Chapter 33
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
ASHER
I had known grief. I’d learned it when my momma died, and then my dad. Had healed from that and come out on the other side, only to get swept under the wave again when my sister and brother-in-law passed away. Coming back to Havenbrook, I’d felt a little like I was a life raft, floating in the middle of the ocean with those two kids on my back.
But then Nat had stepped up when I’d needed her, and her family had taken us into their fold. I’d been a part of the Haven household since I was six years old, but I’d never felt that more so than I had today.
The only trouble was, it was all a lie.
“Thought this was a celebration.” Nash dropped into the chair next to me and passed me a beer.
I accepted it without hesitation because God knew I needed a drink. “Thanks.”
“Since we’re supposed to be celebrating, you wanna tell me why you look like you did when you dropped your ice cream cone on the sidewalk during the second-grade field trip?”
I cracked a grin, my gaze locked on Nat as she helped June attempt a cartwheel in the yard. “I am celebrating. You even brought me a drink.”
“Yeah, except your face doesn’t quite say celebrating as much as car-ran-over-my-dog.”
That was pretty spot-on then, since I felt a hell of a lot worse than someone running over my nonexistent dog.
I blew out a breath, my gaze focused on the beer bottle cupped in my hands. “I don’t know what you want from me, Nash. I’m happy. June and Owen are officially mine. What more could I possibly want?”
Nash snorted and leaned back in his chair, his beer bottle braced on one knee. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe a certain beautiful, troublemaking best friend we share?”
“Just drop it, all right?”
Nash leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees. “Look, man, we’ve got two decades of friendship under our belts, and I’ve never once let you take the easy road. That’s not how this works between the three of us. So, I’m sure as hell not gonna start now.”
“You’re tellin’ me fightin’ for these kids has been easy?”
“You know damn well I’m not talkin’ about the kids. I’m talkin’ about Nat and you lettin’ her go.”
I snapped my gaze to Nash, anger burning in my gut. “And you think that is easy? You think I want to let her go? She did me a favor, comin’ here.”
“Don’t kid yourself.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Seein’ y’all together…it’s more than a favor, and you know it. Everyone can see it, so why can’t you?”
“It’s not more than that,” I said firmly. “Besides, we had an agreement. She’d stay just till I was named permanent guardian. And now that I am, she’s free to go.”
“You ever think about tellin’ her you might like her to stay?”
“Why the hell would I do something like that? You and I both know Havenbrook isn’t where she belongs. She’s never belonged here. And I’m sure as hell not gonna hold her back from a life she wants to live, just because I’m selfish enough to want her to stay.”
Nash expelled a heavy sigh. “Just talk to her, all right? I’ve known you two apart, and I love you both, but there’s something special about you two together.”
Not special enough to make her throw everything away for a life in a town she’d always been too big for.
“Are y’all havin’ a Nasher meetin’ without me?” Nat asked, dropping into the chair on the other side of me.
Nash snorted. “We haven’t done that since you threatened to rip our balls off in fifth grade if we ever thought about doin’ it again. You’ve always been a mouthy thing, haven’t you?”
“You probably want me to say I’m sorry, but I’m not. Where would you two fools be without me?”
Nowhere I wanted to be, that was for damn sure. I just didn’t see another option.
“Probably have spent the past twenty years with a hell of a lot fewer bruises,” Nash said.
I cracked a grin. “Fewer trips in the back of cop cars, too.”
“Where’s the fun in that?” she asked before pushing to stand. “It’s gettin’ late, so we should probably head out. I’ll go grab Owen. Rory’s hoggin’ him inside.”
“Sounds good.”
I watched her walk away, my gaze never straying from her. She turned and said something to Gran, a smile lighting up her face, and my heart soared and broke at once. I didn’t know what the hell to do. Only that watching her leave was going to be the hardest thing I ever did.
“Sure,” Nash said. “Nothing there. Right.”
“Fuck off, would you?” I downed the last of my beer and set the bottle on the table with a clink. “I can’t deal with your bullshit right now. I just got the kids…I still need to go through Aubrey and Nathan’s things. June’s in therapy. And now that this is all final, Nat and I need to figure out how the fuck we’re gonna tell her family. You know, the ones who are thrilled to have all their girls back home.”
Nash slapped a hand on my back, harder than necessary. “I’m there if you need help sortin’ through your sister’s things. And any time you want an ear as y’all are doin’ the therapy thing, you let me know. As far as the Havens? Well…if you’d get your stubborn head out of your ornery ass and tell Nat how you’re feelin’, maybe you wouldn’t have to tell them anything at all.”
“Asher,” Gran called. “Be a sweetheart and grab me my reading glasses from the kitchen island? June wants me to read her this book before y’all leave.”
“You got it.” I stood, grabbing my empty bottle to toss in the recycling bin.
“Just think about it,” Nash said.
Yeah, like I hadn’t spent the past month thinking about it. Hadn’t spent the past week trying to figure out a solution. Hadn’t written a fucking song about it.
I strode toward the French doors that led into the house, my emotions a jumble inside. Today had been so bittersweet—the celebration of no longer having to worry about my niece and nephew being taken away mingling with the one thing I’d known was coming.
Gran’s reading glasses were just where she said, sitting next to the baby monitor on the counter which crackled with Owen’s happy baby babbles, along with Rory’s and Nat’s voices.
“Y’all’ve been lookin’ awfully cozy together,” Rory said. “And don’t think I didn’t notice you sneakin’ off to the dressin’ room at the wedding. Never thought I’d say this, but the family life suits you.”
“I don’t know about that.”
“And I don’t know what to tell you. I saw what I saw. So, what’re y’all gonna do now?”
“Probably head back home.”
“You know I don’t just mean tonight. I’m talkin’ about you callin’ that place home .”
There was a pause where I held my breath, waiting for Nat’s response, knowing I shouldn’t be listening but unable to help myself. Maybe Nash was right and I should just ask her. Tell her how I was feeling and see if she might be feeling the same.
But then Nat laughed, and the sound shot daggers into my heart. “C’mon now, Rory. You know as well as I do that Havenbrook isn’t home. Hasn’t been for a long time, and I don’t imagine it’ll ever be.”
I closed my eyes, the crushing weight of her response settling on my chest. It didn’t matter what Nash thought he saw. What Rory—or anyone else, for that matter—thought they saw either. Not when, in the end, Nat didn’t want this life. She didn’t want to be stuck here. Not with her family and not with the family I’d strapped her with.
So, I was going to do what had always been the plan…what we’d agreed to at the start.
I was going to let her go.