Chapter 29
Twenty-Nine
Logan
May — Five Weeks Later
A sharp smack upside my skull has me wincing, pulling me from the stupor I must’ve fallen into while staring at the rec room flatscreen.
My hand instantly raises to the side of my head, and I turn to glare at the source of the assault.
I shouldn’t be surprised it’s Lexi, considering Willow should still be at the commencement ceremony right now.
Doesn’t make me any less irritated, though. Or my head hurt any less.
“Fucking Christ, Lex,” I mutter, rubbing the tender spot. “You could have just said my name to get my attention. No need to karate chop my damn head off.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t think to try that,” she says, her tone dripping with sarcasm. She glares down at me as she snaps, “Oh, wait. I did. Five times in the past twenty seconds, and you’ve completely ignored me!”
“I didn’t—” A throw pillow whacks me on the cheek out of nowhere, only for her to backhand me with it again. “Ow! What the—”
“What the hell?” she asks, cutting me off. “Yeah, Logan. What the hell is right. As in: What the hell is wrong with you?”
She pushes the pillow in my face on the last word, shoving my head back against the couch cushion and damn near smothering me with her rage. After a few seconds, I’m able to wrestle it from her grip and toss it behind the sofa out of her reach.
“Sweet fucking Jesus,” I hiss, glaring in her direction. “If you want me to know what you’re talking about, you’re gonna have to cite a more specific grievance.”
“I’m talking about Camden.”
My blood runs cold the second I register his name.
It freezes in my veins, causing all irritation and frustration to leave my body instantly, replaced with an aching kind of longing.
It’s the same reaction I’ve had every time she’s said it in the past month or so—since she found me staring at my bedroom wall after he ended things, and I joked with her about joining the breakup club.
None of the sordid details, of course—I’ve kept those to myself.
Instead, I just gave her the lie. The one we’d prepared for everyone, but I can tell she still doesn’t believe it. It’s likely why she keeps pressing for more details, only to draw out this visceral reaction every time she forces me to think about him. About us.
“What about him?” I ask, attempting to keep my voice steady.
She scoffs before stepping around me and dropping down on the sectional too.
“God, you’re just as bad as my brother was,” she mutters.
The comment has me glancing over—as she likely knew it would—and she pins me with one of her knowing looks.
“Be pissed at the comparison, but I’m not lying.
Just like I’m not lying when I tell you, if you don’t get your head out of your ass and do something, you’re never gonna get him back. ”
The hard, honest truth slices into me like a hot knife, and I grimace from the pain it causes.
Because I know she’s right. I’ve known it for weeks, but I’ve been too scared and hurt to try broaching the subject with him.
Granted, every time we’ve been in the same room, he either leaves or acts like I don’t exist. I haven’t seen him at all the past couple days since finals ended.
Makes it a little difficult to have a conversation, even if I were to try.
“I don’t really think there’s much point. He seemed pretty firm in his decision to end it.”
“So you’re just giving up, then,” she states dryly. “I mean, for Christ’s sake, Logan. The two of you may have been tip-toeing around each other for weeks, but I still have eyes. I can see how miserable you are. Both of you.”
I go to open my mouth to rebut, saying maybe she’s looking at this through her own lens, but she holds up her hand to stop me before I can say anything. “And yes, you are tip-toeing. Or rather, hiding. I mean, honestly, when was the last time you were down here?”
I guess I can’t really argue with that one…
“Maybe… Maybe it’s better this way, you know? I’m still stuck here for two more years, and when he gets drafted, there’s no telling where he’ll end up.”
“As if airplanes and long weekends and holiday breaks don’t exist,” she mutters with an eyeroll.
“None of that matters if he doesn’t want to try,” I snap, feeling my temper fraying. “Thought you’d know that better than anyone, all things considered.”
It’s a low blow, bringing her and Wyatt into this, and the way her face falls tells me as much. I wait for her to lash out or snap at me, knowing I deserve it, but it never comes. She just leans back against the couch cushion beside me, the picture of indifference.
“Fine. If you want to sit here and play the heartbroken sap, be my guest. I won’t stop you. But I’m telling you right now, I think you’re making a big mistake. Huge. Massive, actually.”
“Thanks, I’ll take note of that,” I mutter.
“Except you clearly aren’t, because you’re letting your fake boyfriend, who you actually love, just walk away,” she chides, tossing out a hand in frustration.
So much for letting it go.
“First off, I never said I lov—” I pause, her words finally registering, and turn to her. “What do you mean fake boyfriend?”
“What? You really think I didn’t know?” she shoots back, arching a manicured brow.
My face must say everything my mouth refuses to speak, because she lets out a scoff and shakes her head.
“Oh, Loge. You can’t lie for shit. Not to me.
Which is why I also know you’re lying with that whole ‘I never said I was in love with him’ blah, blah, bullshit you were about to pull. ”
Her revelation shorts out the neurons in my brain, and I’m left struggling to reconnect the wires while I gape at her. I blink a few times, attempting to collect my thoughts, but my mind is filled with so many questions it feels impossible to know where to start.
“I… When did you figure it out?” I finally ask.
“I saw through you from the jump. The moment you said you and Cam were seeing each other.” Her tone turns gentle, matching her softening gaze when she adds, “I just didn’t want to embarrass you any more than I already did. You know, by calling you out on your feelings for me.”
Fucking. Christ.
My head falls back against the couch cushion, and I let out a humorless laugh. Because, of course, she knew the whole time. I’m sure Willow did too, which means not a single person was fooled by us faking it.
Apart from me, I guess.
“Well, this is just fucking perfect,” I mutter, scrubbing a palm over my face. Turning my head to face her, I’m hit with a massive wave of guilt. “I wasn’t trying to act on them, you know. Ever. I respected your relationship too much, and I would’ve never risked our friendship—”
“I know that,” she cuts in earnestly. Her teeth snag her bottom lip, and she shrugs. “I thought about saying something, having gone through the whole unrequited crush thing myself—”
“What? With Wyatt?”
She lets out a lilting laugh and shakes her head.
“No, no. This was long before Wyatt. It was my brother’s husband, Aspen.
Back before they got together. But the point is, I know how much it sucks, wanting someone who feels unattainable.
Thankfully, after a while, I realized it was just a fantasy, you know?
It wasn’t real.” Reaching over, she places her hand on my arm, offering a gentle smile.
“I didn’t want you missing out on someone great—something that could be more than just a fantasy—because you were pining for me.
So I figured it was better to keep quiet and see how it played out.
Maybe you’d end up finding something real instead. ”
“Glad to have been your social experiment,” I mutter indignantly.
I can’t deny she was right, though. While I felt absolutely nothing but contempt and irritation for Camden in the beginning, he quickly became better than any fantasy I ever had about the woman beside me.
What I felt for her pales in comparison to how I feel about him.
And that’s why it’s destroying me.
The hand resting on my forearm gives a gentle squeeze of reassurance before she pulls it away again.
“You love him, Logan. I can see it written all over your face. So you should tell him.”
“Except he ended it, Lex,” I tell her, my voice shattering as the statement falls from my lips. “I want to be with him, despite every logical part of my brain screaming at me why I shouldn’t. And before I even had the chance to tell him, he called it. So he obviously didn’t feel the same way.”
She purses her lips, her hazel eyes boring into mine. “You’re really making me want to hit you again. Damn fool.”
“I don’t—”
“Logan, shut up and listen to me,” she scolds, taking on her no-nonsense tone.
“I might not know Camden all that well, but I do know what real love looks like. And, God, do I know pining when I see it. My brother was the gold medalist of it for years before he finally got his shit together. But the way I’d see Cam look at you?
He might give Keene a run for his money. ”
My attention drops to my hands, and I start picking at the hem of my shirt.
I want to believe her, I do. There was a time when I’d look at him, and I was almost certain he felt everything I did.
But if that were true, then I don’t understand why he’d end it.
Why he wouldn’t say yes, there’s another reason we should keep doing this.
Why he’d cut us off at the knees right when things were good—great, even.
The only thing that makes sense is… I fell for the lie, and he didn’t.
“I also want to point out, you said want, not wanted,” she murmurs, attempting to drive her point home. “So if you really do want him, then what do you have to lose by telling him?”
My fingers run through my hair as I nod, processing my options. Weighing them on a scale in my mind. Debating with myself over the kind of regret I’d rather live with: loving someone who doesn’t love me back or loving someone and never knowing if they feel the same.