21. Carmen
21
Carmen
I’m going to be sick.
The article was very clear about where they got their information and I’ve never felt more like an idiot than I do right now.
It’s my fault this is happening.
I take a nervous step toward Donny as he scrolls along his screen, brow dipping when he finally finds what he’s looking for, and I halt when his narrowed eyes flash to mine.
“What… What does it mean they overheard one of the parties having a conversation?”
I shake my head. “Last night… I,” I choke out, then shake my head. “I was talking to the girls about everything. It may have gotten louder than necessary and someone overheard. It was an accident.”
Donny looks at me, then drops his hands at his side and blinks. “You wanted this to happen, even said you would tell everyone last night. Didn’t really think you’d do it, though.”
My chest tightens, and I feel a surge of panic—like everything is unraveling in front of me. I’m losing him . The thought grips me, and I shake my head frantically. “I know what I said, but I didn’t do this.” My voice cracks, betraying the fear I’m trying to suppress.
“How else would they have gotten the information, Carmen? Tell me the truth.”
“I am!” I clap a hand over my mouth with wide eyes, tears threatening to fall, and I take a deep breath. “I am,” I say, much calmer this time. “The girls and I were talking, but I had no idea someone was listening. That they would take the story to someone.”
“You know how this world works, Carmen.”
My heart cracks when he doesn’t use the nickname I’ve come to love, but I hide the emotion by squeezing my eyes shut and taking a few more deep breaths.
“Why couldn’t you just tell me you didn’t feel the same way? You didn’t have to be so cruel,” he whispers, emotion thick in his words, and I snap my eyes open to find him staring at me with sadness swirling in his eyes.
I take a step forward, but he immediately moves to keep the distance between us. “Donny, let me explain.”
I’m not sure what else I could explain. I told him everything about last night, but he’s not going to believe me because I’ve been more than vocal about my values toward my job as his manager. He knows that I don’t want an inappropriate relationship with a client, and because I passed out right after our night together, I never got to tell him exactly how I feel.
I should’ve been honest with him sooner.
“I’m sure you have a lot to do, like getting the story under control,” Donny says as he saunters through the room and grabs his discarded clothes. “I, uh, have to go.”
“ Please ,” I whisper. “Don’t go.”
He stands straight, looking out the large window, and his shoulders slump forward after a few moments as he shakes his head. “I can’t be here right now. I’ve got to call my mom back, talk to her about everything, and I’m sure you’ll be needing to do the same thing soon.”
“You can do that here.”
“Just… I need some space, Carmen.”
Before I can beg him to stay any longer, he tugs the shirt over his head and disappears from the room. I want to follow him, but my feet stay glued to the floor and I don’t move until ten minutes have passed.
This wasn’t supposed to happen.
I was going to tell him I’ve fallen for him, that I wanted to give our relationship a real try, but everything is ruined.
A text comes in from Declan, begging for me to call him when I get the chance, but I swipe away the notification. Just as I do that, more text messages come in from my family wanting to talk to me. It’s Layla’s text that makes me pause and scrunch my brows together.
Layla: I figured this day was coming. You’ve been balancing on a tightrope with Donny since this whole thing started. Call me.
How did she even know what was going on?
Instead of trying to figure out the answer for myself, I ignore everyone else’s messages and call my sister. The line rings a few times, then she’s shuffling on the other end. “Hey there, sis, looks like you got yourself into a situation.”
“How did you know?”
She chuckles. “I wasn’t born yesterday. You guys were obvious, and I told Donny as much before you guys left. Are you okay?”
A sob slips past my lips and tears start rolling down my cheeks as the gravity of my situation comes crashing into me. “I-I love him, Lay.”
“Figured as much,” she whispers. “Why is that a problem?”
“He thinks I did this. Walked out.” Another sob breaks free and I drop to the floor. “I was going to tell him I wanted to be more. I was ready to say to hell with my values and see where this could go.”
“Then, tell him that.”
“He walked out, Lay, don’t you get that?” I shake my head and swipe angrily at my eyes. “He made his decision.”
“Everyone is angry, Carmen,” Layla says softly. “You guys lied to everyone you cared about, and now emotions are running high. Give him a minute to cool off before making any rash moves.”
“I’m sorry,” I choke out.
She sighs heavily into the line. “You don’t have to apologize to me, Carmen. I understand, and figured you’d do something like this eventually if everyone wouldn’t get off your back.”
Frantic knocks sound on my front door and I lift from the floor, hurrying to see who it is. Mia, Julia, and Mallory are all standing there breathlessly and I wave them inside with a frown. “Uh, Lay, I’ll call you later. There’s a few people here I need to talk to.”
“Call me if you need me. I love you, sis.”
“I love you, too.”
The girls are looking at me silently as I hang up and turn around, heading straight for the couch that looks comfier the more I stare at it. They follow me. No one utters a word, and I curl onto one end of the couch while the girls find their own seats.
“Babe,” Mallory says softly, reaching over to place her hand on my thigh. “Are you okay?”
As soon as she asks the questions, more sobs tear through my body and I hug my knees closer to my chest while the girls all wrap their arms around me.
Mia’s hand rubs soothing circles over my back, warm and gentle. Julia clings to me like a lifeline, her fingers digging into my arm as though to keep me from drifting away. Mallory threads her fingers through mine, the squeeze firm, grounding. Their touch keeps me from falling apart completely.
It’s all a sign to let me know that I have people in my life who’ve got my back.
Once my sobs calm down, the girls move away from me to give me some breathing room, and I look at them with a sad smile. “He walked out,” I choke out, “thinks that I did it on purpose.”
Their mouths drop open in shock and Mia frowns. “I’m sure he just needs time to think. Both of you probably do.”
“I don’t.” They stare at me expectantly and I look down at my feet, noticing the polish that’s starting to chip off. I reach out and use my nail to scrape more off, while sighing heavily. “I’ve never felt like this about someone, and I want to see where it can go.”
“Does he know that?”
I shake my head. “We never got to that point before he walked out.”
“You’ll see him all the time. You’ll have plenty of chances to talk to him. Just let everything settle down, give each other some space.”
“This... this isn’t how I wanted it to go.” My breath shudders as I fight for control, closing my eyes tight. I wanted to wake up, make us breakfast, and tell him everything I didn’t get to when I walked through the door last night.”
I plead with myself, desperate to keep the tears at bay. But it’s too late. They’re already threatening to spill over.”
Mallory leans forward, smirking, and arches a brow. “And why didn’t you say anything last night? Too occupied?”
My cheeks heat and Julia playfully slaps her best friend on the arm while rolling her eyes. “Ignore her,” she mutters before her gaze softens on me. “We’ve got you, girl. Anything you need us to do and we’ll do it for you.”
“What if I can’t keep working close to him? Maybe I should think about finding someone else to manage, let Raising Havoc be in the past.”
It isn’t lost on me that I’m doing exactly what Layla instructed me not to do in the first place, and that’s making rash decisions when my emotions are so high. How can I not, though? There’s no way I could work close to Donny after everything that’s happened.
I’m in love with him. I want more with him. He walked out on me, and I’m not sure I can face him again. If he wanted to hear my side of things, he could’ve stayed here and let me explain more. I would’ve been able to admit the feelings I have for him.
“No, no, no,” Mia says, a frown on her face as she shakes her head. “You’re not doing that.”
“Why shouldn’t I, Mia?” I ask, tears falling down my cheek on their own accord that have me swiping them away. “I can’t look at him. Every time I see him, I’ll be reminded of my feelings.”
“We’re going to get this figured out,” she says softly, her arms wrapping around me in a tight hug. “Don’t give up yet, okay? Everything will be fine. I’ll make sure of it.”
I nod against her, my heart aching a little more at the fact that these girls are comforting me right now while the man I love has chosen to walk out the door. Mia holds me for what seems like forever, until my body becomes exhausted, and she helps me lift from the couch. The girls talk back and forth to each other as they lead me down the hall, but I can’t concentrate on anything they’re saying.
All I can think about is the night I had with Donny and how, at the end of it, I was going to tell him that I loved him… and now that’s not the case. Instead, it’s being ruined by an article that never should’ve been posted in the first place.
My job is to keep an eye on Raising Havoc’s image, to make sure they get good press, and now I have to think about how I can make this into something good.
How can I do that?
The wheels are turning in my head as Mia gently lays me down on the bed. Then she throws the thick comforter over me and runs her hand over my face. I feel the bed dip under everyone’s weight as they surround me. Mia’s brows scrunched in concern, and I slowly let my eyes fall shut.
My phone rings from my nightstand, cluing me in that someone must’ve grabbed on our way in here, and I reach out to snag the device. Mia takes it from me with a shake of her head, glancing at it with a frown before sitting it back in its spot. I don’t even have the energy to fight her on it. It’s all been wiped out from the crying.
Before I know it, I’m falling asleep with two thoughts in my mind — I can either quit my position with Raising Havoc and find someone else to manage, or I can go to the media with my own story.
Sleep pulls me under, but not before one clear thought settles in—I know exactly what I need to do.
I’ll have to risk everything to make this right.