Chapter 13
13
L awson sat atop his horse, watching the cattle. It had been three days since he and Harper had taken a ride together. He had hoped that their conversation would be a starting point. Instead, it seemed to have halted everything between them. Harper had been distant. He hoped she was thinking, considering what he had said. But he was afraid that she was moving further away and deciding not to give them a chance.
"Lawson," Colton's voice sounded just beside him.
"Yeah, Colt?"
"I've been calling your name. Your mind seems somewhere else.”
Lawson nodded slowly and stared out over the pasture. "Yeah, I guess it is." It seemed that his mind was always somewhere else these days, either thinking about Harper or about riding bulls for the next competition.
Colton chuckled. "I know that look. I'm sure I had it plenty of times myself when I met Grace. Women are very distracting. I spent all my time thinking about her.”
"That's the problem. I wish I knew what to think.”
"What do you mean?" Colton asked.
"I tried to talk to her about, you know, us. But she's not ready. She's not sure she'll ever be ready.”
Colton put his hand on Lawson's shoulder. "Patience. It takes a lot of patience. And I've seen the two of you together. The way Harper looks at you, I know that she wants to be ready. She just needs more time. She'll come around.”
"What do I do in the meantime?” Lawson asked.
"That's the fun part. You just keep being yourself, being there for her, talking, and having fun.”
"I thought we were having fun before. But now she wants some time to think and seems to be putting distance between us.”
"Maybe you need to close the distance. If you let her stay away from you and let things be awkward because of your conversation, then you forget why you want to be with her. Or maybe she forgets why she wants to be with you. Don’t pressure her, but just be there. You have to keep being the same, keep showing her that you care about her, and keep believing that you would be good together. Because I really do think the two of you would be good together.”
"I think so too. I mean, well, obviously I do. You're right, though. I've let it be awkward. So what do I do? Just pretend we didn't have the conversation?”
"No, you can't pretend it didn't happen because it did. And pretending it didn't happen is going backwards. That's not what you want. Now you get to be intentional. Show her that you meant what you said. Show her how you can make this work, and why she should stop thinking and move forward. But slowly.”
"Yeah, that sounds good. If only I could go spend time with her instead of working."
Colton laughed. "Well, you know what they say. Work on a ranch is never done. We have a lot to do today. But if you'll work through lunch, I'll try to cover you later this afternoon."
"Really?"
"Sure, I know what it's like. If someone had let me off the hook to spend time with Grace when we were dating, I would've done it in a heartbeat." He smiled. “What am I saying? I would give anything to do that right now. What we need is a trade."
"You've got a deal. You let me off today, and then you tell me when you want some time off. We'll make it happen."
Lawson turned his attention to work and kept his head down the rest of the morning. His stomach grumbled in protest for skipping lunch as he rode the fence line, checking for damage or holes. It would be worth it when he could talk to Harper.
When he finished, he rushed back to his house, showered, and dressed in record time. As he drove to the main house, his excitement grew. He had never felt this way about anyone before, and he was certain he wanted to do whatever it took to show Harper he wanted to make this work.
As he jumped out of his truck and headed to the house, he glanced around to make sure she wasn’t on the porch or in the yard. What if she wasn’t here at all? He hadn’t asked her if she had plans today. For all he knew, she could be off shopping with one of his sisters-in-law or working with his mom. What if he had wasted all this time rushing through work?
In that moment, he made a decision. Colton was right. This not talking to each other wasn’t going to cut it. If he wanted to spend time with her, he had to let her know. They were adults, and he didn’t want to walk around wondering where they stood or hoping to talk when he didn’t know if she was available. Just as he reached the front porch steps, the door swung open, and Harper walked out.
Lawson smiled. He shouldn’t have worried, but he was glad he had a clear purpose now.
Harper stopped, frozen in her place on the porch, coffee cup in one hand as she brushed her hair out of her face with the other. Lawson’s heart skipped a beat as he imagined seeing her here for years to come. Or on his own porch as she walked out the door to greet him coming back from working the ranch. Oh, he was a goner.
"Hey," Harper said, the surprise evident in her voice. "What are you doing here?”
Lawson paused a moment as his heart beat out a funny rhythm, and he uttered the words that were so true. "I came to see you.”
"Really?" Harper raised an eyebrow.
"Yes," Lawson said. "Can we sit down?”
"Sure," Harper answered. Her movements were hesitant as she walked toward the rocking chair and gently sat down, careful not to spill the hot liquid in her mug.
Lawson sat beside her and began to slowly rock back and forth. "How are you?" he asked.
"Fine," Harper said quickly.
He looked her in the eyes. "No, I mean, how are you really?”
Harper took a deep breath and let it out, and he could see the concern in her eyes. "Why are you asking?”
"Because I want to know how you are. I feel like we haven’t talked in days. And I care about you, Harper. I want to know how you are.”
She stared off across the front yard as they rocked their chairs in a quiet rhythm. "Honestly, I don’t know.”
Lawson's look of concern deepened. "You don’t know how you are?”
She turned one palm toward the sky and shrugged. "No. I’m so confused. Here I am on this beautiful ranch, where I sleep in a comfortable bed, eat delicious meals, and spend time with a wonderful family. Sometimes I feel like I could just stay here forever, but then I remember I’m only here because I’m stuck. If I had a car, I would be gone.”
"Really?" Lawson’s chest felt as if he’d been stabbed with a knife. "You want to leave?”
Harper shook her head. "I don’t know. Maybe. But if I had my car and had never come here, I would have missed out on all of this. The thought of that makes me so incredibly sad. I love it here. I like being with your family..." She paused and looked at him. "And with you.”
Lawson took her hand in his. "But you did come here. And we like having you here too. So why not enjoy the time you have? Stop worrying about what’s next and enjoy the now.”
"That sounds too easy. I don’t think life works that way. You can’t just live recklessly, doing whatever you want in the moment.”
Lawson sighed. "I want to say you’re right. I’ve lived my whole life on this ranch. We have fun, but we work hard. I’ve been careful to do the right things and follow the rules. But that’s not getting me where I want to be. When I decided to try riding bulls, I thought it would just be a crazy, one-time thing. Then I had to do it again, and again, and again. I found something I loved, and it wasn’t something that fit into my plan for the rest of my life. Harper, what if we take a chance? What if we take that ride and just see what happens? Even if it’s just for a time, I truly believe it will be the best time of my life.”
"What about when you get thrown off the bull? If you get hurt, is it worth it?”
Lawson grinned like a schoolboy caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "Every time.”
Harper laughed and playfully pushed him away. "I don’t think you know what you’re getting yourself into.”
Lawson’s expression turned serious. "Maybe not, but if it’s with you, Harper, I want to find out."