12. Casey
Chapter Twelve
CASEY
I need to taste you.
I blinked in response to Leo’s words. All I could manage in reply was a wobbly nod.
I wasn’t sure what he meant, but when he unbuttoned my jeans and slid his hand between my thighs to dip his fingers in my slippery wet channel, my pussy clenched around him. I was still reverberating from the echoes of my unexpected climax.
When he withdrew his fingers, with his eyes on me the entire time, he brought them to his mouth. I thought I might melt to the floor right there. I watched on weak knees as he licked my arousal off his fingers. I distantly heard the sound of my choked whimper.
The friction created from his knee had been enough of a shock, but watching this sent another burst of need through me. All I could do was try to breathe.
A moment later, he buttoned my jeans. It slowly dawned on me that we were in the hallway. I knew there was nobody in the apartment across from mine, but still. I had completely lost track of where we were.
Leo gave me a lingering kiss before stepping back. When I lost the feel of his body against mine, I felt bereft. I wanted to yank him back.
On unsteady knees, I pushed away from the wall and fumbled for my keys. He waited until I opened the door and stepped into my apartment before saying, “Good night.”
I clung to a slender thread of reason and managed to tell him good night before closing the door and locking it behind me. I heard his footsteps retreating down the hallway and stairs before I stumbled across the room and collapsed on the couch.
“Oh, my God,” I whispered to myself.
“Well?” Josie asked the following day. Her unruly brown curls were tamed into a ponytail as she smiled at me.
“Well, what?” I hedged.
Josie’s brows hitched up. “Your dinner date, although I know it went well because you blushed as soon as I asked.”
My face had to be fire engine red by this point. “You just said “well”,” I protested.
She burst out laughing as she turned to begin prepping our coffee. I loved it when Josie and I opened the café together. We always arrived early. She made us coffee and we heated up leftover baked goods from the day before.
“Hello!” Luna’s singsong greeting carried from the back. When Luna was here early, we usually got a fresh donut from her.
“Hey!” Josie and I said in unison.
“I’ll make enough coffee for you,” Josie added when Luna peered over the half door behind the register. “I was just asking Casey how her dinner date with Leo went.”
“Josie!” I was pretty sure my face was going to melt off at this point.
Luna caught my eyes and waggled her brows. “Clearly, it went well.” She waved us into the back. “Come in the back while I deal with the donuts.”
We followed her, and I let out a sigh as I looked between my friends. Luna began sliding trays of already prepped donuts out of the refrigerator, and I walked over to help her. “I’ll start the oven?” I prompted.
“Sure thing.”
“Set it at four hundred degrees?” I asked.
Luna flashed me a quick smile with her nod. “Pretty soon you’re gonna be able to bake these yourself.”
I burst out laughing. “I don’t think so. Even though I know the temperature, it’s your magic recipe. My baking skills are average, not amazing like yours.”
A few minutes later, the three of us sat on stools around the stainless-steel table in the kitchen. We were sipping coffee and chatting.
“So, you never did answer me,” Josie pointed out as her perceptive gaze held mine.
I felt a little self-conscious and delayed a few seconds by taking a swallow of my coffee. When I set the mug down, I took a deep breath for courage. “It was really nice. I haven’t actually had like a date in, well, I don’t know, a long time.” A rush of sadness rose inside, and I suddenly wanted to cry.
Luna sensed my distress and leaned over from where she sat beside me, curling her arm around my shoulders and giving me a quick squeeze.
“Are you okay?” Josie’s eyes were concerned as she studied me from across the table.
“I’m fine. We actually talked about the fact that neither one of us has dated in years. Leo has his own trust issues because of his ex and…” I paused to gather myself. Even though I wasn’t planning to, I spilled the whole story about what happened to my sister, finishing with, “And, I hate Nathaniel. So much. There’s no way to ever really prove what happened, but I know it did. It blew my world up. It isn’t just that my sister died. Because that will hurt for the rest of my life. Even though I didn’t really trust him, I guess I never thought Nathaniel could do something like that. My parents don’t know. They want me to give him a chance. He’s bullshitting them, telling them he always had a thing for me. Since Callie died, they’ve just been devastated.” When I looked between my friends and saw the combination of sadness and horror on their faces, I rushed to apologize. “I didn’t mean to ruin the morning. I’m sorry.”
Josie leaned forward, setting her coffee down as she held my gaze. “You do not need to apologize. You’re living with this every day. Part of being friends is telling each other what we’re going through. I can’t believe that happened to your sister. I knew she passed away, but, oh, my God, no wonder it’s hard for you to trust.”
Luna looked pained, her eyes glistening with tears. “I am so sorry. I want to light that man’s life on fire.”
Tears stung my eyes again. This time the sadness was still there, but it helped so much not to be carrying this alone. “Thank you. Sometimes it feels really lonely, and I haven’t felt safe telling anyone what happened.”
“If there is anything we can do, we’ll do it,” Josie said, her voice fierce.
“I know.” When I smiled between them, it was bittersweet. “I don’t really think there’s anything I can do about what Nathaniel did, and I can’t bring my sister back.” I paused to take a deep breath. “Having a good dinner date with Leo brought all that up,” I offered, trying to lighten the moment.
Josie’s smile was warm. “Makes sense. You haven’t really trusted anyone.”
“Do you trust Leo?” Luna asked.
I pondered for a moment, doing a body check, but I was nodding without really thinking about it. “I do. I really do.”
That was kind of a big deal. We didn’t get a chance to talk more because opening time rolled up fast.
I thought about Leo that night when I got home. I loved my little apartment and how safe it felt. It was cozy, and it was mine.
I turned on the television and snuggled up in my favorite blanket on the small loveseat. I had a big mug of hot chocolate with marshmallows and a donut from Luna. She’d tied it up with a bow for me.
I was wondering when I might see Leo again when my cell phone vibrated with a text. I reached for it, glancing at the screen to instantly feel nausea rising in my throat.
“Fuck you, Nathaniel,” I muttered as I stared at the screen.
Nathaniel: You can’t avoid me forever. I don’t know what you think happened, but I know it’s not what you think.
I left him on unread. That’s how I left all of his messages.
I took a swallow of my hot cocoa, trying to will away the anxiety that instantly began whirring like a storm in my chest.
“It didn’t matter,” I whispered to myself.
Callie was never going to come back. I had nothing to lose other than to destroy their peace of mind by telling my parents what happened.
My mind scurried about, trying to think about anything other than this. I did have one perfect distraction.
Instead of waiting for Leo to text me, I texted him. Which was so wildly out of character for me that I got flustered as soon as I hit send. Glancing down, I reread what I wrote.
Me: Hey, was wondering how you’re doing.
“Oh, my God,” I muttered to myself. “That’s stupid.”
I had never been one of those people who was quick and witty when it came to texting. That kind of communication didn’t come naturally to me. Before I had a chance to berate myself for too long, my phone vibrated. When I saw Leo’s name flash on the screen, my lips curled into a smile. If my belly had been a hula girl, she would’ve been dancing and twirling her skirt.
Leo: I was wondering the same thing. I want to see you again.
Me: We have our therapy appointment on Tuesday.
As soon as I hit send, I again felt ridiculous. I was pretty sure he wasn’t talking about wanting to see me in therapy.
Leo: Of course, I’m looking forward to that, but I meant another kind of seeing you. Dora will be out of town next weekend. I’d love to take you out to dinner again.
“Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.”
I had to force myself to breathe. “Calm down,” I ordered myself.
Leo elicited a new level of talking to myself.
I took several deep breaths and closed my eyes. After I thought I had it under control and could text like a normal person, I lifted my phone again. I was sitting by myself in my tiny apartment with my pulse rampaging out of control and my belly doing gymnastics while I was texting with a cute guy.
Me: I’d love that!
Before I meant to, I hit send by accident.
“Oh, my God. Fuck my life,” I muttered.
“Fuck your life?”
I yelped, looking around wildly and almost tumbling off the sofa out of panic when I heard Leo’s voice.
“Leo?” I squeaked.
“Yeah. You called me.” I could hear the laughter lacing his voice.
My cheeks were burning up. Well, all of me was on fire.
“I think I hit the call button by accident. You know how the text window has the buttons where you can call and—” I started babbling before I snapped my mouth shut. On the heels of a deep breath, I added, “I said “fuck my life” because I was embarrassed that I said I’d love that. If you didn’t know, I’m not cool. I’m not cool at all . I’m not quick or witty or anything like that, especially not over text.”
Leo was silent for a moment before he replied, “Casey, I didn’t ask you out to dinner because I thought you were cool. I like you. It’s as simple as that.”
When he chuckled, the sound spun around my heart, soothing the anxiety rising fast inside. “Well, that’s a relief.”
“I’m just relieved you weren’t saying “fuck my life” because I asked you out to dinner again.”
“Definitely not,” I said flatly. I sat there, holding the phone to my ear, smiling and feeling silly and safe.
“So, about dinner?” Leo prompted.
“I’d love that. Really.”
“And, remind me when our therapy appointment is,” he prompted. “I forgot to write it down.”
For a second, I wanted to tell him it wasn’t necessary for him to go anymore. I knew my parents could never find out whether I had a fiancé and if we were going to therapy. But I actually liked those appointments with him.
For once in my life, I didn’t overthink something. “It’s Tuesday in the afternoon at two.”
“I’ll see you there.”
I didn’t really remember what else we said. It was only later that night when I was falling asleep that I realized I had completely forgotten to dwell on my anxiety around Nathaniel and what happened to my sister.