Chapter 20
20
L awson sat in the most uncomfortable chair and shifted his weight from one side to the other as he glanced at the clock. It had only been four minutes since he last looked at it, even though it felt like half an hour. Everything at the hospital moved in slow motion. Even as he watched his dad’s chest rising and falling, it seemed slower than usual. Lawson had been obsessively checking the clock ever since the nurse said, “The doctor will be by to see you soon.”
He had finally given up and sent Mom for a break to get some coffee. She had barely left the room the past few days. Lawson had promised her he would call if the doctor came in and convinced her that stretching her legs and taking a breather would be good for her.
Not that he was taking his own advice. He was looking forward to his own coffee when Mom returned since he had been up before the sun. He shook his head to keep himself awake, trying to remember what time he had gone to bed last night. Every night for the last three nights, he had eaten dinner at the ranch then came back to the hospital to sit with his mom. He probably hadn’t even looked at the clock last night, but it had been late when he got home. He might have never left if the nurse hadn’t come in to insist that visiting hours were over for the night.
Dad stirred, and Lawson jumped up to stand by his side. He watched and waited to see if he would open his eyes and speak. Lawson would be ready if he needed a drink of water, or if he wanted to sit up in the bed. But Dad only shifted in the bed and continued sleeping.
His phone buzzed in his pocket, and Lawson grabbed it to shut off the noise before it could disturb Dad. “Hey,” he said, keeping his voice low and stepping to the door.
“Hey, how’s your dad?” Harper asked. Her voice was a balm to his soul. She called or texted multiple times a day, and she always started by asking how Dad was. It meant so much to Lawson that she was still here and that she knew what his main concern was. Even if it rubbed him the wrong way that he knew she was praying for his dad and for him.
“He’s okay. Sleeping right now, and we’re still waiting for the doctor to come in.”
“You think they’re going to let him come home?”
Lawson nodded even though she couldn’t see him. “I think that’s the plan. The doctor wanted to see his repeat test results today before deciding. Now that it’s later in the afternoon, it might be tomorrow morning before we come home, or really late tonight.”
“Well, whenever it is, we’re getting things ready here. Grace talked with the pastor and several of the church members have offered to help with meals if we need them, although all the sisters-in-law have said they can cover food. I know they all have kids and jobs to take care of, so I can help too.”
“You’ve been a huge help, Harper. Seriously, you’ve gone over and above.”
“Not at all. They took me in and cared for me, and even though I hate the situation, I’m so happy that I can help and return the favor.”
Lawson’s heart warmed hearing the kindness in her voice. “Just having you around is such a help. Maybe to me more than to anyone else.”
“That’s sweet of you to say. I’m glad I’m here. But I’m worried about you. I know you didn’t sleep much last night, and you’ve been working or at the hospital for days now without taking a break.”
Lawson ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath, feeling every ounce of the exhaustion. He knew Harper was right, but he couldn’t take a break. He had to make sure everything was taken care of so his dad wouldn’t have to worry. “Thanks, but don’t worry about me. I’m fine. I just want Dad to take it easy when he gets home. And I want to know what the doctor says and all the instructions.”
“I know, and you’ve been a great help. But it doesn’t have to all fall on you. You have all your brothers and the whole extended family. Promise me you’ll get some sleep tonight. If they are going to send him home in the morning, the best thing you can do is rest so that you’ll be ready to help then.”
Lawson considered her words. It would feel good to go home, take a long shower, and fall into bed. Even before dinner, he was sure he could fall asleep and not wake up until morning. But what if Mom needed him here? Or what if he needed to check on the cattle? There was no end to the work that needed to be done.
“Lawson?” Harper’s voice interrupted his thoughts.
“Yeah?” he asked, forgetting what she had asked.
“Promise me, okay? That you’ll get some sleep.”
“Oh, yeah, I will. I promise.” He would, just after he took care of things here.
“Let me know what the doctor says. I’m doing some cleaning around the house this afternoon and making a run to the grocery store. If there’s anything specific your dad wants to have on hand to eat, let me know.”
“I’ll ask him when he wakes up. I know he’ll have some restrictions on his diet.”
“I know, you sent me that yesterday.”
“Oh, right.” He could barely remember that, but he was grateful she was keeping up with it.
“I have a list, but I’m going in about thirty minutes, so let me know if you want me to add anything.”
“Thanks, Harper, for all of this. I’ll let you know. Talk to you later.” He said goodbye and ended the call. Lawson wondered if he propped himself up just right if he could catch a nap in the chair, but just then he glanced up and saw the doctor entering the room next door. Hoping that meant he would be in to see Dad next, Lawson lifted his phone and tapped the button to call Mom.
He didn’t even complete the call since she walked around the corner carrying two coffee cups in her hands.
Lawson shoved his phone in his back pocket and accepted the drink. “Thanks, Mom,” he said.
“You’re welcome, son. I can tell you need it. You’ve been here every possible moment, and I know you’re working hard at the ranch too. Caffeine will help you get through the day, but that’s not a long-term solution.”
He chuckled. “Harper made me promise to get some sleep tonight.”
Mom grinned. “I knew I liked her.”
“Do you?” he asked, suddenly wondering her real thoughts about the woman he was growing very attached to.
“Yes, I do. I liked her from the first day we met her. But she was different then. I’m sure she was tired and scared from the storm and everything else she had been through then coming to stay with perfect strangers on top of that. But we’ve gotten used to having her here, and I’ve seen a real change in her. There’s a difference in her eyes, and the tone of her voice. I’m not sure what it is, but it’s there.”
Lawson lowered his eyes to the floor. Harper would tell her it was because of her newfound faith, but he wasn’t going to say that. “Mom, I think that’s partly because of you. She’s so grateful to be here, and she’s mentioned that she feels welcomed and taken care of.”
Mom nudged him with her elbow. “I think it’s because of you too, Lawson. She absolutely lights up when you look at her.”
Lawson’s heart fluttered. “You really think so?”
“I know so. I’ve seen it with my own two eyes. You two just seem so right for each other. I hope she sticks around for a very long time.”
“Thanks, Mom. I hope so too. But to be honest, I don’t know. Things are good between us.” He paused and thought about her decisions regarding faith and the way she had been telling him she was praying and reading her Bible. He didn’t know how that was going to work between them. “But I don’t know what her plans are. At some point she wants to be back on the rodeo circuit.”
“Who knows?” Mom shrugged. “Sometimes people change their minds. Or sometimes people’s goals change.” She smiled. “Especially when they meet someone.”
“Part of me wants to hope that she will change her mind. I want to wish that she would stay here and that we could build a future together. But I don’t want to ask her to give up what she loves for me. I don’t think she would want me to do that.”
“Son, what is it that you want to do? I know you haven’t wanted to talk about things after your father’s heart attack, but you started a conversation that we haven’t finished. Are you really unhappy at the ranch?”
Lawson sighed and sank into the chair. “I don’t know anymore. Yes, I have been feeling tired of being here. I guess I just feel like there’s no room for me to grow or do anything different. But after Dad’s heart attack, I know I’m needed at the ranch. Dad’s gonna need me.”
“We’ve always wanted you to have dreams and goals. We didn’t mean that you always had to work on the ranch if you had other things that you wanted to do. I guess we just got so used to starting you boys out early and never stopping to ask if there was something else you wanted. But I’m asking now. Is there something that you want to do? Because if there is, we will support you and help you, however we can.”
Lawson stared at his mom for a moment, seriously considering telling her about the rodeo, but that seemed silly. He liked competing, but that was never going to be a career. Maybe he just needed a change. Or maybe he needed his own specialty at the ranch. But no, he couldn’t burden her with that now. She had too much to worry about with Dad. He shook his head. “No, I don’t have any other plans. I just want to be needed, and seen for who I am, and I want to be helpful. I’m not going anywhere, Mom.”
Mom moved forward and put her arm around him. “I know we were strict while you were growing up, and we pushed you. But it was because we wanted you to learn to work hard and do your best at whatever you wanted to do. If you felt like that meant you could only work at the ranch, I’m very sorry. And if you decide that there’s something else out there for you, I want you to tell me.”
Lawson swallowed, pushing his emotions down. “Thanks, Mom, that means a lot to me.”