25. Rochelle
25
ROCHELLE
T he apartment search isn’t going very well, considering that all I’m really doing is trying to find a way to stay in close proximity to the kids without having to move to the opposite side of the city. On top of that, I need someplace that will let me bring my cat, which is not exactly easy on such short notice.
Nothing’s available. At least, nothing that doesn’t look like it’s infested with rats and roaches.
As much as it’s a common problem in the city, I’m not about to sign myself up for living in squalor just to get away from Mimi. Even if the thought of it is tempting because like hell I’m living next to that witch any longer.
I hate that the kids are caught up in the middle of all of this. For the past few days, they’ve been trying to come over to see me, but Mimi’s been keeping them barricaded in the apartment.
I’m not sure what they’re going to do if I end up moving to a different complex. Where will their safe haven be then? Though if Mimi won’t ever let them come over again, I suppose it doesn’t make much difference.
I want to be there for them but coupled with the fact that I refuse to live next to Mimi and Frederick knows where I live, I can’t stay. As much as I want to.
My heart hurts at the thought of him. After the first few days of breaking up with him, he’d tried calling and texting me to talk me down from the ledge.
I hate that things had to turn out this way, but the more time I’d spent in that jail cell thinking about everything, the more I realized that I was just dragging him down. If his mom and uncle couldn’t accept me at my best, then what else could I expect? If they found out I got arrested, they’d lose their minds.
Picking up my phone, I torture myself by rolling through the texts he’s sent me.
Please talk to me.
Rochelle, we can work this out, I swear, please just call me.
Every single one is more heartbreaking than the last.
Am I an idiot for throwing someone like him away like that? Probably.
But what other choice do I have? Stringing him along through my drama isn’t fair. Not to mention, his coming to my world just makes no sense.
I’ve let him in as much as I can without completely culture-shocking him. Even after all of that, he’d been on board with the kids which made my hapless romantic heart flutter. Except, every time I remember meeting his mom and uncle, I can’t help but remember the things they said.
Him spending the rest of his life defending me to them doesn’t seem fair. What if we really were to get married? Or have kids? I doubt his family would accept any of that. I’m not about to force him to choose between me and them in some crazy ultimatum.
I’m a burden with baggage, just like they said.
With Frederick growing up with a silver spoon in his mouth, there’s just no combining our lives together.
When my phone goes off again, I immediately think it’s him. Cursing myself for still stalling on blocking his number, I pick up my phone, only to realize that it’s not actually Frederick calling me but Caroline.
Curiously, I answer the Facetime.
Sigourney’s bright smile illuminated by the screen greets me instead. “Hey! Rochelle!”
I smile back, sinking down onto my couch. “Hey, you. What’s going on?”
“I snuck Mommy’s phone away from her so that I could call you.” She shifts around, her background dark behind her. “I wanted to check on you.”
She’s so damn sweet. “Where are you? I thought you had to stay with Mimi because Mommy had to spend some time away.” I still don’t know for sure what, exactly, that means. Court-ordered therapy, maybe? Rehab?
“Mommy came home. She says she has some classes they’re making her take starting tomorrow, but she got to come home and get her stuff. I’m in the closet. I didn’t want Mimi to find out I took Mommy’s phone. I don’t think she’d like me talking to you.”
I’m half-tempted to tell Sigourney to let Mimi know that she can kiss my ass but that would require the poor girl actually getting involved in me and Mimi’s drama. Which I will absolutely never do. As much as I want to get those kids out of there, I’m not going to jeopardize their safety.
“How’s your brother doing?” I ask.
“Oh, he’s good. We’ve been making slime all day. Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to come over and help. Or maybe we can come over there? I found some food coloring that we can use to make really cool colors!”
Ugh, she’s so sweet. I want to reach into the phone, grab her, and take her into my arms to cuddle her. I miss both of the kids so damn much that it hurts – as much as I miss Frederick, actually.
I really wish her parents could get their shit together so she and her brother weren’t forced to bounce between people caring for them. As sad as it is that I’m their most stable ‘guardian,’ I’d rather it be me than anyone else.
I know that at least I can take care of them properly.
The worst part of that, though, is that neither Mimi, Caroline, or Terrance will ever see it that way. They’ll just think I’m trying to steal the kids away when all I want to do is make sure they get taken care of.
“I’m sorry, honey. But I’m getting ready to pack my stuff up.”
Her eyes widen. “Ooooh, are you going on vacation? Where?”
It breaks my heart to have to break the news to her. “Actually, I’m moving.”
Her face falls immediately. “What? Where? Why?”
“Well…” My voice trails off.
I can’t exactly say it’s because I’m running away from my neighbor. She’s going to think I mean her and Walken. But I also don’t want to throw Mimi under the bus as much as I hate her. Adult drama shouldn’t be told to kids. They tend to internalize it in the worst way.
“I wanted a change,” I finally say.
I can tell her eyes are starting to water, even in the dim lighting. “O-oh…”
“I’m sorry, Sigourney.” I feel sick to my stomach.
“Will we ever get to see you again?” Her voice is small when she asks.
That entirely depends on your caregivers…
“Of course you will,” I lie.
Her smile is wobbly. “O-okay… Um, I have to go now.”
“Okay,” I force a smile onto my face, feeling tears stinging my eyes. “Bye, Sigourney. I’ll see you later, okay?”
She simply nods before her face completely falls. Right before her tears fall, she ends the Facetime, cutting my image of her completely. I let my phone fall from my hands and onto the floor at my feet while my entire body pitches forward. I bring my hands up to curl in my hair as I try to hold back my tears.
I hate this.
I wish I didn’t have to break up with Frederick. I wish I didn’t have to say goodbye to the kids.
But it’s the only way for any of us to move on and be happy. Or, well, sort of.
Maybe not so much me, but at least I could manage myself.
I breathe out slowly, trying to get my emotions under control. Honestly, I shouldn’t even be feeling bad for myself. All of this is of my own doing and my own actions. I could stop them at any time and just go back to being selfish and dragging everyone else into my mess.
A knock at my door startles me out of my self-pitying thoughts. Duplex yowls loudly as if complaining about the interruption.
Shit, what if that’s Frederick?
It would be my luck, honestly…
He doesn’t strike me as the type to give up on someone so easily, even if I’ve made it clear I want space. It’s that old money persistence.
Slowly rising to my feet, I pluck my phone off the floor and toss it onto my couch before heading over to my door. If it really is him, I’m just going to have to tell him to go away. How? I… really don’t know.
The reason I’ve been avoiding answering him at all is because I know the second that I do, I’m just going to cave.
I can’t help it. I’ve fallen for him without even meaning to.
When I unlatch the chain from my door and swing it open, I’ve got a list of excuses resting on the tip of my tongue, ready to fling at him the moment that I see him.
Only, it’s not Frederick standing in front of my door.
It’s Caroline.
“Hey,” she says, sighing. “Can I talk to you?”