Chapter 17
17
H arper stared at the church in front of her. As she slowly crossed the church parking lot, she tucked her hair behind her ears with both hands and swallowed hard. Was this the right thing to do? What would Lawson say if he knew she was here? She shook her head and pushed her thoughts aside. She couldn’t think about Lawson right now. She had to make this decision on her own.
It had been a long night sitting up in the waiting room at the hospital. She tried more than once to convince Lawson to go home and get some rest, but he wouldn't leave. Finally this morning he had insisted she go back to the house for a while. She hated leaving him there, but knew he wanted to stay until he was sure his dad was alright.
Once she finally left, she was going to go straight to the ranch and get a nap, but when the church came into view she knew she had to stop. Was she supposed to walk into a church in the middle of the day? She wasn’t sure about the rules. Her heart pounded at a racing speed and her palms beaded with sweat as she reached the front of the building. But as she pulled open the antique wooden door and walked into the lobby, she immediately began to feel at peace. She moved forward in the complete silence of the building, which suddenly felt large and empty. Empty was a feeling she knew well. She had felt empty after her brother’s death, she felt empty every holiday that she didn’t go home to her parents, and she felt empty going alone to hotel rooms on long drives from state to state.
She stepped into the sanctuary and slid into one of the pews. She folded her hands together. A quiet whisper in her soul said, you don’t have to be alone anymore .
She lifted her eyes up to the cross over the back wall. “God,” she whispered quietly. “I don’t want to be alone. I want You to be with me. I know I’ve run from everyone that I’ve known. I ran from my parents. I ran away from friends and church after my brother died.” She took a breath and let out a heavy sigh. “And now I’m running away from Lawson.” She took several breaths as she realized how true the words were. “Maybe I didn’t realize I was running from him until I felt him pull away from me. I’ve seen the Macklin family together. They take care of each other. They love each other. They share life, the happy times and the sad times. But most of all, they share You. They love You and have faith in You.
“I didn’t want to trust You anymore after my brother died. It was too hard. Honestly, I think it’s still hard. But I’m beginning to see that it’s harder to do life without You than with You. God, I’ve been guilty of trying to do everything on my own. I tried to make things better. I tried to run my own way that I thought would keep me safe. I thought if I stayed away from everyone, I couldn’t get hurt again. After the storm, I realized how much I needed other people. How much I needed family. God, I want to know You. I want to trust You and walk with Jesus. I heard the stories when I was a little girl about Jesus who died on the cross for my sins. I know I’ve made mistakes, that I’ve done wrong. But God, I want your forgiveness. I want the relationship that I can have with Jesus. I want the peace that I see in the Macklins' eyes and lives. Please God, save me. I don’t want to be alone anymore.”
Harper fell silent and sat as the tears filled her eyes and spilled down her cheeks. She felt a feeling she hadn’t known for a very long time. Peace. And in that moment, she knew one thing: she was home.
“Thank you, God,” she said. “Thank You.”
She heard the swinging doors in the back of the sanctuary and footsteps moving toward her. “Harper?”
She turned and was overjoyed when she saw Grace standing next to her in the aisle. “Hi,” she said, smiling wide. “I hope it’s alright that I’m here.”
Grace waved a hand in the air. “Of course it is, the church is always open for people who need it. I was walking back to my office and heard someone, so I came to see who was here. Are you alright?” Concern creased her forehead.
Harper laughed as she brushed away the tears on her cheek. “Yes, I am wonderful. I’m sorry, I must look a little crazy. But I needed to talk to God. I know I can do that anywhere, but I wanted somewhere quiet and somewhere I know I could talk openly.”
Grace nodded slowly as she scooted in and sat next to Harper. She placed her hand on top of hers. “I understand. God found me while I was here working at the church, even though I was concealing my real identity at the time. He knew who I was all along, and He drew me to Himself.”
Harper sniffed. “That’s what I’ve been experiencing. I’ve been away from church for a long time and truly thought I would never come back. But the Macklins showed me it’s not just about coming to church on Sunday and listening to a sermon. All of you live your lives like Jesus has changed you, and it makes a difference every day.”
Grace smiled. “That’s because it’s true. God did change me. I want my life to reflect that, and I want to know Him more and more every day.”
“That’s what I want too,” Harper said. “I want to follow Jesus. I was mad for a long time because of my brother. I thought I didn’t want anything to do with God if He let that happen. But it’s not doing me any good to be mad at Him. I don’t understand why my brother had to die, but I know that my brother loved Jesus, and he is in heaven. I’ll see him again one day.”
Grace nodded. “I don’t want to make light of what happened. I know it was so heartbreaking. And it seems unfair. But because sin entered the world in the Garden of Eden, death is part of life. No one lives forever here on earth. But God made a way for us to live forever with Him. His own Son died for our sins, which is the most unfair thing that ever happened. Yes, there are bad things in life, but they are temporary compared with eternity.”
Harper’s eyes filled with tears again. “You’re right,” she said. “I’m so grateful.”
Grace leaned over and wrapped her in a hug. “I know it was another challenge that brought you here to us, but I’m grateful that God used it for good. I’m so happy you have been here these past few weeks, and I hope you will always be part of our family.”
Harper smiled as emotion welled up in her chest. She couldn’t get the words out to say it, but she truly hoped so too.