Chapter 15
FIFTEEN
Kinsley
“There she is.” Mom glances back at me from where she’s cooking at the stove and smirks. “Have a good weekend?”
When I don’t respond, she raises a knowing brow and adds, “What? You didn’t believe anyone bought your vague I’m hanging out with a friend text after I invited you to breakfast yesterday morning, did you? And when I dropped by this morning, I noticed you still weren’t home. I assume you spent the weekend at Shane’s?”
“Sorry,” I mutter, sitting on the barstool at the island. “I should’ve called. But in my defense, I didn’t plan on?—”
“Stop.” She waves me off. “I was only giving you a hard time. You’re a grown adult.”
“Yeah, a grown adult who lives in her parents’ pool house.”
Mom stops stirring whatever’s in the pan and turns around. “Are you thinking about moving out? You know you’re welcome to stay as long as you want, but if you’re ready …”
“I know, and I appreciate it. A few months ago, I wouldn’t have even considered it, but lately …” I shrug. “I don’t know. I feel like I’m finally starting to heal, and I’ve been thinking about what my future looks like.”
“And it’s not in our pool house?” Mom says with a wink.
“As nice as it is, no.” I laugh. “With the money I’ve saved from living with you guys, I can afford a place, so …”
“So, you should start looking. And if you need a second opinion, your dad and I are always around.”
“Second opinion for what?” Dad asks, strolling into the kitchen. “And what are we around for?”
He makes a beeline straight for my mom and wraps her in his arms, giving her a kiss on her cheek. Rather than it hurting my heart like it used to because I would think about how Brandon would never hug or kiss me again, it makes me think about the way Shane kissed the tip of my nose yesterday. It was such a simple gesture, yet it felt big. Like things between us are shifting, and I’m not sure how I feel about that.
It’s one thing to kiss him out of lust, but it’s another for him to be cute. Making out can be chalked up to hormones and chemistry, but kissing my nose felt intimate. Like something couples do.
And when he told me he wanted to help me live again and asked me to kiss him, to let him breathe life into me, instead of saying no, I kissed him, and for the second time since I’d met him, I really did feel like I was living again. And instead of feeling guilty, it felt good.
“Kinsley is thinking about moving out,” Mom says, shaking me from my thoughts.
Dad turns around to look at me. “Really?” he says with a smile.
“Try not to sound too excited,” I drawl.
“I’m not excited,” he says gently. “But the fact that you’re considering it and with the anniversary coming up … I love you, and I’m glad to see you finally starting to climb out of the darkness. Moving out is a big deal …”
He continues to speak, but his words are drowned out by the pounding in my heart at his mention of the anniversary. How did I forget about it? I’ve been so busy with Taylor and Shane that it completely slipped my mind.
I glance at the date on my phone—March 11th. The anniversary of their deaths is in four days. And I completely forgot.
“I need to go shower,” I mutter, taking off out their back door before they can stop me.
When I get to my place, I peel my clothes off and turn the water to hot, needing to wash Shane off my body. I can smell his scent from sleeping on the couch with him. We kissed yesterday.
After my shower, I try to get lost in my book, but my brain is too busy thinking about this week.
“Kins,” my mom says, stepping through the front door. “You okay?”
“Hey. Yeah.” I set my book down.
“I knocked a few times, but when you didn’t answer, I got worried.”
Of course she got worried because this week is the anniversary of their deaths.
“I forgot,” I admit, blinking back my tears. “I was so busy with Shane and Taylor that I forgot until Dad reminded me. What kind of shitty person does that make me?”
“That doesn’t make you shitty,” Mom says, having a seat next to me. “That just means you’re moving forward.”
“While they’re dead.”
“And nothing you do will bring them back,” she says. “But for the first time since their deaths, it feels like you didn’t die with them.”
“I … think I need to call Julia.”
Mom nods. “Okay, if you need anything, I’m here.”
“Thank you.” I reach over and hug her. “I love you.”
Once she’s gone, I text Julia and ask for an emergency session. Since we were due to speak tomorrow anyway, she moves it to today.
* * *
“Kinsley,” she says when I walk into her office a few hours later. “How are you?” She has her legs crossed with her most recent knitting project in her lap.
“Not good,” I admit, having a seat. “I forgot that this week was the anniversary of Brandon’s and Brenna’s deaths.”
She nods. “And why do you think that is?”
“Because I was distracted by Shane and his daughter.”
“Distracted how?” she asks, not letting me get away with my vague answer.
“I spent the weekend with them.”
Julia raises a brow and sets her knitting project down. “Well, now, we’re getting somewhere.”
“Shane asked me to let him in,” I admit, remembering the way he looked into my eyes and asked me to kiss him.
“And what did you say?”
“I said yes?”
She quirks a brow. “Was that a question?”
I laugh. “Well, I tried to push him away by telling him that I’m leading him on because I don’t want any more kids or to get married, and eventually, he’ll want those things, but instead of him running, he said he just wants to take it one day at a time. No promises or labels.”
Julia nods. “Getting back to the babies and marriage. Is that a sure thing?”
I take a moment to think about her question, trying to imagine moving forward and getting married again, making promises for forever … growing another baby, one who isn’t Brandon’s, but instead Shane’s.
“A month ago, I would’ve said there was no way in hell that would happen, but now … I’m not so sure. Shane just makes it so damn easy to be myself around him. He doesn’t judge the way I’m grieving. He simply wants to spend time with me, and when I’m with him, I feel less sad. I feel like the old me, before the accident.”
“Did you just hear what you said?”
I shake my head, unsure of what she’s referring to.
“You said before the accident . You’ve never done that before. You always make a point to say you caused it, but you just admitted it was an accident.”
She’s right. I’ve always avoided that word because using it would mean taking the blame off me and I didn’t want to be let off the hook.
“Shane and I spoke about it the other day. He asked me if he got into a car accident with his daughter, would that mean he was a horrible dad, and it made me realize that even though I hold myself responsible, I hadn’t done it on purpose. I loved my husband and baby, and if I had known that by us getting into the car that night, they would lose their lives, I never would’ve done so.
“I wasn’t drinking or doing drugs. I wasn’t on my phone or distracted. I was going the speed limit. But still, we crashed, and they died. I didn’t kill them,” I breathe out. “It was a horrible accident, and hanging out with Shane has reminded me how short life is. I’ve spent the past three years acting like I died with them, and I don’t want to do that anymore.”
I release a sigh of relief, feeling both nervous and exhilarated after admitting that.
“And what do you want?” Julia asks.
“I want to live again.”
* * *
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Mom asks the next morning.
“Yes, I’m sure. I don’t want to sink back into that dark hole, and getting out and staying busy will hopefully help prevent that.”
Speaking with Julia confirmed what I’d already known and not wanted to admit—I’ve developed feelings for Shane, but more than that, I’m ready to move forward. And I plan to focus more on that … after this week is over.
“Okay.” Mom smiles. “Then, let’s go.”
When we arrive at the health club, we rush straight back to the studio where the yoga class is being held since it’s about to begin and grab a mat. I haven’t done any classes yet since I started coming here, but my mom loves the yoga class and mentioned it’s a good stress reliever, so I figured since I don’t have any clients until this afternoon, I’d check one out. At this point, I’ll do anything to get through this shitty week.
I’m getting situated when the instructor announces the class will start shortly, and I whip my head around to find where the voice is coming from because I would recognize that voice from anywhere.
“Isn’t that …” my mom begins.
“Holy shit.”
I glance at my mom, then back at Shane just as his eyes meet mine. They quickly widen in shock, but when they drag down my body and back up, meeting mine for a second time, they’re filled with lust. It’s then I remember I’m dressed in leggings and a tiny sports bra that leaves little to the imagination. And if looks could give orgasms, I have a feeling I’d be screaming out Shane’s name.
“Jesus,” Mom whispers. “I knew the man had a crush on you, but holy hell.” She dramatically fans herself. “I had no idea the chemistry between you two was so hot that it could set this place on fire.”
“Mom!” I hiss. “What are we, in high school? He doesn’t have a crush.”
Mom shrugs, Shane smiles at me, and I wave awkwardly, which makes Mom laugh, and in return, I glare at her.
“Sorry.” She laughs again. “It’s just so cute.”
“It’s not cute,” I grumble even though it is in fact kind of cute.
Shane goes about introducing himself to those who haven’t met him before. Apparently, his brother and his brother’s wife—Eric and Katie—own the health club, and while he usually teaches other classes like boxing and cardio, he is fully trained to teach yoga.
“Is Katie okay?” one of the women in the front asks.
“Yes,” Shane says. “But she woke up this morning feeling a bit sore and asked if I could take over her class. She’s hoping to come back later this week, but with her due soon, she’s taking it day by day.”
“Katie’s so sweet,” Mom says. “I’ll have to send her a little pick-me-up. She’s having a little girl.”
I wait for the pain to come, and it does because I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t ache for my baby girl, but another emotion also makes an appearance—hopefulness. Because for the first time, I can see it—getting pregnant again, carrying a baby, feeling him or her growing in me. I loved being pregnant, and I couldn’t wait to be a mom.
I glance at Shane, and he smiles softly, and images of him doting on me hit me. We’re obviously nowhere near the creating-a-family stage in our relationship—hell, are we even in a relationship? But the fact that I can visualize a future with Shane and a baby has my heart swelling.
“All right, ladies,” Shane says, snapping me from my thoughts. “Let’s do this.”
The yoga class is only an hour long, yet it feels so much longer than that. Between Shane eye-fucking me, my mom noting the way Shane is eye-fucking me, and me trying and failing not to eye-fuck Shane right back, when the class is over, I’m hot and sweaty and turned on.
Mom says she’s going to shower at home, but since the shop is right next door, I brought my clothes with me so I could shower and get dressed here.
But before I get to the women’s locker room, a hand wraps around my wrist and pulls me through a door marked Private . When I spin around to see what’s going on, I’m met with Shane’s body pressed against mine.
“Do you have any idea how hard it was to instruct a class to do the downward fucking dog with your ass wiggling in the air?”
My thighs clench at his admission, and I thank the bra gods that my sports bra is thick enough that my nipples won’t poke through the material.
“I’m pretty sure rule number one for teaching at a health club is not to eye-fuck your students,” I sass.
Shane growls—legit growls—into my ear. “Oh, Sour Patch, I wanted to do way more than eye-fuck my student.” He runs his nose along the side of my neck and plants an open-mouthed kiss to the sensitive area just under my ear. “Tell me I wasn’t the only one imagining fucking you in that position.”
“You weren’t,” I admit, my hormones winning out over all common sense. “I’m pretty sure I imagined you fucking me in every position.”
I shift my hips forward, and my pelvis rubs against his front. He’s taller than me, so his hard length hits my belly, making us both moan in anticipation.
“Fuck,” Shane murmurs. “I can practically smell your arousal.”
He lifts my leg and hooks it around his waist, and in this position, when he grinds himself against me, it hits my center, eliciting a moan from me.
“You like that?” he murmurs into my ear.
“Yes, don’t stop.”
He grinds harder, hitting my center over and over again.
“Oh God. Yes, just like that,” I groan. “I’m so?—”
My orgasm hits at the same time Shane’s skillful mouth devours mine, swallowing down my moans as I come completely undone.
High off oxytocin, I crave more of Shane, so I reach down and wrap my fingers around his hard, thick length, silently telling him what I want.
But instead of giving it to me, he shakes his head.
“Fuck, I have another class to teach,” he murmurs against my lips. “Come over for dinner tonight. We can continue this in private.”
His brown eyes plead with mine, and I almost agree, but then I remember I have inventory tonight. I’ve been putting it off, and I need to get it done. My dad sent me a list of things we’re almost out of that need to be reordered.
“I can’t. I’m working late.”
“With a client?”
“No, inventory.”
Shane nods and then leans in, brushing his lips against mine. Then, taking my hand in his, he leads us back down the hall and stops in front of the women’s locker room. He sweeps a few errant hairs from my face and then presses a chaste kiss on my forehead. “I’ll see you later.”
And for the first time, his words feel like more of a promise than a threat—one I’m looking forward to.