Chapter 10
10
H arper aimlessly walked along the fence line near the front of the ranch. She had excused herself after lunch to have some time to think. Lawson had given her a funny look when she got up and walked out. On the way home, he had asked her what she thought about the church service. She had been honest and said that she thought it was nice. She hadn’t said much else, since he didn’t seem interested in that line of conversation.
The truth was she had a lot of thinking to do. She wasn’t ready to jump to a decision after one Sunday at church because she got warm fuzzy feelings. But she couldn’t walk away from the fact that she was interested.
The thing was she didn’t know what to do about it. Her mind wandered as she stared out over the wide expansive land that stretched out as far as she could see. The Macklin land. Not just land that they had earned, or that they worked hard for, but that they gave credit to God for blessing them with. Mr. Macklin had prayed at lunch and thanked God for all their many blessings and all the wonderful family that they had surrounding them. So where did that leave her?
“God, I don’t know if You’re there. I don’t know if You’re listening to me, or if You care about me. But I want to know the truth.”
Harper didn’t hear any voice speaking to her or see any writing across the sky. She sighed and kept walking. A few minutes later, she heard the sound of slow hoofbeats behind her and turned, expecting to see Lawson. He was probably coming to try to talk her out of thinking about church.
Instead, she was surprised to see Lydia Macklin. “Oh hi,” she said.
“Hi, Harper,” Lydia said, pulling her horse to stop and sliding down. She took the reins of the horse and slowly walked over to where Harper stood. “Are you doing alright? After lunch, you seemed a little quiet. I felt the Lord telling me I needed to come and find you.”
Harper wanted to cry. “Really?” she said.
Lydia reached out and put a hand on Harper’s arm and gave her a gentle smile. “Yes. I just had a nudge that you needed someone to talk to.”
Harper put her hand to her forehead. “I…I just don’t even know what to say. I went to church this morning, but I was just doing it to be nice, and accept the invitation since you have been so kind to me. Then it was so nice, and I felt so welcomed. When the pastor spoke, I felt like he was talking to me. Not just to me, but about me, saying that Jesus cared. I’ve just never felt that way before. Or at least not for a very long time.”
“I can understand that. I was the same way. I grew up in church and my parents taught me about the Bible, but I don’t know. I guess I felt like it was their faith, and I never really learned it for myself. So I had to do some wandering. I didn’t run off and turn into a wild, rebellious teenager or anything like that, but I had a time where I just wondered if I really believed all the things I grew up hearing. I wondered if Christianity was for me. I’m so thankful for an older lady in our church. Her name was Brenda. She gave me a notebook and told me to go through the Bible and write down any questions that I had as I read it. Then she told me to look for the places where Jesus reached out to the unlikely people. See, I guess that I saw church people as only good people, and I knew I wasn’t good. I realize now that it’s not that good people come to church. It’s because Jesus welcomes everyone, and He changes the lives of people who walk with him. I had to go on my own faith journey to meet Him and to find that out for myself.”
Harper let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “That’s how I feel. For a long time, I’ve thought Jesus didn’t really care about me. Why should He? I’m nobody special. I’ve been through some hard things in my life, and I blamed Him for that. I don’t know if I’m ready to follow God. But I want to have that assurance and that peace that I see other people have. I don’t feel like I’ve ever had that.”
“I understand,” Lydia said. “I won’t rush you, and I won’t try to convince you. All I can do is tell you that my life has been different since I decided to follow Jesus. To really follow Him, choosing that for myself and not just because my parents did it or because it was what I thought was expected of me. I do have one question, though. Do you have a Bible?”
Harper shook her head. “No, I was just thinking about that this morning. I guess maybe I had one a long time ago, but I don’t know where it is. I don’t have one now.”
Lydia smiled. “That’s okay. I have one at the house that you can have. I’ll leave it in your room for you. Harper, I’ll be praying for you. I’ll be praying that Jesus will show Himself to you in a way that is so real and so comforting to you. I’ll pray that you find the peace that you’re looking for. But for now, I’ll let you get back to your walk. I know you have a lot to think about.”
“Thank you,” Harper said as she watched Lydia mount her horse and turn back to the house.
She turned over her shoulder to say, “Harper, I’m here to talk whenever you need to. Whenever you’re ready.”
Harper couldn’t say anything around the lump in her throat. She tried to take a deep breath, feeling her emotions well up in her chest. How long had it been since she had talked to someone? Really talked to someone? In that moment, she knew that Lydia meant it when she said they could talk.
But right now, she needed to settle her thoughts, and then maybe she could talk to God.