Chapter 17 #2
“No, I’m just asking for you to not give up on me yet.
I don’t want you to lose her, but I can’t lose you either, Cosette.
Can’t you see? I am addicted to you. Every part of me became yours the moment I laid my eyes on you.
My music has become you. My soul has become you.
” His voice quivered, vulnerability floating across his words.
I closed my eyes, torn. His confession felt heavy and inviting.
It imprinted upon my heart, searing its permanence and unknowingly sealing my fate.
Slowly, I extended my hand and opened my fingers. Resting on my palm was the silent agreement that I felt as he did. That I was his.
“Didn’t you already know?” I whispered when he took the fabric from me.
“Already know what?” He stood up, gazing down at me.
“Why do you think I asked you to promise me? Why do you think I made a stupid Picsnap? Why do you think I came yesterday? Or today?” I paused, letting him study me before finishing my thought.
“Why do you think I asked for this?” I spread my legs and pointed at the deeply bruised bite mark near the crease.
“Tell me.” His voice was low and quiet, as his eyes glanced at the mark. “Tell me why.”
“You said you didn’t need me to say it out loud. If I say it out loud, it makes it very real.”
“I lied.” He lifted his gaze to my eyes, begging for me to tell him how I felt. To tell him exactly what I had been battling between my own mind and heart.
“I want you,” I confessed. It whispered across the room. “I need you.”
He inhaled sharply, happiness filling his gaze.
“But-but I can’t have you,” I finished.
He clenched his jaw, his eyes becoming cold. Silence stretched between us, heavy and oppressive, and then he stepped away from me. “What are you saying?”
“You know what I’m saying, Asher. We’ve had—”
“No, this isn’t the same thing. I didn’t ask the same thing.”
I shook my head, tears clouding my vision. “You just don’t understand.”
“Fucking try me. I’m a human being, too, you know,” he snarled, his fingers turning white as he clenched his fists.
“I–I’m just—It’s not that simple. There’s too much at risk.” The tears crashed down my cheeks, leaving a hot, wet trail behind.
“For who? You or for us?” he asked, his tone measured.
“For both of us! You know that. I’m just trying to protect—”
“Protect what?” A flicker of something I’d never seen before darted across his gaze. “Yourself?”
“That’s not fair,” I whispered, my resolve faltering.
“Get out,” he stated.
“Wh-what?” I stammered.
“I said get. Out.” He pointed at the door, his face void of all emotion.
Anger. Immediate anger flooded my body, masking the shattering pieces of my heart falling to the pit of my stomach, and I shoved myself up from the ground.
“You knew,” I snarled at him. “You knew what my answer was from the beginning.”
He stared at me, not a single ounce of guilt or even frustration on his face.
“You asshole!” I shouted and shoved him against his chest. He barely swayed, but I heard his breath hitch in his throat. Except I didn’t care anymore.
“You know what, fuck you,” I snapped, bending down and picking up my dress. “Fuck you and your stupidly addicting self.” I tore off his shirt and tugged my dress over my head, not bothering to put on my bra. Besides, he could keep both thongs if he really wanted; I just needed to get away from him.
I managed to zip the dress up and stomped to the door. Tugging my heels on, I bit back the tears that were flooding my eyes. I hated him.
No, I hated how much I wanted him. How much I needed him. I hated how much I was attached to him. I hated how much I didn’t hate him. He got me to confess the words that made me the worst best friend possible, destroyed any shred of deniability I had left, and then threw me to the wind.
Grabbing the handle to the door, I felt my lip quiver, hesitating. I wanted him to say something, do something, attempt to stop me, but there was nothing except silence and pain.
And tears quietly spilled over. I couldn’t stop them as I turned the knob and pulled the door open to meet the gaze of Kieron, Drake, and Jaxon.
Drake had his fist raised like he was about to knock on the door, but now all three of them were frozen in shock.
Confusion flooded their gazes as I quickly wiped the tears off my cheeks and ducked around them.
“Cosette?” Jaxon called out as I quickly walked down the hallway.
“Where are you going?” Drake shouted as I pressed the button for the elevator.
“Don’t you want to stay and watch a movie with us?” Kieron asked lastly as the doors slid apart. Wet streaks stained my cheeks as I stepped inside, unable to look at them—unable to say anything. I was drowning in the agony of my own stupid choices.
Pressing the number one, I faced the front, staring at the blank wall across the hallway, waiting for the doors to close. Waiting for this to become a memory that I could shove to the back of my mind and pretend like it never happened.
Finally, they began to clunk closed, inching together to shut out this world that I wasn’t supposed to be a part of.
Closing me off from someone I should’ve never gotten involved with in the first place.
I should’ve just stuck with my mundane life.
I had people who cared about me; I wasn’t making stupid decisions that could destroy a lifetime friendship.
I wasn’t being impulsive, and I wasn’t losing control.
Closing my eyes, I breathed out in relief right before the doors closed entirely. Except the elevator didn’t start descending.
Snapping my eyes open, I met Asher’s gaze.
He was standing between the doors in his joggers while barefoot.
I blinked, shocked and trying to clear away the tears.
Wiping my cheeks with my hands, I tried to look at everything except him.
But once the blurriness faded, I couldn’t.
The emotion, the reaction, the explanation to his words that I’d been searching for in his face were plain as day in his eyes.
Pain.
There was the most searing agony in his gaze.
But it was a little too late.
I took a small step away from him, bumping against the back of the elevator.
It took everything in me, but I tore my gaze away from him.
He couldn’t simply stop the elevator and look at me like that.
There was an apology that was needed, if not more.
I had been crystal clear from the beginning that something between us couldn’t happen.
“Look at me,” Asher finally said.
I slowly shook my head, fighting back the tears.
“Cosette, please.” His voice broke.
I lifted my eyes to meet his but kept myself as far away as I could.
“Forgive me,” he whispered.
I swallowed stiffly but said nothing. Did nothing. He’d flipped so quickly, who’s to say that it wouldn’t happen again? Who’s to say that he wouldn’t do something just as manipulative as he’d just done? How was he any better than Danny if he was just going to use me like that?
His eyes continued to search mine, begging me to silently let him off the hook. But not this time. I deserved better. Looking away from him, I stared over at the wall of the elevator. That was my answer.
What he’d said hurt.
My shoulders sagged, and he took one step backward out of the elevator.
Though maybe I was just as much in the wrong as he was.
Because my words had hurt him.
The doors began to close as my bottom lip started trembling. I’m a human being, too, you know, he’d said. There it was. Slapping a hand over my mouth, the tears of anger shifted to shock as I realized why he’d become so angry.
I’d practically told him that I’d used him.
No wonder he was hurt. No wonder he’d gotten angry.
Wait, how was I any better than Danny? The only times I was actually with him were when he asked or I needed something from him.
No wonder there had been so much pain in his gaze. No wonder he’d reacted the way he had.
And he’d given me plenty of time to change my answer.
At what point did I merely put effort into being with him just to spend time with him? To hell with my reservations because of Sydney. All he’d been asking for was reassurance that he meant more to me than some adrenaline-fueled game.
Snapping my gaze to the elevator doors in desperation, my eyes caught a final glimpse of Asher’s agonizing stare as the doors closed me off to him entirely. I ran forward, smashing my finger against the open button, but I was too late. The elevator was already descending.
“No,” I cried out, slamming my hand against them.
“No.” I rammed my finger against the button again.
“Asher…” I choked out. But the elevator didn’t stop.
Sniffing, I wiped the back of my hands against my cheeks, covering my mouth.
“What have I done?” I whispered in grief.
Wait, the room key. I could just go back up to his room. Shoving my hands into my pockets, I felt for the plastic card that I knew I’d put in there. But there wasn’t anything except for my phone in one pocket and car keys in the other. No, this couldn’t be happening.
Desperately, I scanned the elevator floor, hoping that it had fallen out. But it wasn’t there. Maybe I could press a number and stop the elevator on a different floor? Or go back to the tenth floor since I was still on the elevator?
Ramming my finger into the number ten, a red circle appeared around the button. So, I pressed the number three, which was the next floor, but again, it was red, and the elevator kept descending.
Please no.
I pressed every button, but nothing. It kept going down.
My fault. I closed my eyes in defeat as it hit the ground floor and stopped moving. The elevator dinged, and the doors slid open.
Opening to an entirely different world of chaos.