Chapter 14
14
L awson finished loading items into the back of his truck and closed the tailgate. “I hope we got everything on the list,” he said as he brushed his hands off.
Harper let out a giggle. “It was a funny sort of list. But I’m glad I got to see the feed store, and that your mom trusted me to help.” She didn’t say that she was pretty sure sending them on an errand had been a bit of a ploy to get them to spend time together. Surely Lawson had figured that out too.
Lawson started the ignition but didn’t put the truck in gear. He looked over at Harper. “We don’t really have to rush back. They can get along without me for a little while. Do you want to go for a drive? I’m just feeling like I don’t want to go back yet.”
“Sure,” Harper said. “A drive sounds nice.” With a quick nod, Lawson pulled out of the parking lot. Neither of them spoke for a while as they drove. Harper stared out the window and watched as the view of the buildings in town turned to acres of land. The number of houses grew less and less as they moved further away from town. She looked out over the widespread plains. She had spent time in Texas, but maybe she had never taken the time to really appreciate the vastness of it.
As they passed a gravel driveway with a sign that said Cedar Creek Ranch, Lawson pointed. “That’s where Riley works. He doesn’t spend as much time on the ranch when he’s working rodeos, but he still does some real cowboy work.”
“Is that where he taught you to ride broncs?” Harper asked.
“Yep, sure is. I remember the first time. Really, I was doing it almost as a joke. I asked Riley if he would let me try it once. I thought I might end up with a broken arm at the worst. I didn’t do too bad, and I fell in love with it. I came back the next day and asked him to teach me.”
Harper smiled. “That’s how it was with my brother. He was just a little kid when he saw a bull ride. He knew it was for him. And the first time that he rode a bronc, even though he got tossed, I knew he was hooked.”
“I think that’s how it happens. Nobody has to convince themselves to like the sport. Either you do or you don’t.”
“Sometimes I wish that I didn’t. It’s fun, don’t get me wrong. I fell in love with the sport too. I loved sitting in the arena, watching the horses and the bulls and the cowboys. I love watching them rope the calves, and the trick riders, and the barrel riders. I love sitting in the stands while the horses parade around the arena and then they play the national anthem. It’s almost a religion.” Harper wondered at her choice of words. Was that true? Had she made rodeo her religion? Was that why she couldn’t get away from it?
Lawson smiled. “I feel that. I always felt a sense of excitement. It’s like everyone was unified there, watching a rodeo. I loved that families can come and enjoy it all the way from little kids to grandparents. And seeing those old cowboys who have been in rodeos since they were ten-years-old just makes it feel like a legacy I want to be part of.”
Harper tilted her head and wondered if she should ask the question on her mind. “But don’t you feel that legacy with your own family? Whispering Oaks Ranch is an incredible heritage. Your family has run that ranch for generations. You and your brothers run it now, and they’re having families and children to continue that tradition. Don’t you feel the same way about that?”
Lawson’s face hardened as he kept his eyes on the road. She thought she saw him tighten his hands around the steering wheel. “I used to,” he said. “It sounds nice, but then one day you wake up, and you’re just the middle brother in a family of a bunch of brothers. Yes, we work the land together, and yes, it does sound nice that it’s our family’s land that we’ve had for years and years. But does that really matter? What if I get to the end of my life, and the only thing that I have done is be a part of my family? What if I never do anything for myself?”
“I don’t know,” Harper replied. “Maybe that’s not what it’s really about.”
"Oh, come on, don’t give me that," Lawson said. "I spent my whole life being a team player, doing things for the family. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I appreciate the things that my parents taught me, and I learned to be a hard worker. I learned so many things about working on a ranch and taking care of animals. But what about me? No one looks at me and says, 'Oh hey, you're Lawson Macklin, right?’ No, they say, 'Hey, you’re one of the Macklin boys, aren’t you?' They don’t even know my name. All I’m associated with is the group, the family, the ranch. Not me." He sighed. "Sometimes I feel like no one cares about me, who I actually am."
"Oh Lawson, I don’t think that’s true at all. I’ve seen how your family is. Yes, I know that a lot of the work is for the ranch, and it’s a joint effort for the family, but I’ve seen how your parents treat you. They look at each of their sons as an individual. And I’ve seen how your brothers treat you. They are equal opportunity teasers. They pick on everybody differently. They wouldn’t say the same thing to you that they would say to Colton or Jenson or Sawyer." She paused for a moment, carefully weighing her words. "And besides, I see you. I see a strong man who is a hard worker and cares about the ranch and his family." Her cheeks felt hot as she said, "And I think maybe you care about me."
"I do care about you." Without warning, Lawson pulled off onto what appeared to be a side road that led nowhere and turned to face her. "What about you? When I first met you at the rodeo, I thought you were a strong, independent woman. You were doing your own thing out there, not worrying about what anybody else thought. Especially in a place like a rodeo that can be kind of rough, you were calm and collected. Seeing you live on your own the way you have made me realize it’s time for me to grow up. I want to be a strong, independent man. But I want you to see that side of me. I want to be strong and independent for you."
She looked up and met his eyes. "That is how I see you, Lawson. You are stronger than anyone else I know. If you weren’t kind and considerate and someone who knows how to take charge, I might not even be here. You stepped up during that storm and got me to safety. You might think I’m strong and independent, and maybe I try to be, but I didn’t know what to do. I might’ve just sat there in my SUV. I care about you, Lawson. I know that you’re a hard worker and an independent man who’s going to go after the things that he wants. But I don’t think that means that you have to run away from your family and the life that you know here."
Lawson smiled. "See? Strong and independent. You’re not afraid to tell me what you think. I like that about you."
"I like you too, Lawson." She stared down at her hands in her lap before looking up at him. "Where are we going?"
Lawson looked out the windshield and then back at her. "Just for a drive."
"No, I mean," she pointed back and forth between them, "I mean, this. Where are we going with this?"
Lawson blinked rapidly as he paused before he spoke. "Honestly, I don’t know. I want to pursue you. I want there to be something between us. But I wasn’t sure you were going to stick around. I like that you’re independent, but if you’re going to head back out on the rodeo circuit by yourself, how can we make a relationship work?"
Harper shrugged. "I don’t know. If you had asked me a couple of weeks ago, I would have said I didn’t want a relationship. Trust me, living on my own and traveling from place to place was the way I liked it."
Lawson’s eyes were hopeful as he looked at her. Slowly he reached out and took her hand in his. "And now?"
"Now, I don’t know. I feel confused because it’s so different than how I’ve lived. But I like being here with your family. It feels comfortable, and safe, and…" her voice drifted off as if she couldn’t say it.
"Like home?" Lawson finished for her.
She nodded as tears filled her eyes. "I haven’t had a home since my brother died. Nothing made sense, and I didn’t want anything to feel like home because I couldn’t have a home without him. I didn’t think I could be happy again because it seemed so unfair to be happy when he died."
"You know he wouldn't want you to live like that."
Harper sniffed. "I know. I think I understand that for the first time. My brother lived life to the fullest. He wasn’t afraid of anything, and even though I’m so incredibly sad that he died, he did everything he wanted to do. He said yes to every opportunity." She paused as she wiped at her eyes and then continued, "I think he would want me to do the same. I don’t know what’s next for me, but I’m ready to start saying yes, and I’m ready to start living again."
Lawson leaned forward until they were only inches apart. "I’m ready to live the life I’ve always wanted. And right now, I’m really hoping we can do that together."
Harper’s breath caught in her throat as her eyes drifted down to his lips and then back up to his eyes. "I think I like the sound of that."
Lawson grinned and slowly closed the distance between them. His hand gently cupped her cheek, his thumb softly brushing the corner of her mouth. Harper felt her heart race as he drew nearer. As their lips finally met, it was like a flame igniting from a single spark. He kissed her tenderly, but with confidence.
Harper's hands found their way to Lawson's shoulders, clinging to him as if afraid to let go of this perfect moment. Lawson's other hand slipped around her waist, pulling her closer.
When they pulled away, Lawson rested his forehead against hers. He smiled as he pressed one more gentle kiss against her lips. As he did, Harper let out a soft sigh, as if she had been waiting for this moment her whole life.