34
“We’re going full glow-up,” Tessa announces when she picks me up Thursday evening. “I’m talking shopping, nails, facials, haircuts. The whole nine yards.”
“People do crazy things for weddings,” I mutter.
“It’s not just a wedding. It’s the wedding where you’re going to see my brother for the first time in two and a half weeks.
The wedding where my family is going to meet you as my brother’s girlfriend, not my best friend.
The wedding where you’re going to figure out if this thing between you two is real or if you’re both just really good at pretending. ”
“No pressure,” I whisper with wide eyes.
She laughs. “None at all.”
Our first stop is the mall, where Tessa immediately drags me to the kids’ section because she “needs something cute for Charlie and Emma to wear.”
I watch her hold up tiny outfits with the same intensity most people reserve for major life decisions.
“This one or this one?” she asks, showing me two equally adorable options for Emma.
“They’re both cute.”
“That’s not helpful.”
“The pink one brings out her eyes.”
“See? This is why I need you there. You have opinions.”
“I have good taste.”
We spend an hour picking out outfits for the kids, and then Tessa turns her attention to me.
“Now for the main event,” she says, steering me toward the women’s section. “I want my brother to drool when he sees you.”
“Tessa—” I huff.
“I’m serious. I want his jaw to hit the floor. I want him to forget how to form words. I want him to realize that letting you go would be the biggest mistake of his life.”
“That’s a lot of pressure to put on a dress.”
“The right dress can change everything.”
She pulls dress after dress off the racks. Some are too formal, some too casual, some that would look amazing on her but definitely not on me.
“Try this one,” she says, handing me a deep emerald green dress that’s simple but elegant.
“It’s beautiful.”
“It’s perfect. It matches your eyes, it’s sophisticated but not trying too hard, and it’s going to make my brother lose his mind.”
“I’m not trying to make your brother lose his mind.”
“Yes, you are.”
“I’m not,” I argue. Deep down, I’m not sure how West and I are going to make this work, so I’d like to avoid this conversation altogether.
“Liv, you spent twenty minutes at Target yesterday staring at lip glosses. You’re absolutely trying to make him lose his mind.”
“You have no idea how long I was looking at the lip glosses, Tessa.”
She nods. “You were texting me pictures asking which one looked more natural. Just try on the dress,” she says.
“Fine.”
Five minutes later, I’m standing in front of a three-way mirror wearing the green dress, and even I have to admit it looks good.
Really good.
“Holy shit,” Tessa breathes. “You look incredible.”
“I don’t know,” I mutter, looking at myself in the reflection.
“That’s not just a dress. It’s a weapon. My brother is going to take one look at you and realize he’s been an idiot for not locking this down already.”
“Tessa,” I warn.
“What?” she says, confused. “He needs to get his head out of his ass and just ask you out already. Like seriously, Liv, what is he waiting for?”
I hide my annoyance by looking at the dress.
“I’m being a good sister. And a good friend. And someone who’s tired of watching you two dance around each other when you’re clearly crazy about one another.”
“We’re not dancing around each other.”
“You absolutely are. You’re like two people who want to hold hands but are too scared to reach for each other.”
“That’s very poetic.”
“It’s very accurate.”
Then, we hit the salon for the full treatment. Nails first, then facials, then haircuts.
“I want something different,” I tell the stylist. “Not too different, but... different.”
“Different how?”
“I don’t know. Just... better.”
“You want to look like the kind of woman who doesn’t need anyone but definitely has someone worth having,” Tessa translates.
“That’s odd of you to say,” I tease.
“That’s exactly what you want.”
She’s not wrong.
Two hours later, I have nails that make my hands look elegant instead of like I bite them when I’m nervous, skin that’s glowing like I’ve been drinking expensive water and sleeping eight hours a night, and hair that’s been trimmed and styled in a way that makes me look like a more polished version of myself.
“You look amazing,” Tessa says, admiring the results.
“I feel amazing.”
We’re getting our nails done when she brings up the topic I’ve been dreading.
“So,” she says casually, watching the nail technician apply a second coat of pale pink polish. “You’re going to stay in the hotel room with my brother, right?”
“What?”
“The hotel room. You’re sharing, right? Like a real couple?”
“I... we haven’t talked about it.”
“You haven’t talked about sleeping arrangements?”
“We haven’t talked about anything.”
“Liv.”
“What?”
“You’ve been texting him every day for two weeks.”
“About logistics. Flight times. Weather. Normal stuff.”
“Normal stuff.”
“Yeah.”
“Not feelings stuff.”
“Definitely not feelings stuff.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m terrified.”
The admission slips out before I can stop it, and Tessa’s nail technician gives us a look that clearly says she’s heard this conversation a thousand times before.
“Terrified of what?” Tessa asks gently.
“Of what happens after. I just don’t know how we make it work, Tessa. He lives there with his career, and I can’t leave my parents.”
“I know my brother, and I know he’s probably sitting in Seattle right now having this exact same conversation with himself.”
“You think?”
“I think he’s been crazy about you for a lot longer than either of you realizes. And I think this weekend is going to be the moment when you both stop being scared and start being honest.”
That night, we’re back at her house in matching robes, sipping mocktails and scrolling through shoe websites on her laptop.
“These ones,” she says, pointing to a pair of strappy heels that would look perfect with the green dress.
“They’re beautiful.”
“They’re sex shoes.”
“They’re not sex shoes.”
“They’re absolutely sex shoes. Look at that arch. Look at those straps. My brother is going to see you in these and forget his own name.”
I laugh at this newest obsession she has with me trying to impress West. “That’s not the goal.”
“That’s absolutely the goal.”
I add the shoes to my cart and try not to think about West’s reaction to seeing me in them. I think she’s right.
“What time is your flight tomorrow?” Tessa asks.
“Two PM. I’ll be in San Francisco by four.”
“And West’s picking you up?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you nervous?” she asks.
I take a moment to think, imagining what it’s going to be like seeing him in person. “What if I’ve built this up in my head? What if seeing him again is weird and awkward and we realize that we don’t want to do long distance? What happens if he asks me to move with him and I say no?”
She glares at me, the realization dawning on her. “You would say no?”
I exhale, feeling like my chest is splitting into two.
She changes the tone in her voice, readjusting the way she’s sitting.
“Liv, I’ve seen the way you two look at each other.
I’ve literally felt the tension between you two.
I’ve seen the way you make each other laugh.
And Disneyland was my way of pushing you two together.
You’re so good together. I don’t think staying in LA for your parents is a good enough excuse.
What about you? What about what you want? Your happiness? Your life?”
I close the laptop and lean back against the couch cushions, thinking about whether or not Tessa is right. It’s her brother, for crying out loud, but she’s also my best friend.
“Are you looking out for your brother, or are you––”
“No,” she stops me. “I am telling you what you need to hear, Liv. I’ve watched what your mother’s cancer has done to you.” Her eyebrows raise. “Not just mentally and emotionally, but also financially and physically. You dropped weight you didn’t even have.”
I feel a bubbly of thick emotion in my chest, and I feel myself exhale a shaky breath.
“You…” I start to cry. “You don’t know what it’s like Tessa…
” My tears fall, so I wipe them away. “If my mom dies, and I didn’t everything and anything I could while she was here and alive, it would eat at me.
” I start to sob, imagining my mother passing away.
I feel like I’ve been given a second chance since she survived cancer treatment, but even that was so difficult.
“And just moving to Seattle for some guy is––”
Tessa tenses. “Liv, West is not some guy . This isn’t a guy you met on a dating app or on the side of the road.
He hasn’t even asked you to move with him because I get the feeling that he’s not going to put you in that position, and I know all the hardship you went through with your mom.
And you are still dealing with the aftermath.
I have held your hand through it, and I’m not saying I fully understand because I cannot imagine it, Liv, but we’re talking about West here.
West Carmack. My brother who you have been obsessed with ever since I can remember, and if your mom didn’t have cancer, you would move in with him in a heartbeat.
He’s been your dream guy forever! And God, I am so glad we’re having this conversation right now because I’m your best friend, Liv.
I want what’s best for you. You need to really hear me because I’ve walked on eggshells around, scared that it would push you away.
But pushing aside your life because you think your time with your mom is limited is just…
it’s diminishing you. You’ve lost your light, and then…
” She starts tearing up. “And then you visit my brother and when you return, I see the light in your eyes again.” She reaches for my hand and squeezes.
“I love you so much, and I want so badly for you to be happy. I want to raise our kids together like we always planned. You put your life on pause for a very long time but promise me that you won’t continue to do that anymore.
” She releases my hand to wipe her eyes.
“Promise me that you decide to live again.”
I consider everything she’s saying, and as I watch her cry, I wipe my own tears.
For a moment, I put myself in her shoes.
Her best friend losing her light. Her best friend not chasing her dreams. Her best friend not being the best version of herself, and I hate to admit it, hate to admit that my mom’s unasked for cancer, really has dimmed my light.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “If I’ve brought you down with me.”
She shakes her head. “I love you so much like a sister. What you go through, I do too, okay?”
I nod because she’s nodding. She grabs my hand again.
“You have no idea how badly I’ve prayed for your mom, and look, prayers have been answered. It’s been some time. Just think about what I said.” She inhales, trying to gain her composure. “We got really deep there.” She laughs, blinking rapidly to release more tears. “Whew! Okay.” She exhales again.
I play with my new set of nails, trying to think of another world where me and West are together without any heavy sacrifices.
“You’re going to be okay,” she whispers. “No matter what you choose, Liv. I always support you. If you do or if you don’t.” She’s nodding and so I reach over and pull her into a hug.
“Thank you.”