40. James
JAMES
Will finished bandaging my hand and accepted a flute of champagne from Donna, who promptly transitioned from mothering Will to mothering Theo—if mothering is what you could call it.
“We don’t get to choose our parents. Just ask William. But we do get to choose our therapists, and I know some great ones. I’ll make some calls in the morning.”
Only an inch separated me from Will, but he seemed impossibly far away. What is he thinking? Is it over?
“Do you have your toast prepared?” Donna asked.
“I wrote it months ago.” Will, who was capable of making his voice sound like anything he wanted—any accent, any emotion, any shade of humor or irony—spoke in an unreadable monotone.
“That’s good.” Donna topped off Will’s glass and smiled at Theo. “I couldn’t get you seated next to Ryan because he’s in the wedding party, but you’ll be with Miles and Tiffany and that Spider-Man kid. What’s his name, Tom something?”
Theo’s eyes went wide. “I’m sitting with Tom Holland? Is Zendaya coming, too?”
The limo drove through the security perimeter and pulled up to the front steps of the cathedral. Donna and Theo got out, but I grabbed Will by the wrist and held him back.
“Can we talk for a sec?”
“I should probably go. Andy is going to be freaking out, and—”
“Please, just for a sec.” I let my grip slip, not wanting to force him.
“Okay.” Will closed the door, and suddenly we were alone.
I wanted to hold him. I wanted to stare into his eyes and press our foreheads together, make him remember how happy we’d been just an hour ago, jockeying for control of the bathroom mirror. But I didn’t dare.
“I really like you, Will, more than I’ve liked anyone in a long time, maybe ever, and—”
“When you were encouraging me to read for the part,” he said, eyes fixed on the white bandages around my fingers, “when you kept going on and on about how talented I was, was that just so you could go with me to the set every day?”
“No, Will, no.” I tried to meet his gaze, but he wouldn’t look up. “You can’t think like that. You are talented. You’re the most talented person I’ve ever met, and you—”
“Okay.” He nodded. “I should probably go.”
“Don’t do this. This doesn’t have to change anything.” I lowered my head, searching for his eyes behind his swoop of black hair. “It’s not important how we met, just that we met. What’s important is how we feel right now.”
“I honestly don’t know how I feel right now, other than stupid.”
“Well, I do. I feel scared and sorry. So friggin’ sorry. I should’ve told you. I wanted to, but—”
“It’s fine.” His voice was colorless. “It is what it is.”
“No, it’s not fine, and it’s not what it is. It’s what we make of it.” I was tired of waiting for him to look at me, so I grabbed his face and forced it up. “And I think we can make something pretty damn awesome if we give this a chance.”
He tried to look away, but I wouldn’t let him. “That’s not what I meant. I just need a minute to process, that’s all.”
“Okay.” I let go of his face. “That makes sense.”
And it did. Of course he needed a minute. He probably needed days, or even weeks. “Can I kiss you, though, before you go?”
He didn’t look away, and though the smile that played on his lips was heavy, it was still a smile. I closed the gap between us and pulled him into a kiss.
He didn’t kiss me back at first, but I didn’t give up, and slowly his lips started to move beneath mine. Just as I was about to deepen the kiss, though, knuckles rapped on the window.
“You’re late.” The wedding planner tapped her cream-colored heels on the pavement.
“Sorry about that.” Will climbed from the limo, and just when I was certain he was going to walk away without saying goodbye, he ducked his head back inside. “When you find a suitable closet, make sure it doesn’t smell like mothballs. Mothballs make me gag.”
I grabbed Will’s collar and pulled him back for one more kiss. “Don’t worry,” I whispered. “The only one who’s gonna be gagging is me.”
I hadn’t partaken of the champagne on the ride up, but I reached for it now. It seemed a shame to let it go to waste. I poured one glass to steady my nerves and helped myself to some Advil from the first-aid kit.
When that did nothing to dull the pain in my throbbing hand, I slipped behind the old brick cathedral and pulled out the joint I’d rolled that morning, the one I’d promised Will we’d smoke at sunset on the deck of the ship.
I held the unlit joint between my lips and sighed, leaning against an old oak tree. This was a good thing. No more secrets. Well, except for one, but I didn’t want to think about my role in getting Will fired.
Screw this. Will meant more to me than his father’s money. I was done with the sneaking around and lies. Well, after tonight anyway.
I checked my phone for Esther’s text. It was my last chance before going inside and handing over my phone.
Sure enough: Got the phone. Now it’s time for phase 2.
My head fell back against the old oak, and after scanning for prying eyes, I lit the joint. Tonight, I’d tell Robert our little arrangement was over.
Phase 2 was simple. Well, my part was. Esther had a custom-designed phone case that fit backward on an iPhone, making its front look like its back, with an opening for the front-facing camera.
She’d slip Tony’s phone inside, pretend to snap a wedding pic of the asshole to unlock it, then hand it over to me to install the spyware.
I was bringing the joint to my lips for a second hit when I caught movement out of the corner of my eye.
I peered around the oak just in time to see Robert and Derek disappear into a white clapboard outbuilding behind the cathedral.
What is he up to now? Our plan was working. Why couldn’t he just chill?
I stubbed the joint out on the trunk of the tree and slipped it into my breast pocket.
Then, letting curiosity get the better of me, I crossed the lawn to the white outbuilding and peeked through the window.
It was an amateur move, being so obvious, but luckily, the dimly lit room was empty, aside from rows of tables and metal folding chairs.
Easing the door open, I slipped inside and tiptoed down a long, dark hallway, following the sound of Robert and Derek’s muffled voices. I stopped just outside the light spilling from an open doorway and held my breath.
“She told you?” Derek asked.
“It doesn’t matter how I know. What were you thinking? You knew William was head over heels for you, and he was just a boy. How could you get his hopes up like that and then tell him you’d been fucking his mother? What did you think would happen?”
I winced at the harsh tone in Robert’s voice. He sounded far more like my dickhead father now than he ever did on set.
“I didn’t want to keep lying,” Derek said. “I wanted us to—”
“You wanted to make him suffer because you were suffering. He ruined your big night, so you ruined his.”
“That’s not true. I—”
“You had plenty of chances to tell him before that night. But you waited until he was riding high, then you brought him down because you’re jealous and petty—”
“This is fucking rich coming from you. You never wanted Will in The Beautiful. You were terrified he’d outshine you, and when he did, you couldn’t handle it.”
“That’s not true.”
“Isn’t it? You told him he wasn’t really acting, that people just felt sorry for his character. Admit it. You’re afraid of your own son, afraid he’ll upstage you. That’s why you didn’t want him in Sundowning either.”
“I’ve never been afraid of my son. I just didn’t want him relegated to gay best friend roles for the rest of his life.
” Robert spoke the words with conviction, but they were edged with doubt, like he’d said them so often they’d worn a rut just south of the truth.
“Donna’s the one who went behind my back and got him the part, and look what happened. ”
“He was brilliant,” Derek said. “That’s what happened.”
There was a long stretch of silence before Robert spoke again.
“Do you want to know the real reason William’s not in the movie and you are?
Because, believe me, you were never supposed to be a part of this.
This was William’s movie. I picked it out just for him.
I wanted my last film to be with my son. ” His voice cracked.
“Then why did you give his part to Ryan? The only reason I took this fucking role was because I thought Will was going to be playing Jimmy.”
“Are you really this profoundly stupid? Do you honestly not see that this is all Tony’s doing? He’s the one who got William replaced. He told the studio you’d only play Travis if William was out.”
“That’s not true.”
“Then, as if that wasn’t bad enough, he went and leaked those disgusting, slanderous stories about William to the tabloids.”
“He wouldn’t do that.”
“He would, and he did. He’s made it his mission to destroy my son’s life, and you’ve helped him every step of the way. He’s your manager, acting in your best interests, and that makes you responsible.”
“I’ll talk to Tony. If he did it, I’ll—”
“It’s too late. The damage is done. William’s only hope now is you dropping out. He just needs one role to—”
“I can’t do that.”
“Why? Because Tony won’t let you? You’re his boss, Derek.
He works for you. Oh, he’ll talk you out of it all right.
He’ll deny it, and you’ll believe every word, just like you always do, because you don’t care about the truth, not really.
You’ll accept any reality Tony feeds you so long as you come out on top. ”
“You’re being unreasonable.”
“Oh, am I?” Robert laughed bitterly. “What’s stopping me from going to the tabloids with the truth, telling them you basically goaded William into attacking you? You really think anyone’s going to want to cast you after they find out you were fucking William and Donna at the same time?”
“That’s not true. Will and I nev—”
“Oh, because the tabloids care so much about the truth. Think about it. What do I have to lose? I’m dying.
And thanks to you and Tony, William’s career is over.
And it’s not like they can touch him legally.
The statute of limitations ended a long time ago.
We have nothing left to lose, whereas you stand to lose everything.
And mark my words, you will. In fact, I have a reporter here right—”
The hallway filled with light a fraction of a second before Tony spoke. “That’s quite enough of your lies, Robert.”
I squeezed my eyes shut as my head filled with curse words. How could I have been so stupid?
Tony’s fingers closed around my arm, and he yanked me toward the doorway. “Now, tell your little errand boy here to piss off. This doesn’t concern him.”
All the color drained from Robert’s face.
“He’s not even William’s real boyfriend, is he?
” Tony laughed. “Wait, oh my god, that was you at the bachelor party, wasn’t it?
I knew you looked familiar. But you had a beard then, right?
Let me guess, Robert snuck you in to capture William’s glorious comeback?
I’m surprised he still went through with it after they cast Ryan instead. ”
I wanted to defend myself, defend Will, but something in Robert’s cold stare told me to keep my mouth shut. The moment you show your cards, they know you’re playing the game. That was what Esther always said.
“Why don’t you two head back inside?” Tony said, dismissing Derek and me like children. “Robert and I need to have a little chat.”
“Does Will know?” Derek fell in step beside me as I made my way across the lawn toward the front entrance of the cathedral.
“Know what? That you fucked his mother? No, he doesn’t remember anything from that night.”
“No, that you’re a pap. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. How could you use him like that?”
I picked up the pace. “Robert was right. You really are stupid.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
I stopped and turned to face him. He was about my height, but with at least twenty pounds of muscle on me. “It means I didn’t leak those stories. Tony did. And you know it.”
“Oh, and I should believe you?”
“Whatever. Believe what you wanna believe.” I started walking again. I was done with this asshole.
But he wasn’t done with me. “I’m going to tell him, you know. I’m going to tell Will.”
I froze, my bandage stretching painfully across my knuckles as I balled my hand into a fist. I hadn’t punched anyone in a long time, and I was ready to end my streak.
“Will is not a violent person. He’s not even hot-tempered, not like me.
What did you do to him, besides get him drunk and fuck his mother?
The Will I know wouldn’t hurt a fly. There has to be more. ”
He said nothing, but the shame in his eyes was all the answer I needed.
“Why did you even tell him about Donna?” I asked. “Just to hurt him?”
He cast his eyes downward, confirming what I’d suspected for a while now—he was in love with Will.
“Did you honestly think he’d still wanna be with you?” I asked.
“What do you care? Going to put it in your next story? You don’t even like him. This is all just a paycheck to you.”
“Of course I fucking like him. I love him.” I wanted to swallow the words back the moment they left my mouth. Not because they weren’t true, but because Derek was the last person I wanted to show my heart to.
“Then tell him the truth, or I will.” He took a few steps away, then looked back over his shoulder. “And when you do, word of advice, make sure there aren’t any blunt objects nearby.”
With that, he walked away. Fuck! What was I supposed to do now? I couldn’t tell Will the truth, not at his brother’s wedding. Plus, Esther still needed time to open the phone.
Shit. Derek had better keep his fucking mouth shut, at least for the rest of the day.
I needed my pen recorder back. Maybe if I had proof that Tony was the leak, Derek would do the right thing: fire Tony and quit the movie.