Chapter 16
Murphy’s Laws of Romance #7
“Romance is very complicated, even on those rare occasions when it only involves two people.”
The Alibi Room was unexpectedly packed for a Wednesday night, but BJ wanted to go in anyway. Shaking her head, Toni entered first, braving the noisy conversations, the rock-band decibels and couples milling in the semi-dark. Toni pushed through to grab a place at the bar while BJ applied his sex scent outside. He came in minutes later. She didn’t see anyone she knew, but the evening was still young. BJ walked past her, his height and sartorial splendor drawing attention. He sat at the far end of the bar from her, making it difficult to observe him through the intervening gaggle of twenty-somethings ordering drinks. Toni sat back and assumed her practiced aura of not interested , get lost and ordered a Mojito, waiting for the first act.
It didn’t take long. Toni noted the time on her observation form when a tall brunette from a nearby table came to stand beside BJ ordering daiquiris for her and her two friends. BJ smiled and moved out of her way, but otherwise, appeared to take no notice, and neither did the woman at first.
Toni easily saw when the scent began to work, disturbed by how quickly the brunette’s behavior changed. She straightened, glancing at BJ several times, and then seemed to relax and go all rubbery. After a moment, she threw her chest out as she turned to face him, her standing, him sitting, her bust right at eyeline. Toni didn’t hear the “Hi” she gave him, but saw her mouth move sensually, making the word into multiple syllables, her heavy-lidded expression as sultry as anything Toni had ever seen.
They started talking, the woman smiling far too much, and in short order, she placed her hand on his arm when she laughed at something he said. It took only a few minutes for the brunette to nod toward the exit, probably suggesting the two of them go back to her place, but then her drinks arrived. BJ pointed to the table where her friends were avidly watching the byplay. From her expression, the brunette didn’t want to share, making Toni smile while she recorded it all.
Around BJ and the brunette, Toni thought she saw a ripple of behavior changes among the crowd of people. The women beginning to eye the men nearby far more directly, where the men seemed to hover, glaring at other men close to them. Toni thought of moving closer to get a better look to confirm the fleeting impression. Then BJ and the brunette broke through the crowd with their drinks and headed for the table, so Toni remained where she was. The brunette’s companions sat waiting, showing all the signs of impatient curiosity.
As the brunette and BJ set the drinks down, she wrapped herself around his arm, claiming possession while introducing her two friends. They, of course, invited him to sit down. The tall brunette sat beside him—close—attempting to body-block any conversation with the two young women across the table, a petite brunette and buxom blonde.
Sipping his soda water, BJ seemed to ignore the brunette’s efforts to crawl into his coat and began asking her friends questions, which the two answered reservedly at first, seeing the territorial gleam in their friends’ eyes. Again in a few minutes the other women’s faces seemed to brighten as though a switch had been thrown, both sitting up straight. The two leaned forward across the table, talking at once. Each showed as much cleavage as possible, the blonde winning. The flirt fight was on.
Toni couldn’t write fast enough to capture all the maneuvers the women tried, but BJ didn’t do much of anything in reaction from what she could tell. He had his back to her. He seemed to sit there and bask in the women’s competitive attention, the schmuck.
If one woman took his hand across the table, the other hand was quickly claimed. If one woman laughed at something he said, the other had laughed louder.
Toni was only hearing a word here and there, but when she heard BJ say he had a doctorate, none of the young women appeared to ask what kind before playing doctor with him. The blonde had headaches, placing his hand on her forehead, only to be trumped by the tall brunette who had heart palpitations, holding his other hand on her ribcage, just below her breast. The short brunette, not to be outdone, had a bad knee, the pain extending up her inner thigh. BJ ran out of hands. The tall brunette, to sideline the competition, pulled BJ to the dance floor.
The other two joined them, dancing together, as close as possible. BJ was conservative in his dance moves, but did well enough, showing a sense of rhythm. The music ended as BJ was becoming the middle of a three-girl sandwich. They all came back to the table, each attempting to hang on an arm, which was embarrassingly awkward with two arms and three women.
The sex scent was obviously still far too strong. She was concerned that the scent had more than a five-foot radius.
Toni pulled out her phone, ready to call BJ. Just when things appeared to be reaching a crescendo of battling lust, a man pushed in next to her and ordered a beer, blocking her view. Balding, he was about her height with rather nondescript features aided by a patchy beard. She wrinkled her nose and moved over. His eyes were an unnatural gray. He wore a brown corduroy sport coat with a striped tie, a plaid shirt, and loafers, screaming “I have no style!” She closed the folder and drank her Mojito. Of course, the nimrod ignored all the nonverbals she was shouting, and tried to strike up a conversation.
“It looks like you’re doing a study or something,” he said, indicating her folder.
“Homework.”
“Hi, I’m Martin. Who are you?”
“Martin, I am having a drink and finishing my homework.”
“And watching the tall dipstick hoard all the available women.” When Toni gave him a dismissive glance, he frowned and pointed with his head. “Those chicks sure are making a scene, hangin’ all over that guy.” He leaned closer to her. “I dunno, do you think he’s bought them for the night?”
“Martin, go away.” She said it loud enough that people at the bar turned and looked at him as she intended.
Glancing at those eyeing him, he grabbed his beer, and snapped, “Damn, you don’t have to be such a fuckin’ bitch,” and left. He immediately cut through the crowd and walked past BJ’s table, tripping on the blonde’s foot, which stuck out a little. He spilled beer on the table and made a scene of apologizing and wiping it up with extra napkins.
When BJ glanced back at her, Toni nodded toward the door, mouthing “Let’s go.” She doubted BJ knew the Sleaze Bucket had tripped on purpose. Then two things happened. Martin froze and hunched his shoulders, glaring intently at BJ, but the women started paying him attention too, which immediately broke his concentration. He looked away from BJ and smiled as though he’d won the lottery.
For a few minutes, he and BJ shared what were now the women’s overt attempts to seduce. The blonde invited Martin to snag a chair and crowd in next to her at the table. She could tell by the gestures that there was talk about more dancing. The short brunette was looking decidedly frantic as her friends were not sharing. Other women around them were taking notice.
I’ve got to end this. Toni reached for her phone and dialed.
BJ’s phone chimed “Careless Love Blues.” He hopped up, saying he had to take the call. The tall brunette’s arms reached out after him like grasping tentacles, but he untangled himself, and made for the door, phone to his ear. Thank God. Toni had been afraid she’d have to throw ice water on the trio to extract BJ.
She wrote down all that she’d seen and then took one last look over at BJ’s experiment. It was obvious that Sleaze Bucket was becoming less and less attractive to the women as BJ’s scent dissipated. The blonde shook her head when Martin gestured to the dance floor. Toni noted the time, knowing the final brush-off was coming, but she didn’t stay to see it. She quickly paid for her drink and left.
Outside, BJ stood waiting under a streetlamp, hands in his pockets, out of the way of the people strolling down Pike Street.
As Toni walked up to him, she said, “Damn, BJ, I was afraid I was going to have to perform an ice-water intervention.”
He nodded rapidly, a bobblehead doll, looking a little shell-shocked, but then shook his head, ruining the effect. “You called at the right time.”
Toni checked the entrance to the Alibi Room. Making sure to keep more than five feet from him, she suggested they cut and run. “We don’t want to be standing here when your experiments come hunting for you, and they will once they jettison Sleaze Bucket.”
“Who?”
“Martin, the guy who joined your little experiment.” Toni motioned to go. BJ nodded and they headed quickly down Pike Street, turning on Post Alley toward the parking garage.
Coming up next to her, BJ said, “The amount I used tonight shouldn’t have created such a strong reaction.”
“Ya think?” Toni stopped and waved him away, indicating with a scowl that BJ better keep his distance. “I can’t imagine how Bonnie survived six times the concentration.”
BJ muttered something which she couldn’t hear as he let Toni lead. “Unless, unless,” he said to himself, “the strength doesn’t matter as the scent triggers the VNO regardless of the concentration. Once keyed, the node is just an on/off switch.” Muttering to himself, he turned up a narrow side street a block from the garage. BJ stopped under a doorway light and asked for Toni’s notes. Toni held them out at arms’ length like she was offering meat to a starving tiger. He took them and watched her retreat ten yards, clearly unhappy with Toni’s heightened caution.
Reading the report, he nodded and looked up at Toni, the stark light throwing shadows across his face. “Thank you. I think we should stop for tonight. I need to rethink the application of the formula.”
Toni nodded, “Damned straight, Einstein.” BJ smiled at the ‘Einstein’ and opened his mouth to say something.
“Hey you!”
They turned to see Martin advancing on them, his face red and pinched under the streetlights, rage in every step. BJ was closer to him and stepped in front of Toni.
Martin snarled wild-eyed at BJ, “You fucker! Who the hell do you think you are?”
BJ cocked his head, studying the man, but didn’t speak. Martin waved his arms, spitting his words at them. “A prick like you thinks he can just waltz into my Alibi and snag all the chicks you want?”
The guy’s gone totally ape shit! Toni swore, glancing at her tiny handbag. She’d forgotten to transfer her street condiment from her day purse. If there was ever a time for pepper spray, facing Mad Martin was it.
BJ stepped closer to Martin, making him hesitate. “What are you talking about?” Shaking his head, he said in a reasonable tone, “I left all three women with you .”
That seemed to infuriate Martin more, his arms weaving in wild arcs. “Yeah, you left,” Martin yelled, pointing at Toni, “with her!” He tried to go around BJ, fixated as he was on Toni, but BJ blocked the move with his body.
Martin growled at BJ, “I’m leaving with her, you Goddamn—”
In a voice too calm, BJ cut in, “No, you’re not.”
Raging, Martin suddenly whipped out a pistol from under his coat and with it, smashed BJ in the head, spraying a mist of warm blood across Toni’s face. Shocked numb, everything seemed to happen in slow motion. BJ stagger back, a hand to his temple, glistening red. Martin, triumphantly brandished his gun, advancing on Toni. She backpedaled, her heart beating wildly. She finally thought to brace herself, dropping her purse and doubling her fists.