Chapter Fourteen #2
“Well, since you said please, I’d love to,” Casimir says as he proceeds to pet her head like he would a dog.
Nina looks absolutely thrilled even though Casimir is obviously joking… at least, I think he is. Please let him be joking and I’m not actually fake dating a man who would willingly chase young girls around to hear their screams because an eight-year-old asked for it.
Everyone but Casimir grabs a plate and sits down at the table where we can all awkwardly stare at him. He either doesn’t mind or doesn’t notice as I question if I should have told my mom and brother that we aren’t really dating before it goes too far.
“Mr. Vampire, will you explode if you eat human food?” Nina asks.
“I will,” Casimir says matter-of-factly.
“I knew it! I told my dad that and he said that you wouldn’t explode, but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know anything other than boring things about math and that ‘No, bedtime isn’t 8:02, it’s EIGHT.’”
“He sounds vicious,” Casimir says, and even though Rhett might be taller than Casimir, a simple glance can tell you which of the two is more “vicious.”
“He is!” Nina agrees. “Can you fly? You know… like a bat?”
“That theory was actually tested out on a friend of mine the other day, and sadly, he didn’t fly at all as he was chucked off the tenth floor.”
“Oh my god,” Rhett mutters.
“It’s fine, he lived,” I toss out.
“Is it fine?” Rhett wonders.
Nina’s wide eyes say that it’s not super fine.
“How did you two… decide… to date?” Rhett asks.
“How could I not after he begged me,” Casimir answers.
“I did not… you are the worst.” Of course that’s what he’d say.
He gives us a pleased smile. “Am I?”
“We had a lot in common,” I say. “That’s why we decided to date.”
“Such as?” Rhett asks… which is a question I was hoping not to have to answer.
“Casimir likes to chase people, and I like to chase squirrels, sooo… match made in heaven.”
“It really is,” Casimir says.
Rhett’s eyebrow rises a bit. “Is it?”
“Is it?” Mom echoes.
I know I need to tell her that this is all fake, but I’m enjoying her misery far too much. I’m not sure if she thinks I’m in it just to make my dad’s life miserable or if I’ve made a few questionable choices along the way, but she’s willing to try her best to make him feel welcome in our home.
“How long have you been dating for?” Mom asks.
Well, at least this is an easy question. “Not even a week. It’s pretty new, but we are in it hard.”
“So hard,” Casimir agrees.
Rhett is giving us a confused look. Maybe he’s been married so long he doesn’t know about hard stuff anymore.
“Well… that’s… exciting,” Mom says, sounding rather uncertain. “But surely, Casimir, you made a mistake somewhere along the way.”
“See, Casimir, my mother once said, ‘Damn, that man could suck the life out of me,’ so I know she likes you and is maybe jealous?” I say.
Casimir’s head slowly cocks. “Are you sure she said I could suck the life out of her?”
“Oh, it was definitely about you.”
“Julian Nicolas Evans, I will find a new son,” she threatens.
“Mom, are you calling me a liar? I would never lie about something so… interesting.”
Her eyes narrow. “Interesting, my ass. Casimir, really, I didn’t say anything like that.” Mom’s trying to wave the whole situation off. Like she could possibly wave it into not existing, even after she tortured me.
“Well, now I’m disappointed,” Casimir says.
“Mom, look me in the eyes and tell me that I’m lying.”
She stares at me with an expression that’s somewhat reminiscent of a death threat. I honestly can’t imagine why. Like how could she even think anything bad about me?
“I didn’t… do that,” Mom insists.
“How interesting. I almost… I almost feel awkward sitting here,” Casimir says. “My new mother-in-law is claiming she doesn’t want me to suck the life out of her. I’m almost… embarrassed I got my hopes up.”
“If I were you, I sure would be,” I mutter.
Mom’s trying to hide her face now. “You have been removed from my will.”
“But Mom, I love you and I love this pasta. It’s so good. Thank you.”
Mom grabs my plate and slides it away from me just as I was going in for another bite. “It’s only for good children.”
“But I’m the best!”
“Casimir… please, ignore Julian, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” Mom urges.
“But I do,” I whisper as I try to pull my plate back to me. “Mom, please. Would you really starve me?”
There’s no hesitation. “I really would.”
Once Mom finally returns my plate to me, I have to hold on to it like a feral animal to keep anyone from taking it. And while I don’t torture her anymore, the high from doing so stays with me throughout the whole meal.
Now that I have my mother completely terrified about the idea of who I’m dating, I feel like it’s a job well done and head out to the car with Casimir.
“Your mother seems nice. It’s a wonder she brought you into this world, and I feel like she’s prepared to take you out if she needs to. I like that about her.”
“Right? She’s especially sassy today. Like what the hell did I do? I just stood there being perfect,” I say as I get into the car before he starts it and backs out of the driveway.
“That’s how Gustov will stand over the top of the trash can. One look at his face and I immediately forgive him because he just stares at me.”
“You were going to eat him. I feel like that’s why you should forgive absolutely everything he does. That dog could murder the mailman, and I feel like you’re obligated to forgive him.”
“I might even help him. You know what the mailman does? Stuffs my mailbox with fast-food coupons. I do not want fucking fast-food coupons. So I politely told him to take his coupons and shove them elsewhere. And you know what he did? Stuffed more in there. Sometimes, when I’m really hungry, I stand outside his window and think about what it’d be like to eat him. ”
Clearly, it’s not a good idea to get on the bad side of this guy. “Wow, that has to be traumatic. I’m so sorry that happened to you. Do you think in all of your hundreds of years of life you’ve ever faced anything so horrific?”
“Something so horrific that I didn’t kill anyone over? No, no, I haven’t. But I’m trying to be a better person.”
“What brought that on?” I ask as he drives toward the council hall.
“It’s for Gustov.”
“I’m glad you decided to try your hand at walking into a brighter and better world… because of your dog.”
“Thank you,” he says, like he doesn’t see the issue with this.
When we reach the council hall, we head inside, and I find myself unsurprised that there’s no one here yet. I’m honestly going to be shocked if people show up without the intent to murder someone—Casimir sure didn’t.
“This is going to become a mess,” I say.
“We could still just close the doors and lock them inside and see what happens.”
“You thrive on violence, don’t you?”
“It’s… possible,” he says as he walks in with a loud sigh. I have to assume this is how he acts every time he opens his mailbox and sees those coupons.
“We should have brought like blood and snacks,” I comment. “Make it seem more like a party.”
“Well… I did bring blood,” he says as he eyes me.
I raise an eyebrow. “I thought you said werewolves tasted awful.”
“They taste like how a wet dog smells.”
“Thank you. I’m so blessed by your presence,” I mutter as I reach the front of the room and sit down on the table.
“I guess while we wait, we could stare into each other’s eyes and tell each other what we like most about the other person.
” I grab Casimir’s hands before he can escape—because the look on his face tells me that he hates this idea—and pull him forward so he’s standing between my legs, looking down at me. “I like how you keep me alive.”
“Wonderful. I like how you give hea—I mean… paint my dog.”
“Let’s just say I had a good ‘model.’”
“I can model for you in the back room.”
“While I’m super tempted by that, I feel like if my father walked in and we were doing anything frisky, he would probably declare war right where he stood. We need to ease him into it.”
“All I heard is that there is something that would piss your father off,” he says as he grabs me and hoists me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. He smacks my ass and trots off for the back room.
“Noooooo. We sure as fuck are not doing that. I’m not joking. My dad would be pissed.”
“You can’t tell me something that will ruin your father’s day, and then expect I will stand by and not do it.
And obviously, no one is coming,” he says just as the door opens.
Since I’m hanging upside down over his shoulder as he carries me off, I get a good look at the werewolf who peeks in, cocks her head, and looks confused.
“Am I… interrupting something? Julian, are you… okay?” Olive asks.
“Ah yes, I just… didn’t feel like walking to the bathroom, and ol’ goofy here said he’d carry me.
Such a goof,” I say as I try to wiggle free.
Casimir begins to let me go, so now I’m just hugging his ass as I start going down.
Absolutely none of it is graceful, but it’s far too late for regrets as I proceed to slither down his ass and onto the ground.
It’s all rather suave and clearly shows how smooth I am as I land in a heap on the ground.
“Hey, are the others coming?” I ask Olive as I get up.
“Nooooo, I was actually just stopping by on my way to the bar to let you know that absolutely none of them are coming. Terrance said that it’s not his issue that the vampires are dying off and that he will waste absolutely no time trying to stop it from happening again.
He forbade anyone else from coming, but you’re always so sweet and I really do know you’re trying to do a good deed, so I thought I’d stop by to let you know. ”
“Thank you, Olive. Are you heading there now?”
“I am.”
“I guess… we’ll wait and see if any of the vampires show up,” I say. “If they don’t, I’ll swing by and see if I can talk to my father about it.”