Chapter 32
THIRTY-TWO
Kinsley
I’m pregnant. I can’t believe it.
I mean, I can since Shane and I never used protection, but I always thought it would be harder to conceive—which, up until recently, I didn’t plan to ever do. I’m scared since I’m only seven weeks and anything could go wrong, but I’m also excited, and I’ll do everything in my power to protect this baby.
I head back to where I know I’ll find Shane, so I can tell him the crazy good news, but when I get there, I walk in on what looks like a serious conversation.
“She doesn’t have anywhere to go,” Taylor says. “And the doctor said she needs to be looked after while she recovers.”
“I heard the doctor,” Shane says with a sigh.
“Is everything okay?” I ask, stepping into the room without knocking since the door was open.
“Yeah,” he says, standing and coming over to me. “Can I talk to you for a minute outside?”
I glance from him to Jamie, whose features are expressionless, and then to Taylor, who looks concerned.
“Yeah,” I say, my stomach tightening in worry.
“Dad,” Taylor says, “you don’t have to go outside to talk. Kinsley will understand.”
“Understand what?” I ask in confusion.
“My mom lives in the city, but she doesn’t have anyone, and the doctors don’t want her to be alone while she recovers from brain surgery, so she mentioned staying with us, and I told Dad that we have the guest room that never gets used. We can’t leave her to go back to the city on her own. She’s family.”
“Taylor,” Shane says, his tone serious. “I need to speak to Kinsley outside.”
He takes my hand and guides us over to an empty waiting room and has a seat. “I’m sorry about all this. Taylor is worried about her mom since she doesn’t have any other living family.”
Family.
My thoughts go back to what Pamela said at the family barbecue …
“Everyone knew they would still hook up when she came into town.”
“With Shane never dating, we all thought maybe one day …”
“When’s the last time you slept with her?” I blurt out.
Shane flinches, and I already have my answer.
“Taylor was about two years old, and Jamie came back into town to visit for a few days in between jobs. I was young and dumb,” he says. “She said she missed me, and I believed her. But then she left, and I told myself it would never happen again, and it never did.”
I nod in understanding, feeling slightly better since that means it’s been fifteen years since they were together.
“If you aren’t comfortable with her staying with us …”
“It’s fine,” I say, refusing to be the bad guy. “Like you said, you’re her only family, and anyway,” I choke out, “you don’t need my permission. I don’t even live there.”
I pull out the key to his house from my purse and hand it to him. “In case she needs it.”
Shane shakes his head. “That’s your key, Kins. Besides, she won’t be there for long. Only until she’s recovered and the doctor has given her the green light to travel on her own.”
We head back inside, and Shane lets Taylor and Jamie know that Jamie is welcome to stay to recover. Jamie smiles warmly at Shane, and Taylor cheers.
“This is going to be so fun!” Taylor exclaims. “We can watch movies, and I can show you all my favorite books. It sucks we didn’t get to go away, but at least we’ll get to spend time together.”
My stomach sinks as I imagine the three of them in Shane’s house. Will he cook breakfast for her the way he does for me? Will they lounge on the couch together and watch movies as a family?
What will happen when Taylor finds out about this baby? She said she was on board with it before, but how will she react now? Will she think I’m trying to encroach on her family? Will she resent me and the baby? This will be the first time Taylor’s ever had her parents under the same roof. How could she not want that? Doesn’t every child want their parents to be together?
My hand goes to my belly, and I wonder for a moment if this is punishment for what I did to my husband and baby. I fucked up my chance at a family, and now, here I am, pregnant with Shane’s baby, thinking about us becoming a family when the fact is, he already has one. And who the hell am I to make him choose? What makes me and this baby more important than Taylor?
“Kins,” Shane says softly. “Everything okay?”
“I need to go,” I murmur, plastering on a fake smile. “I forgot I have an appointment.”
It’s not a complete lie … at least it won’t be once I text my therapist, requesting an emergency therapy session because of my intrusive thoughts that I know aren’t realistic but still feel real anyway.
“Okay.” And then as if he just remembered, he adds, “How did your doctor’s appointment go?”
“Fine,” I say vaguely since now isn’t the time to tell him that I’m pregnant.
He has enough going on, and the last thing he needs is to add the stress of me being pregnant to the equation.
He looks at me for several seconds, and I can tell he’s trying to figure out what I’m hiding, but then he sighs and says, “I love you, Kins.”
I say the words back, but for some reason, as the words leave my lips, instead of us sharing how we feel about each other, it feels like we’re saying goodbye.