Chapter 33
THIRTY-THREE
Kinsley
Shane
I need to see you.
Shane
I miss you.
It’s been a week since Taylor and her mom were discharged.
Since I found out I was pregnant.
Since I thought I would be moving in with Shane and Taylor, but instead, Jamie moved in.
Because we were supposed to be out of town, I didn’t have any work scheduled, so I’ve been spending time in the pool house.
Shane has reached out several times, but I couldn’t bring myself to see him, to force him to choose between his recovering daughter and baby mama and me. So, I’ve been avoiding him. And in doing so, I’ve sunk into a weird sort of depressive state. My therapist says it’s self-sabotage.
Instead of speaking to Shane about my feelings, I’m letting my mind wander to crazy worst-case scenarios. I know it’s not healthy, but I’ve allowed myself to go down that dark road.
Shane
I’m coming over.
When his text comes through, I consider telling him not to, but the truth is, I really miss him. Being here, alone, without him and Taylor and Becky, has been hard. I used to crave the quiet, and now, I resent it. I got used to sleeping with Shane’s body wrapped around mine, and now, my bed feels cold and lonely.
A few minutes later, Shane’s knocking on my door, and it hits me that I haven’t showered in a few days. My hair is a mess, and I’m wearing ratty pajamas.
Another knock, and I get up, resigned to him seeing me like this because it’s too late to do anything about it now.
I quickly fix my hair the best I can in the mirror, plaster on a fake smile, and open the door, hoping he won’t see right through me.
But one look at me, and his face drops. “What the hell is going on?”
“I’m not feeling well.”
It’s not a lie since morning sickness has crept up on me, and I’ve spent more time than I’d like with my arms around the toilet seat, praying to the porcelain god.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he says, stepping inside. “What’s wrong? Are you taking medication? Fuck, Kins. I thought you were avoiding me. You should’ve told me that you were sick.”
I swallow thickly at the assumptions he’s making, but don’t correct him. “I’m sorry. I know you have a lot going on,” I mutter, sitting on the couch. “How’s Taylor … and Jamie?”
“Taylor is fine. Jamie is Jamie. Right now, I’m concerned about you.” He pulls me into his arms. “Are you taking meds?”
“I’m okay,” I tell him, avoiding his question.
He looks at me for several seconds, like he wants to call bullshit, but instead, he nods and nuzzles his face into my neck. “Fuck, I’ve missed you so much. I thought you were staying away because Jamie is there.”
“Just sick,” I tell him even though he’s right.
“I was thinking—” he begins, but he’s cut off by the sound of his phone ringing.
Since he was too busy with Taylor and Jamie, he ordered a new phone online and had it shipped the next day.
“Give me a second.” He kisses my temple and then pulls out his phone, the name Jamie appearing on the screen.
His gaze flits between the phone and me like he’s trying to choose between us. The phone stops ringing, and then a moment later, it starts up again.
“You should answer it. It could be important.”
With a sigh, he nods in agreement and then hits Accept, putting it on speaker.
“Shane, is everything okay?”
“You called me,” he says.
“And you didn’t answer.”
“I’m fine,” he tells her. “Is everything okay?”
“Yes. I was just wondering what time you’d be home. Taylor and I are making dinner.”
Home. She’s calling his place home.
A ball of emotion gets lodged in my throat as I fight back tears.
“You’re both supposed to be resting,” he says.
“And we have been. You know this. We just thought we’d do something nice for you since you’ve been waiting on us hand and foot for days.”
“Dad! We made your favorite,” Taylor calls out through the phone.
“You should go,” I murmur.
But he shakes his head. “I’m with Kinsley. Let me see if she wants to come over for dinner.”
“Oh, yes! Tell her to come,” Taylor says. “I feel like I haven’t seen her in forever.”
Shane says he’ll talk to me and then hangs up.
“Come over for dinner, please.”
“With your ex?” I cringe. “Won’t that be awkward?”
“Maybe,” he admits. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want you there. She’s just that … my ex. But you’re everything, Kins. You’re my present and my future. Besides, you heard Taylor. She wants you there. It’s been too long since we’ve gotten our Kinsley fix, and we both know you can’t say no to her.”
Because he’s right, I agree to go. After I shower, we head over to his place despite knowing this is going to be a disaster.
The moment I walk in the door, Becky comes running over, begging to be pet, so I reach down and give her some love before I follow Shane into the kitchen, where Taylor and her mom are cooking.
“Kinsley!” Taylor shrieks. “You’re here.” She wraps her arm that isn’t in the cast around me. “Where have you been?”
“I’ve been a bit under the weather,” I tell her.
“If you’re sick, should you be here?” Jamie asks, her words sickly sweet, but her gaze is anything but.
“Jamie,” Shane says, a warning clear in his tone.
“What?” she asks. “I’m still recovering, and getting sick could possibly set me back.”
“This smells delicious,” Shane says, looking at Taylor with a smile as he lifts the lid of the pot that seems to contain some kind of soup while ignoring Jamie’s comment. “I have my shift tomorrow. If there are any leftovers, I’ll be bringing it with me.”
“ If, ” Taylor says with a laugh. “We both know you’re going to eat it all in one sitting.”
Shane shrugs. “Probably.”
“What is it?” I ask.
“Broccoli cheddar soup,” Taylor says, grabbing a spoon and scooping a little out. “And we serve it in bread bowls. Grams taught me how to make it. When I was little, she would cook with me. Since my mom sucks at cooking, I was showing her how to make it.”
“I do not suck,” Jamie mumbles. “I just prefer to focus my attention on more important things, like the poverty in Madagascar.”
Shane’s phone goes off, and his brows furrow in concern. “It’s the station. I’m going to take this and then wash up for dinner.” He leans in and kisses me. “I’ll be right back.”
Once he’s gone, the veil hiding Jamie’s cattiness seems to disappear. “So, Kinsley, Taylor tells me you tattoo people for a living. That must be fun.”
“She’s so talented,” Taylor gushes, missing her mom’s condescending tone. “She’s doing Dad’s arm, and she re-created a picture I drew for him when I was little.”
“That’s cute,” Jamie says. “Hey, Taylor, would you mind grabbing my migraine meds from the bathroom? I feel one coming on.”
“Sure.” Taylor rushes out of the kitchen, and the second that Jamie and I are alone, she steps over to me, her eyes narrowed.
“I’m just going to cut to the chase,” she says. “I messed up. I was so busy chasing the next story that I didn’t consider what I had here. But now that I’m back, I’m not going anywhere.”
“I think that’s great,” I tell her. “Taylor’s mentioned that she misses you when you’re gone, and she only has a year left until she leaves for college.”
It will suck, having to deal with this woman on a daily basis, but it will be worth it for Taylor to have her mom in her life?—
“I think you’re misunderstanding,” Jamie says, her voice low. “I want my family back.”
She steps closer, and that ball of emotion that was already lodged in my throat damn near chokes me, making it hard to breathe.
She wants her family back. Not just Taylor. She wants Shane.
“I’m sure you can understand where I’m coming from,” she continues. “Had you not been the reason your family is dead, you’d still be with them. But they are because you killed them. But I didn’t kill mine, and after spending this past week with Shane and Taylor, I want a second chance, and since my family is still alive, I can have that.”
Her words cause my heart to clench and tears to prick my eyes, but I blink them away, refusing to let her see that she’s affecting me.
“I know you care about Taylor,” she says, “so I’m hoping you’ll care enough to walk away and let her have what she’s always wanted—a family. It might be too late for you, but it’s not for us. So, I’m asking you, as one mother to another, to walk away and let me put my family back together.”
“Are these them?” Taylor asks, walking back into the kitchen and shaking a pill bottle.
“Yes, thank you.” Jamie kisses her forehead. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”
“Well, lucky for you, you’ll never have to find out,” Taylor says with a giggle.
I stand in the corner, watching them go about putting the finishing touches on dinner as Jamie’s words run on replay in my head.
I hate her for what she said, but at the same time, I can’t blame her because she’s not wrong. If Brandon and Brenna were still here, I would be living in the city with them, and there wouldn’t be anybody or anything that could stand in between them and me.
“Have you thought about moving here?” Taylor asks her mom.
“I have,” she says. “And I think I’m going to look at some places.”
“Oh my God! Yay!” Taylor jumps up and down. “I’m going to tell Dad!”
She runs out of the room, and Jamie glances at me.
“Do you see how happy she is? Do you really want to be the one to destroy her happiness?”
“She’s happy because her mom is staying for once,” I choke out, finally having found my voice. “But you’re missing one important detail—Shane. He loves me, not you.”
Jamie scoffs and sets the ladle down. “And you’re missing one important detail—Shane loved me first, and he would be with me again. The only reason why he won’t consider it is because of you. Because you’re fragile and weak and he feels bad for you.”
“That’s not true,” I whisper, swallowing down my insecurity. “He loves me.”
I know he does. I see it in the way he looks at me and holds me … the little things he does for me, the way he makes love to me. He can’t even go too many days without seeing me.
“He’d get over you.” She shrugs. “I can’t make you do anything, but for the sake of my family, I hope you’ll do the right thing and walk away.”
I hate this bitch so much, but what if she’s telling the truth? Taylor deserves to have her family back together, and Shane did say that it was Jamie who walked away, not him. If I wasn’t in the picture and she stayed, would he take her back?
My stomach roils at the thought of not being with Shane, of raising our baby without him, but she’s right. I had my chance at a family, and even though it was an accident, I lost it. Can I be the reason another family isn’t together? Do I deserve another chance at having a family at the risk of another family not being together?
A few months ago, my answer would’ve been no, I didn’t deserve it. But now, Shane has shown me that I’m worthy of love, of second chances, and as much as I hate that it might mean potentially keeping a family apart, I can’t just walk away.
“I’m sorry,” I tell Jamie, the tears I was trying to keep at bay falling. “But I love Shane and Taylor, and I’m not going to walk away until they send me away. I love them so damn much, and maybe that makes me selfish, but I want a life with them.”
“That’s exactly what it makes you,” Jamie hisses. “Selfish. And when my daughter finds out that you’re the reason why her mom and dad can’t live under the same roof, she’ll hate you.”
“She’s wrong,” Taylor says, making me jump. “Mom, you’re wrong,” she says. “I love you, and you’ll always be my mom, but Kinsley is our family too. While you’ve been gone, she’s been here every day, loving Dad and me.”
“That’s going to change,” Jamie tells her. “I’m going to stay, and we can be a family.”
“Then, stay,” Taylor says. “Stay because I’m your daughter and you barely know me. But if you’re doing it because you think Dad is going to take you back, that’s pathetic. He loves Kinsley, and she loves him, and they deserve to be together. I told her that if she got together with my dad, there wouldn’t be any other woman drama, but you’ve made me a liar. And honestly, the way you’re acting is embarrassing.”
Taylor’s hands go to her hips, and her chin juts out as she glares at her mom.
Jamie’s eyes widen in shock. “Taylor …”
“No, Mom. I’ve seen the way you’ve been batting your lashes at Dad all week, and I didn’t want to think the worst of you, but you’ve just confirmed it.”
“Confirmed what?” Shane says, walking into the room.
“Mom told Kinsley to walk away so she could get her family back together,” Taylor says, making Shane’s eyes bug out.
“What?” he hisses, glancing from Taylor to me and lastly Jamie.
“Shane, please,” Jamie begs. “Can we talk alone ?”
“Fuck no, we can’t,” he barks. “I let you into my home, and you pull a stunt like this? You’ve clearly recovered enough if you have time to plot against me and try to ruin my relationship with the only woman I’ve ever loved.”
“You loved me too,” Jamie points out.
“No, I didn’t,” he scoffs. “I liked you. I was a teenager, and you were cute. We had fun together, but it wasn’t love. I love my family, I love our daughter, and I love that woman right there.” He nods toward me, and butterflies attack my chest.
“You need to leave,” he tells Jamie. “If you’re not up for going back to the city, there’s a bed-and-breakfast in town. I’ll have my dad take you there.”
Jamie glances at Taylor—I think hoping she’ll argue for her mom to stay—but Taylor says, “I agree. You should go.”
With a huff, Jamie storms out of the kitchen.
Shane calls his dad, who agrees to take her to the town’s bed-and-breakfast, and within a few minutes, she’s gone without so much as a goodbye.
“I’m so damn sorry,” Shane says, pulling me into his arms. “I never should’ve left you alone with her. I knew she was hinting at wanting to get back together, but I ignored it, thinking once she was healed, she’d leave again, and then we’d go about our life.”
“It’s my fault,” Taylor says. “I asked you to let her stay with us, and you only said yes for me.”
“It’s not your fault,” he corrects. “She’s your mom, and you were trying to do a good thing. She took advantage of the situation.” He looks at me and notices my hands shaking. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I think I’m just hungry.”
“Fuck, the food,” Shane says. “Three of the guys have caught the same bug, and they’re short a man. I agreed to go in tonight. I can call them …”
“No,” I tell him. “Go. They need you. We can talk about all this once you’re done with your shift.”
“I can pack your soup for you to bring to the station,” Taylor offers. “And I’ll make sure Kinsley is still here when you get back.”
“Okay, thanks.” Shane chuckles.
“Come here,” he says, pulling me into his arms. “I don’t know what was said, but I know Jamie can be brutal with her words. I want to know what happened, what all was said, so we can discuss it and move forward, but until then, I need you to know that even if you weren’t in the picture, I wouldn’t be with her. You’re not keeping our family from being together—you are my family.”
“And mine,” Taylor says, those two words helping to piece back together my heart.
“Well, that’s good,” I choke out. “Because you both are mine too.”
* * *
“What are these?” Taylor asks, holding up the dozens of sticky notes.
“They’re mine.” I snatch them from her. “It was my way of telling your dad I wanted to move in with you guys.”
“Okay. Then, why were they in your makeup bag?”
“Why were you in my makeup bag?” I mock glare.
“I’m out of finishing spray, so I was borrowing yours.”
“You’re not even going anywhere,” I say with a laugh.
“I don’t need to be going anywhere to put on makeup,” she sasses. “I put on makeup for me, not for anyone else,” she scoffs, making me laugh harder.
God, I love this girl so much.
“Now, back to these.” She waves the sticky notes in the air. “Are you serious about moving in?”
“Yeah, I was planning to surprise him, but then …”
“The accident,” she finishes.
“Yeah.”
And then, after the Jamie drama, Shane had to leave for work. We’ve been texting while he’s been gone—in between the movies Taylor and I have binged and the reading marathon we had last night—but telling him that I want to move in with him in a text message doesn’t feel right.
“Well, what are you waiting for then?” she asks. “These are cute, but if you want to show him that you want to move in, why don’t you just do it?”
“What?”
“You already know my dad and I want you here. So, why don’t you just move in? He’ll like that way more than sticky notes.” She shrugs.
“And you’re definitely okay with that?”
I was little when my mom and dad moved in together, but I still remember when she sat down with me to make sure it was okay. I loved Lachlan, so it wasn’t even a question, but Taylor is older, and having another woman move in, after spending all these years with just having her dad to herself, will be a big change.
“I’m more than okay with it,” she says. “And you won’t have to worry about my mom causing problems. She texted me this morning that she accepted an assignment and took off.”
“I’m sorry.” I extend my arms, and Taylor slides in next to me so I can hug her.
“I hate that she couldn’t stay for me,” she says, laying her head on my shoulder. “But it’s for the best. She’s not made for this kind of life, and it’s better that she left now instead of later.”
She pops her head back up. “So, what do you think? Want to surprise my dad?”
“I don’t know how we’d pull it off. He’s due to get off his shift in the next hour.”
“That’s easy!” She grins. “Just distract him. The guy will go anywhere you go. And while you’re keeping him busy, I can find some friends who will help me move your stuff in. And I know my grandpa will help for sure.”
Her idea is sound, but I’m not sure how I could distract him. And then an idea hits me.
I pull out my phone and send Shane a text.
Can you meet me at Exposed Ink when you get off work?
Shane
Of course. Everything okay?
We had a session scheduled for today, but it wasn’t until later.
Yeah, I have a scheduling conflict, so I need to move our session to earlier.
Shane
Okay, see you soon.
“Done,” I tell Taylor.
“Perfect. Now, give me your key and leave the rest up to me.”