30. Logan
Chapter Thirty
LOGAN
Meredith Whitlock is driving me fucking crazy in her little skirts and her pierced bellybutton. She keeps coming into the office out of dress code and flirting with Paul, and I want to rip my face off.
I want her so badly and can’t have her. It’s like the last few years all over again, and it’s making me nuts.
She could have anyone she wants. Why torment me?
It may have something to do with the fact that I would hate it if she was with anyone else and would try to stop it any way I could.
Fuck .
And this is all going to be over come Sunday night.
There’s no way she’ll ever let me touch her again, because I can’t tell her the truth.
On Thursday, Meredith is barely speaking to me after our rendezvous in my office, and she leaves for lunch without telling me.
It doesn’t bother me, exactly, but as office manager, I should know her comings and goings.
Or maybe I’m just worried.
What if she’s pissed off at me and meets some guy? What if it’s Paul, for God’s sake? I knew I should have fired him when I had the chance.
When she’s not back by two p.m., I start to panic a little.
I walk as slowly and nonchalantly to Dina’s office as I can.
She’s taken over Rita’s position since she retired when the owner left, and she’s got the third biggest office next to mine and Meredith’s.
She smiles as I walk through the open door. “What’s up, boss?”
“Was wondering if Meredith went home early. She hasn’t come back from lunch.”
Dina frowns. “I had lunch with her two hours ago. She was going to run home to shower.”
“Shit,” I say at exactly the same time Dina says it, and her eyes shoot to mine. “You go to her apartment. I’ll make some calls.”
In the end, I don’t have to make any calls because my cell phone starts to ring in my pocket before I leave Dina’s office.
The number is unknown.
“Hello?” I bark into the phone.
“Mr. Matthews? Your… wife came in today, apparently fainted on the street. You’re listed as her emergency contact.”
The blood drains from my face. “Meredith? What? Is she okay?”
“She’s at All Saints hospital, that’s all I can tell you.”
My heart races as I hang up the phone.
“All Saints,” is all I manage to say to Dina before rushing out of the office building.
Meredith’s in the hospital, and I’ve been sitting around imagining killing any man who dared to talk to her while she was out. Stupid, jealous idiot.
I break all manner of speeding laws getting to the hospital and, after parking, I run into the building.
Of course, it would be the biggest hospital in town and after several increasingly frustrating conversations, I figure out she’s in the labor and delivery ward.
By the time I make it up there, I’m irritated and breathing hard from all the power walking I’ve been doing just trying to get to her.
“Meredith Whitlock.” I pause as the nurse startles at the bass in my voice. “I’m her husband.”
The nurse nods. “Room four-oh-eight. She’s resting. The doctor will be in soon.”
The room is just a few feet down the hall and finally my heart seems to settle when I see Meredith sitting up in bed, her eyes closed, bags under them.
She looks so pale she’s almost gray, but she’s alive.
I walk up to her and brush the hair back from her forehead, and her beautiful eyes flutter open.
“Logan? What are you doing here?”
“You made me your emergency contact. And thank God, because I almost crashed trying to get here. What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
She opens her mouth to speak, but then the doctor comes in and I turn to face him.
“What happened to her? How’s the baby? What do you plan to do to make her better?”
Meredith reaches up and grabs my hand, squeezing it gently. “Calm down, Logan. Let him explain.”
“Your wife has uncontrolled gestational diabetes. Her blood sugar slipped too low, and she could have been in a bad situation if someone hadn’t seen her on the street and called it in.”
The breath goes out of my lungs. “What do you mean?”
“She needs to be monitored more closely. Don’t you two live together?”
“Not as of yet,” Meredith answers.
I grit my teeth.
She’s moving in, whether she likes it or not.
I can’t count on her flighty, rich mother to always be in town.
“As long as she monitors her glucose levels and speaks with her OB about potential medication, she’ll be fine. The IV fluids are to help regulate everything, and then she’ll be discharged.”
“Should she be on bed rest?”
Meredith frowns. “Now, wait a second. No one said anything about bed rest.”
The doctor looks between us, settling on me. “I don’t think it’s as severe as all that. I think she’s fine to do an office job for a few more months.”
“But bed rest would be better, right?”
“For some women,” Meredith pipes up, dropping my hand. “Not for me. I’ll go crazy just sitting at home all day. I’m fine , Logan. I just have to be careful about when and what I eat.”
The doctor nods. “Lower sugars and carbohydrates. More frequent meals for the pregnancy weight gain.”
Meredith nods. “I’ll speak with the nutritionist.”
The doctor smiles. “See, she’s right on track. I wouldn’t worry so much, Mr. Whitlock.”
I tightly nod my head, not correcting him on the name. As far as anyone here knows, I’m Meredith’s husband, so they’ll tell me what’s going on with her and the baby.
“You have got to stop trying to control me,” Meredith mutters, and my shoulders slump as the panic finally drains out of me.
“I just... I’m so glad you’re okay.” I turn to sweep her up into my arms, kissing along the side of her face.
“You... You are? Why? You hate me.”
“I could never hate you, I was scared, Meredith. I came in here, and you looked so sick...” My voice breaks. “I don’t know what I’d do if something ever happened to you or the baby.”
She blinks at me, as if somehow surprised.
How can she be surprised? Is this woman not aware that she’s essentially been the center of my universe since the moment I met her? Every decision I’ve made since I was nineteen has somehow brought me here, back here to Meredith.
Doesn’t that mean something?
“Please, Logan. I need to know. Are you ever going to tell me the truth?”
The words crash around me like a wave. “What truth?”
Meredith sighs. “You know what truth, Logan. Why did you leave me? You said you wanted to see other people, but Beatrice?—”
“Aunt Beatrice should learn to keep her mouth shut.”
“You don’t mean that. You love her.”
I sit down heavily on the chair across from her bed. “I do, it’s just… She shouldn’t give you all my secrets.”
“ What secret, Logan? What are you even talking about?”
I finally let out a long breath and look Meredith in the eye. “I’ve never been with any woman but you.”
She stares at me for a moment and then bursts out laughing.
I narrow my eyes at her. “See? This is why I didn’t tell you.”
“You’re crazy , Logan. You think I believe that a guy who looks like you, with the resources and money you have, has only ever had sex with one person?”
“It’s the truth.”
She’s still laughing, but it slowly fades, her mouth turning down in a frown.
“So, it wasn’t someone else. Back then. You didn’t leave because you wanted to explore your horizons, like you said?”
“No,” I admit finally, and it feels like the whole world is lifted off my shoulders. “That’s not why.”
“Then why, Logan?” Her voice shakes. “You just didn’t love me anymore? Tell me.”
“I can’t,” I choke out, taking her hands in mine.
She pulls them away instantly, her bottom lip trembling.
Christ. She’s going to cry.
I hate it when she cries. It tears me apart.
Tears stream down her face. “You could have told me that, you know? That you didn’t love me. It might have hurt, but it would have been better than imagining you happy with someone else.”
“I could never be happy with anyone else.” The words just keep coming out, and I can’t stop them. “I always loved you. Love had nothing to do with the reason I left.”
“Then why , Logan? What did I do to push you away?” Her voice shakes, and I close my eyes and take a shuddering breath myself.
“Not here.”
Meredith stands up too fast, getting dizzy and bracing herself on the bed.
I reach to steady her. “I need you to sit until this IV is done. Calm down.”
“Don’t tell me to calm down.” She glares at me, but she does let me help her back into bed at least. “You lied to me for years, and now you won’t tell me the truth.”
“I’ll tell you the truth.” And I mean it. We’ve come too far for me to continue to keep this from her. It doesn’t matter anymore, anyway.
“Now?”
“Later. When you’re feeling better, and you can get mad at me in peace.”
Meredith snorts out a laugh. “Okay, fair enough.” She glares at the IV in her arm. “How long does this thing take?”
“A couple hours.” I brush her hair back from her face again.
It’s damp, like she’s been sweating.
“Try and get some rest, princess. You’ll feel better when you wake up.”
She pouts, but I keep stroking her hair, and she eventually closes her eyes, her breath coming deep and even.
I watch her sleeping face, her high cheekbones, long lashes. I kiss along her cheekbone for a moment until she stirs, and I move away, not wanting to wake her.
I haven’t been sleeping well for the last few days, sexually frustrated by Meredith. I can’t even take myself in hand without thinking of her. Can’t close my eyes without seeing her.
I don’t realize I’ve fallen asleep until the tech comes in to take out Meredith’s IV.
Meredith’s awake and staring at me, but she waits until we’re wheeling her down the ramp in her wheelchair before she speaks.
“When are you going to tell me the truth?”
“Soon.” I pause. “But I have conditions.”
She barks out a laugh. “Conditions? A liar has conditions?”
“A few. Like for one, I want you to stop work.”
“Never going to happen.”
I groan, putting her in the car, waving away the tech who accompanied us.
“Then I want you to move in with me.”
“You live in a hotel room.”
“I’ll get a place by tomorrow. You stay with me tonight.”
I expect her to complain, but instead, she nods.
“All right. Fair enough.”
I tilt my head before focusing on the road and pulling into the highway. “I expected some pushback.”
“Today scared me.” Her voice is quiet as she looks out the window. “I was alone on the street when it happened. People just kept stepping over me… I think it’s best I do have some supervision.”
“I’ll never let you out of my sight again.”
“That’s a bit dramatic, don’t you think?” She smiles at me, but I just stare straight ahead at the road.
I’m not going to let her out of my sight, and maybe it is dramatic, but I can’t stand the thought of anything happening to her or our baby.
It would be a fate worse than death, to lose her like that, to lose our baby.
My chest tightens just imagining it.
We arrive at the hotel, and I want to carry her inside, but she smacks me, insists on walking.
“It looks weird for you to be carrying some fat girl around.”
“How many times do I have to tell you? You’re not fat. You’re glowing.”
She snorts. “Sure, okay, tell that to my toothbrush. I’m getting too much use of it after throwing up every thirty minutes.”
“The nausea medication isn’t working?”
She side-glances at me, leaning against me in the elevator. “I haven’t taken it.”
“You what ?”
“I have it with me! I just haven’t taken it except the once because it made me so drowsy. I can’t take it at work.”
“Then we have to work it out where you work from home.”
“Not yet, Logan, please. Let me try to manage this and work, too. At least for a while. Until…”
“Until what? Until you have enough to leave your mother’s house? Leave the state? Hell, even the country, with your trust fund?”
“What I do with my trust fund is none of your business, Logan.”
I open the hotel room door, storming in and heading straight for the minibar. I need a drink or three if I’m going to tell her the whole truth.
“You’re planning to leave.” I shoot down a mini bottle of tequila. I’m not even going to start small.
I open the second bottle, and Meredith grabs my wrist.
“You're going to get sick."
“I don’t care. I need this.” I shoot back the next bottle, and she sits down on the bed, staring at me warily as if I may have gone crazy.
Maybe I have.
The tequila burns, and my head’s spinning slightly as I sit down next to her on the edge of the bed.
She stares ahead of her. “Now, are you going to tell me the truth?”
I squeeze my eyes shut.
I guess I have to. I have no other choice.