Chapter Thirty-Seven
T he morning has flown by. The healer’s wing has seen more patients than usual and there continues to be a steady flow. Between Thaliya, the handful of other healers on duty and myself, we’ve met the needs of every patient. I worry the winter will be a hard one for the people of Merula. With Hadeon’s attention purposefully elsewhere, those in town have barely enough food and are terrified to ask or attempt a solution.
“Why hasn’t anyone done anything? Why haven’t you done something?” I swallow, knowing that once I turn down this road, there’s no turning back. “You’ve had all this power all along, there have been Fae here all along,” I lower my voice toward the end, and Thaliya’s eyes narrow. “This could’ve been avoided.”
“Are you done?” Thaliya breaks off my rant, her tone part reprimand, part hurt. “There’s more at stake here than just you and me. The lives on the line are countless, and between me and the handful of Fae here, we’re not strong enough yet. We had to wait, knowing the time would come. Know yourself, know your path.”
The last part, something she’s said to me over and over again as I’ve grown up here in the healer’s ward, strikes differently this time. But I still don’t understand why it's taken this long. So much time has been lost.
“You were scared.” There. I said it. And just as quickly I wish I could suck the words back in. Thaliya’s features drop in disappointment and I know I’ve gone too far. Even the room seems to darken as she shakes her head and turns away from me.
I’m disgusted with myself for lashing out. At the same time, I don’t think I’m wrong. If she and the other Fae would’ve done something sooner, there would’ve been so many more people to save. Now, there’s so little to salvage and all the races have separated. There’s too much to fix at this point.
With embarrassment rising on my cheeks and nothing left for me here today, I gather the last of my supplies and head back to the shelves to hang up my apron for the day. After the last of the clean bandages are in their place, I straighten my dress and try to tame my hair. Just as I walk through the doorway, a familiar figure straightens.
Surprised that he’d venture down here again after what happened yesterday, I don’t know what to do. I freeze.
Not a hair on his gorgeous head is out of place, but as he stands from leaning against the wall, he runs his hands through it anyway. Giving his chin length waves a tousled look. “It’s going to take more than a paramour to scare me off.”
I try to stifle my smile, but I can’t help it. He’s relentless. And knows it.
He’ll take me anyways? He’s not disgusted with what I’ve done? He’s not bothered by my other relations?
He strides toward me, an air of confidence and strength surrounding him as he offers his elbow. I look at it, still unsure of what his game is and where I stand. Do I play along?
“Honestly, he can come to Etos with us if it’ll make you happy. But I don’t think you’ll need him.” He smirks at the shock I must wear on my face. His words are so bold, so honest. His bravado is more refreshing than off-putting. I don’t want to cause friction where it’s unnecessary, and he’s come all this way just to be disappointed. I don’t want to upset him. Until I must. I reach out and once again link my arm in his. The solid feel of him beneath my fingertips grounds me after such a long morning.
“And how was your morning?” he asks, and then listens as I recount some of the more exciting moments of the day. He’s attentive all the way down the hall. Very few people are down this way, but as we draw closer to mine and Thaddeus’ small office space, I can’t help but peek in to see if he’s there. Sure enough, I see his boots up on a footstool angled toward the fire. The tall-backed chair blocking the rest of him from view.
I wonder if Thaddeus, because of what he is, has heard our entire conversation. I think back to his reaction to Gryphon’s hand in mine. Would our conversation unsettle him? Especially because with this one conversation, I think this king and I have exchanged more words than Thaddeus and I have in our weeks of knowing each other.
“What’s so funny?” Lysander asks. I realize I’ve completely lost the thread of our conversation. I quickly try to school my features, scrambling to remember what we were talking about.
At a loss, I realize I’m the one who does most of the talking between us, and while he’s gotten to know me fairly well, I still know little about him. And then I remember I don’t want to know anything about him because I’m leaving soon and will never see him again. It’s better for him if there’s nothing between us.
But I can’t help it, now I’m curious. “You’ve listened as I go on and on about my days, but what do you do back in Etos?”
“You mean besides run the country?” he replies, but I can tell he’s thinking about the question .
“Yes, what does the King of Etos do in all his spare time?”
“I like to sword fight,” he begins.
Of course he does. That makes it easy. Just another man with a sword.
“I’m quite fond of dual wielding.”
I cough, almost choking on my surprise. “Two swords?” I ask, as he nods in confirmation.
“Of course.” He’s trying not to enjoy my surprise, but I can see the way he stands a little taller, puffing out his already impressive chest. “What would be the challenge in the one? I’ve trained all my soldiers, making sure they can wield two blades before they even see the field.”
I think back to my recent sessions, the one sword giving me problems enough. But somewhere deep down, I promise myself after I master the one, I won’t stop there. I’ll somehow figure out a second. “You’ll have to show me the basics some time.”
He glances at me, and I see him weighing my words, wondering if I’m really interested or just placating him.
“Yes, I’d like that.” He smiles his charming smile. “I usually train as the sun rises, if that’s not too early for you?”
“Of course not. I’ll meet you out in the training fields if you’d like?” I say, even as I do I wonder if Patton will allow something like this to cut into our training time.
“Oh no, I don’t practice with your father’s men.” He almost looks offended that I’d assume as much. “I’ve found there’s a small plot on the far eastern coastline, it’s a bit out of the way, but…”
“I know it well,” I say. “The land you speak of was one of Gryphon and my favorite hideaways, once upon a time.”
“You’re full of surprises, Princess.” I do a double take, that title has never sounded so foreign as it does coming from his lips. I’ve grown too used to someone else calling me by that name.
“Oh, please call me Roe.”
“Well then, Roe, shall we walk down together tomorrow? Make a morning of it?” he suggests as a light smattering of color hints along his cheekbones.
“That sounds divine. I’ll have a basket packed for us.” I manage to get the words out smoothly, but inside, I couldn’t be more excited. Even though it’s just for the morning, we’ll be going on an adventure. Something I haven’t done since I was a child and something I’ve been dreaming of ever since.
He must like what he sees as he looks at me because he continues with hesitance. “I also like to spend some of my free time…” he pauses, still adorably unsure whether to share what he’s about to say, causing me to lean in closer to him. “...in the ballroom.”
I’m not sure what I thought would come out of his mouth, but it was certainly not that. A laugh escapes me before I can help it, and I look at him, horrified that I’ve embarrassed him. “I’m so sorry—I didn’t—it seems I’m not the only one full of surprises.”
We walk a few strides in silence, arriving where the hallway to the healer’s ward meets the rest of the castle. The bustle is greater than usual, workers moving with purpose, some carrying vases, others with stacks of silver platters.
The reason becomes clear to both Sturdevant and me at the same moment. Our eyes meet and a blush creeps up his neck, matching the blush I can feel rising along my own features. The comfortable conversation we’d fallen into is replaced with an insistent hum of what the future holds between us.
His confident facade slightly cracks with the realization that this, between us, will become much more permanent in just a few short days.
Is supposed to become more permanent.
Won’t become more permanent.
Just as his features falter, so do mine, but for a completely different reason. It’s all becoming real and very quickly. The fact that Sturdevant is so real, and that he’s a good person, makes my insides twist knowing he’s someone who perhaps I could even grow to love. I blanch at the implications.
“It’s all moving so fast.” He pats my hand wrapped around his bicep with a tender gentleness.
“We both have such different lives, and it’s all going to change. But maybe it doesn’t have to be a bad thing?” His voice rises with vulnerability, doing all sorts of things to my core and my mind at the same time.
Wrecking me entirely.
So much so that we walk in silence while I try to tame the turmoil writhing within me.
Sturdevant keeps watching me out of the corner of his eye, his dark hair falling across his brow each time. And each time, the movement shakes me from my thoughts, swirling over and over between him, the man I’m to marry to strengthen my family's hold on this realm.
This realm that is not their own. For a family who is not my own.
Each time I think my choice is solidified, a new piece gets thrown at me. Just days ago, it was Ombretta, my sister by birth. And today it happens to be this beautiful, kind man in front of me.
This man whose been nothing but nice to me since his arrival. A man who can take me from this realm and we can start over in a new place. Where he is king and I am queen, with my controlling father far away across an entire ocean. He could save me from this place.
But after these past few weeks, I see it now—I’m not the one who needs saving.
I’ve made it this far in life. And I’ve tried before. It didn't work out so well. Avicii was supposed to be the man to save me from this place. Instead, our idyllic cabin in the mountainside became just another prison.
I’ve learned my lesson and I have the scars to prove it. Sturdevant may be beautiful and kind and say all the right words, but that’s just on the surface. He could be as much a monster as Hadeon, and I wouldn’t find out until we arrived on his own shores, days, maybe years, later.
My blush from the wedding preparations has vanished and my nerves are replaced by a firm decision. A hint of my thoughts must cross my features because as I turn to thank Sturdevant for the company, his features harden into something unreadable. He’s still smiling, but it no longer reaches his eyes.
“I look forward to the morning,” I manage to get out before turning back the way we came and rushing down the hall. I don’t even know if we decided what time or where to meet. I just know one minute we were talking about his ballroom dancing hobby, and the next I was desperate to find a way out of our conversation. Shades of white press on me from all sides as the servants rush out of my way.