4. Four
Four
Jude
I smash the buttons on my controller, only to get struck by lightning and still die. Fuck. I glance at my phone to check the time, but it’s still too early to worry about Tae showing up. It doesn’t stop me from being weird about the whole thing. We haven’t talked since the incident . I’ve had time to think over everything, but I’m not any better off than I was Saturday morning after it happened. I still don’t find guys attractive, but the thought of being around Tae sets off a strange feeling of butterflies in my stomach.
I can do this . I can ignore these weird feelings and go back to being just friends with Tae. He made it clear he doesn’t want to make this weird. I restart my game from the save point and focus on it again. It’s an RPG fantasy game that I know Tae would find nerdy, but I love the complex story line and all the side quests. He’d rather play shooter games, or fighting games, or ditch the video games altogether for a game of baseball.
It’s kind of funny that we’re still friends, all things considered. It was one thing when we were kids who both loved animals and Pokémon, but things changed when we hit puberty. Tae got skinny and lean from playing sports, but I never lost all my baby fat. I’m still a bigger guy and other than going out for hikes, I’m not big on exercise. I have a wider and taller frame than Tae, and when we hit puberty, girls were more interested in him than me. Except Tae was interested in guys, too.
I’ve always assumed I was straight. I find girls pretty, but I’ve never really had a long-lasting relationship. A few of my girlfriends were even jealous of my friendship with Tae. They thought we were too close and jumped to conclusions when they found out he’s bi. Maybe they weren’t that far off base. I take a deep breath and shake off the thought again. My phone chimes with a new message.
Tae
Heading out, I’ll be there in like ten minutes.
Knowing him, he’s probably walking. Our parents only live a little over a mile away from each other, and Tae doesn’t have a car. I look at my game again. I might as well spend my time playing until he gets here. At least it gives my brain something to do.
Almost exactly ten minutes later, there’s a knock on the front door, followed by my dad’s voice. “Jude, Tae’s here.”
Our eyes meet as I walk into the room, and Tae grins at me. It’s casual, like nothing’s changed, and I do my best to ignore that weird fuzzy feeling in my gut. “Hey, Jude.” Tae pulls me in for a quick hug, pulling away before I can overthink it. He follows me back to my room, taking a seat on my bed the same way he always does. I guess I’m the only one making a big deal out of nothing.
I sit on the bed next to him, but Tae grabs my controller before I can. “Whatcha playing?” he asks, messing around with my character on the screen.
I reach for the controller, and Tae leans back on the bed, raising his hands over his head to keep the controller away from me. He’s grinning at me with an expectant look on his face, daring me to play along. “Tae, come on.” I lean down, grabbing his wrist to keep him from squirming away again, but he freezes. His lips part slightly and with how I’m leaning over him, our faces are nearly touching. All I’d have to do to kiss Tae is lean the tiniest bit closer.
The whole situation pops a hazy memory into my head. Tae smirking and making some flirty comment while we were in his dorm drinking. I closed the distance between him and kissed him. Tae’s arms went around my hips, keeping me there as he kissed me back. His hands trailing lower to undo my pants.
I let go of his wrist and sit up again, not even trying to grab the controller. I take a deep breath and let it out. The flashbacks of that night are messing with my head. Tae is just being friendly, and I’m over here thinking about kissing him. “You want to play a game? You can pick.”
Tae sits up slowly, then he holds out the controller in my direction. “Uh, sure. Here, in case you need to save or anything.” Tae gets off my bed to go through my game cases, but his entire attitude has shifted. He went from playful to awkward in a matter of seconds. I save my file as Tae grabs a new game. I’m not paying much attention as he switches out the discs, but it doesn’t surprise me when the title screen pops up. It’s a racing game. At least I won’t have to think as we play.
He waits until we’re playing to talk again. “Only a few more days till your birthday. We’re still heading out to the lake for camping, right?”
I didn’t forget about our trip. We’ve been planning this for months. The entire weekend, just me and Tae sharing a tent. Maybe this is a bad idea. Only, it would look even weirder if I make a big deal out of sharing a tent with Tae. I’ve never had a problem with it in the past, and it shouldn’t be weird for friends to share a tent. Even if those friends recently woke up naked together ... “Yeah, of course. I’ll pick you up Friday morning? We can head out early to find a good spot.”
“Sure. Sounds good.” Tae starts up a race on the game without another word. It still feels a little off, but I don’t know what I’m supposed to say. I don’t know how not to make this awkward. We play a few rounds, and it gets easier, but it’s not the same easy banter we usually have when we play games.
Tae is waiting on the porch when I pull up on Friday. He’s gazing intently at his phone as he taps the screen, and he doesn’t stop looking at it as he waves in my direction. I notice his bags by his feet and call out, “You need help with any of that?”
“I’ve got it,” Tae shrugs me off. After I hit the button to pop the trunk, Tae loads up his bags then walks to the passenger side door. He’s still tapping away on his phone as he sits down next to me.
“I checked the weather. It’s supposed to be hot this weekend,” I attempt to start a conversation.
“Good thing we’re heading to a lake. Hope you packed a swimsuit.” Tae finally looks up from his phone to smirk at me. “Or not. We could go skinny dipping.”
Did he just ...
No. Tae must be messing with me. I shake off the thought and focus on the route in my head. I’ve driven to the lake more than enough times to make this trip on autopilot. When I don’t say anything back, Tae goes back to his phone. This trip is going to be awkward if we can’t even manage the ride there. “What are you doing on your phone?” I ask.
Tae looks at me, then back at his phone before clicking the screen off and setting it on his lap. “Uh, nothing. I was just messaging Austin.”
“Oh.” I know Tae is close with most of his baseball team, but Austin is gay. I can’t help wondering if there’s something more going on between them. “Cool. How is he?”
“Good. Everything’s good. I’ll talk to him later. Let’s game plan for the trip. What do you want to do today when we get there?”
“We need to find a place to set up camp. After that, I have some sandwiches we could have for lunch. We should have time this evening to hang out at the campsite or hit the lake.”
“Sounds good.” Tae reaches out to turn on the radio, adjusting the dial from the classic rock station until he finds a country song. He grins at me before opening his mouth to sing along with the song. He sings loudly off key, belting out the lyrics until I’m holding back laughter. “Come on, sing with me. You know you want to.”
I shake my head, but it doesn’t stop me from joining in. It’s better than the awkward silence we started with. We spend the rest of the trip singing along to the radio, and both of us are in better spirits when the check-in station for the campgrounds comes into view. I pull to a stop at the station to check in and talk to the attendant, turning down the music. A few minutes later, I’m pulling the car to a stop and turning off the engine. “Let’s grab our stuff,” I tell Tae.
We get out, and I pop the trunk to unload. I drove far enough out that we shouldn’t be too far from a campsite, but there’s still a lot to carry between the two of us. Each of us has a backpack, and I have our tent, leaving Tae to carry the cooler. “Let me know if that gets too heavy, and we can switch if you need to,” I say.
Tae grins at me, picking up his pace. “I think I can handle it. Where are we headed?”
“Right, follow me.” I lead Tae along a trail until we get closer to the lake. We’re not right next to it, but we’re close enough to walk out for a swim from the clearing. I don’t see anyone set up on this part of the site, so we shouldn’t have to worry about privacy either. I drop my stuff and grab the tent bag to pull out the poles. Tae sets his things down and grabs the fabric of the tent to help. Between the two of us, we set up the tent quickly, and I stake it down as Tae moves the cooler and our bags inside.