Chapter Thirty-Six
I blow into the steaming mug of mint tea warming my hands causing swirls of steam to kiss my cheeks. The breeze tousles my hair, a slight chill makes its way through the warm blanket I’ve wrapped myself in. I burrow in deeper, allowing it to tighten around me like a warm hug. The majestic Parisarret Peaks loom over the gates of Merula, their snowcapped tips are as unforgiving as jagged teeth.
The encounter with Killian was close, too close. And if I continue training, and preparing to leave, the growing gap between me and my family will only widen. Until I can’t even see them from where I stand. The thought of losing Killian and Licia is unbearable. And the thought of what Hadeon will do when, not if, he finds out is terrifying. I’m under no illusion that he will spare me in any way.
The snow covered mountaintops remind me of Thaddeus. Even all that way in the distance, the fresh scent of frost tickles my nose and reminds me of him. Of the way he pressed me up against the library books, wrapping my legs tight around him. And of the night he came to me in my room. A ghost of his gentle touch haunts me as I take a sip of tea, the warmth covering my chills.
But with him, I can’t help but feel I wasn’t myself. There was something about him that was too alluring, pulled me in too quickly. His eyes, the way he looked at me like he lost me, drives a knife through my heart. But I can’t be with him to make him happy. That small voice within, it's growing. And I need to hear it. Breaking off things between us not only makes it less confusing to Etos, who has the eyes of a hawk, but it also allows us to leave here as friends. On a mission. Nothing more.
Despite all of this, despite my feelings, Killian is right. Just not in the way he means.
It’s my turn. Somewhere within me is a primeval power, and if I can learn to harness it, perhaps it will be enough to do great things for my people. All my people, of all different races across Everguard.