Chapter 19
19
H arper sat on the porch of the main house. Somehow it looked different to her. Maybe because even though she had been here for a few weeks, she had always felt like an outsider. She felt like something had changed. A voice echoed in her ears: "You’re part of the family, Harper." She knew that not only was she considered a friend, but she was actually part of the family by joining the family of God.
She stood to go inside but stopped when she saw a truck coming up the driveway. A quick glance told her it was Titus’ truck, and Lawson was in the passenger seat. Her breath caught in her throat. After all their conversations and how close they had been growing, she was hoping things were moving forward, but what was he going to think about this decision she had made? They had so many talks about not trusting and believing in God. How was she going to tell him she had changed her mind about God? She shook her head, telling herself that no matter what happened, this was important. She wanted this relationship, even if that meant Lawson didn’t agree.
Lawson climbed from his truck and walked toward her. His cowboy hat was tucked down low over his eyes, and she wondered if he was hiding tears. Titus lifted his hand in a quick wave as he walked past her into the house, but Lawson stopped on the porch next to her.
“How’s your dad?” she asked.
Lawson shrugged. “Okay, I guess. He looks better to me, but he also looks very tired. I don’t have much experience with heart attacks.”
Harper said, “I’m sure that’s pretty normal. What did the doctor say?”
“They think that the stents are gonna take care of the problem, so no surgery. At least not right now. But who knows? They said it could’ve been worse, and it was good that we got him to the hospital so quickly.”
“I’m so glad you were there to call 911.”
Lawson stared at her. “That’s what my dad said too, but it doesn’t seem like a good thing to me. If I hadn’t been arguing with him, he probably wouldn’t have had a heart attack at all, so I don’t see how it makes it better that I was there.”
Harper reached for his hand. “You can’t believe this is your fault. Heart attacks don’t just happen because of an argument. This was always going to happen. The fact it happened today doesn’t mean it’s your fault, but the fact that you were there and were able to help quickly—you should focus on that.”
Lawson shrugged. “I guess so.” He looked around. “Where is everybody?”
“I’m not sure, I just sat down for a few minutes before I went inside.”
Lawson gave her a curious look. “Are you just getting back?” When she nodded he asked, “Where did you go?”
Harper hesitated. She knew he didn’t want to hear the words she was about to say but knew they needed to be said. “I went to the church,” she said.
Lawson physically recoiled and stepped back. “The church?” he asked. “Why? Did someone ask you to go by?”
“No,” she said. “I just felt like it was where I needed to be. Lawson, I went to pray.”
He stared at her in surprise. “Pray for my dad?” he asked.
She wanted to say yes and leave it at that, but she couldn’t. “Well, sort of. But more than that, I just felt like I needed to process everything that’s been going on, and I really felt like prayer was the best way to do it.”
Lawson crossed his arms. “Why would you say that? I didn’t think you believed in prayer.”
“Well, I didn’t, but being here with your family has changed my opinion about a lot of things. I know you don’t want to hear this, but I felt the power of God in that church today. He was there with me when I prayed. It was as if I could hear Him answering me. I could feel Him sitting next to me, and I always want that feeling. I’ve never had a relationship with God, but I know that He’s real. And I want that relationship with Him.”
Lawson shook his head. “But all the things that we talked about. I thought we agreed. And after this week? He let my dad have a heart attack. How could you pray to Him after that?”
“How could I not pray to Him after that? How could I not run to Him? The only one who could help, the only one who can do anything about the fact that your dad had a heart attack is God, Lawson. Bad things happen, but things don’t happen because God wants them to happen. They happen because we live in a broken world because of sin.”
Lawson shook his head and walked several steps away. “I can’t believe this,” he said. “Why would God let my dad, of all people, have a heart attack? Do you know what my parents do for this community, for the church, for everyone they meet?”
Harper nodded. “Of course I do. They let me stay in their home when they barely knew me. Who does that? Why would someone let a stranger come in, and then take care of them and feed them? After weeks of staying here, I finally figured out the answer. It’s because of Jesus. Jesus gave your parents a gift. He gave all of us a gift because He came and died when we didn’t deserve it. Your parents want to share that gift. Your parents live the way that they do because of God, but they don’t expect anything from Him. They don’t expect Him to give them a life with no problems. That’s not life. Instead, they want to do everything they can to serve other people, to show them Jesus.”
Lawson threw his hands up in the air. “I can’t listen to this,” he said exasperated. “I’ve heard it all before.”
Harper said, “Then why won’t you listen? You already know the truth, Lawson. I hope that you will learn to let it sit in your heart instead of your mind. I’m sorry that you’re upset, but I have never been more at peace.”
He looked at her, then sighed and gave her a slight smile. “I’m glad you have peace. Really, I am. If that’s what you need, then I’m happy for you.”
Harper pressed her lips together, trying to hide her disappointment. It wasn’t what she wanted to hear. But then again, she had taken a long time to get here. It wasn’t as if she could expect him to change his mind today just because she had. “Thanks, Lawson. That means a lot to me.”
“I need to get cleaned up before dinner,” Lawson said. “I hope we can talk some more later.”
Harper nodded. “Of course we can. I’ll see you at dinner.”
At the word "dinner," Lawson stopped in his tracks. He paused for a moment before turning to face her. “What are we going to do about dinner?”
“Don’t worry, Katie is taking care of it. She said she’s making enough taco meat for an army, and Sierra is bringing toppings.”
“We’re just about the size of an army,” he laughed. “Well, I’ll handle breakfast tomorrow, so if anyone says anything, let them know.”
“Okay. I’m sure that’s fine. Everyone is happy to pitch in.”
Lawson nodded before he turned again and walked into the house. Harper stood for a moment and watched the screen door slam shut. She bit her lip, hating the pressure he was putting on himself. She wanted him to know this wasn’t his fault, but if it had been her arguing with her dad, she would feel guilty too.
She squeezed her eyes shut. “God, I’m still new at this praying thing, but please help Lawson. He needs You. He’s hurting and feeling guilty, and I know that’s not what You want for him. Show him You’re real and that You care about him.” She opened her eyes and whispered, “Amen.”