Chapter 27
Chapter twenty-seven
"Snap!" Billy shouted, slapping her palm down over the pile of cards between them on the couch. "Too slow." She grinned and snatched up the cards she'd won.
"Honestly, it's like playing with Imogen when she was six." Rosa laughed and reached for her glass. She took a sip of water and placed it back down again, still smiling.
"Six? That's at least an eight-year-old's gloat, surely." Billy's grin faded and she looked up at Rosa. "What else was she like?"
Rosa frowned. "Imogen?"
"Yeah…I missed out on a lot, and I can't get that time back, but…I wonder, you know, what she was like. What things did she enjoy? What made her laugh?"
"She was very big on Lego at one point. She'd ask for those for birthdays and Christmases and then spend hours building them all…
never wanted help to do it." Rosa smiled at the memory.
"And then once they were built, we'd take a picture of her holding it, then she'd take it all apart again and put it back in the box.
The photo went into her Lego photo album. "
Billy listened, saying nothing.
"When Covid hit, she took them all out, and one by one, rebuilt them, and this time they sat on her shelf for a little while before she eventually put them all back in their boxes.
" Rosa topped up her drink from the bottle of water on the table.
"Of course, she loved Frozen. Her favourite character was Olaf.
She'd laugh and sing those songs all day.
I have to admit, I was kind of glad when she grew out of it.
" Rosa laughed. "There's only so many times you can hear Let It Go before you want to let it go. "
"Covid must have been difficult."
Rosa shrugged. "In some ways. It was scary at first, wasn't it?
" Billy nodded. "I'd worry about Imogen and constantly wash her hands, and I cleaned everything she might touch, but then you settle into a routine and things ease.
I made sure that she had lots of screen time with friends and family, and of course she had to do her schoolwork, so that kept her busy.
We'd watch Doctor Who together, and to keep active we ran around the garden with our own Olympics. "
Billy grinned. "That sounds amazing." She reached out a hand, her palm landing on Rosa's knee. "You really are an awesome parent."
"I just did what I could under the circumstances. But thank you."
"She's grounded, and kind, and funny. And that's all down to you," Billy said. Her eyes were glassy as she spoke.
"She's funnier since you came back into her life, and she's more aware of herself because of you." Rosa straightened and exhaled slowly before she admitted, "At times I've felt jealousy about her relationship with you. I've felt…resentment, I suppose."
"In what way?"
"I did all the hard stuff—the late nights when she was ill or just wouldn't sleep, fed her, bathed her, but I didn't have the funds or the time to lavish her with gifts and outings, and then you reappear and…
" She studied Billy's face. "It felt very unfair.
She'd come home from seeing you and all she could talk about was ‘Billy this, Billy that’, where you'd been and what you'd done, and I wanted to be happy about it…
happy for her that she had this opportunity to have you in her life, but yes… I resented you."
"I can understand that now. I think if I'm honest, I felt a bit…
frustrated with you. I was trying so hard to be the parent I was meant to be, and I could sense this pushback from you every time I picked her up or dropped her off.
I think for a while I needed validation from you that I was doing a good job, and when it didn't come, when all I got was this wall of unbothered…
" She chuckled. "I went back to my therapist and worked it through. "
"And what did you discover? Because I didn't notice any change in the way you were with Imogen or me."
Billy nodded. "Yeah, because the issue wasn't mine.
I was doing what I could and what I thought was best, and I didn't need you to validate that anymore…
if you couldn't explain to me what the issue was, and if you continued to refuse to talk to me, then…
" She shrugged. "It was outside of my circle of control. "
"I'm sorry," Rosa said quietly. "In hindsight, it wasn't very mature of me."
"It's how you felt and that's never to be ignored, but maybe those are things we should get curious about. Ask ourselves the questions and work through the answers until we understand it and can address it."
"I need you to stop spoiling her," Rosa said.
"Okay…hopefully now we can talk about the things she needs and work together to provide them?"
"I would prefer that, yes. Whatever happens with us, going forward I'd like us to both be on the same page with things."
Billy grinned. "Now we've sorted out how to raise our daughter together…do you think it would be appropriate to kiss you?"
Rosa put her glass down and leant over to grab Billy's sweater, fingers fisting the material as she pulled her forward. "More than appropriate."
Billy's mouth found hers, hot and insistent. Rosa gasped against her lips, her fingers twisting tighter in the fabric. Billy's hands framed Rosa's face, angling her head to deepen the kiss while Rosa's tongue swept across Billy's lower lip, drawing a low groan from her.
When they separated, Rosa kept her grip on Billy's sweater, unwilling to let the distance grow. Billy's thumb traced Rosa's swollen bottom lip.
"Still think this is a dream?" Billy asked softly.
Rosa shook her head, a smile tugging at her mouth. "No. This is real." Her voice was rough. "We should probably..."
"Eat something?" Billy grinned and leant back in, close enough that her lips brushed Rosa's with each word.
Rosa laughed breathlessly. "Yeah. That."