16. James
JAMES
Isat up on the couch when I heard the screen door open. Finally, they were back. The trip to the vet had been relatively quick and painless, leaving me hours to stress over Theo telling Will the truth and ruining everything.
Theo burst into the living room like an exploding pinata, peppering me with words.
“Guess who’s coming to dinner? Ryan Ashbury.
And we’re gonna go tubing, and I’m making spanakopita and mojitos and probably an apple pie, too, because it’s Ryan’s favorite, though apples aren’t technically in season right now.
” He did a trust fall over the arm of the couch, and his head landed inches from my leg.
“And even though Ryan shaved his head, he’s still super hot, like in that army soldier kinda way. ”
“What?” Ryan Ashbury is coming to dinner? I peered down at Theo, who looked as if he were waiting for the rapture.
“Yeah, I know. I can’t believe he shaved it either, but it just shows how committed he is to the work. Oh, and Derek Hall is coming, too, which you’d think Will would be happy about, but he’s being a pissy little bitch. He wouldn’t even talk to me the whole way home.”
“What did you do?”
“Why do you always assume I did something? I didn’t do anything. Well, I told everyone you and Will were boyfriends, but I knew you wouldn’t mind.”
“You what?” Clearly, I’d misheard.
“Don’t give me that face. I did you a favor. Think about it. If you’re Will’s boyfriend, they’ll have to let you onto the set. Plus, you’ll get to be Will’s date to the wedding, which is, like, the social event of the summer. And me, too, because now I’m, like, Will’s stepson.”
Theo’s energy was radioactive. “And I know what you’re thinking, but I already asked him, and he said he’s not worried about the sex because he’s not really a virgin.
But, between you and me, he’s definitely a virgin.
He’s just really embarrassed about it, so maybe go slow at first, like just give him a handjob or something. ”
“I’m not giving William Chapman a handjob.”
Theo held up his hands, like I’d been the one to go too far. “Whatever you do behind closed doors is your business. But can you drive me to the grocery store later? I gotta pick up supplies for the party.”
Ten minutes later, I found Will sitting alone in his car. “Mind if I join you?”
He didn’t answer.
I slid inside, but kept the door open. It was hot as balls in here. “Theo filled me in,” I said, going with the direct approach.
He tightened his grip on the steering wheel but kept his eyes forward, like he was actually driving.
I nudged his elbow. “Come on, it’s not that bad, right? I know I’m no Derek Hall, but you could do worse.”
He dropped his hands from the wheel and looked out the side window. “You don’t need to pretend to date me. I’m just going to tell Derek the truth.”
“Okay.” I drummed my fingers on my knee, stalling for time.
It wasn’t that I wanted to date Will. I didn’t.
The guy was the definition of a hot mess.
Plus, he was essentially my boss, and I couldn’t afford to lose my job.
But Theo had a point. Being Will’s “boyfriend” would put me much closer to the center of the action than being Donna’s houseboy ever could.
“But won’t Derek trust you more if he thinks you’re in a committed relationship?” I said.
“Probably. But so what? Maybe I don’t deserve to know what happened, and it’s not like this will be the most embarrassing thing to happen to me this month.”
“Come on, don’t be like that. I’m more than happy to spare you the embarrassment, and of course you deserve to know what happened.”
“Why?”
“Well, it’s obvious that night still haunts you.”
“No, why would you want to do this for me?” He finally turned and looked at me.
I met his dark eyes, then glanced down at his mouth, his lips neither thin nor full. They were perfectly average, though surrounded by all that baby-smooth skin . . . “Not everything has a catch, dude. Can’t a guy just do something nice for another guy?”
He closed his eyes and rubbed them with his thumb and index finger in the practiced manner of someone used to swallowing their exasperation.
“Come on, I haven’t seen Theo this happy in ages,” I said, taking a different tack.
While Will was loath to accept a favor for his own benefit, he seemed incapable of saying no to one for someone else’s.
“Plus, if people think I’m your boyfriend, maybe they’ll let me onto the set.
I’ve always wanted to see how movies are made. ”
His hand fell away, and his eyes snapped open. “You’re not even gay.”
“Says who?” I flashed him a rakish grin.
“You, for one. When I was changing at the party, you told me not to worry because you didn’t swing that way.”
“No, I said you weren’t my type. And does it matter? We won’t actually be dating.” That was the best part of this mutually beneficial arrangement—no one to tell me I wasn’t “affectionate enough” or “invested in the relationship.”
“It’ll matter to my mom. I’m pretty sure she has other plans for you.” He pulled his knees up to his chest, folding himself into the driver’s seat like an armadillo.
“How many times do I have to tell you? I’m not sleeping with your mother. And we can just tell her the truth. She’ll understand. She’s your mom.”
He snorted. Then, without another word, he got out of the car and headed for the house.
I caught up to him on the porch. “Listen, it’s totally up to you, but don’t wreck your plans and embarrass yourself on my account. I’m happy to play along. It’ll make a funny story to tell my grandkids one day.”
He stopped with his hand on the front door. “They’ll recognize you from the party. They’ll know you work for the agency. Then everyone will think I hired you to— It’s just not a good idea.”
It was a fair point, and thanks to Esther’s article, he was firmly back on the paparazzi’s radar again, which meant increased scrutiny.
“What if I shave my beard off?” I suggested. “No one will recognize me then.” I shaved it once when Theo was maybe four or five, and the poor kid was so confused, he refused to let me pick him up from preschool. Travis had to leave work just to get him.
“Don’t do that,” Will said, recoiling.
I couldn’t help but smile. Apparently, baby-faced Will liked a little scruff. “How about I leave the mustache?”
Regaining his composure, he said, “Do what you want. It’s your face.”
“So, we’re doing this?” My heart pounded in my chest. This was wild, even for me.
“No, we’re not doing this.” He opened the door and stepped into the house.
I was tempted to chase after him again, but decided to give him a few minutes. I needed to water the hanging baskets on the porch anyway.
Afterward, I found him in the kitchen uncorking a bottle of champagne. “Celebrating without me?” I said. “That’s not cool.”
He narrowed his eyes. “It was the only thing in the fridge that wasn’t beer.”
“I can run to the store and pick you up some Smirnoff Ice, if you’d prefer.”
He tossed the cork into the compost bucket. “You really want your face plastered across every tabloid in America with captions like ‘William Chapman Hires Professional Escort’ and ‘William Chapman Fucks His First Cousin?’”
“I’m not your cousin, dude.” I laughed. “You know what I think? I think you need this. You’ve spent the past ten years hiding under a rock, letting everyone think the worst of you, hoping time will fix all your problems. I have news for you, though.
It won’t, and neither will hanging your head in shame.
If you want things to change, you gotta take action. ”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means you gotta fake it till you make it, dude. No one’s gonna buy a used car that’s been sitting on the lot, rusting. They gotta see someone else take it for a spin first.”
“And you’re, what, going to take me for a spin just so you can watch my dad film some stupid movie? That’s ridiculous. I’ll get you onto the set if you want. You don’t need to degrade yourself by pretending to date me.”
“See, that’s your problem right there. You’ve got no self-respect. If you don’t believe you’re worth something, no one else will either.”
Will rolled his eyes and poured champagne into a pint glass. “Jesus, you and your fucking dad talks.”
“Fine. Would you feel more comfortable if I told you I was only doing this so I could be your date to your brother’s wedding? I mean, it’d be nice to attend one of these fancy shindigs for once instead of just working it.”
“My mom isn’t going to pay you extra. She might even fire you.”
“She’s not gonna fire me. She likes Theo way too much to do that.” That was the one thing I was certain of. Everything else, not so much. “Now pour me some of that champagne, and let’s make this official, boyfriend.”