Chapter 19
Swaying, I giggled as Sydney squealed. She splashed in the pool while I attempted to walk down the brick pathway to the edge without spilling my drink.
Music blared over the speakers, the light breeze dancing through the trees along the far edge of the property.
A couple workers trimmed the hedges while we partied.
Sydney’s parents’ mansion rose behind us; the giant patio that she’d transformed into a stage sparkled in the sunlight.
The girls lounged and splashed in the water, screaming and gossiping about stuff I’d long since forgotten. Everything was a bit blurry as I stumbled along, downing another burning swig of alcohol.
I’d accomplished my one mission. I was blissfully drunk and feeling warm all over. The sun was just beginning to set as the strap of my swimsuit cover slid off my shoulder.
“Your turn, Cosi!” Sydney squealed, waving from the crystal blue water.
“For what?” I slurred, nearly tipping over on my ass. Giggling, I caught myself on the wicker pool chair and pushed myself upright.
“If you could only do one sex thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?” Megan shouted as the floatie she was lounging on drifted slowly across the surface.
“Shit.” One foot slid across the cement, and my bum crashed against the pool edge. Laughing, I chugged the rest of my drink that I’d managed to save. “What was your answer?”
“Doggy style,” Megan replied with a grin.
“Which I thought was a lame answer,” Sydney shouted, and Megan rolled her eyes.
“Come on, Cosi!” Katie shouted, sipping on her glass. Sitting upright, I awkwardly pulled myself up from the ground and stumbled to the edge of the pool.
“Oh, I don’t know.” I squinted, looking at the blurry edge that was swimming back and forth. Asher between my legs in any way. His face between them, his tongue stroking, intense desire burning in his gaze. Any wicked thing that Asher wanted to do would be my answer.
“You going to get in?” Sydney grinned, knowing how absolutely drunk I was.
“No, ma’am,” I slurred, and reached one foot forward. Sitting down on the edge was turning out to be more complicated than I thought it would be.
“Answer the question!” Katie yelled again.
“Her answer will probably be lamer than Megan’s. Danny doesn’t seem exactly adventurous,” Rachel taunted, pushing some of her curly, black hair behind her ear.
“Sssshut up, bitch. I’ve had my fair share.” I finally managed to plunk myself down on the edge and grinned in satisfaction.
“Like what?” Sydney began laughing in complete disbelief.
My gaze slid to Tera, who was unusually quiet. She lifted a single knowing brow, and I groaned. I was drunk and still couldn’t escape Asher. He came flooding back to my mind, and I frowned, kicking my feet in the water.
Suddenly, hands wrapped around my ankles and jerked. Liquid cocooned me, shoving down my esophagus. Choking on chlorine that burned my throat, I gasped for air, clawing to the surface.
Breaking the water, I blinked, spewing out as much of the pool liquid from my lungs as I could. “Who?” I coughed again, splashing and flailing like an idiot.
“Here, let me help you there.” A sickening sound flooded my ears as fingers grabbed my wrist.
I swung my drunken gaze to the edge of the pool to find Danny squatting down beside it.
“No. No. No.” I ripped my wrist from his hand.
“Get out of here, Danny!” Sydney shrieked.
“This is a girls-only party!” Katie shouted.
Danny merely gave me a smirk as I slipped beneath the water again. Flailing, breaking to the swaying surface that was making me nauseous, I glared at him.
“Leave, asshole,” I snarled, spinning around, and began to wade clumsily through the water to the stairs at the far side.
“Your parents want me here, so I’m not leaving. Besides, it looks like you could use some help.” He once again reached for my wrist.
“Go away.” I karate chopped at his outstretched hand and toppled sideways, crashing beneath the water again. Sounds were muffled; the dank sloshing of liquid curling around me helped me bob upright.
Spitting up chlorine once I broke the surface, a belch tumbled from my throat, as I continued my stumbling excursion forward. My friends shouted at him to leave, even splashed some water in his direction, but he slowly mirrored my clumsy movements instead.
Wrapping my hand around the metal railing, I hoisted myself up the stairs, tripping a time or two before finally exiting the water and swinging my head to glare drunkenly at Danny. The end of my ponytail slapped me in the face, which stung a little.
Spitting the hair from my mouth, the sudden rush of silence surrounding me crashed against me. Even Danny stared at me silently, wide-eyed in shock. I furrowed my brows and scanned my friends.
An umbrella flopped sideways in one glass.
Ice clinked against the edge in a drink, as the pool water swayed, but not a single person moved.
Finally, Danny pointed toward my leg. “Did someone hurt you?” he asked.
I glanced at where he was pointing. Panic sliced through me like hot iron at the sight of the briefly forgotten massive bruise and undeniable bite mark on my inner thigh.
In the midst of falling in the pool, my swimsuit dress cover must’ve risen around my waist, which left nothing but my bikini bottoms covering only a small corner of the bite, but not enough to camouflage what the bruising was from.
“Yes,” I grumbled, feeling every ounce of heartbreaking pain rush back into me. Every emotion I’d gotten drunk to forget came crashing through me. Shoving down the swimsuit cover, I clenched my jaw.
“What’s his name? I’ll call the cops,” Danny asked, and I rolled my eyes, shoving past him.
“None of your business. And he didn’t hurt me like that.” I stomped back up the stairs.
“Cosi, you need to explain!” Sydney shouted, but I ignored her, continuing up the path.
“What do you mean he didn’t hurt you like that?” Danny followed me, reaching for my hand.
“Back the fuck off, Danny. Just go. I’m a big girl who can enjoy whatever pleasure she wants,” I hissed, and slapped his outstretched fingers away. Hustling across the bricks, I wound my way through the beautifully sculpted lawn and reached the back iron gate doors to the house.
“Look—” he started, but Tera cut him off.
“Sydney, get Danny out of here. I’ll go take care of Cosi.
” Her voice was hollow, distant behind me, as I swung open the door and stepped into the mansion.
Padding across the beautiful marble floor, I finally stumbled my way to a bathroom.
Passing statues and an indoor fountain, golden accents intricately carved amongst the balcony above, I slammed my hands against the heavy oak door and crashed inside.
It shut behind me, and I leaned my back against the stand-alone black, stone tub, sliding to the floor.
Tears threatened to spill over the edges, and I closed my eyes, leaning my head back. The doorknob clicked, and footsteps shuffled inside. Cracking my hazy eyelids open, I was met by Tera’s stern gaze. She crossed her arms and looked down at me.
“Did you just disregard every fucking thing I said to you?” she hissed, and I rolled my eyes.
“Well, lucky for you, it doesn’t matter anymore.” My heart shredded to pieces again.
Her brows twitched. “What do you mean?” she quietly asked, sitting herself down on the dark gray tile. Light streamed in from the massive arching window to my right, casting a shadow over one side of our faces.
I shook my head and looked away, staring at the beautiful mirror behind her.
“Did Asher actually hurt you?” She reached forward, grabbing my knee. I shrugged her hand off.
“Just let it go, Tera. After next weekend’s concerts, they’ll be permanently gone, and everything in life can go back to the way it was. To the way it should be.”
“Go back to the way it was? Cosi, that looks like a deep bite. Deep enough it’s really bruised. So, tell me what he did, because if he hurt you, he—” She tried to shove my legs open.
“He didn’t do anything I didn’t want!” I snapped, cutting her off. After I pushed her hand away, she furrowed her brows.
“You asked for him to do this?”
“Yes.”
“You did sleep with him again. Even after—”
“Yes, Tera. I did. More than once, okay? Because I really, really like him and like having sex with him. But it’s really none of your business.”
“It’s entirely my business when I’m trying to make sure that you don’t blow up your life.”
“It’s already blown up!” I shouted. “Have you not figured that out yet?! Has no one realized that my entire life is on a crash course into oblivion?!” Standing up, I walked around her and braced against the bowless sink as a wave of nausea hit me.
“What are you talking about?” she whispered, her face appearing in the mirror behind me.
“It doesn’t matter, okay? Like I said, after next weekend’s concerts, everything will go back to the way it was before.
I can go back to pretending like Danny isn’t manipulating my parents, that I never met Asher, that I don’t have deadlines coming up I’ve been ignoring, and that nothing happened.
” I closed my eyes, and a tear slid down my cheek. Overwhelmed and exhausted.
“Cosi,” she began, but I took a deep breath and pushed off the sink.
“I’m feeling a little sick, so I’m going to turn in early.
Goodnight, Tera,” I stated and pushed past her back out of the bathroom.
Tomorrow I could face the music. Tomorrow I could deal with Danny getting in my face again, with finding a way to continue to skirt around the inevitable questions that would come from my friends concerning the bite and bruise I hadn’t entirely addressed. Everything can be handled tomorrow.
Right now, I wanted to disappear. And maybe stay gone. Who would really notice besides my friends? And even then, how long would they really be upset if I wasn’t there?
The yard was already crowded, people I probably didn’t know here to celebrate my birthday on behalf of Sydney.
I sat on the edge of my bed in the guest room I’d spent years sleeping in before.
My parents, Sydney, and my small group of friends had all texted asking when I was coming downstairs but said nothing about the incident at the pool.
I didn’t have the energy to answer, so instead, I mindlessly sat on the mattress. I hadn’t even changed from my pajamas, trying my best to avoid going down there.
But throwing a pity party for myself was not going to solve anything that was going on.
Especially since Danny was downstairs, crashing my birthday.
Who cared if Asher wasn’t coming anymore.
I wasn’t going to show up looking like a disheveled mess when I could use this time to stick it to both him and Danny.
Digging through my suitcase, I pulled out my maroon, long-sleeved dress and slipped it on.
It was shorter than I was used to, and tighter, with more of a sexy but classy look to it.
Which is exactly what I wanted. Once I’d swept some mascara on my lashes, replaced my glasses with contacts, I tugged on some heels and quickly brushed out my hair. Time to go rock my own party.
Time to push aside the heartbreak and pretend like I was happy.
At least for a couple hours, long enough to shove it in Danny’s face.
Pretending like everything was okay was something that I could manage.
Keeping secrets was something I hated to admit that I was good at.
Faking things for fifteen years had been surprisingly easy with Sydney.
And now that Asher was gone, was there really a need to tell her what had happened anyway?
Plus, this pain and longing would eventually fade.
I had no one to blame but myself. And honestly, I knew that if I had one more chance with Asher, I would throw all caution to the wind.
If he wanted me to agree to a secret relationship, then I would.
If he wanted me to simply admit that I had feelings for him, that he was worth more than just sex, then I would without any caveat.
And yes, I knew that meant that things between Sydney and I would change, but the agony that I was feeling right now was more excruciating than the guilt that I’d felt before.
Which made me a horrible friend, I knew that. But being with him felt so freeing. Something I hadn’t had in fifteen years.
So, it was time to fake things again. Put that mask back on and pretend like nothing was wrong.
Because I truly didn’t believe that Asher would return to my life.
So regardless of my resolve, if I continued to wallow, Sydney would start to ask questions, and I knew she wouldn’t like my answer.
An answer that I no longer felt the need to share with her.