Jesus, Dom.”
“Right, right, sorry,” he said quickly. “Here I am, pushing you to be serious and honest with me, and the minute you turn the attention back on me, I start being a smartass and pissing you off.”
I blinked, impressed by his self-awareness and the instantaneous pivot back to the conversation we’d been having. “Right.”
“What do you want me to say? That I’ve actually been turned on this whole time?” he asked and then frowned. “Okay, wow, I’m terrible at this.”
I stared at him, unable to picture what it was he was trying to say, and frowning. “I’m...going to be honest here. I’m not sure exactly what it is you’re trying to convey.”
Dom took a deep breath, running a hand down his face and shaking his head. “Alright, so...God. I like how I’m so cocky and so sure of myself when I’m putting you on the spot. But the moment I’m the one on the spot, I suddenly turn into a fucking idiot.”
That brought a smile to my face. “You’re making little sense at the moment.”
“I know,” he said. “And I’m sorry about that. I wish I could make more sense.”
I thought...perhaps I knew what he was trying to get at, but I held back.
Maybe it was revenge for him teasing me, but.
..I didn’t want to be wrong. I loathed the idea of making a fool of myself as it was, but the idea of making a fool of myself in front of Dom, because of Dom? That was repellent beyond belief.
And maybe, just maybe...you want to hear him say it. If you’re right, that is.
Go away.
You can admit it.
Fine, I admit it, now go away.
“If this was anyone else, if this was a...” he stopped and shook his head.
“Talking was always what you were good at. You used to say the world was made up of people who were doers or thinkers, and I always liked to say I was definitely more of a doer. I was just being a cocky asshole, but...I wasn’t wrong.
I’ve always been better at doing things than thinking about them. ..or talking about them.”
“Okay,” I said, because what was I supposed to say? I was torn between the aching flutter of hope in my chest and the squirming fear wrapping around it, preventing it from doing anything but sit there, helpless.
“So...what I’m trying to swing around to saying is,” he said, rubbing his shoulder in what I realized was a nervous gesture. “I’m going to be a doer. And I’m going to hope you forgive me if it’s the wrong thing to do.”
Warily, I eyed him. “Dom, I don’t know what you’re trying to—”
I stopped when he stepped toward me, purpose in the first, second, and then third step.
I almost flinched when he reached out, taking me by each elbow in a firm, but warm grip that made me freeze.
He was practically a landmass in comparison to me, standing in front of me, his dark eyes burning into mine as I stared up at him with shock and wonder.
I only realized what he was going to do when he took a deep breath and leaned down.
Panic came to life inside me before his lips pressed over mine.
It was firm, but there was no insistence, no demand, just the.
..simple presence of his mouth against mine and the understanding that this was exactly where he had been trying to say he wanted to be from the start.
Warmth was a bud that opened inside my chest, flooding my body at the one simple act that I knew condemned me to a course I’d told myself repeatedly I should avoid.
“There,” he said softly as he drew back, his pupils wide and his mouth a thin line as he looked at me. “That’s...sort of what I was trying to get at.”
“You were trying to say you wanted to kiss me?” I asked him softly, still locked in the same position as when he took hold of me.
“Well, sort of. But also repeating that I’m not that awkward seventeen-year-old I regret being.”
“Everyone is awkward at that age, Dom.”
“I know. But back then, you were...really into me. And I was really into you, but I was too freaked out to commit. So instead I kept jerking you around with that ‘will he, won’t he’ bullshit I know had to drive you crazy at the time.”
“It might have,” I said, wrinkling my nose.
“And I might be making it sound less bad than it actually was for me at the time. But that’s not something for you to worry about.
Just like teenagers are awkward, they’re not known for taking things in stride or dealing with them gracefully.
Everything felt larger than life back then, and so, yes, it felt like I was being jerked around at times, but.
..I wasn’t old enough to have the grace to see you were struggling too.
I knew you were struggling, but I only focused on how much I was. ”
“I...look,” he said. “I’ve never been really into guys. Not even after you. I had a few times; a handful, I guess. And I enjoyed it, I had fun, mostly because they were guys I was sure I could have some fun with, you know?”
“I can’t say that I do,” I admitted.
He frowned. “Is telling you this an asshole thing to do? Because it really feels like an asshole thing to do.”