Levi #4
I laughed, having almost forgotten how self-conscious and afraid of being an asshole he was.
..well, afraid of being one to me anyway.
I hadn’t forgotten how charming he could be, though.
“No, Dom, it isn’t an asshole thing to do.
I left, not you, remember? If you were with dozens, hundreds of other men after I left, I’d have no right to feel pissed off or hurt. ”
“But...are you? Because even adults can have emotions that don’t make sense and feel stupid.”
God, for all his supposed insistence that he wasn’t that bright, he could get right to the heart of a subject, and he understood the human condition better than trained professionals I’d known.
“No, I’m not upset or jealous that you were with other men.
I don’t really...have a strong feeling about it, if I’m honest. I just meant that I don’t understand it because I am and have always been gay.
I’ll never be able to truly understand what it’s like to sort of be into men. ”
He gave me a crooked smile. “Alright, good point. I still feel like a jackass talking about this.”
“I’m going to assume there’s a point to it all,” I said, meaning it but hoping I was right. As much as I accepted that he had been with other men, I didn’t want to linger on the topic. Actually, I didn’t know what we were doing right now.
“There is,” he said, and surprised me when his hand slid down to my side, wrapping around it gently and surprising me even more by slowly pushing me back until I was pressed against the sliding glass door leading onto my deck.
“See, I always thought I was a little gay, or you know, a little bi. Kind of obvious, at least to me, since I’d been with you, and I liked being with you even if I spent most of our time together freaking out that I was doing things the wrong way or that it might suddenly stop, and I’d be left having to turn you down because you deserved to be with someone who wanted to be with you completely. ”
“You’re rambling,” I pointed out, but smiled gently.
“I am,” he said, and I felt his fingers flex against my side. “I’m trying to make a point here, but I’m doing a really shitty job.”
“I can just let you ramble and see if you eventually get there if you want.”
“Alright, now you’re just being an ass.”
“A little.”
“Stop it.”
“Okay...you were saying you were with guys after me and before this, and that you had fun with them because you didn’t just do it, but because you were sure you could enjoy sex with them.
I do want to point out that despite what I said earlier, it’s still odd to be having this conversation while you’re pinning me against a wall, having kissed me. ”
He grinned, and the sight made my groin pulse. “I was saying that, wasn’t I? Told you I was bad at this.”
“Right, but you were supposed to be rambling your way to a point. Hopefully a good one.”
“Right, the thing is, yeah, I had fun with them, and it was nice because I was able to have fun, so that meant I was right all along and all the freaking out and worrying I did when I’d been fucking around with you was stupid and pointless.”
“Uh-huh.”
“But...” he continued, and his hand slid down to my ass, where his fingers squeezed. “Just kissing you, just...touching you like this, still turns me on more than any of those guys ever did.”
“Mmmm, you do realize what question that begs, right?”
“All the women?”
I blinked. “All the women? Just how many are we talking here?”
“Do you care?”
“Not particularly. You did, however, make it seem like a rather large number, so it’s only natural to be curious about what you could be working with.”
He smirked. “You know what I’m working with.”
“That is the most teenage boy response in existence,” I told him with a roll of my eyes.
“And yet you immediately thought of my dick, didn’t you?”
“I refuse to admit to anything.”
“Typical criminal, pleading the fifth rather than own up to what he’s doing.”
“Really?” I asked with a laugh. “You are bad at this.”
“And the other thing I was trying to say is...I might have been wondering the same thing you were for a bit since I showed up.”
“Mind reading now? You have so many new talents since we last saw one another.”
“Oh, I do, believe me,” he promised, and if he intended to turn me on by being vaguely cocky in his sexual skills...it was working. “But I bet you were wondering if I was getting turned on, and if I was flirting with you at some point.”
“The question might have entered my head at…wait, are you saying you were wondering the same thing?”
“Mhmm,” he rumbled, and I felt myself stiffen at the deep sound that held more promise than it should have. “I guess I haven’t changed much from that awkward teenager who wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to sleep with you.”
“You still slept with me,” I told him with a snort.
“Took your V card,” he said with a smirk.
“God, I haven’t heard it called that in years,” I said, and then froze when he grabbed my ass again. “What are you up to?”
“Groping you.”
“Why?”
“Because it turns me on. It turns me on more than... Can I tell you something else?”
“I’d prefer you wait to tell me whatever it is, if it can wait,” I said as I began to squirm. “Because right now, I’ve got you pushing up against me and I’m about an inch away from getting a real-time reminder of the dick you were so arrogantly trying to remind me of.”
“Oh,” he said, and before I could register what he was doing, he took hold of my hand and brought it down to his groin, curling my fingers around it. “Is that reminder arrogant enough for you?”
Jesus, he was...I was pretty sure he was harder than I was.
And yeah, while I thought I had a good memory, Dom had been quick to remind me in the most direct way possible that memory wasn’t a substitute for reality.
I didn’t know if his dick had grown alongside the rest of him since the last time I’d had my hand on it, but it certainly felt that way.
As for first-time partners, he probably hadn’t been ideal solely because of his size.
Monstrous? No, but no one could lay eyes on it, let alone touch it, and say it was anything but impressive.
“That is...arrogant,” I said in a voice that betrayed just how much I was enjoying his...arrogance.
“Cocky?”
“Oh God.”
“You turn me on,” he said in a soft voice that jerked my attention to him with an almost audible snap.
“I want you. So what I’m saying right now is.
..if you wanna do more than just touch me like this, or let me pin you, then all you have to do is say the word.
Maybe between the two of us, and over a decade, we might be able to do better than we did as teenagers. ”
Wriggling my hand to show I wanted him to let go of it, he did with admirable restraint, holding back the disappointment on his face. It had a shelf life of about a second before my hand twitched to take hold of the button of his jeans and flick it open with a gesture I had long since mastered.
It was done without hesitation or thought.
It was the first thing I could remember doing without performing a cost or risk analysis in.
...shit, I couldn’t remember how long. Even the last few partners I’d taken to bed had been with the knowledge that I didn’t know who those strangers were and that I needed to go about it in a way that didn’t expose me to danger or make me vulnerable.
A calculated risk was still a risk, but everything I had done for years had been calculated.
But not this, this was done as easily as buttoning up my own clothing, and the rush was enough to confirm that this was precisely what I needed.
I reached up to wrap my other hand around the back of his neck and pull the willing man down to my mouth.
This time, there was insistence and demand from me as our lips parted, tongues sliding and pushing against one another.
Dom grunted. I didn’t know if it was in surprise or arousal, but I knew I wanted to hear more noises like that.
He pushed me against the door again, and I hissed when my wounded shoulder struck it hard.
“Shit,” he muttered. “Just let me—”
He backed up awkwardly since he didn’t seem to know if he wanted to take me with him or give me space.
I followed as he bumped into the couch and then pushed him onto it.
He’d barely landed before I followed, planting a leg on each side of his and pushing my ass down into his groin as I kissed him fiercely again.
Even with him underneath, he was impossibly big, like he could swallow me up without any effort.
I could feel the strength of his body in the arms that wrapped around me, still careful to avoid my wound, and in the legs that pressed against mine as if trying to spread my legs further.
I had always avoided partners as big and strong as him because I could never be sure whether they were a threat, and I didn’t want to risk having to fight off someone who had such an advantage.
With Dom, though, that fear was merely an echo, the ghost of something that existed solely because it had been repeated so many times before.
This was Dom; he was big, he was strong, he could fight like hell, and sometimes he was meaner than a junkyard dog when he got going, but…
this was Dom. Years couldn’t change either of us enough, it seemed, for me to fear he was a threat.
No, even after all the changes, even after all the things we’d gone through, I still felt completely and absolutely safe with his strong body wrapped around mine.
Rough fingertips scraped my sides as he fumbled to get hold of my shirt, and I smiled against his lips at his awkwardness, his eagerness.
I had to break the kiss to let him pull the shirt off, which he tossed away.
I pushed my hands under his shirt and groaned softly as I felt the warmth of his skin, the thickness of his muscle, and the brush of his hair.