Chapter 12
12
" C ome on," Lawson encouraged Harper as they walked toward the barn.
“I’m not sure about this. It’s been a very long time since I’ve been on a horse,” Harper said.
“Well, you know what they say,” he replied with a grin.
Harper rolled her eyes, even as she smiled. “What about getting back on the horse? Isn’t that like when you’ve fallen off? I didn’t say I fell off. I just said it’s been a long time since I’ve ridden.”
Lawson shrugged. “Well, I figure it works either way. It’s been a long time for you, but I guess it’s like riding a bike. It’ll come back to you.”
Harper followed him inside the barn. As Lawson busied himself saddling the horses, Harper stood close by and watched.
"Have you always been this good with horses?" Harper asked, leaning against the stable door.
Lawson chuckled, glancing up at her. “I guess it comes from being around them since I could walk. My dad made sure we all knew how to ride early on.”
"That’s impressive. I remember my first time on a horse. I was terrified," Harper admitted.
Lawson smiled warmly. "Everyone’s nervous their first time. Even the best riders started out with shaky legs and a lot of falls. But you must have done fine to go on and compete in barrel racing.”
“I was nervous, but I fell in love with it. Plus, I’m a fast learner.”
“I’m sure you were great,” Lawson said with a wink.
A hint of a blush crept onto her cheeks, and she looked away before changing the subject. “Whose horse is this?” she asked, reaching out to gently pat the horse’s neck.
“It’s Mom’s. She’s really gentle and could use the exercise. Mom doesn’t ride as much as she’d like to anymore.”
“Oh really? I saw her ride last week.”
“Yeah, she does when she can, but when she’s busy, we help out by making sure Blaze gets some riding time. Are you ready?”
“I guess I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.”
Lawson stepped behind Harper moving his hands to her waist as she put her foot into the stirrup and mounted the horse. He handed her the reins and made sure she was settled before walking over to Thunder and mounting his own horse. “If you stay close by, Blaze will follow. There’s nothing to worry about.”
“Okay, if you say so.”
Lawson clicked his tongue, gave Thunder a nudge, and led the way out of the barn. When they were just a little way from the barn, he looked over at her, checking to make sure she was okay. He smiled, knowing that he had been right. He had nothing to worry about. Harper remembered.
“Does it take you back?” he asked.
Harper smiled. “I guess it does. You were right, I remember this. Although I can already tell you that my muscles have forgotten, and I’m sure I will be sore tomorrow.”
Lawson laughed. “I hope it will be worth it.”
“I think it will be.” Harper flashed him a smile. “Where are you taking me?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I just thought we would head out and see where we end up.” Lawson heard the words escape from his mouth and wondered if he was doing the same thing in their relationship. No, he didn’t want that. Maybe it was time to tell her.
Harper spoke as if she had read his thoughts. “I feel like that’s my whole life right now. I’m just getting up every day and wondering where I will be tomorrow.”
Lawson turned his concern to her situation. “Have you heard from the insurance company about your car?”
Harper let out a huff. “I talked to them again yesterday. I think it would have been easier if I crashed my car and had pictures of it to show them. It seems practically impossible to convince them that my car is literally gone because it was picked up by a tornado. They want some proof. I guess I should send them a picture of me standing here with no car.”
Lawson chuckled. “I’m sorry. I know it’s not funny.”
“Well, it kind of is. How can I prove that something is gone?” She shook her head. “They want to see my cell phone location records to show I was in the area. I hope that will be enough. I called the sheriff's department in Williamson county to see if they located it in the destruction. But so far, there’s no record of it. So, I wait.”
“Are you supposed to be at any events this week? You know I’m happy to take you.”
She sighed. “I know, but I don’t want to keep you from your work. I know you’re needed here.”
Lawson sighed. “I don’t know about that. They use me, but I think they could get along without me.” He smirked. “I guess I could put in for my vacation time.”
Harper laughed. “I’m sure you get paid time off.”
“I wish.” Lawson removed his cowboy hat and swatted at a fly. “I think I’ve earned a break, though. If you need to go somewhere, I’ll take you. Or at least we can loan you a vehicle. It might be a beat-up ranch truck, but it would get you from here to there.” A knot formed in his stomach at the thought of Harper leaving, even for a few days.
“Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind. The event I was supposed to be at last week was rescheduled due to storm damage, and I didn’t have anything this week. I’ll have to see about the rodeo for next weekend.” She bit her lip. “I really need to work that one. It’s one of my higher-paying gigs, and I could use the money to get back on my feet.”
“Consider it done,” Lawson said. “We’ll make it happen.”
Harper furrowed her eyebrows. “Are you planning on competing?”
He nodded. “I can’t do every rodeo in Texas, thanks to that no paid time off thing,” he winked. “But I can find a way to get to the ones that are an hour or two away.”
“That one is in Fredericksburg. It’s probably four hours from here.”
Lawson looked concerned. “Maybe I can get away. If they think it’s for you, my brothers will be more willing to let me go.”
Harper stared at him for a moment. The silence grew between them with only the sound of the horses' hooves on the ground. “When are you going to tell them?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I can’t keep it a secret forever. It’s just easier for them not to know.”
"Is it?" Harper asked. "It seems like a lot of work to figure out reasons to travel. And it must be hard to find time to train without them knowing."
"I guess," Lawson replied, considering her words. His heart pounded heavily against his chest at the thought of his family knowing. “I just don’t want them to try to stop me or to get in on the action. This is my thing. I want to keep it to myself."
Harper nodded. "I can’t really say I understand, but I respect that you’ve thought this through. My brother and I did all the rodeos together for a long time. We trained and traveled and cheered each other on. That is, until he surpassed my skill. I got to a point where I couldn’t compete at a higher level, so I started photographing and watching him. But it was still something we did together. I just think your family would be proud to support you."
"Ha," Lawson said. "You don’t know them very well yet. They would tease me relentlessly. Or they would just say they could do it better than me."
"Then prove them wrong. Let them see you compete. I think if they saw how hard you’ve worked, they would be proud. And if they saw you ride, they would be impressed."
"I don’t know. I’ll find out one day, when I’m ready to tell them. But not yet."
Harper held up a hand. "Okay, that’s fine. It’s your decision."
Lawson was ready to change the subject. He took a deep breath and drew his horse a little closer to hers. "I think there is something I’m ready for," he said.
She turned to look at him. "What’s that?"
"I’m ready to talk about us."
Harper turned and watched the path in front of them. "Us?" she asked, keeping her focus forward.
"I think there is something between us. Something more than being friends who run into each other at rodeos."
Harper didn’t say anything.
Lawson swallowed hard and looked away. Had he read the situation wrong? Did she really just want to be friends? Maybe he had just given her a place to stay, and after she left the ranch, they wouldn’t keep in touch. Is that what she wanted?
The silence stretched on, and Lawson wondered if he should just tell her to forget he had said anything. If that was how she felt, they should just make it through until she got a car and left for another rodeo.
He had let himself imagine there was something there. He would have to let that go.
"I’m sorry," he said. "I must have read this wrong. Let’s just ride and forget I said anything."
"Lawson…" Harper said.
He held up a hand. "No, it’s fine. You don’t have to respond."
"I just needed a minute to think." She sighed. "I really like spending time with you. Even though I came here because I didn’t have anywhere to go, it has been one of the best times I’ve had in a long while. I love being here on the ranch and talking with you."
"I feel like there’s a ‘but’ coming," Lawson said.
"I’m sorry, there is. It’s just that I travel all the time. I’m not used to staying in one place, and I just…" She paused. "I just didn’t plan to get involved with someone."
"Ever?"
She shrugged. "I don’t know. I’ve gotten used to my life being this way. It’s been a long time since I’ve had anybody waiting on me for dinner or taking time to have a conversation. I’m a nomad."
"Doesn’t that ever get lonely?"
Harper looked away, but when she turned back, he could see the tears filling her eyes. "All the time."
Lawson reached out and took her hand in his as he pulled his horse to a stop. "Then let’s give it a try. You don’t have to be lonely."
"But I still love what I do. And I love being around rodeo events and traveling.”
"You don’t have to give that up. But what if you had a place to come home to?”
The words hit Harper hard. Home . It had been so long since she had had a home. Sure, she had stayed a couple of places for a few weeks or a month, but then it was on to the next event. More often than not, she felt like she was overstaying her welcome. That thought had crossed her mind every day about the Macklins. When would they be tired of her?
"I’m not used to having a home anymore," she said. “I stayed away from my parents’ house because it’s too hard. And nothing else has felt like home.”
"I know." He ran his thumb over her fingers, and it sent her heart racing. "But things can change."
"Maybe," she bit her lip. "That scares me."
Lawson’s eyes softened with compassion. "Really?"
She nodded. "My life is different, and maybe it’s lonely sometimes. But it’s what I’m used to. I know what to expect."
"And you’re afraid if you try something new, you might be disappointed."
She shrugged. "I don’t know. I just don’t think about things like a future with someone, or…" Her voice drifted off.
"Or losing someone again," Lawson finished for her.
Harper nodded. "I’m not strong enough to do that again."
Lawson opened his mouth to speak but shook his head and looked away.
Harper knew he wanted to say that she wouldn’t lose him. But he knew that bad things happen, and life is unpredictable. He couldn’t make that kind of promise.
"I like you, Lawson. Really, I do. I just don’t know what a relationship would look like."
"I don’t either," he said. "But I’m not worried about it. The way I see it, we can walk away and never know, and maybe that’s easier. Maybe there’s no risk, so it seems like we won’t get hurt. But Harper, I’m sure if we don’t try, it’s going to hurt. I want to get to know you more, and I want to be with you. I want you to know that I like you more than just a casual friend. I would like us to be more and just see where it takes us. I think we can make it work. Would you be willing to give it a try?"
Harper bit her lip. She slid her hand from his and held onto the reins. Nudging her horse, they started moving forward again. Maybe forward was the direction she wanted to go with Lawson, but she wasn’t sure yet. "Can I think about it?" she asked.
"Of course. Take the time you need. I will be right here.”