Romantic
Decker didn’t come out of his room after our shower tryst last night, and I’d almost forgotten I’d set up another date. So, here I am, on a date with someone I wouldn’t typically choose to read in a book, but I need a change of pace.
This one has potential.
Sort of.
At least my hopes aren’t astronomical, so I can’t be too disappointed when it inevitably fails. Which the feedback I’ve provided to the app has shown to be a theme.
The admins really need to better vet everyone before giving them access to date.
Enter Tanner. He seems nice. Attractive. Even the things he says make me swoon a little. At first.
The date started with him telling me I look beautiful, his hazel eyes shining as he pulled the chair out for me.
Score one for Tanner.
Dinner was nice. The conversation was decent. Nothing over the top or noteworthy, but at least there were no second cousin sexual experience confessions. Adopted or otherwise.
Which is how I ended up at his place. I’m not sure where Decker and I stand right now. It’s not the smartest choice, but at least I can leave if things get weird.
“You look beautiful,” Tanner says once we’re inside his apartment.
“Thank you,” I reply, pushing down my annoyance.
It’s the fourth time he’s said it since meeting, and it’s starting to get old. Like saying the same word over and over again until it loses its meaning and doesn’t sound real anymore.
“Your skin glows. The way your eyes shine makes me want to get lost in them forever.”
Okay, that line manages to pull me back in. It’s kind of nice to find someone who doesn’t think sharing his feelings is a weakness. It’s really not—unless they’re panicking for no reason because they’re convinced they’re going to die and decide to shit in an elevator.
Yeah, that date with Kyler will be the bad-date story that will top all other bad-date stories. Just shy of serial killer ones.
“Thank you. I’ve been told my eyes are pretty before, but no one’s said they could get lost in them.”
He smiles, and I notice the slight gap between his front teeth. It’s kind of adorable. Not everything has to be perfect.
When he kisses me, though, it feels… lackluster. But the last time I was kissed was last night, by Decker. That’s a hard act to follow.
“I love the feel of your tongue on mine,” Tanner says, resting his forehead against mine. “The way it dances and moves. You really know what to do with it.”
Odd compliment, but okay. “Um, thanks.”
“I’d love to know how it feels on my quivering member.”
First, ew.
Second, I’ve heard that before.
Doing my best to hide my laughter, I lean back. “Did you just steal a line from 10 Things I Hate About You?”
“Oh, you’ve seen that movie?”
Of all the lines to steal, he picks the horrific romance novel option from Allison Janney? “I went through a Heath Ledger phase and have watched all of his movies.”
I’ve thrown him off his game, and he struggles to get back on track. “You’re much hotter than Julia Styles.”
Another weird compliment. “Thanks?”
“Your breasts are divine, and I would love to suck on them like a child feeding on his mother’s teat.”
And… we’ve officially entered weird. “I’m not sure how to feel about that visual.”
“I promise, I can make you feel amazing. I’ll start by caressing your body, giving you a sensual massage, before I move to rub between your soft petals.”
“My what now?”
“You’ll have the wettest pleats you’ve ever felt by the time I’m done working your body over.”
Wettest pleats? Is he talking about my vagina? The labia? What the hell is he saying?
“And when I finally enter your dark, moist tunnel, we’ll both be in heavenly bliss as I ride you until you have the largest orgasmic euphoria you’ve ever experienced.”
I almost feel bad because Tanner stands there with so much confidence and pride—like he’s accomplished something groundbreaking. Flowery words meant to seduce… but instead, they just make me uncomfortable.
“I… yeah… no.”
“Excuse me?”
I move toward the door without looking back. “That was… weird and kind of disgusting.”
“Disgusting?”
He sounds genuinely offended, and I can’t help but laugh.
Turning, I sigh and shrug. “I highly doubt any woman has ever let you see her naked after you’ve referred to her vagina as a dark, moist tunnel.
And no woman ever will. Also, don’t bring a mom and child into a sexual visual. That makes it really weird.”
“Thanks for the feedback,” he calls as I shut the door.
Luckily, his apartment isn’t far from mine, and I hurry up to the third floor, thankful he didn’t follow me with more poetic prose of the worst romance ever.
I am kind of proud of myself, though. My aversion to confrontation didn’t stop me from telling Tanner how much he creeped me out. And it didn’t make me stay to listen to any more out of complacent respect.
“You look like you’re running from someone,” Decker says. “Or to someone.”
Jumping, I turn to see him with that cocky smile that gets me every time, but I have to keep my wits about me.
I don’t know how to act around him now that we’ve seen each other naked.
Even if knowing he’s gotten up close and personal with almost every inch of me makes me flush and make the temperature rise at least ten degrees.
“The date I was just on…”
“Not good?”
“Just out of curiosity—because you’ve clearly had a lot of women out of their clothes and in your bed—what do you call their vagina?”
Decker frowns, and I love the little line that forms between his eyebrows as his forehead crinkles. God, even thinking looks sexy on him.
“I… don’t know. I’m not sure I call it anything. There are comments about how good she tastes or feels, but I’m not sure I’ve ever directly made a reference to it.”
Jealousy flares. I know he’s been with a lot of women. I’ve seen them. Heard them. And it’s the reason I’m asking him this question, but that doesn’t stop the sting. “Exactly.”
“I’m lost.”
“He referred to my vagina as petals, the wettest pleats, and then a dark, moist tunnel. I thought a poetic man would be romantic. Someone who shares his feelings without believing society’s nonsense about it making him less of a man. But he was just creepy.”
Decker snorts, his body shaking with laughter. “Dark, moist tunnel? You’re not serious.”
“Dead serious. You think I’d make that up myself? Who even comes up with that and thinks, hey, this is a great line to get a woman out of her clothes? What the hell?”
“Wow. There’s no way that’s worked for him before. Unless he has a massive cock between his legs and had it out while he said it.”
“Didn’t get a look, and that’s okay. I swear, he just Googled creative ways to describe female body parts. It’s just… ick.”
I shiver, remembering how uncomfortable it was to have Tanner say the words to me. It’s like regurgitating your food at this point. Nothing about it is good.
Tilting his head, Decker stares at me, and I damn near melt. Damn this man. Can one part of him be ugly? Or maybe he could be stupid. That would be helpful.
“What?” I ask, shifting.
“Nothing.”
“No, there’s something. Wait, are you imagining me naked again?”
“Holly, I haven’t stopped thinking about you naked since our shower together.”
Well, strip me naked and take me on the couch, sailor. Seriously, Decker doesn’t need to do much to convince me. “Is that right?”
“But you’re dating around, right?”
That sounds almost like a come-on. “You don’t do relationships, Decker.”
“That’s not an answer.”
“Technically, yeah, I’m dating around.”
He steps close to me, our faces just inches from each other, and he smiles. “While you’re dating around, I’m not going to fuck you again.”
Damn it. “I’m not committed to anyone. And I haven’t slept with any of these dates. This app is about to be deleted, I think.”
“Doesn’t matter. Until you’re ready to say you’re not looking for someone else while chatting up every Dick, John, and Barry out there, we’re going to stay clothed around each other.”
He’s close enough to kiss me, but he doesn’t. He just stays there, hovering.
“I think it’s supposed to be every Tom, Dick, and Harry.”
“Tom’s dick is hairy?”
I laugh and shake my head as he steps back. “Goodnight, Decker.”
“Goodnight, Holly.” Turning, I reach my room when he calls, “You know, you should look into getting a dog.”
Well… that came out of nowhere. I turn to face him. “What?”
“You always said you wanted a dog. This complex allows them. You should adopt one.”
“You’re forgetting something.”
“What’s that?”
“At some point, Will’s going to come back to the States, and he’s going to want his apartment back.”
He shrugs. “So?”
“I don’t know if the next place will allow dogs, and it would kill me to have to give one up. But I can’t believe you remember that I always wanted a dog. Mom was allergic.”
Passing by me, he stops with his mouth just barely above mine. One sneeze, and we’d be lip locked. “I remember a lot of things you don’t think I do.”
And then he’s gone. His door shuts, leaving me panting in the hallway. Damn it, I want him to fuck me. My fucking pleats are wet.
Wait, what is he saying? Does he want something serious? Or does he just want to screw me as long as I’m not screwing anyone else while he’s free to get tail wherever and whenever he can?
Storming into my room, I open the app and scroll. There has to be something normal. Someone normal.
Military.
I look through, surprised at how many there are in this category, and find an attractive man named Ramon A. His profile says he’s a great salsa dancer, loves making Mexican food his grandmother taught him, and loves his country.
I message Ramon, determined. But I immediately get a reply that makes me feel like this should be the end of the road with this journey. It’s been nothing but a terrible social experiment.
RAMON A.: Hey Holly! I’d love to meet up with you but I’m gone for three more months. Can we connect when I get back to the city?
Of course, he’s gone. Probably in the military. Unless he’s lying about that like everyone has lied about who they are so far. His haircut says he’s not, but he could just be completing the image—like Benny and his fake hair on a bike with a costume leather kutte.
Mona texts me, and I ignore it. I’ve been avoiding talking in detail about how things are going, and I’m going to have to tell her soon she was right.
Damn this app.