23. Rochelle
23
ROCHELLE
T his place stinks. There are a few other women in here with me, and we’re all just sitting and waiting. If it weren’t for the bars, you might think we’re just at the DMV or something.
There’s an awful smell wafting in from somewhere, and it must be one of these women. I shudder to think what could be the source, and I try to ignore it.
But it’s impossible to stay calm and collected. A fluorescent light flickers overhead, adding insult to injury. I can’t believe this is actually happening.
I replay the scene in my head over and over. I can’t stop seeing the police putting the handcuffs on me and escorting me out of the apartment building.
I’ve seen handcuffs in movies hundreds of times, but they feel so much worse than I imagined. The metal was a lot heavier than I expected, and it dug into my wrists. I instinctively rub my skin long after they’ve been removed, my dermis still clinging to the stinging pain.
The silence from the officers was deafening. They only spoke to me when putting me in and taking me out.
I check the clock on the wall. I’ve been sitting here for a little over two hours. Frederick told me he would bail me out, but part of me doesn’t want him to. I should just stay here. It’s where I belong.
I think the worst part of being in jail is just the boredom. Normally, I would be checking my phone or playing some stupid game, but here, there’s nothing to do. Time slows to a practical standstill. It feels like hours have passed, but it’s only been a few minutes.
I’m surrounded by other people, but I have no desire to talk to any of them. I’m sure they’re all here for much worse reasons than me. One of the women has tattoos all over her face. I’m sure she has a story to tell that I’d rather not get into.
Suddenly, an officer comes up to the bars. Several of the women stand up, hopeful that it’s their time to leave.
“Reynolds?” the officer asks. The other women sit down. A few moments pass.
“Hey, is there a Rochelle Reynolds here?” the officer asks again. It takes me a second to focus enough to process my name.
“Oh, yeah. I’m here.” I stammer and stand up.
I make my way to the bars, and the officer lets me out. “You’ve made bail,” she tells me matter-of-factly. I’m about to ask who bailed me out, but I already know the answer. Instead, I manage a meager thank you as she escorts me down the hallway.
At the exit desk, I can see Frederick in the waiting area. He notices me and waves. I ignore him and focus on the paperwork in front of me.
“Okay, so you just need to sign here for your belongings. There isn’t a court date yet, but you’ll be notified. Do you have a lawyer?” the officer at the desk asks.
I shake my head no, wondering if I can use Ms. Singh. She got my things back from Steve for me, but I doubt she practices this kind of law. Don’t they all have specialties? Well, Frederick would know.
“Okay, well if you need a public defender, you can call the courthouse and they’ll direct you to their office. Usually, cases like these get settled out of court, but you may have to show up to the arraignment.”
As the officer talks, she grabs a bin with my stuff. There’s my phone, wallet, and a hair clip. I guess I didn’t really have much on me when it all went down. I grab them and sign the paper.
“Thank you,” I mumble. The officer just nods briskly as I walk over to the exit door.
The buzzer sounds, and the door unlocks. I open it, and Frederick practically runs into me.
“Hey, I’m so sorry it took this long. You won’t believe the hoops I had to jump through just to post bail.”
He sounds exasperated like this is his first time. It probably is his first time. Nice rich people don’t have to bail people out of jail.
I don’t even reply to him. I just want to get out of here. The sooner I can get back home, the better.
“Hey, are you okay? What happened in there?” he asks as I push past him.
“Nothing, I just want to get home.” I march toward the exit door to leave the building.
“Okay, I’ll drive you home.”
I spin around and put my hand up to stop him. “No!”
I realize that sounded harsher than I meant and backtrack. “I mean, I’m okay taking the subway. You’ve done enough. Thank you for bailing me out. I’ll pay you back.”
I turn back around and push through the door. Frederick stays back, stunned by my actions. After a few moments, he rushes out to catch up with me.
“What is going on, Rochelle? I thought you’d be happy to see me.”
“Thank you for bailing me out. But you don’t need to take care of me. I can take care of myself. I’ll pay you back everything I owe you. Don’t worry.”
Frederick jogs ahead to stop me. “Hey, can you wait for a second? Can we just talk about this?”
I stop suddenly and look into his eyes. I can feel tears forming at the edges of mine, so I look down at the ground.
“I don’t think we should see each other, Frederick.” My voice cracks a little as I speak. “I don’t want to see you anymore.”
I try to walk off, but he blocks my path. “What are you talking about? What the hell happened in there?” I can hear the frustration in his voice.
“Nothing happened, Frederick! I just need to get home and sort out my life. I need to get my shit together, and you don’t need to get dragged into it, okay? You think it’s going to go over well in your career to have a trashy girlfriend with a criminal record?”
The words flow from my mouth as if beyond my control. I know what I’m saying, but it still hurts to say it. I feel as if someone else has taken over my body.
Frederick stands there, shocked by it all. “What is going on? Why are you saying all of this? The whole thing was a misunderstanding. You aren’t some bank robber.” His eyes dart back and forth into mine, looking for an answer I’m not sure I’m ready to give.
“I’m not right for you, Frederick. I’m just a screw-up with a shitty life, and I don’t need to bring anyone else into it. I appreciate you helping me, but I don’t need it or want it, and you don’t need the hassle.”
I don’t even wait for him to respond. I push past him and march down the street. I’m not even sure where I’m going, and at this point, I don’t even know if I want to go anywhere. Part of me just wants to get lost and never be found again.
Frederick doesn’t chase after me at first. I’m sure he’s processing everything I told him. Part of me wants him to race over, grab me in his arms, kiss me and tell me everything will be okay. Part of me wants him to take charge and tell me that he loves me, no matter what.
But that’s just a fantasy. His mom and uncle are right. I’m just a woman who’s living in a dream world. I don’t deserve to be rescued by a knight in shining armor, nor do I want to be. This is my life, and I need to sort my own shit out.
Suddenly, I feel Frederick pull my arm. I spin around and stare him in the face.
“Look, I don’t know what’s going on or why you’re saying all of this. I don’t care about my image or whatever you think this is about. I just want to be with you. If you need time to cool off or something, I understand.”
Him telling me to ‘cool off’ sparks something inside me. “I don’t need to cool off! I just need you out of my life! I need space, okay?”
I storm off again. As soon as I’m out of sight, tears start streaming down my face. I was going to wait until I got home, but I pull my phone out as I navigate my way to the nearest train station.
I type into the search bar, ‘cheap apartments near me.’ I need to find a new place, one without crazy neighbors and police visits.