16. Trevor
It was a long night, and it feels like it’ll be an even longer day. Zane keeps pacing around in front of me while trying to counter every reason I bring up.
“I want her gone,” I say to him, ignoring the light ache in my chest that arises each time I think of Gracie leaving. It’s the right thing to do, I tell myself. Last night, I almost gave into the selfish part of me that wanted to cling to her and never let go. I can’t do that to her. Sending her back to Golden Bay is the right thing to do. I’ve held onto the fear of turning out like my father for so long and everything I’ve done... Staying away from her till now is all because I don’t want to hurt her.
“We can make it seem as if she’s returned to her life in Golden Bay, and I can take exotic trips to visit her there often, but I just... I need her out of this house.”
I didn’t think this through.I should have known having Gracie this close would be the death of me. I never forgot about her or the hint of passion in her eyes every time I got lost in them.
Gracie has helped me a lot over the past few weeks. She got the media to see me in a different light. Everyone wants a good love story, and we’ve sold that. But it hurts to want her so much and know I can’t let myself have her. I’ve seen what love does even to the purest of hearts. I can’t let that happen to me. Or her.
“I told you, man, it doesn’t matter how we got here; what matters is that we are and you can’t pull out now,” Zane says to me as I lower the dumbbell in one hand to the ground, then swipe a hand over my forehead to get rid of the sweat there.
I’ve spent the entire morning trying to work out my muscles to exhaustion, and since I’m keeping my weight off my foot, I sit for most of my upper body programs.
“I don’t know how much of this I can take,” I tell Zane. Every second I spend with Gracie drives me closer to the edge and makes it impossible to stay away from her.
“You started this, don’t forget,” Zane reminds me. “When I came up with the idea of a fake romantic relationship that will help the fans root for you, you said you had the perfect woman for the task. You made it possible for her to agree to this with your whole hospital stunt, and you brought her to New York. Why do you want to back out now? Why do you think...” Zane trails off when we hear the door creak a little and suddenly turns around to the doorway. “Who’s out there?”
I stiffen as Gracie enters my gym room and looks from Zane to me. She’s paler than ever, and her eyes hold the sting of hurt as she asks. “What hospital stunt? What are you talking about?” I sense her question is directed at me, even though she’s staring at Zane.
“Gracie…”
“I need you to tell me the truth right now. What did you do?”
She looks at me, and her eyes narrow into tiny slits, making their green depths even more piercing.
“Back in Golden Bay, I saw two girls trying to get a picture of us at the hospital, and I could have stopped them, but I let it happen and told Zane to help make those pictures go viral with rumors of us being together. I did it to help convince you to agree to my ruse.”
“What?” she croaks, then blinks twice before taking a step back.
“Gracie, wait…”
“You manipulated me!” She cries out, then shoots me a pained look that makes my heart sink even further. “You knew I’d feel obliged to help because I was entangled in this mess anyway, so you did that to rope me in. How could you?”
“Gracie, just listen to me.”
“There’s nothing you can say, Trevor. You’re not charming your way out of this one. I am on your side. In the midst of this entire ordeal, I was on your side, and I chose to stand by you because I know you…Deep down, I know who you really are. I thought I did.”
She turns away from me, and I forget about the pain in my ankle. I rush after her without hesitating, but she’s already marching towards her room, her hands flailing at her sides.
“Gracie, wait, I thought it was the only way. That’s why I let it happen. I knew you wouldn’t agree to this farce without a little push, and I really needed you.”
“You really needed me?” she thunders as she spins around to look at me. “That’s your excuse?”
My eyes soften a little even though hers stay cold and cut through me. “And what about now? You don’t need me anymore, so you’re just gonna ship me back to Golden Bay? You just discard people when it’s convenient for you? When you’re done with them? You don’t want me here, you can’t let yourself love me and…”
Her words fade away as I pull her to me and silence her with a kiss. Gracie’s words roaring around me is to blame for this. I can’t help myself or deny my passion for her any longer. I press her to my body and she whimpers before parting her lips for my hungry kiss.
The madness lasts a second before she pushes against my chest to free herself, then staggers away from me. Her right hand moves to her lips, and she strokes their moist folds before lifting her quivering gaze to me.
“This is it, Gracie…This is why I can’t have you here, Gracie. I want you so much it’s driving me insane, and I can’t…I can’t let myself…I just can’t.”
She’s still quiet as she stares at me with tears in her eyes, then she presses her lips together. “You’re gonna regret this,” she whispers a second after I lower my chin to avoid her gaze. “I’ll leave, Trevor, but you’re gonna regret this, and it might be too late when you do. I’m not going to wait around for you forever.”
She heads into her room after that, and the door closes behind her. A hollow feeling sinks deep in my chest. This should be a relief, but for reasons I don’t understand, the air around me becomes thick with the weight of my loss and I have a deep feeling it’ll never change.
***
Zane drives Gracie off to the airport the next morning, and we don’t even say goodbye before she leaves. I’m in my living room after that trying to catch up on the game, but the silence in the air torments me, and I can’t bear it.
It’ll pass after a few days.When I first left Golden Bay, I thought about her all the time. Not a single day passed without me missing her, but I got over it in the end. I’m sure it’ll be the same thing this time.
My doorbell rings later that day, and I expect to see Zane on the other end when I limp over to open it.
“You’re in so much trouble, trust me,” Jace says the moment I open up, and he flashes the bottle he’s holding at me.
“What are you doing here?” I question once I let him in. We haven’t spoken since the last time we fought in Golden Bay, and this is the longest we’ve spoken since we first became friends in high school.
“Where’s my sister?” he asks once he enters the house.
It’s not Jace’s first time visiting me in New York, and so he leads the way to my kitchen while I limp behind him. “She left for Golden Bay.”
Jace arches a brow when he turns to me. “What did you do?”
I don’t answer him at first. Jace will only freak out if I tell him the thoughts running through my mind.
“It’s not important,” I say to him instead. “What matters is that you were right. I shouldn’t have dragged Gracie into my mess. I made her leave. She doesn’t belong here.”
Jace doesn’t reply, and I nudge towards the drink in his hand. “Pour me some of that, will you?”
“Isn’t it too early for that?” he questions, eyeing me suspiciously.
“You brought the drink though,” I retort, hating the ache in my heart and the lump thickening in my throat, making it difficult for me to say anything.
Jace finally pours me some and slides me the glass before filling his.
“What happened? Why did you fly all the way out here without calling me first?”
“Thought I’d talk to my best friend,” he shrugs. “I missed you and figured with all that’s happened over the past few weeks, we should talk.”
I lick the droplets of brandy off my lips after taking a sip, and Jace delivers the final blow with his words. “We should talk about Gracie and what you’re going to do about your feelings for her.”
“What feelings? What are you talking about?”
I set my glass on the table and clear my throat to hide the huskiness in my voice.
“Cut the crap, Trevor. We’ve been friends a long time and I’m done pretending I don’t see the way you look at her. You two have been in the media a lot these days and it’s clear that you have feelings for her. The only one who doesn’t know Trevor is into Gracie is Trevor and Gracie themselves. The entire world is raving about you two and what, you just let her go home?”
“What does it matter?” I eye Jace suspiciously. “I thought you were against it anyway, so what’s your deal?”
“I’m against you hurting my sister, Trev,” he answers. “And let’s face it, you don’t exactly have the best track record when it comes to women. You have a new date twice a week, and Gracie’s not that kind of girl…”
My dry chuckle stops him from saying anything else, and my lips twist to a corner as I say. “Trust me, I know what kind of girl Gracie is.” That’s what makes this so difficult in the first place.
“Trevor…”
“Can we talk about something else, please?” I snap. “I made a mistake, okay? I shouldn’t have brought her to New York to help with my stupid plan when I knew very well that I wanted her. I should have stayed away…I screwed up and ruined things, and now she probably doesn’t want to ever see me again. I know all of that, okay?”
I comb my fingers through my hair and rub a hand over my face. “I just …You know my past, Jace. My mom, my dad…You know what love did to her. I can’t let that be my story too, because what if I’m just like him? What if…” My throat tightens, and I can’t bring myself to say the words running through my mind.
“You’re not your father, Trevor. I know that, and Gracie she…She cares about you, Trevor, maybe even too much. You want to know why I’m here? Why I showed up here after she left? It’s because she was worried about you, and even while she’s hurting, she still didn’t want you to be alone.
“I know you don’t want to turn out like your father, or end up losing yourself like your mother, but you can’t live your life, and make all of your choices based on that fear, Trevor. There are some people worth risking everything for…You should know that.”
Jace sighs, walks to me, and pats my shoulder before leaving the kitchen. I’m left alone with my thoughts and my mind buzzes with memories of the times with Gracie. I knew I would never get over it.