Chapter Thirteen
“ R owandine, there you are, child,” the king booms, jarring me from my thoughts. I take a deep breath, trying to calm the maelstrom within. As I do, Father takes several steps away from me, wincing as if my messy appearance has a mind of its own and will jump to him if he remains too close. The word ‘child’ drips from his lips with hints of disdain. I bow my head, instantly feeling like a young child getting caught rather than the woman I am now.
“Good afternoon, Father, Mother,” I say, with a small bob to each, inwardly kicking myself for sounding all of three inches tall.
“Walk with us, Rowandine, we’ve been meaning to speak with you since you’ve arrived home,” the king says, continuing his stroll onward, leaving me to fall into step or fall behind.
I give a small smile I do not feel and fall into step with them. Father seems to suck the light from the hallway with his large frame and constant scowl. Mother trails a step behind him, always the wilting flower starved of sunlight because of the shadow he casts. He pointedly looks at my attire once again and begins. “Rowandine, perhaps you’ve forgotten due to your absence, but the healer’s wing is not a place fit for a princess.” The word princess seems to stick in his mouth unpleasantly, but he manages to push through. “Especially a princess about to be married off to King Lysander Sturdevant, King of Etos. What will your betrothed think if you’re constantly running around healing those who can’t take care of themselves?”
He sweeps a hand toward my soiled skirts. His voice shakes as he tries to control his anger. Avicii’s stinging words from the past echo within Father’s admonishments, and I shrink with the weight of disappointment closing in again. “You, as a royal princess, only need to marry and strengthen our line by having children, and obey the head of household. How is it I’ve set you up for all three and you’ve failed so miserably?”
The way he so easily throws this in my face causes me to lose my balance. “I tried, Father,” is all I can manage to get out before tears threaten to fall, which of course will only make this meeting worse. While I blink back the tears, the past comes flooding back and I feel all of ten-years-old, the disappointment thick in the air as his anger unfurls around us.
My mother steps out from behind him and her frail hands feel strong as she supports my forearms until I find my footing again.
“Hadeon,” her voice begins as a whisper, but as she continues she also seems to find her footing. She touches his elbow gently, attempting to steer a warhorse with a ribbon. “She’s lost her husband of no small amount of time and has just returned home. We can stand to give her a modicum of time and comfort before we ship her off once more, no?” The way she pats my arm reminds me of how she used to comfort us when we were small. What happened to that woman? The statue flashes in my mind and I wonder if my mother has a different kind of strength. One that has waned these past years but may still be lurking somewhere in there.
“She needs no time. She needs no comfort!” As Father’s words ring through the hall, Mother shrinks back into his shadow, nodding even as she disappears to nothing. The woman I had a glimpse of moments ago is now gone.
I bow my head in apology, attempting to hide the anger rising in my cheeks. Perhaps there’s more truth to the wounded man’s words than I first thought. I’ve always looked at my time healing with Thaliya as a way to give back to our village, not something that makes me weak. But obviously Father does not see it like that. “You’re right, Father, I’m sorry. Of course, I should spend my time more wisely. I’ll make my choices with the good of the kingdom in the forefront of my mind from now on.” My words are sincere. Although, there’s an unfamiliar knot taking shape in my stomach.
Working in the ward this morning, I was happy and alive. And now, I feel as if my happiness has been dumped and scattered across the hall like a broken pot of soil. And now, with Father, I want to make him happy, make a proud match. But at the same time, I feel as if I am being pulled in the wrong direction.
The king nods in satisfaction at my obedience. “We will see you this evening at dinner. Make sure you’re prepared. Clearly you were not last night. All of court will be there.” His features pinch together one last time as he glances at me. He turns toward my mother and then continues striding down the hallway. My mother is left to scurry off behind him.
I watch as they barrel down the middle of the hallway, causing servants to rush out of their way with trays and piles of freshly laundered clothes trailing behind them. The king and queen oblivious to all the destruction left in their wake.
Coming down the hallway from the opposite direction, Gryphon bows low to the king and queen. After they pass, he nods subtly at me in mock formality. It takes every ounce of my self-control not to revert to my thirteen-year-old self and throw myself at him with the hugs I’ve missed these past years. Instead, in a movement appropriate for a grown woman, I link my arm in his and continue along with him in the direction he’s moving.
“You look as if Licia just turned over all your newly propagated seeds,” he says as we continue down the hallway, servants buzzing around us.
“She would never! And I’ve missed you, too,” I say simply rather than spewing out everything that’s happened in the last few moments, not to mention the last several years. Instead, I keep it in, simply happy to have him in my presence at the moment.
“It’s been too long,” Gryphon agrees. “I’m sure you have some tales to tell, oh you must’ve seen so much while traveling the entire realm with Avicii.” He practically swoons, reminding me of when we’d always dream up ways our parents would allow us to go off into the world to experience all the different ways of life. We’d spend days at a time planning how we’d meet with different races and what we could trade and learn from them. Gryphon was the innovative one. He had so many ideas or plans that would benefit the different villages along the way. But I was just so eager to learn more from them. More about the plants they used in healing and how I could bring it all back to Thaliya and to Merula.
But that was never written in the stars for us. Human royals would stay amongst the human royals, never traveling further than these walls and us too busy with lessons only covering the basics we would ever need to know about the surrounding people. Even then, Father never saw fit to go into the village or hear from his people, let alone the surrounding villages.
Gryphon looks down at me, waiting for me to begin a tale, but his face falls when he sees my reaction. “He never even took you, did he?” He bangs his fist into the wall beside us. “No wonder you look so miserable.” He tightens his grip on my elbow and pats my arm. “Not because you lost your husband, but because he was never the husband he promised to be, the one you needed him to be.”
I melt into Gryphon’s side. Stars—he’s good. I’ve missed him. Although I’m just slightly younger, he and I have shared cradles and wet nurses and used to wreak havoc together around the court every chance we got. When I’m with him, I’m someone totally different from the person I’m expected to be at court.
I’m not sure why the queen’s sister hasn’t yet married him off, but without him by my side here at court, I would likely drown in the endless sea of expectations and rules I’ve returned to.
And if I could, I’d thank her everyday for allowing him to stay by my side in all our lessons, rather than sending him to waste his time sword fighting with Killian and the other men. Gryphon is no warrior, and he never will be.
Sometimes I wonder just where I’d be without his friendship to level me out here at the castle. And other times I fantasize that Jonaraja, his mother, has a bigger plan for his future. One she’s held close all this time until she’s ready to unleash it.
Gryphon already has every eye at court—of all the women and the men. I’m convinced it’s the way he never takes anything too seriously unlike many of the other available bachelors flitting about. His sense of humor mixes perfectly with his big heart, and that’s what gets everyone. I can easily see why Licia’s drawn to him.
He’s always been good looking in a gangly-as-a-newborn-calf way. But since I’ve been gone, he’s grown into his height and filled out his slim frame. Lean where he was once too thin, and now his large eyes almost fit with his narrow face and high cheekbones. “We’ll have to get you out of here one night.” He tilts his head to the side in thought. “The Moon Festival is later this week. I hear something is happening down at the shore.” His hushed voice tells me this is highly confidential information, so I match my face to his no-nonsense tone.
“What would you know about how the villagers celebrate anything? And anyways, I don’t think you’d want an old widow tagging along with you.” I look down at my dress; the morose color a flagrant reminder I should be in mourning.
“Don’t give me that, Roe. I know you’re ready for some fun. It’s been too long indeed. Leave it all up to me.” And with that, he pats my hand once and gives it a squeeze before elegantly twirling me out of his clutch and sending me on my way.